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Jul 12, 2018    |       14 comments

Taking Control

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Last week I wrote about how my recent research into single moms and money, single moms and debt and so forth had really hit home with me. It opened my eyes to so many things.

I pride myself on being pretty smart, book smart, that is. But I’ve come to realize I am far from healthy as far as mentally and emotionally. The history of abuse, living in crisis mode and just the personality I was born with have created an unhealthy Hope as far as that goes.

But I’m proud to say, my eyes are open now, I’m aware of the problems. And don’t they say, the first step in recovery is acknowledging the problem.

Taking Baby Steps

I’ve got a lot of work to do. Work on myself, work on my finances, work on my decision making and so on. And I know I can’t do it overnight, fix it overnight.

But I’ve begun with some baby steps, some which I think will have far reaching affects.

Physical Self

I have diabetes. This is not really news, it runs in my family and bloodwork last fall confirmed it. But I’ve been ignoring it.

In fact, other than going to a neurologist for unbearable pain last fall, I haven’t been to the doctor in 10 or so years, I guess. Taking care of myself has not been a priority at all. It’s always been about the kids.

I now realize that in order to take the best care of them, and set a good example, I need to take better care of myself. So today I went to the doctor. And I told her, I need help with my diabetes.

Blood work and labs ordered, follow up appointment set. (The good news is that I am officially down 12 lbs since January, and that’s without effort other than changing my eating a bit.)

I am determined to get my diabetes under control, my weight under control and take better care of my physical self.

Mental Self

While writing about everything going on have been very cathartic. Doing it alone is not healthy for anyone. I am seeking counseling to address a number of issues…and I’m sure they will find more.

Readers here at BAD have really been instrumental in getting me to this place. Pointing out things that I didn’t recognize in myself. The tough love.

Things I know I need to work on especially are my: aversion to confrontation, being reactive instead of proactive and a slew of other issues that I have buried deep. I saw this image on Facebook this past week, and had another “aha!” moment.

Financial Self

My reality is that we are a single income family. I didn’t choose it, I didn’t prepare for it. But it’s what we are, and I MUST start learning how to embrace that, choose that and most importantly live within the constraints of that. No one is coming to save us, no one is going to bail us out.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 48% of married couples are two income families. While single mom homes, only 21% have a second income and it doesn’t specify but that may part time. (Click on chart below to see full report.)

Bureau of Labor Statistics on employed household members

The point is that many choose to be single income families despite the hardships they may face in this economy. While I may not have had that choice, it is certainly not insurmountable.

With planning and sacrifice, I don’t have to keep living paycheck to paycheck. Barely making ends meet, and constantly robbing Peter to pay Paul.  Make sense?

I need to study how they do it, succeed at it. I referenced my current studies in my recent post about Financial Realizations.

My question for you, BAD Community, is how do you prepare for something like this when you are already in the midst of it? While the experts say do X, Y and Z before you take the leap…I’m kind of working backwards from that.

What resources would you recommend as I continue to study how to live abundantly as a single income family?  They say knowledge is power and I am ready to be powerful, I have lived far too long feeling weak and in fear.

 

Jul 11, 2018    |       2 comments

Feeling Blessed

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We are not out of the woods yet. Contract work can be unpredictable. But we are definitely making headway. But there have been a few things latest that have left me feeling blessed.

A month or so back, I wrote about starting my day with gratitude and how much I really need that to keep my mental state from falling into a pit of despair at times. A lot of times really.

Feeling Blessed

Over the last couple of weeks, there have been some real highlights that made me feel very blessed.

  • The lady from the shelter who watches our dogs in our home when we travel. She comes over twice a day, keeps them on their schedule and loves them for free. And when you are gone for 8 days as we were most recently, that is a big blessing.
  • The BAD reader who referred a new website/Amazon marketplace client to me. Thank you, Sarah!
  • A local man who came over and spent hours on my lawn as I felt overwhelmed with all the overgrowth and lack of proper tools. In exchange, I helped him set up his new phone and move all his data.
  • Princess made the VARSITY high school volleyball team…1 of 12 out of 68 girls.
  • My parents are hosting Gymnast this month, spending quality time with him as know one ever has before.

The list just goes on and on. But what I’m finding then every time I’m on the cusp of falling apart, wondering how I’m going to do it, there’s a sign, a blessing, a message that I am not alone.

Giving Back

The topic so giving back and charity has popped it’s head up several times over the years here at BAD.

With this latest slew of blessings in my own life, I wanted to find a way to give back. But I’m not in a financially stable place where I can just write a check.

Thinking Outside the Box

When our dogs’ caretaker came over Monday to return our house key, it hit me. I can do what she does for us. I could help others with their animals on a one off basis.

If I had to pay to board our dogs, it would be $45 per night minimum. Thankfully as a foster, all costs are covered. But I’m sure there are pet owners out there, like we were, that cost tips the scales for. Giving up our pets a few years ago was the 2nd hardest thing I’ve ever done (after pulling Gymnast out of gymnastics this summer.)

I thanked her profusely for what she does for us and our beloved dogs, and then told her if she ever knew someone who needed the same type of service, and she couldn’t do it, I would like to pay it forward.  Since she works at the shelter, I figured she would hear about these kind of situations.

I put my offer out there and we will see what happens!

I encourage you to find some “outside the box” way to give back today. It doesn’t have to be big, but you never know how your one act of kindness can bless someone else.  I, for one, cling to these blessings as lifelines in my darkest moments.

What do they say…Be the change you want to see in the world today.

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