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Posts tagged with: divorce

Wednesday! Wednesday! Wednesday!

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I heard from Steve in Saturday’s mail.  Thank GOD he contacted an attorney and had him draft the divorce decree.  It is all in order and I emailed the attorney within 30 minutes of receiving the draft.  I had his email because I once had to email him to apologize that Steve wasn’t paying his fees!  Talk about embarrassing!  Steve used this lawyer to divorce his first wife and then to respond to his ex-wife’s motion for custody of the boys.  The lawyer was owed $1700 but it simply was not important to Steve, he stuck his head in the sand and didn’t pay the guy.  I expressed that given that I would see this man at the courthouse, it would be appropriate to PAY THE BILL.  That was another huge fight and while part of me really wanted to pay it myself, I also knew better.  So, I emailed and told him I’d have the info he needed to him by the end of the weekend and asked if the divorce could be final before Thanksgiving.  He responded saying that if Steve could meet him downtown on Wednesday, he is available and it can be finalized.  So, let’s see if this goes and I’ll be divorced on Wednesday!  Happy Thanksgiving!

A couple of things to respond to the flurry of comments to my gym membership.  Many of you commented on my lack of candor–that I wasn’t being sincere.  I can’t begin to tell you how sad that makes me because I pride myself in being open and honest.  However, I can see now that when I was holding back it was because I was living with a man who did not want light cast on the shadows.  This had gotten so bad that I didn’t even realize I was subconsciously filtering things b/c if I crossed a line (that was ill-defined by him, but definitely existed), I paid a price.  I am not making excuses but am sharing that I was in an abusive relationship and did things to cope that impacted my blogging.  I was still pretty open and certainly did not lie but yes, filtering was necessary.  All I can do is share that I am now aware of that coping mechanism in both my blog life and my life in general and will work to unlearn those skills.

So, please just give me a break.  If three months from now you still think I am filtering, then stop reading.  I’m not going to be like Tricia or Beks because I am not Tricia or Beks.  If that is what you looking for, by all means find a blog that fits your needs.  While I will provide more details on my finances, I’m not going to have every post be about numbers.   That simply is not who I am nor who I care to be.  I am living life while undoing a mess.  Period.  Take it or leave it but practice kindness!  We will all be better served.


Countdown!

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As most of you know, the divorce can be final as of November 17.  Steve continues to refuse to communicate with me at all.  So stupid.  He needs to demonize me to continue his avoidance of responsibility. None of that concerns me and I cannot control his irrational thoughts. What I can and have controlled is a date certain for this to end.  I set the final hearing for December 19.  Due to a 45-day notice requirement, that was the earliest date.  It so happens that would have been our 3 year anniversary.  So, we wait.  We can still finalize prior to that final hearing date but that will require communication between him and either me or the attorney I’ve hired.

I am once again thankful that I’m a grown up.  Maybe my profession makes me someone who can disagree with others but still be cordial and communicative. Maybe because I was raised to communicate well makes me capable of bridging divides and moving forward.  Whatever it is I am thankful. To be incapable of finding resolution  is a miserable way of life and something I never want to experience.

On the money front, my crosshairs are focused at Bank of America.  Every extra penny, which isn’t much right now, is going toward that stupid credit card.  I’ve made payments as little as $10 just to keep up my momentum.

Oh!  And I fired AT&T and disconnected my home phone.  I only had it bc DS doesn’t have a cell as he isn’t quite ready to keep up with one so on the rare occasion that he’s home alone, he needed a landline.  Well, I didn’t care much about that when in the moment of rage with stupid AT&T!  Long story short, they kept Steve’s email on my entirely new account. When I called to ask them to correct their error I was told that for security reasons they could not.  Done.  Disconnect my phone. I haven’t been that pissed off in a long while. It’s those small moments with irritating issues like this that get me riled up.  Now AT&T will wait for me to pay my $30 balance. Perhaps at $1.00 per month. I’m kidding…sort of.  I also got a new cell through Verizon. I was still on Steve’s employee plan but all ties need to be cut.  My bill will increase by $40 but soooo worth it.