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Posts tagged with: divorce

Where To Begin?


I’m feeling slightly overwhelmed with where to begin now that the divorce is final.  I feel like I’ve been a racehorse in the starting gate just dying for the shot to fire and the gate to open so that I can return to my open, candid self.  I have so much I want to share and I need to be patient with myself and ask that you continue your patient reading as well.

The first thing I want to share is information about my vehicle.  Through a series of events I am currently driving a 2008 Toyota RAV with just 25,000 miles on it.  It is a long, drawn out story but the most important thing to share is that I am currently not paying a car payment.  This may be temporary until my higher interest debt is paid off, but for now I am trying to gracefully receive the help.  Right after the separation as I was about to take a hit on the minivan and get into something smaller with a smaller loan and smaller payment, my parents were kind enough to bridge a gap for me with a car they were not using.  I was successful in getting out from under the van relatively unscathed considering that we had just purchased it in November 2010.  I intially began the process to trade in my van but thanks to a series of events, I ended up selling it directly for what I owed before signing on the dotted line for the trade in.  It was a stroke of being at the right place at the right time (and it helped that it was a very nice, low mileage Honda Odyssey) and a number of individuals simply looking out for me and getting me the best deal possible.  In that sense, Steve’s poor handling of his departure paid off.  I did not ask for people to help in this way, but I do believe strongly in doing good deeds and that when you do, the blessings come back tenfold.  They came back in the form of my ending up without a car loan payment.  I could not have done this without my parents and it has been a humbling experience.  They did not want to take any money from me and I thought about insisting they take something.  After putting some thought into things and looking at my debt–I humbly accepted their generosity and vowed to tackle the debt even more aggressively.

It is humbling to share this with you and part of me just wants to continue hiding in the shadows on the car info but as someone wise told me, the readers will be persistent.  You do deserve to know if I am keeping this real.  I’m sure many of you will scoff at the fact that I am receiving this kind of help from my parents and I’ll just have to take the lumps.  It does REALLY suck but I am relieved to know that I have the help available and I will do everything in my power to both pay my parents back and pay it forward.

More to come this week but I am tired!  I had a very busy weekend with the kids!  One last thought to share:  My divorce was final on Friday but in light of the events in Connecticut, I couldn’t bring myself to “celebrate” via any social media.  I was reminded by that tragic event that  no matter what we are each going through in life, we don’t have to look far to see others facing much bigger challenges. Perspective. So I got duped by a man. I and my children are stronger for the experience and most importantly, I forgive myself.  Failure would have been to stay in an abusive relationship. There are far worse things than divorce. Remember there is always someone out there facing a much steeper climb than you.   Here’s to a great week!

Wait…his lawyer is back!


No debt reduction info in this post, so avert your eyes if you are here only for debt reduction tips. 

Who needs bad reality television, when you can just pop into my blog and get the latest in my divorce saga?  Let me preface this post with everything I write here is factual except for the parts that aren’t–and those parts are my opinion.

I received an email from Steve’s former lawyer, now lawyer again.  He’s been rehired to finalize the divorce.  The changes I snail mailed to Steve have been incorporated and while he cannot tell me a date certain, the divorce should be final before my final hearing date setting of December 19.  The lawyer may have suggested I drop that December 19 setting but that isn’t happening.  He could be fired tomorrow and I’ve got to have that date certain.

Enter My Opinion:  Is this not insanity?!  This is what living with this man was like! 

‘Cause you’re hot then you’re cold
You’re yes then you’re no
You’re in then you’re out
You’re up and you’re down
You’re wrong when it’s right
It’s black and it’s white
We fight, we break up 
Thank you Katy Perry for that quick synopsis!
Talk about ongoing confirmation and clarity!  You just do not know how crazy things are until you have some time and distance but this utterly absurd handling of a completely and totally truly SIMPLE divorce says it ALL!  All in the name of him holding the control (or at least in his mind he has the control!) and thinking he’s getting back at me by doing so.  I can’t even muster up anger about any of this b/c the sheer lunacy of it all is enough for me to recognize any time spent in anger is time wasted.  There never was and never will be a way to stop this behavior and I have no delusional thoughts that there would be but instead welcome and embrace this entire divorce experience.  I do not think validation could happen in a more obvious way. 
I have signed the decree and a courier is delivering it to the lawyer’s office this afternoon.