by Hope
I return to Texas within the week. Caring for my daughter and her fiance has been a very different experience then caring for my parents. Aging is place seems like a buzzword. But as I get more and more familiar with the care available (or not available/accessible in many cases) to seniors, it just makes so much sense. But it definitely does require planning and fore thought.
Our Story
We kind of fell into it with my mom. When she was originally diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia and then that was changed to Parkinson‘s almost a year later, the gradual decline made it possible for us to talk through options and make plans as she went down hill. My family has taken EXCEPTIONAL care of her for the past 8 years. There are definitely advantages to having 5 kids and 3 of them living within 20 miles!
We took family photos in 2018 knowing it would most likely be my mom’s last time. Her memory and physical capabilities were fading fast. I’m so grateful we had these done.
Hospice was called in almost 3 years ago now. At the time, they didn’t expect her to last a month.
Now we watch every day, never knowing what it is to come. The long goodbye is definitely an accurate description of this debilitating disease. Her breathing is labored and raspy. It continues to get more and more laborious to feed her and prompt her to open her mouth and swallow.
But if anything my family sticks. My parents are truly examples of those often forgotten marriage covenants they made to one another over 50 years ago now.
Preparing for What’s Next
I feel very blessed to be here for this chapter in their lives and mine. I realize this is a privilege not many are given.
And I’ve realized that for now, being present for those that need me is exactly where I need to be.
And before you jump in the comments with the negativity or foreshadowing of some thing…I am sticking to my financial plan, saving and continuing to pay off my student loans. But I don’t know what or when my next chapter will come. And for the first time, that’s okay. Being present for my parents (and my kids) while they need me.
Hope is a resourceful and solutions-driven business manager who has spent nearly two decades helping clients streamline their operations and grow their businesses through project management, digital marketing, and tech expertise. Recently transitioning from her role as a single mom of five foster/adoptive children to an empty nester, Hope is navigating the emotional and practical challenges of redefining her life while maintaining her determination to regain financial control and eliminate debt.
Living in a cozy small town in northeast Georgia with her three dogs, Hope cherishes the serenity of the mountains over the bustle of the beach. Though her kids are now finding their footing in the world—pursuing education, careers, and independence—she remains deeply committed to supporting them in this next chapter, even as she faces the bittersweet tug of letting go.
Since joining the Blogging Away Debt community in 2015, Hope has candidly shared her journey of financial ups and downs. Now, with a renewed focus and a clear path ahead, she’s ready to tackle her finances with the same passion and perseverance that she’s brought to her life and career. Through her writing, she continues to inspire others to confront their own financial challenges and strive for a brighter future.
I don’t think anyone is going to jump you for your taking care of a young adult child with a severe injury, or your mother.
But this post should have you asking where will you age in place? Right now you don’t have a plan for how to middle age in consistent housing, much less how you would pay for the higher needs that comes with Parkinson’s or dementia.
I would say the answer to that is what I’m doing now – growing my consistent income, saving every extra penny, and working diligently to have no debt.
And thankfully, I can do all that while having significantly cut my monthly overhead. Which I am so grateful for.
You all think I can just overnight create a plan for this. Saving and getting my own housing again is going to take time. But I do have a plan. I am planning to cash flow a tiny house and land. No debt.
I have a serious question Hope. You sold your home because it was too much for you, why would this next house be any different either than 2 less bedrooms?
Very good question. And one I think about alot.
And also why I will not rush into a place of my own again.
For instance, I love staying at my daughter’s apartment. Love the idea of maintenance on call with no concern for cost associated. But hate no doggy door or yard for my dogs.
Then, I love staying at my parents with a fenced yard and lovely walking trails for my daily walks. But like my house way too big and too much “cost” if something goes wrong.
The goal over the next couple of years is to identify the perfect housing situation for me. I keep a running list of MUST HAVEs, LIKE TO HAVEs, and ABSOLUTELY NOT!
I love watching the tiny house shows and YouTube videos. But to actually live in a true tiny house…nope. I need a recliner and a walk in shower and no stairs for my next house. It may not be house, it may be an apartment. But my hope is to “build” the perfect place for me. And I’ve given myself plenty of time to do the research and figure out what will work and what I can manage both physically and mentally.
Hope, have you considered a townhome? Most of my friends in this situation have elected a townhome because you can rent it like an apartment but often it has a yard.
Real estate verbage is different in different states, but here you would have to specifically try to find a townhome with no stairs as they are often two stories, which is how you get the yard.
Or, you can just do what my friend does- buying a townhome was much cheaper than renting, so she uses the cost difference in an account and just pays people to do everything- yard, cleaning, etc.
However a townhome anywhere near Austin will likely never be in your range right now as you have no savings whatsoever. Until you get your finances together, you will not have anywhere near the luxury of deciding the perfect situation. You will be stuck with what you can afford. Without some big big changes in your life, that will be impossible.
At your age, with no assets, even if you saved all of a large income for the next 15 years- assuming you can work that long- it’s going to be a challenge for you. Espeically assuming you likely won’t be driving after retirement and the south is just not walk friendly.
I don’t really want to be in Austin or Texas for that matter. Way too hot. As far as my forever…but I have no idea where I want to be either.
So giving myself two years to figure it out and save seems like the best plan.
Yes, condo, townhouse, apartment and on and on. Keeping my list up to date as I encounter different situations and keeping my head with my finances and savings give me the best shot in the future..
If I did decide on a larger city, I would get rid of my car. Choosing a walkable area. But I don’t think I will choose a big city. But I’m not ruling anything or anywhere out.
But that’s the point. These are all pipe dreams. You have no clear plan to make you able to afford any of it. In the middle of nowhere, which will not be walkable, you would need an AGGRESSIVE income/ spending plan. You do NOT have any time to just dream. It’s time for you to face what your income really is, and how bad the situation you are in really is.
I don’t feel in a bad situation. I know you all see me in one. But I have stable housing. Stable income. Growing income.
And a multi-year plan for post-caretaking.
I thought you all would be happy with a “budget”, a plan. I don’t know what you all expect.
I cannot overnight, have a substantial savings. I screwed up. And now I’m getting back on my feet and saving aggressively toward the future.
Beating me up over and over and over again with the comments doesn’t make a difference.
There is no way to go back and change how I mis-managed funds in the past. I can only do better going forward.
Savings plan, spending plan, housing plan, etc.
What did I miss? Get rid of your car? That you outfitted to car camp in, while working, and sleeping with the dogs to travel and wander. Now it’s a tiny house or condo or townhome or apartment.
No, no, no selling my car. Just spit balling FUTURE goals. These were all discussed when I did my budget…
2 years to save money toward housing which is not decided on. But savings happening.
4 years to save money toward a new car figure mine should last that long at least. Also savings for that.
Hope stop lying to yourself. You don’t have stable housing, not on your own. You are in a tough spot. That’s okay. But stop burning through your credibility and personal capital over this. We aren’t satisfied with the budget because it wasn’t complete (no real income plan is the main issue) and logically it didn’t support your solvency going forward. You know what we expect: explain how your income funds your needs, your future, and your wants. I think you know what you did was not a real budget because you put it in quotes in your comment above. It’s not about pleasing US, it’s about improving your life.
People are upset because we see how you ARE able to get stable housing, income, and a balanced budget, if you would truly improve your foreplanning and personal accountability. How many times over the last 11 years have you mentioned how the commenters complain about your choice, how many not-budgets have you posted, and how has it turned out for you every time? It’s time to try something different. Not just new budgeting, but a new attitude and a new self-image when it comes to finances.