Blogging Away Debt

My Aunt passed away yesterday. She was a month shy of her 80th birthday. This is the same Aunt that I had to put in a nursing home in October of last year. Her passing is somewhat sudden–she seemed to be doing well in the last few weeks. Her health had certainly been declining but I can’t say we anticipated her death to happen now.

The emotional aspect for me is, of course, just starting to unfold. As I’ve said before–this is an Aunt I met only about 10 years ago and she and my Dad (her brother) have never been close. The family dynamics were such that he left home at 16, joined the military and had a very distant relationship with his family of origin, at best. I am sad for the way my Aunt had to spend the last years of her life—estranged from her children for reasons I know nothing about. All I know is she missed them and talked about them often–and my parents and siblings did what we could to comfort her when she was lonely and sad.

My sister was able to get in touch with our cousin–by accident really–as she had not responded to my emails and voice mail messages. She made it in from out of state on Memorial Day and was with her Mom when she passed–although she wasn’t aware her daughter was in the room. I am glad she was able to be with her Mom but I still have a lot of frustration and resentment for the years she did nothing! Not even a phone call to check on her mother…I don’t get that! And although I KNOW I am not to judge I still have so many questions. Add to this the conflict that was created within my own family–between me and my sisters and my mom because of the nursing home decision…and…well…I admit it…I am bitter.

The current dilemma I am facing is this: My Dad called me last night and said that my cousin wants us all to go to dinner tonight. I don’t know if I have it in me folks! Gosh I know I SHOULD just move on but I am not there yet! As I both think about the last 5 years of time and energy that I put into this entire situation….and then the inevitable additional work I am facing b/c my cousin won’t do it…and then the fact that my sister so disagreed with the nursing home decision (although she offered no other solutions) that she hasn’t spoken to me since Thanksgiving (which we have never done…gone without speaking, that is)…and the drama it created with my own mother who also disagreed with the nursing home decision and had to face her own mortality in a very dramatic fashion…good grief! How do I sit and enjoy a meal with this woman who is essentially a stranger to me? And a stranger that I am obviously upset with! How do I sit there and hold my tongue? The ONLY reason I would even consider it is my Dad asked me to go…and I know he doesn’t want to go either so I should be there to support him if nothing else. I need to make a decision in the next few hours as I just left my Dad with a “I’ll let you know” on the phone last night. I also don’t want to start additional drama and instead think I should just lay low. Her last arrangements were pre-planned and she did not want a service so it isn’t like we will have a funeral to get through…ugh ugh ugh.

Thanks for reading this venting session!

Summer childcare mess

by Claire

Remember a few weeks back I was excited because I had summer kid care booked? Well, so much for that plan! We did a trial run with the sitter and it did not work out. No need to go into the gory details but suffice it to say that my van and garage door were both damaged in what may likely reach the Emergency Fund dollar amount. Nothing is a “must fix” now but the damage is definitely costly. That was the icing on the cake of other issues. We’ve worked out some of the financials with her but I decided to cancel her for the summer.

Enter Plan B—Girl Scouts. The boys have various athletic and band camps but like I said before it is tougher for the 7 year old girl given her age. I was a troop leader for my now 25 year old niece years ago but it is just this school year felt like DD was ready. We did a few things but wanted to wait until next school year for full troop involvement. I was not aware of their great summer programs–local childcare with a girl scout theme. The best news is overall this WILL cost us less…MUCH less…like 1/3 of the original plan. The bad news is…we had to pay the entire summer fees upfront on very short notice to hold her spot.

Needless to say this forces us to rearrange things and I hate that. In the end all the numbers will turn out but you will notice the impact when I post the new numbers on Friday. 50% of the total $1,000 paid out will be coming back from my ex-husband but that won’t happen by Friday. On one hand, I am thankful that we did not have to wipe out the Emergency fund…we have had to overcome my excel error from earlier this month and will take another hit with the $1000 advance summer care plan–but at least we were able to make some positive additions with the saving we have managed to do through a very expensive month. So, summer childcare for the youngest ended up costing $402.50 per parent which is a $850 savings per parent. $145 was paid for 3 athletic camps for DS and that too is split in half. So, I guess a little, short term detour is worth that kind of savings. It all works out in the end! None of this has impacted our debt payoff plan…all of those payments are set to go up more than a notch in June.