by Hope
I want to write about my hurt and my anger. I want to write about how unfair things are. But I can’t. I can’t write about something that would disparage someone else. I can’t write about my feelings because I’ve been told not to let how one is treated vs me to affect me by the person who’s done it.
I can’t cause division. I can’t stand up for myself. I can’t tell my story, my side.
And on the flip side, when someone disparages me, in front of them all, I just have to take it. I’m stuck and I hate it. I’m hurting and I’m trying to be a better person. A bigger person. And I think I’m succeeding. But it’s so hard to swallow. My faith and some wonderful friends are holding me up.
Yes, those of you who have read me hear probably know this is about family. About…well, that’s enough. That’s the life I’m leading right now. Trying to be the daughter I want to be. Being the outsider in my sibling group.
And being stuck because of my terrible decisions with money.
So what does that mean…
Finances
I have committed to staying with my dad until he no longer needs me. At this point, we (the family) have agreed that he cannot live alone. This is due to health, memory, and mental health. With that being determined and my availability, I am the best fit. And I’m fine with that.
We have also had conversations around what should happen if he needs full time care and/or upon his death. It has been agreed that I would be able to remain in the house for 1 year as we ready it for sale.
So the pressure to move or be able to move is there, but not imminent. If that makes sense. But I have to get my financial ducks in a row for that possibility.
Income
Here is my exact income from this summer for my primary income source, my contract work which I’ve done for 20+ years now.
Please note that Upwork takes 15% of this and then approx. 30% is set aside for taxes, etc.
Priorities
My grief and overwhelm have been hard hitting. You will know me as a planner who sets goals. And while I fail at them most of the time. I’m having a hard time even thinking of those goals now. But here is a short list of what I’m prioritizing financially.
- Buy land – I’ve begun to search in earnest for land I can afford. Cash! Looking all over the southern part of the US for 3+ acres. Goal is to keep it less than $50K.
- Keep paying minimum on debt as I save until my income reaches $6K per month.
The Future is Unknown
I am in a stable place for now.
When it’s time for me to move on, I want to be ready. And I have determined that I will NEVER go into debt again. EVER. Since I went cash only this past spring after I took a Dave Ramsey class, I’ve been really good with my money.
The land will be my forever. I plan to homestead – build my own small house. Have chickens. A big garden. And hopefully, board dogs…a small kennel.
That’s where I am today.
Hope is a resourceful, solutions-driven online business manager with over two decades of experience helping clients streamline operations, manage projects, and grow their businesses through digital marketing and technology.
But life has a way of rewriting your plans.
A year ago, Hope made the decision to move in with her aging parents full time – a season she wouldn’t trade, even as it came with its own financial and emotional weight. Earlier this year, she lost her mother, and is now walking the tender, disorienting path of grief while learning what “forward” looks like from here.
Hope came to the Blogging Away Debt community in 2015 as a single mom raising five foster and adoptive children. She’s written through job changes, financial setbacks, and the bittersweet transition to an empty nest. Her kids are finding their footing in the world now – and so is she.
Rooted in faith and fueled by the same perseverance she’s brought to every hard season, Hope is ready to face her finances with fresh eyes and an honest pen. She believes that clarity, courage, and community can change the trajectory of anyone’s story including her own.
She lives in Austin, TX with her dad, loves adventures with her dog Addie, and is figuring out, one step at a time, what this next chapter is meant to be.
Thank you for the heartfelt, vulnerable update Hope, and thank you for not using AI for the post. YOUR voice is what is so valuable here. It is such an increidbly hard thing when a parent dies and the family/siblings are never quite the same. It’s incredibly common but doesn’t make it any easier.
My two cents is you need to get a job. A 9-5 job with benefits and stable income. Sure, you won’t be home with your dad all day, but YOU should be YOUR priority. You’re helping your entire family by getting on your feet and having stability. Because think about it, who will take care of you if you run out of money or housing? Your kids! You don’t want that, no one wants that. Help can be hired for your dad, but you need to start making a living for yourself. The contract work can be done on the side to make up some ground financially. I think you can do it, you just need some tough love and no excuses.
I’ve certainly been applying for full time jobs as well. But layoffs in my industry are a REAL thing. The market is flooded with qualified candidates.
I can see why your siblings would be incredibly frustrated by your choices and how they impact them. You have a good heart, and a generous spirit it seems, but depending on others to bail you out when you take on too much must be frustrating. There is absolutely no reason to stay in a house for a year “to get it ready”. A good realtor can do that in a few weeks. I hope your dad is around for a long time and feels good, but I sure hope for everyones’ sake that he has a solid trust and estate plan in place that spells everything out. You have been there 18 months if I recall correctly. Can we get an update as to how much you have saved not having housing expenses? How much is left from the sale of your house? What your actual expenditures are each month? I applaud the pet sitting gigs for sure, great side hustle! What about health insurance, retirement savings? It would be great to see a total financial picture update since your move! Cheers!
Ha, you’ve got it backwards. My decisions have no impact on my siblings. They certainly have never bailed me out.
The year in the house was also not my desire. It is my dad’s wish as he’s had to close out estates in the past and doesn’t want anyone to fill rushed.
I play no role legally in the estate. All those decisions were made when I was not living here. And I’ve been clear that I have no desire to stay in Texas long term. I’m just here while dad needs me as it frees up my siblings to live their lives. (I am the oldest.)