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Posts tagged with: dog

The Best and Worst $17 I Ever Spent…

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I haven’t been running lately, not because my doctor told me to stop, but because I feel weird about jogging down the road while my poor kid gets jostled like a smoothie in a blender.

My overactive dog likes running. He does NOT like walking. To prove it, he pulls relentlessly at his leash to show his annoyance that I’m now moving at the speed of a sea turtle. I let him get away with his antics for a few days until my sore hands could take it no more. I tried ‘delicately’ tugging back, stopping when he pulled, and outright begging him to stop but nothing helped.

I went to the pet store and purchased a $17 collar that promised to stop all tugging. I did exactly as instructed in the directions. I let him sniff it, gave him treats, let him wear it with no leash, gave him treats, put on a leash with no pressure, gave him treats, and grabbed the leash ready for a good pain free walk.

Given the fact that the $17 came out of our grocery budget and we’d be eating ramen for 2 days, I had fairly high expectations.

Ha.

He planted all four paws firmly on the concrete, completely unwilling to move. ‘Oh. So mature Hutch!’ I yell. I dragged him about 3 feet or so until he suddenly started walking. ‘ I win!’ I thought… until I looked back in time to see him throw himself on the neighbor’s lawn, roll over onto his back, and whine loudly as if I had kicked him.

The neighbor, of course, picks this opportune time to walk outside and wave hello. ‘Congrats on the baby’ he says over my howling dog, who now has his paw caught in his collar. ‘Thanks!’ I say, trying to ignore the fact that my dog is giving a better death act than most Oscar winners. I pause. ‘Um. I promise I’ll be a better parent than pet owner’ I say loudly as my dog walked over to my neighbor’s feet to throw himself at them… still howling. ‘Uh huh’ the neighbor says doubtfully.

I quickly pick up my wayward dog, STILL howling, and walk down the street before suffering further embarrassment.

It was a slow hour long process with lots of whining – mostly mine – but I think we finally figured out how to walk in peace.

Now, off to figure out how to make my husband not throw a similar tantrum in the neighbor’s yard when he hears we’re having Ramen for two days.


‘Stuff’ My Dad Says

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Every once in a while, I try to read a book that isn’t somehow related to the economy, personal finance, or motivation. While I don’t write reviews of these books here, they are a big part of the reason I’m still sane…or at least a version of sane anyway.

I rented ‘Sh*t My Dad Says’ by Justin Halpern from the library and didn’t anticipate sharing it with you based on the fact that it isn’t about finance AND, let’s be honest, the name of the book makes it a rough sell – but hear me out.

Halpern moved home with his father at 29 after a particularly difficult break-up. Eternally amused and occasionally miffed by lessons from his father, he decided to write them down. The stories and quotes are funny and weirdly touching. Don’t tell anyone but – I cried during the last chapter.

It seemed like a good idea to read it on the train. ‘Seemed’ being the operative word.

I laughed so hard, people started to stare. Once I realized this, I attempted to stifle my laughter by closing my mouth… which only made my giggles come loudly out my nose as snorts. What seemed like 10 minutes into my commute, I looked up and realized I had missed my stop…3 stops ago.

After work, on the way home, I thought I fought the urge to burst into laughter a little better but when I went to exit the train, a gentleman touched my arm and asked what book I was reading. A little embarrassed, I showed him the cover and he said, ‘I have never seen someone laugh so much in a 45 minute period. I’m buying that book. Thanks for the afternoon entertainment.’

Here are some of the reasons I couldn’t stop laughing…

ON THE DEATH OF OUR FIRST DOG
He was a good dog. Your brother is pretty broken up about it, so go easy on him. He had a nice last moment with Brownie before the vet tossed him in the garbage.

ON MY BLOODY NOSE
What happened? Did somebody punch you in the face?!… The what? The air is dry? Do me a favor and tell people you got punched in the face.

ON SHOPPING FOR PRESENTS FOR HIS BIRTHDAY
If it’s not bourbon or sweatpants, it’s going in the garbage… No, don’t get creative. Now is not a creative time. Now is a bourbon and sweatpants time.

The worst thing you can be is a liar… Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is a liar. Nazi one, liar two.”

“Are you wearing perfume? …Son, there ain’t any cologne in this house, only your mother’s perfume. I know that scent, and let me tell you, it’s disturbing to smell your wife on your thirteen-year-old son.”

WARNING WARNING WARNING: This book contains profuse use of profanity. If you are at all sensitive, don’t read it.


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