by Claire
(For those that may have missed it: Our history is never far away — Part I)
At this time I was not ready to face my own crisis with debt. In fact, his financial situation was a nice distraction from my own. Let me clear about something–yes, the $55K or so in credit card debt is in my name but at least a small portion of that is from this time period where I bridged a gap created by the unfortunate work situation he faced. While he does not have debt, he is a spender and definitely spent more than he was “guaranteed” to earn but would then “take care of it” with the big commission checks that always seemed to come at the right time. He ended up being hired in a new position with the same company and for the first time in his career, there was no commission involved with this position. That appeals to my personality because I like the “known” but it doesn’t really match his personality as he rather have the opportunity to work harder and make more money. He does now have a salary that covers all of his obligations which is very important to him and I am able to meet all of my obligations with my salary, but neither of us would have a lot left over to make progress of savings or debt reduction without combining our efforts. I think it is critical that we not look at this as “yours and mine” b/c it creates such tension and resentment. That is what kept us stuck for so long. I really believe that it all happened for a reason and that is to teach two fiercely independent personalities that relying on one another can be mutually beneficial, humbling AND empowering all at the same time. And I was and am completely ready to move forward with a joint effort to tackle our financial demons…but…
As we enter the fourth week of “Operation Debt Wipe Out” I sense some tension similar to those early days of our marriage. Maybe he resents the fact that the majority of the credit card debt is mine or maybe he wishes he saved more money when he got those huge commission checks…I’m not sure. I know there needs to be open communication about all of this and am taking to heart the very, very valid tips you provide in your comments…and we will get there. But as someone pointed out in a comment, a blended family is a tough, tough situation! Thank you to the 33-year survivor for sharing b/c sometimes you do feel very much like you are alone so that was wonderful to read. We’ve been married just 2 years and 3 months and have faced some gigantic challenges already with more to come and some days it just seems like we’ll never be in the same financial book…let alone on the same page.
Finally, as for the question about my husband doing a guest post…oh how I hope one day that will come to be! At this point, his place on the journey is such that I’m not sure he is even looking at the blog. I DID discuss it with him at length before agreeing to proceed and I know he wanted to be supportive of this option but it does make him (and me) feel very, VERY vulnerable…clearly not our strongest trait…which also happened for a reason. Time is all that can help–that and progress–so that he can see the good out of my sharing.
Oh and if this post is too long well…so be it. Writing comes very easily to me and I regret if reading it isn’t as easy for some of you readers.
This is me.
