by Claire
Disclaimer: My husband IS aware of this post and, as you will see, participated in its drafting. Fasten your seatbelts–this one is a doozie!
I am trying to figure out the best way to convey a lot of information without overwhelming everyone with a lot of information. Let’s start with the upcoming changes that sort of got this discussion started. Steve has been paying private school tuition since 1996 when his eldest (OS= Older Son) started Montessori. That son will graduate from a catholic high school in a few days. The younger son (YS) is graduating from 8th grade and will be continuing on to the same private high school. We pay $800 per month for OS’s tuition and $500 per month for the YS. As of June 1, Steve is reaching the end of this marathon.
Simultaneously we have really been trying to nail down a more precise budget and see what we can do to pay off the credit card debt earlier than December 2014. (I do have good news to share on that front…but that must wait for another post). He spent a lot of time and energy today updating the spreadsheet and I am thankful. Let me preface this with the fact that all of the credit card debt is mine and Steve is only on the car loans. His 1996 BMW with 275,000 miles fell out from under him and due to his own income changes (went to salary after an entire career in sales–with very nice commission checks) he took out a car loan for the first time since 1999. Steve will admit that he may not have gone into debt but he also did not save money when those huge checks came in. Oh I must share (trying to be objective) that he got one last hefty commission check in September of 2010 ($24K or so) and spent a lot of it moving us out of one house into another and all the associated expenses. He also spent $2500 of that on the now dead BMW.
So where is the disagreement? As I have previously posted we currently each get $200 every Friday. Out of this $200 we split groceries (running about $50 per person, $100 total for the week), we pay for our gas (currently at $40 for him, $60 for me) and then any and all other expenses. Haircuts, kid school expenses, gifts, dog food, incidentals, mad money, and unknown other crap! The good news is we are hearing you (okay I am hearing you loud and clear…Steve…slow to hear but I think we have progress) and know that this $200 has GOT to be broken down. I really believe I can do groceries at $125 per week (I am turning into a maniac on planning and couponing) and then gas is $100 per week. Deducting this from our current $400 per week amount we have $175 total, $87.50 per week for “no explanation needed” spending….do what you will…mad money!
I think that is plenty if everything else is taken care of ESPECIALLY because this is supposed to be uncomfortable! Steve, on the other hand, wants an additional $100 per week in spending money so that he can create a “savings” to get things that he has put off b/c so much income was going to tuition. I disagree. My argument is that we have been on this plan for much too little time to be making that kind of increase. Again…back to my drunk analogy…just when it starts getting uncomfy and there’s access to booze…should you partake? NO.
Steve’s argument is that he also walked into this relationship as well with a $90,000 debt of sorts–because of his boys’ private school tuition. He has come to a major milestone of paying off a big chunk of his obligation so he thinks it is reasonable to be rewarded with $100 additional spending money per week. He began the race when OS was 2 years old and he has been running it for 16 years. He’s down to his last 15% of the debt and his payments have dropped 50%. He is going from $1300 per month to $800 a month effective August 2012 and he wants $400 of that $500 savings in his pocket to spend on what he has done without (clothing, shoes, gym membership, bicycle…etc). Side note: These are Steve’s words and he has approved this message.
I suggested taking a full month’s tuition ($1300) on June 1–which I don’t think is a good idea really but I figured it could be the reward for crossing the finish line for him–and doing what he will. He refuses. I suggested taking the $500 “raise” and putting it toward his mortgage on the pre-marriage house. He refuses. He wants more control over more spending money and my fear is no behavior modification is taking place. If our respective spending habits don’t change we are in for a world of hurt!
He wants me to share that he will have two extra paychecks this year totaling $4000 that will all be going toward debt reduction and that he is not sabotaging my efforts.
What do you think?
