by Claire
Well, FINALLY got the call yesterday. I was not selected for the management position. I was prepared for that news and can’t say that I was very upset by hearing the outcome. There was certainly relief that the ridiculous wait was over! I hesitate to share why I WAS and still am upset because I know it will come across as sour grapes. Nonetheless, here I go.
First of all, it is time to share what I do for a living. I realize this info alone may alienate some readers but hopefully you’ve read this blog for the last few months and know that I am definitely not defined by my career choice. I say that because my profession would not rank in the top 10 most beloved! LOL! I am a trial attorney. I have been for 15 years and I love what I do for a living. During law school I was sure I’d be a book lawyer–appellate or a transactional lawyer. I then stumbled into my first job as a criminal prosecutor and I was hooked! I love the courtroom. I love our system of justice, flawed as it is. I am proud to be part of it and enjoy making a complex, mysterious process more understandable to the community. I do what I do with passion. This includes the 90+% of cases that settle before ever seeing a courtroom. No case is too small in my opinion. As an insurance defense atttorney, my clients are often facing a stressful situation in that they have never been sued before. I am the advocate they count on to help them navigate the process. A lot of my clients are business entities and often the humans behind those businesses need information to feel secure. I like to give them the information they need and deserve. The absolute top job skill for my job is communication. On those many occasions when that communication is difficult, I do not shy away from making it happen. I do not procrastinate those tough phone calls or meetings. That’s who I am and I admit that is what I look for in others. It is a huge item on my list of “reasons I respect others” and I wonder if I get too stringent on that item, or is that high expectation something I should not alter?
So on to my gripe. I was asked by my boss to participate in a mock trial last week. In my view, this was another “to do” in what had become a very long list of “to do’s” (or as I’ve taken to calling it, “carrot chasing”). That said, I do love being in trial (even if mock) so I approached this as a good opportunity. My partner and I did a good job and won $568,000 for my imaginary client! I was playing the part of a plaintiff lawyer this time. Too bad that isn’t real money, huh? Anyway, my boss was there for the entire day long event. We visited multiple times before and during the trial. Then, immediately after, we all went out for a bite to eat. While I “get” that there is never a good time to have that face-to-face let down talk, I am irritated that less than 48 hours later he has to call me to let me down! There was certainly a time to do that while we were in the same town! His failure to do so only adds to my feeling of foolishness and I fully know that is what is happening inside of me at this moment. Add to that miss, he then uses carefully chosen words to, in my opinion, leave me partially aware that there is a potential carrot still out there! No. I’m done chasing carrots for the foreseeable future. It was an insult added to injury to not be approached like the professional that I am! I’ll get over it I suppose but right now it is an open wound!
Now with that out of the way, I’ll share that I immediately called Sam and offered my congratulations. That was sincere. I’ve already told you that my day-to-day functioning is not going to be detrimentally impacted by Sam getting this job. We talked for a good while and he was grateful that I broke the ice and opened up communication. No matter what that is who I am and who I will always strive to be. I assured him he will receive no resistance from me and I wish him the best in what will surely be a very difficult role to fill.
I know it all happens for a reason and I already feel less stressed out. I can refocus my energy on my family and my files at the office. I am young and have young kids at home. My current position offers me many opportunities to be very involved with the kids and so given the unknowns the new position would have brought, I am seizing this moment.
On to the next adventure (because I know there is always one just around the corner!)
