Emily
We’re both smiling and laughing when we talk about this issue, but I can tell you, it’s a fight to the death. When I say that, I mean it’s probably something we will disagree about until one of us dies.
The issue is that I spent a LOT of money on my hair. I get twinges of guilt when I think about how much money goes to such a frivolous cause, and a hopeless one at that (I have ugly hair) but it doesn’t stop me. Ridiculous? Yes. Necessary? To me, yes! Although I hate myself for knowingly spending that much money on my HAIR, for god’s sake, I have a very serious fear of someone messing it up even more than it is already! If you saw my tangly mess, you would think, “Oh that’s impossible!” But the fear remains.
To be fair to myself, I’ve had a LOT of bad experiences at salons. I’ve had every color and length of hair. I’ve had curly and straight hair, frizzy and smooth, green, orange, and blue, and self-cut pixie, an unintentional bob, purple hair, maroon hair, ombré hair… I’ve had so many variations of wrong! My natural hair (whatever it is) is not great to start with, but I have really put it through the ringer over the years, and most of it has been an utter disaster.
I’m older now and married, and for some reason that has made me want more “normal” hair. I guess I’m out of my “art school days” and maybe I’m growing up a bit? Maybe its a sign that I’m finally feeling secure? For whatever reason, I am driven to at least try to be pretty for Adam. Being his wife is such a privilege, and taking care of myself (or at least trying!) is something I like to do to show him that I care about him and think highly of him. It’s a weird respect thing. If I can care for and love myself well, I am more able to love him. Not that I don’t have sweatpants days, just that I try to look good when I can.
Around the time that Adam and I started dating, I started to spend a little more money on my hair. I had just dyed it myself and had a friend cut it in our bathroom, my weight had balooned up and I was feeling terrible about myself. I found a salon on the outskirts of town that had a deals and coupons on services, and I could get in and out with a color-highlight and cut for around $80. To me, at that time, that was a ton of money. But it really did help my confidence.
When we moved to Austin, I had a hard time finding someone for a similar price that wasn’t at a Supercuts. I tried dying it myself again, I got several awful haircuts, and then finally decided to try a fancier salon. I work hard, right? I DESERVED to spend some money on myself! My job is very demanding and stressful, and often not as rewarding as it could be. So I started rewarding myself with salon visits. I love how the stylist LISTENED to me, took the time to painstakingly dry and straighten my curly hair, brought tea in fancy cups and massaged my head. I always walked out feeling pretty and refreshed, having set another appointment and flipped my new hair enough times to shame Marilyn Monroe.
I know expensive salon visits do not ensure good hair. I am living proof. I know good hair is really just good hair- it doesn’t mean very much in my daily life. It won’t help us pay down our debt, it won’t make adam love me or appreciate me more, it won’t get me anywhere I really want to be in life. I know it’s not that big of a priority to me, but I can’t stop going. I wish I could either quit going or stop feeling so guilty about spending the money! I go to great lengths to save $2, and yet, I wont try to save money on my hair. I really don’t want to walk around with ugly hair. It comes down to that. Vanity.
Am I crazy? Do you ever feel guilty about spending money on improving yourself? What do you spending money on that makes YOU feel guilty? You can tell me. My list is MUCH longer than just hair. I was raised VERY frugally, so I feel guilty about MOST of the things I spend money on, even necessities. I have a feeling some of this guilt will be alieviated when we are out of debt, but never fully. I will always be thrif-minded, and I will probably always think paying more than $20 for a haircut is a ripoff.
Maybe that guilty feeling is good. Maybe it reminds me of what is really important to me… and maybe I should listen to my conscience a little more.
Adam
When I asked Emily’s dad to let me marry her a few years back, he sat me down and gave me a list of things I should know about her, both good and bad. One that I remember very clearly is, “She will always do whatever it takes to be beautiful.” And he was absolutely right. Emily really takes care of herself and stuns me daily. I love it about her.
But in my love-struck naiveté, I had no idea what the flip side of this coin would be – which is a LOT of money for personal care. For a guy whose personal care budget includes deodorant, shampoo, body wash, shaving cream, and toothpaste, what goes on behind salon door is a mystery to me. But I cannot fathom how these people can even do anything that costs $250?! Does the hair color have gold flakes in it? And every 6 or 8 weeks?! Emily mentioned the v-word (vanity), and this has definitely been a conversation topic in our house. Oddly enough, Emily did NOT appreciate my doting on Claire for her change to a $30 semi-annual salon trip.
The last time I looked at our bank account and saw the $240 charge from the salon, I went into the stratosphere. But I didn’t take it out on Emily this time. I was actually so upset at what I saw as a consumer injustice that I gave the salon a review on Yelp – I said that they do in fact do good work, but that prospective customers should be aware of the surprise awaiting them at the checkout counter. Yelp’s moderators promptly deleted the review.
I’ve tried the logical approach with Em, comparing this cost to similarly priced options such as:
• A round trip flight almost anywhere in the US
• 3 years of Netflix or Hulu or Amazon Prime
• 1.5 years of my monthly Great Clips cuts
• Or, a single trip to the salon racketeer
I’m at a loss for how to handle this issue in our household. As Em mentioned, it’s just one of many things that keeps us from sticking to a monthly budget, and our combined budget failures have even eaten into our snowball payments at times over the last few months. The real problem is that any item that blows our budget takes us off track for at least the entire month, and often causes us to avoid budgeting conversations for a few additional months.
In the past, we’ve tried budgeting ½ of the cost each month, and letting Emily have this indulgence every other month. But saving the cash from the off month proved elusive if any other expense came up.
I know I feel self-righteous about the issue because I don’t have $250 monthly indulgences. But I certainly have my own collection of coffee shop trips, lunches out, a streaming movie here and there, and I bet it adds up to just as much.
Our current workaround is this: we have 2 bank accounts. Our family account, where my income is deposited and all of our expenses and bills get paid from. Emily has a separate business account that she also uses for expenses that fall outside a budget. She’s been paying for her hair appointments from the business account. This relieves the tension between us, but it also results in tax consequences and hurts her ability to invest in and expand her business.
So this continues to be a struggle for us. I want Emily to know how much I value the care she puts into her appearance. I’m lucky to be married to a beautiful woman. She does work hard at her job and I want her to see the rewards of that. I don’t want her to feel guilty about spending money. But we need to compromise on this issue. There has to be someone around who can do her hair for half or one-quarter the price, right? Salon-goers, is this just what women’s hair care costs?
