by Hope
I believe I’ve written about this before, but maybe not all as one piece. My house. My mortgage. My thoughts.
First, some background. The kids (Gymnast and Princess) and I have moved ALOT since my marriage fell apart. So much that I’ve lost count and don’t have the energy to count them up right now. Rental homes pulled out from under me because the owners wanted to move back or sell the house, etc. Then my dad wanting to sell the house he bought to give us some stability when he moved out of state. Job loss meaning, I couldn’t afford even apartment housing in the expensive area we lived in previously (Williamsburg, VA). So many moves.
We moved into our current home in April, 2017. It was a rental, after living with my grandmother after our emergency move to Georgia in December, 2016. Then a few years later, I bought it and have pretty much completely remodeled it.
Now here’s an important point about housing for me: The only reason I was able to purchase this home was because I went back to the corporate world. As a contractor, getting financing has always been challenging. The roller coaster of income doesn’t encourage trust by the banking industries.
Contemplating the Now
Now I face and have to consider selling my house, the house that has become the home I have never, ever had. These are the thoughts swarming my head (and why I am putting this decision off until after the new year):
- If I sell this home, the chances of me being able to buy another in the foreseeable future one are slim to none unless I go back into the corporate world full time. I’m not opposed to that, but the last year has made it clear that, it may take a while to make that happen as lay offs happen daily in this economic climate.
- If I stay put, to make the type of money I want/need, I will have find online work and/or work multiple jobs. The local opportunities are very, very limited. I’ve done this before, for a lot of years, but I also have failed miserably in the past with this.
- If I sell this home, I can move to Texas and help my parents out while they need it. I’m sure my dad will help me out while I make the move and find work. Not to mention, there’s a huge job market there. But I will need to rehome some dogs. And until Beauty gets out from under her legal stuff, I will need to find housing for her here in Georgia. I will essentially be starting out with no income. The work I currently have is relatively dependent on me being here.
- If I stay put, the cost of living here is very reasonable. And once I get out from under the debt load, the ability to maintain the lifestyle I want will be very affordable. And I actually love living in this small town. I love having no traffic, making connections, and being able to get anywhere within just a minutes. Not to mention, it’s a good “halfway” point for where all the kids are living. (I am using halfway very loosely here.)
- If I sell this house, the debt load would be significantly lowered. While the proceeds won’t cover all my debt, it would pay off a big chunk of it. An almost fresh start. But I would be starting with nothing but my car, my current possessions.
- If I stay put, I will have to maintain this house by myself. My boys have moved away, and there are just things I cannot do myself. While everything is good order now, there will be expenses and maintenance that I will need to find reliable help with. This would be the case with any home I bought though.
- If I sell the house, I will not have a homebase to live out the rest of my life. When my parents need is over, I will have to figure out what’s next. And I’ve said for YEARS that I did not want to live in Texas again. (In conversations with Gymnast, I am not sure he will stay in Texas. But being close to the kids isn’t a factor for me, I am comfortable with travelling, when I can again.)
It’s ALOT
There are lots of moving parts. I do not know the right answer. As a commenter has pointed out, I think I have to figure out what I want next in life. And then make decisions towards that end. To be honest, I am pulled in so many directions. And I don’t think that the financial challenges point me in a clear direction either. This is why I am tabling this decision to the new year.
Do you disagree?
Hope is a creative, solutions-focused business manager helping clients grow their business and work more efficiently by leveraging expertise in project management, digital marketing, & tech solutions. She’s recently become an empty nester as her 5 foster/adoptive kids have spread their wings. She lives with her 5 dogs in a small town in NE Georgia and prefers the mountains to the beaches any day. She struggles with the travel bug and is doing her best to help each of her kids as their finish schooling and become independent (but it’s hard!) She has run her own consulting company for almost twenty years! Hope began sharing her journey with the BAD community in the Spring of 2015 and feels like she has finally in a place to really focus on making wise financial decisions.
Ignoring the bills you have to pay down. I suggest you make a budget for the 2500/month in income you do have. There won’t be much left if any for fun spending or any kind of support for the kids. And likely little leftover for any extras like travel at first. Have them pay their own way for everything insurance, phone, gas etc. But it is doable. You will never, ever be able to get housing costs this low again. if you can stay that would be the best financially for you.
I am positive you could make a budget to meet your part time income. It seems you’ve never actually tried. And then rent a room, get a retail job, and use the income from your online business to pay down your debts. once your debts are paid use it to pad the emergency fund. And then after that you may be free to balance retirement and travel savings.
Get rid of the lofty goals and buckle down.
Now this is something I definitely should do. It will give me a clear picture of where I stand. And maybe even give me an idea of what the future would look like should I stay. (After getting debt free.)
No, this is not for later after you’re debt free. You have to live within a strict budget NOW! Selling your house won’t fix anything if you don’t commit to living within your means. Your actual takehome pay, not a wishful spending plan with extras or based on future income.
Unfortunately you let this snowball to a giant hole of debt which is overwhelming. And it seems that you’re letting that be your excuse to not be serious about it because it’s “too much “that only some drastic thing like a job or selling the house would fix it. I’d almost say just forget about the credit card minimum payments for a bit, cut up ALL the cards, and just pay your actual bills and live within your take home income. Go back to basics with cash envelopes. Your credit is already shot. Even bankruptcy (which I’m not advocating) wouldn’t require you to lose your house.
it wasn’t one action that brought you into debt. So stop thinking you can fix it just from one windfall.
hi!
I highly suggest calculating the cost. Luke 14:28-29 says: For example, who of you wanting to build a tower does not first sit down and calculate the expense to see if he has enough to complete it? 29 Otherwise, he might lay its foundation but not be able to finish it, and all the onlookers would start to ridicule him.
You will never have all the answers. Should, would, could, maybe or not sure aren’t cemented enough for a definite answer. Calculate the cost by numbers and then by the amount of support and what you would have to do to get that support.
Hope this helps.
First, I love your username. I can relate to that completely.
Second, you are correct; unfortunately, the numbers do not paint a clear picture on direction.
While the cost of living here is significantly lower then where I would go should I sell the house. The opportunity to make money locally is equally low.
When I get out of debt, totally sustainable. But getting there, a much harder climb. The answer is not clear to me yet. But I’m working on it.
The one essential thing missing from this post is numbers! Yes, that won’t be the only factor, but it will be a hugely significant one.
And as an aside, to me it seems amazing that you wouldn’t jump at any opportunity to get back into the “corporate world”. Gaps in employment are perhaps the number one red flag when it comes to resume review, so once you are back in you will need to be fully committed to staying there even if individual positions come and go.
I’ve been a contractor for all but 2 years of the last 17 years. And although I was committed when I went back into the corporate world a few years back, it only lasted a year and a half.
There are no “gaps” in my employment because I have always had ongoing contract work. The two year leap back into corporate ended the really good flow I had going at the time. And after a year of trying to find another corporate job, it looks like contract work is the way to go.
I feel like that’s a convoluted explanation, but I hope you get my point.
While it is not a true gap in employment, in my field, contract/consulting work is something that would be looked at as a question mark when trying to secure a permanent position.
My own impression from reading your blog posts (which I understand cannot capture everything) is that the corporate job is the only one to date that allowed you to make a significant dent: building up savings and paying down debt, health insurance, etc. It’s unfortunate that it couldn’t continue, but should factor into your thinking on the big picture. If you moved to a different place, could you secure full time employment that would let you build up the history and connections to stay there in that more stable situation permanently? For sure, it is likely that your cost of living will go up, so that is why some analysis of numbers is needed.
Hope,
Ignore your debt for a moment. Run a budget based on what you are making now and what your expenses are now. First and foremost, can you keep your head above water? What will it take to make that happen? Is that REALISTIC if you stay in the house?
2nd: Run the numbers if you get employment in Texas. Corporate world is a LOT easier there and full time employment is basically a given. Worst case, you go to work full time at a walmart/amazon type job for $15-20/hr. What would your expenses be living with the parents? I know you are concerned about getting financing to buy again in the future but this gets easier the more you have to put down. 50% down will get the VAST majority of people approved and with an income of 50 grand a year and expenses less than $1000/month….you could be out of debt in 18 months.
3rd: This is an option you most likely have not thought of. Could you theoretically do both? What would the costs be of maintaining your current home if you were not living in it for a year? Could you leave your daughter there and go to Texas? I know this might sound crazy, but it could be a viable option. Consider starting to apply for full time jobs in Texas with your parents. Move there, work full time, pay the bills at your house, your daughter has somewhere to stay, you maintain owning the house and buy yourself a year or two to get your head above water. Since you are staying with your parents, chances are your expenses in Texas plus your expenses at home would still be manageable. Allow you to build your savings back up, pay off some debt, get kido out of her legal troubles and then make a decision about the house when you have real, concrete data in front of you. If you cannot bring yourself to commit to selling, this may be the best option all around.
Bottom line you need some solution other than what you have right now because you are one unpaid invoice away from foreclosure.
You’ve got this!
Thank you. I greatly appreciate this suggestion and feedback.
The whole re homing some dogs really really gets under my skin. Animals are a life long commitment. I’d love to have a houseful but I know that they can be expensive and living situations can change. People need to think more before taking on so many animals!
I’m with this commenter on this one. I would never forgive myself if I had to rehome a single pet, ever. As Hope has rehomed dogs before, these subsequent adoptions should never have happened in the first place. It’s unforgivable to do this to an animal. You are their entire life. And having the hierarchy with Addie as the favoured dog isn’t fair to the rest of them. I don’t have a good solution but I pray Hope never allows herself to have multiple dogs ever again (for any reason).
I foster animals on to their forever homes, but I only have one dog that I am responsible for if it all hits the fan. If you can’t say no to the strays coming in from kids and life in general, foster them! Agencies provide food and vet bills and then you send them off to their loving forever homes.
To clarify, the dogs we rehomed during our previous move were not animals I had gone out and adopted.
Mene, who went to live with our apartment neighbor and his wife, because frankly, he loved their quiet home much more than our crazy one, was given to us by a military family who had to relocated and couldn’t take him.
Izzy, who went to live with a family from our homeschool coop, was found in a dumpster as a puppy and someone brought her to us because they knew how I was, we just kept her.
India, my daughter’s cat, moved with us to the camper and became an outside cat. When we left their, she had acclimated and was happy on the 30 acres filled with mice and chickens.
Milo, the only dog I had actually gone and adopted, had cancer and we ended up having to put him down before we left the apartment.
Either way, it was heartbreaking to have to rehome our animals. And I will do everything in my power not to have to ever do that again.
I agree, and what makes this worse is that she basically admitted to not providing proper vet care not too long ago. Annual checkups, especially for older animals, are important! It also sounds like the dogs may not be getting heartworm preventative.
I’m not sure where you read this, but it is completely false information.
My dogs are all up to date on their shots, take monthly heartworn preventative, and are seen at minimum yearly by the vet.
In fact, for the first several years, I made their food from scratch because one of the first dogs we got had a super sensitive stomach.
I recently posted how Addie required extra care which cost $200 that I hadn’t budgeted for.
Please don’t spread false narrative because you don’t agree with my choices.
The dogs are spoiled rotton, well fed, happy. (And if my kids chimed in, would say that I love the dogs more than I love them.)
Agreed. In hindsight, so many dogs has not been a wise move. But I am committed and will do my absolute best not to let any of them go…except Gymnast dog. I am hoping Gymnast will be a position to take his dog early next year.
Here’s an idea, but it’s dependent on what the home values are in your area vs other areas. Could you sell your home and then purchase (with cash) a much less expensive home in maybe another area or state? Then you could use the difference to pay off bills and live on until you find another job. Searching the real estate websites would give you the information you need.
If this was doable, it would serve to keep you in the housing market. If you don’t stay in it, prices I believe, will continue to rise thus potentially pricing you out of the market for good.
I’ll be honest, I don’t know that there are any “cheaper” houses than the one I have. While my mortgage company estimate shows that my house value has doubled from my initial purchase, I can’t imagine that it would actually sell for that. But you never know.
I am more concerned about qualifying for a loan if I continue to consult. That made it impossible in the past. Only that corporate job allowed me to purchase this one. I think that’s one of my biggest concerns about selling. And would lean toward renting it out. So much to think about.
Of course we only know what you tell us but I worry about you relying on your father. It seems like that has gotten you into trouble in the past with the other house. If there is any way that you could find therapy that would be FREE, I think that would be ideal and would help to unpack all that you have dealt with.
I agree with this comment 100%. After her father basically made her homeless in the past, I certainly wouldn’t put any trust in him to not pull the rug out from under Hope’s feet a 2nd time. Therapy would be helpful.
Your kids won’t forgive themselves if you lose the house while helping them out. No cheap Christmas presents that they don’t need. No travel. No paying bills for the kids under any circumstances – they are all so incredibly strong, hardworking, and capable thanks to you! They all have jobs!
This is an emergency and you need to do everything in your power to stay afloat. Eat beans and rice, cancel any subscriptions you can, and MAKE THAT BUDGET. More importantly, KEEP THE BUDGET. I believe with my whole heart that you can get out of this but it takes sustained patterns of good choices. Even one vacation blows this entire thing up for good. It’s time to hunker down and suffer through the next couple of months. Short term pains for long term gains!