Single mamas don’t get a lot of gifts. Don’t get me wrong, my kids have done their best to give me birthday and Christmas and Mother’s Day gifts. And I cherish those. But there is no one to round up the kids and supplement their money to take them shopping. There is no one to take the family out for a nice meal or to bring me flowers. And so on.
For a lot of years, this was really, really hard. Those holidays were hard, especially when the kids were young and truly didn’t do anything unless I guided them through it. And even now, it feels terrible to take myself out on those holidays and occasions.
Any other single moms here that can relate?
It’s Different Now
Five years ago, soon after we moved to Georgia, I decided to tip toe back into the dating world. I was lonely. The kids were getting older, more independent. But boy, online dating…terrible. I didn’t last long on any of the apps I tried – Bumble, Tinder and then Plenty of Fish. (I think that’s all of them.)
But I met him, the one. The one who last December asked me to become his wife. We met online 5 years ago this December. Met in person a year and a half after that. And hopefully, this fall, he will move to Georgia and we will set a date. We continue to see each other about once a month. Either he comes here, or I go there. (He’s currently living in Philadelphia.) This summer has been hard because his mom’s health has really gone down hill and he had to skip coming here for a couple of the planned months.
But last week, he surprised me. He called me up and he said he was sending me some money to go do something nice for myself. And I traipsed right out and did that – I got eyelashes and eyebrows. It’s crazy how the little things make such a difference to one’s self confidence.
Now he’s always been good to me. And done lots to show me how much he loves me. But we have kept our money completely separate. (We have a shared credit card that we use for the travel expenses, but he pays it off every other week or as needed.) This was the first time that he just sent me money. And to be honest, I just got off the phone and cried.
It wasn’t a large amount. But it was the thought. That someone did something just for me. No holiday, no occasion, he did it because he thought I needed it. And I did.
I am so blessed to be engaged to a man who wants more than anything to take good care of me, makes good financial decisions (he’s completely debt free), and loves me despite my flaws and failures.
Hope is a digital marketing manager and foster/adoptive single mom to five kids. She has run her own consulting company for over 15 years and took a leap of faith returning to the corporate world in 2021 to a job and team she loves! Hope began sharing her journey with the BAD community in the Spring of 2015 and feels like she has finally mastered the balance between family first and wise financial decisions.