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by Hope

Single mamas don’t get a lot of gifts. Don’t get me wrong, my kids have done their best to give me birthday and Christmas and Mother’s Day gifts. And I cherish those. But there is no one to round up the kids and supplement their money to take them shopping. There is no one to take the family out for a nice meal or to bring me flowers. And so on.

For a lot of years, this was really, really hard. Those holidays were hard, especially when the kids were young and truly didn’t do anything unless I guided them through it. And even now, it feels terrible to take myself out on those holidays and occasions.

Any other single moms here that can relate?

It’s Different Now

Five years ago, soon after we moved to Georgia, I decided to tip toe back into the dating world. I was lonely. The kids were getting older, more independent. But boy, online dating…terrible. I didn’t last long on any of the apps I tried – Bumble, Tinder and then Plenty of Fish. (I think that’s all of them.)

But I met him, the one. The one who last December asked me to become his wife. We met online 5 years ago this December. Met in person a year and a half after that. And hopefully, this fall, he will move to Georgia and we will set a date. We continue to see each other about once a month. Either he comes here, or I go there. (He’s currently living in Philadelphia.) This summer has been hard because his mom’s health has really gone down hill and he had to skip coming here for a couple of the planned months.

But last week, he surprised me. He called me up and he said he was sending me some money to go do something nice for myself. And I traipsed right out and did that – I got eyelashes and eyebrows. It’s crazy how the little things make such a difference to one’s self confidence.

Now he’s always been good to me. And done lots to show me how much he loves me. But we have kept our money completely separate. (We have a shared credit card that we use for the travel expenses, but he pays it off every other week or as needed.) This was the first time that he just sent me money. And to be honest, I just got off the phone and cried.

It wasn’t a large amount. But it was the thought. That someone did something just for me. No holiday, no occasion, he did it because he thought I needed it. And I did.

I am so blessed to be engaged to a man who wants more than anything to take good care of me, makes good financial decisions (he’s completely debt free), and loves me despite my flaws and failures.

Hope

Hope is a resourceful, solutions-driven online business manager with over two decades of experience helping clients streamline operations, manage projects, and grow their businesses through digital marketing and technology.

But life has a way of rewriting your plans.

A year ago, Hope made the decision to move in with her aging parents full time – a season she wouldn’t trade, even as it came with its own financial and emotional weight. Earlier this year, she lost her mother, and is now walking the tender, disorienting path of grief while learning what “forward” looks like from here.

Hope came to the Blogging Away Debt community in 2015 as a single mom raising five foster and adoptive children. She’s written through job changes, financial setbacks, and the bittersweet transition to an empty nest. Her kids are finding their footing in the world now – and so is she.

Rooted in faith and fueled by the same perseverance she’s brought to every hard season, Hope is ready to face her finances with fresh eyes and an honest pen. She believes that clarity, courage, and community can change the trajectory of anyone’s story including her own.

She lives in Austin, TX with her dad, loves adventures with her dog Addie, and is figuring out, one step at a time, what this next chapter is meant to be.