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The Struggle and then Love Steps In

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I am really struggling.  The sacrifices for this debt free journey are tough. I am so thankful that I am a natural optimist or I think I would just quit and go get that pedicure I really want or even get my eyebrows waxed!  Yes, that is my reality.  We are eaten frozen meals and Ramen to fill in the gaps between our healthy, budget conscious meals.  And I am envious of my little ones regular movie attendance with their dad, even if it is to a cartoon movie.

Ok, I know I sound really whiny, but I miss shopping, new shoes, going out to eat!  I hate having to say ‘no’ to my friends when asked to go do something.  But I do and I will and I am determined. And as I’m feeling really down in the dumps about this…I arrived home to 3 GIANT boxes on my front porch labeled Amazon Prime.

My wonderful friend, without asking, without shaming ordered us a bunch of household stuff….I opened the boxes to tons of toilet paper and toothpaste, soap and detergent, cleaning supplies and shampoo.

You see, my friend used to live on our street and we spent countless hours together. Her kids were always at my house! And as she has worked toward her Yoga Instructor licensing, her kids have spent many a weekend camped out here.  This last time, when they came into town for one of these trainings, I had to break down and ask her for money to take care of her kids.  Not because I wanted to charge her, but because with our $150 a week budget, I just simply did not have the food to feed 3 extra kids for 4 days and her on the meals when she was here…

Of course, she gladly provided money.  But I HATED having to say anything, it completely goes against my nature to ask for help.  I hated showing her just how tight things are, I hated opening myself up to judgment, I hate being vulnerable.

So to come home this past week to this very generous “EASTER” present as she called it, all I could is cry and be so grateful for all the many, many, many blessings I have in my life.  This struggle is HARD, it’s exhausting and it’s really lonely, but she reached out in a practical way to show me that I was not alone and that it will be better.


24 Comments

  • Reply TPol |

    You may be in debt now but you are a rich person having such a nice person in your life. Hang in there! It is tough but, with courage and determination you can do it. We are all here to cheer you along the way.

    I totally understand you want to shop and buy new stuff. Here is a thought: Do you have a circle of friends with whom you can arrange a “swap” of handbags, accessories and even clothes? I remember reading this at some PF blogs and it intrigued me. My sister and I swap costume jewelry from time to time. This is fun, requires no money and you end up with “new” stuff. May be this can cheer you up and lift your spirit.

    • Reply Hope |

      I wish that was the case, TPol, unfortunately because of my weight, none of my friends are even a remote possibility for a clothing swap. But that’s just motivation to tackle that issue simultaneously I guess.

      • Reply Walnut |

        You can still swap out costume jewelry and purses! Find out everyone’s shoe size and perhaps you can lend out special occasion shoes as well. I’m asking everyone I know right now if they fit my shoe size and have a pair of dressy silver shoes that I can use for a friend’s wedding. I certainly don’t want to spend any money on single use shoes, but I’m hoping someone else will lend me a pair for a night.

  • Reply KLM |

    Just think, too–when you are debt free, you can have a line item in your budget to help your friends like this.

  • Reply debbie |

    What a thoughtful friend you have in your life. Paying down the dent is a hard struggle, but you are DOING THE RIGHT THING and will benefit in the long run with your kids and life. The financial struggles are not an easy fix. It takes a lot of time, determination, and motivation. You can do it!! I’ve been in your place, with a lot of debt and just beginning. It’s been a few years now, and I have my home expenses (phone, electric, cable), car insurance, a STUDENT LOAN I am paying off, and my mortgage. I am one income for the five of us. It gets better.

    • Reply Hope |

      Thanks, debbie, it’s not to know that someone has walked this path before me and has come out the better for it. On the dark days, I need to hear that.

  • Reply Susan |

    What a wonderful surprise! The above poster is correct, you may be struggling financially,but you are wealthy in the way that counts!

    Here’s hoping for more business for you so that your cash flow eases up a little bit. I think you would feel more optimistic if you didn’t have to resort to Ramen Noodles!

    Here is a great casserole recipe that is cheap cheap cheap to make. It is delicious. It tastes like chicken soup-chicken pie.

    Creamy Chicken Noodle Casserole

    2 cups uncooked elbow macaroni
    1 stick butter
    1/2 cup Wondra Flour
    2 cups unsalted chicken broth
    1 cup milk
    2-3 teaspoons Poultry Seasoning
    1 – 2 cups cooked vegetables (any kind – notes below)
    2 cups cooked chicken, diced
    1/3 cup mozarella cheese

    1] Cook noodles in boiling water 2-3 minutes less than instructions require. Drain and set aside.

    2] In heavy saucepan, melt butter over medium-high heat.

    3] Measure out milk and broth; have this ready on the counter

    4] Whisk the Wondra Flour into the melted butter. This will quickly form a thick paste-like substance.

    5] Immediately whisk in broth, pouring slowly. Then whisk in milk, pouring slowly. Whisk continuously.

    6] Whisk in Poultry Seasoning. Continue to whisk.

    7] Let cook over medium high heat (may have to reduce to medium depending on how “hot” your stove gets) till mixture is thick and bubbly. You do not want this sauce to burn. I usually start with medium high and reduce to medium on my electric stove. It will take about 5-10 minutes to get to thick and bubbly stage.

    8] Remove from heat and stir in the 2 cups chicken and the 1 cup cooked vegetables. **Carrots and celery taste good if you want a chicken-soup taste. I use leftover vegetables from previous meals a lot. A quick shortcut is to buy good quality frozen mixed vegetables (carrots, peas, green beans, corn) and just measure out 1 to 2 cups and stir in frozen. They are wonderful and they cook up beautifully.

    9] Turn into greased 9 x 13″ casserole dish (2 1/2 quart capacity — if you don’t have a rectangular dish, you can use any shape so long as capacity is big enough).

    10] Sprinkle grated cheese over the top. Shake on a bit more poultry seasoning.

    11] At this point you can bake the casserole right away or you can cover and refrigerate until you are ready to cook.

    12] Bake @ 350 degrees for 30 minutes or so, until bubbly and hot. If you have refrigerated the casserole, you might need to bake for 40 minutes.

    13] Salt to taste when eating. I always use unsalted broth because we try to stay away from food that is too salty. You can use regular broth and then you won’t have to have a salt shaker on the table.

    ====================

    This is delicious and I have yet to find anyone who doesn’t like it. My 3 year old eats it until he nearly pops. Older people love it as well. It is real “comfort food” and it is so inexpensive to make.

    Re the Wondra Flour. This comes in a cylinder shaped container. You can find it by regular flour in your grocery store. It is a quick mixing, lump-resistant flour to use for thickening things like sauces and gravies. It is very nearly fail-safe. Nothing looks or tastes worse than flour lumps in your sauces and gravies.

    Time-saving tip: You can boil the noodles ahead and put them into the refrigerator, covered or in a plastic bag. You can make the sauce ahead and put it into a tightly covered container and store in the refrigerator for a few days or freeze. Obviously you can chop up chicken and store in refrigerator or freezer in 2 cup quantities.

    Also, if your family likes mushrooms, you can saute 1 cup of sliced mushrooms in the melted butter before you add the flour, broth & milk. Proceeds as above.

    This is a very forgiving recipe. You can play around with the vegetables and the cheese to suit your family’s taste.

    Good luck!

    • Reply Hope |

      Thanks for the recipe, Susan, I think I have everything for this except the flour, do you think I could use regular whole wheat flour if I mix it well?

      • Reply Susan |

        You can definitely use whole wheat flour or all purpose flour. You will just have to really pay attention and whisk, whisk, whisk!!!! More potential for lumps if you use regular flour. I never know what level of cooking skills people have, so telling them to use Wondra flour eliminates the only hard part of this recipe.

        Wondra flour is used in the same measurements as regular flour in recipes (not BAKING recipes, just gravy and sauce recipes).

        Just fyi I find that I can get one cup of cut-up chicken from one bone-in chicken breast. I buy the chicken breasts (bone-in, with skin) in bulk when they go on sale. Then I bake them by placing them on a baking rack and sprinkling with salt, pepper and poultry seasoning and putting them into a 375 degree oven for 45 minutes to an hour depending on the size of the breasts. Once they have cooled, I pop them into freezer bags and freeze. I don’t always cut up the chicken first, it depends on whether I have time to do that, ha, ha.

        • Reply Walnut |

          Adding to this, to the extent that you have chicken bones and bits and pieces of vegetables, you can add all of it to a pot with some water and make really delicious chicken stock. If you can’t use all of the stock you make, you can freeze it into ice cube trays for future sauces.

  • Reply Walnut |

    I feel like the pain of not spending money gets a little easier when summer sets in. So many opportunities to enjoy being outside and take in free activities, parks, festivals, music, etc. Maybe this summer you can make it a mission to visit every park in your city or compile a list of places to get an ice cream cone for $.50. An afternoon at the park and $2.50 in ice cream sounds like a perfect summer treat.

    Hang in there and remind yourself that sometime soon, none of your money will be paying off interest! You’ll only be paying for your purchases the first time – not three times over to the financers.

    • Reply Hope |

      True, true Walnut! It will be nice to buy something and own it completely, and I will wait for that day.

  • Reply Teri |

    What a blessing your friend is! I know this is hard, Hope. But just think of how much “paying it forward” you can do when you’re debt free! You could send care packages like this to your kids when they’re in college, or other friends who need the help. Sacrifice and living within your means is NOT EASY. If it were, everyone would do it……

    • Reply Hope |

      I CAN NOT wait for the day when I can be on the giving end again. And I know this sacrifice will be well worth it.

  • Reply Shoeaholicnomore |

    Hope, you are so lucky to have a great friend. I know how you feel about asking for help. I absolutely detest it and it stresses me so bad that I have stomach ulcers! :-S I’m glad you broke down and asked though. When you say “no” to friends and they still want to get together later, you know they are true friends. It’s important to know who your real friends are!

    • Reply Hope |

      I am very blessed to have a group of really awesome friends. It took a lot of years and moves to find them, but now that I have not even moves states away (like this one did last year,) will change that.

      But you are right, it does not change the stomach ulcers from the shame and vulnerability letting even them know the issues I am facing.

  • Reply Juhli |

    You are at a tough point in changing your financial behavior and I am so glad your friend sent you this gift. The key to turning the corner is to stop looking at what you are losing and look for what you are gaining. Don’t want to eat ramen? You and the twins could learn how to make chili and other dishes using dried beans. Want to spend time with friends? Have a potluck dinner or picnic in the park or a game night. Want to see movies? Look for free activities in you town and go to as many as possible. Want to shop for clothing? This is the time to enjoy what you have already bought by being creative in your outfit combinations. If you can see this time as full of possibilities for love and joy and learning rather than deprivation then you and your children will handle managing money better in the future.

    • Reply Hope |

      You are so right. I do need to focus more on these types of get togethers rather than what has become the norm for hanging out with friends!

      • Reply Jessica |

        I’ve found that many of my friends at least, are relieved when I tell them I’m cutting back and can’t afford it. I think many people want to be spending less money, and will be more than happy for a free day with a picnic at the park, rather than an expensive lunch out and an afternoon at the arcade.

      • Reply Juhli |

        I really wish you well. I have been a broke single Mom and I have been affluent. Happiness was found in both situations as long as the basic financial needs were met.

  • Reply Mary |

    I hear you Hope! I think we all enjoy getting those things done and yes, it sucks living on a budget, lol. You have a lovely friend that is worth her weight in gold. It was great she sent that to you and even better that she told you it was for Easter or whatever. We all know she was being very kind and nice and it’s always special when they do it in a way that makes you feel good about it. She is a great friend indeed.

    As for the grocery budget, we have to work on getting you to eat some better foods. Being on a food budget doesn’t mean you have to eat ramen noodles and frozen dinners. Yuk. I’ve been on a tight budget before and the only way to really live on that is to make nearly everything from scratch. That’s how you get the most bang for your buck because as you are learning, those frozen dinners are expensive and you don’t get a lot of food. They also taste like crap, lol. We have to help you get filled up better and more enjoyable for less money. I think you should start with a bread machine. Making bread saves big money-I’ve been making my own bread for 5 years now. I remember back when I bought bread, it cost around $2.50 or $3 for a loaf of bread and it was full of high fructose corn syrup and other chemicals. Now I make my own for $.38 cents (that’s the last time I calculated it which was a few years ago) and it’s wonderful (just water, milk, unbleached flour, organic sugar (you could use regular), sea salt, yeast and sweet cream butter). The added bonus to the cost is that the house smells wonderful and it fills you up better. I read one time that they use 11 times the amount of yeast in commercial breads vs. homemade. That’s probably to stretch the ingredients so they can sell more loaves! Homemade bread is much denser so it fills you up better. This would be great with the 3 boys. Start there and then try making over one new recipe at a time until you have recipes that are good for you and that fill you up.

    Homemade pizza is another good one. Purchase a Mama Mary’s pizza crust (they are pre-made and taste much better than a Boboli), some pasta sauce, chop up some onion, some garlic, add some veggies (mushrooms, broccoli, spinach or whatever you like), add some parsley and some mozzarella cheese and bake in the oven. On simple days, you can do fewer ingredients but start there. That’s how I started and now I make homemade pizza dough in my breadmaker (so I always have some on hand) and make my own sauce. But in the beginning, this is how I did it. It was cheaper but good.

    You can also make some homemade grilled cheese sandwiches. Bake your homemade bread, add real butter and parmesan cheese to the outside then add real cheese on the inside. Cook them in some organic coconut oil on the stove. The coconut oil allows the parmesan to crust up nicely and it tastes delicious. You could use butter instead of coconut oil if you like. Add a small salad with spinach, carrot shreds, some fruit, nuts and a little dressing and you have a delicious meal. You could also have some soup with that. I make my own tomato soup in a Blendtec blender and it’s not only delicious but inexpensive!. Work on making a few meals that fill you up and give you the most bang for your buck and you’ll be on your way. I’ve found that when I make my own food, it’s not only budget friendly but I feel like it tastes a lot better than anything I could buy at a fast food joint or in a restaurant. We have to get you eating better tasting food or you’ll never survive on this budget. I’d be off my budget too if I had to eat Ramen noodles and frozen dinners, lol.

    Making your own popcorn is delicious and economical too. I use organic popcorn (regular is ok too) and pop it in organic coconut oil. I add sea salt and it’s great. I have heard other people say that they use “nutritional yeast” that is not only nutritious but tastes like cheese popcorn. Everyone raves about that and it’s another low cost option. You kids might like homemade rice krispie treats-easy to make and inexpensive. Good luck. Remember, all of these things take time…just do things one baby step at a time and you’ll get there. Stay focused on your goal.

  • Reply susan |

    Yes – making bread is super easy. Get the book ‘artisan bread in 5 minutes a day’ from the library. Their basic bread dough is super easy and there is little or no kneading. It is not intimidating – and the way you can store the extra dough in the fridge and then bring it out to finish cooking on the day you want to – easy peasy!

  • Reply V |

    Just wanted to add a link to a recipe site I LOVE! It’s built for budgeting, but even if money isn’t a concern I’d eat most of her food; it’s just that good and pretty well nutritionally balanced.

    http://www.budgetbytes.com/

    I’ve recommended it to a lot of people and they all come back really positively as well, so I don’t think it’s just me! Good luck and keep up the hard work!

So, what do you think ?