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The Bus is Feeling Shaky

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I don’t want to panic and say the wheels are about to fall off but the last couple of days have the bus feeling very shaky. 

It all boils down to poor communication between me and Steve.  I know many of you are going to be scratching your heads wondering how I missed the boat on this one.  I could write an ultimately funny book on the communication mishaps in this relationship but right now neither of us is laughing.  Bear with me because I am trying to give you a complete version but lose my wordiness.

As I’ve shared before, we have had a terrible time combining our finances.  There’s another book to write about how sick I am of the process that is combining money with this man!  I know this is tough for anyone but I swear this man I love got an extra helping of “stubborn” on this front ! Wow!  Yes, we have dramatically improved over the near 3 year marriage but this post makes me feel like we’ve gotten nowhere.

There’s a dispute about when I was made aware of the mortgage having late fees that were accruing each month because we were not making the payment on the 1st or within the grace period.  I say it was a few months ago (and I contend that I still did not fully understand that there were charges adding up each and every month).  Steve says I have known since the beginning of 2012 that we were not making the mortgage payment timely and, therefore, late fees accrued.

Now the history that you need to know is Steve was fiercely protective of that mortgage info in the early days, months and year.  Yes I know we should have had full and complete disclosure before we married, but we didn’t. You can still comment telling me that of course we should have known if you wish, but that ship has sailed.  (Tangent: I note a boat them here so maybe I should re-title this post!)  It was not until January 2012 when we started to get serious that I even knew how to get account access to the mortgage.  Keep in mind my name is not on the mortgage but obviously we now treat it as our debt.  I did continue to leave that bill to Steve and I am not sure why that is, but I am pretty sure it was out of a desire to avoid conflict.  Dumb.  Really dumb.  I am on top of every other bill and certainly look at statements and can see if fees are being charged and absolutely know the due dates of all bills.  We have the due date of all bills on our spreadsheet and yes, the mortgage says the 1st.  I don’t know for certain but maybe I went into denial and thought we were a few days ahead instead of near 30 days behind?  Maybe I was completley leaving that to Steve because it was his to begin with and I just didn’t want to “go there?”  I don’t know.  I just know that Steve was trying to move the mortgage up each month but because we didn’t prioritize well,  we owed $750 in late fees and more fees were being added each month.  The situation escalated because Steve felt like I should obviously know about the late fees and I felt like I was deferring to him because of the history and he failed to communicate the situation.  

Sometime in the spring of 2012, the mortgage was purchased by another lender and all account access changed.  Steve receives the statements via email so there is no hard copy coming in the mail.  Of course, hindsight is 20/20 but I should have been asking more questions.  By the same token, Steve doesn’t make it easy to ask question and should not have been sticking his head in the sand and avoiding the topic.  He assumed I understood that since we were not paying it on the first we were paying late fees.  Call me naive, but every mortgage I’ve had has a 30 day grace period with no late fees charged. Back then I wasn’t running late but I do know I wasn’t getting dinged for late fees at the 7 day overdue mark. We could have made a plan to pay that $750.  Instead it became a very ugly fight that ended with my unilaterally taking the $750 from savings and paying the full August payment online.  Yes, I can admit the decision to take the $750 from savings was driven purely by my emotion and to make a point.  I’m still not convinced that was the wrong thing to do because I don’t want to give the stupid mortgage lender any more money in fees that we already have!  I can admit I should not have acted so quickly.

I went silent with him for 2 days which for anyone who knows me (and reads me), that’s hard to believe.  I did a lot of thinking over those couple of days and I’d like to tell you I’m over it, but I’m not.   I do see where we both messed up but I’m stuck on the fact that we FINALLY get the savings up to $1600 and have to hit it for $750.   I hope a good night’s sleep turns me back into a pleasant person because right now I’m a bear! 

Tomorrow is a new day…RRRRRROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!


40 Comments

  • Reply Jo |

    from the outside I can see reasons why both of you are upset. However i know men often don’t discuss such things and your husband should have done that. don’t let if affect your marriage though it’s a big bump in the road but you are over the bump now and life goes on. sorry this has happened.

    • Reply Claire |

      Thanks Jo. Just what I needed to see this morning. Moving on! He has made steps in the right direction and old habits are bound to reappear! We all make mistakes.

  • Reply Carvin |

    I can understand your frustration. My wife puts me in charge of paying off her credit card. We get it done, balance is $0 and she says she stops using it, this was about 2 years ago. About six months ago she tells me, “I need you to take over my credit card again.” My first thought is “What?” She then proceeds to tell that she cannot seem to manage it. I do the usual and tell her not to use it while we pay it off. It seems like a cycle, just last week as I was paying it there were more charges on it. The excuse I got was “oh, that card is linked to my ipad games account.” Alrighty,have you tried unlinking it?
    Hope you are feeling better today.

    • Reply Claire |

      Ack! So frustrating! I can totally see me doing that though and I wake up each day and re-commit to not having financial secrets from myself, Steve or others. It is too easy for me to slip right back there. I am feeling better today and am ready to hit the reset button!

  • Reply Bobbi |

    Oh dear. I’m sorry. Talk it out for sure. And just let it go, it happens to everyone. Wherever he is this morning just go give him a big hug and then just go on. The most important things in life are God & your family. 🙂 Go do something fun and free today…

    • Reply Claire |

      Thank you Bobbi. You made a difference today. I woke to read these comments first thing and yours helped me make a better choice in how I started this day. 🙂

  • Reply diane |

    Claire, this is where that emergency fund comes in so handy, for life’s totally unexpected moments (even if they come from our own (or hubby’s mistakes). Give yourself the credit you deserve for having that money saved and that you could rectify this situation quickly. Are you current now on your mortgage? Consider that an awesome accomplishment!! Merging finances is never easy, no matter how long you’ve been married, so take it easy on yourself and Steve.

    • Reply Claire |

      Thank you Diane. Yes, we are current and we addressed the budget so that we pay without late fees here on out. I am thankful the money was there because in the past all we would have been able to do was lament that we had another $750 in debt. We will build the savings back up. I appreciate the reminder that merging finances is never easy. I feel like we are exceptionally challenged but your post reminds me we aren’t alone! In fact, it occurs to me that’s lot of couples don’t deal with it at all! At least we aren’t still avoiding the issue entirely!

  • Reply Tracy |

    It was absolutely the right thing to do to take the $750 out of savings and clear those fees. Now, you can start fresh again.

    • Reply Joe |

      +1. This one was a no-brainer. It doesn’t matter why the fees are there — the only thing is to get them paid off and make sure they never accrue again.

      The larger point is that this is exactly why you guys need to stay the course and get this entire debt paid off ASAP. What a complete waste of time to have to argue about stuff like this! (Not trying to be critical, just an observation). How incredible will it be when you guys don’t have this ‘debt thing’ overshadowing your entire relationship!

      • Reply Claire |

        Thanks! I worry sometimes that debt is the current “fight of the day” but that when this is done there will be something else. I can’t get too overburdened by that thought but I’m being candid.

        • Reply Joe |

          Yes, I understand. I’m rooting for you guys to be able to get rid of this debt and get back to arguing about other inane things just like married folks that aren’t in debt. 🙂

  • Reply Maggie |

    Great advice above and glad to see you are feeling better. I know how hard it is after almost 20 years of marriage for us and expense will still just come and slap me int he face. My husband is a generous man who thinks nothing of spending $50 on the credit card for things like treating DS and friends to breakfast, buy a needed sports equipment or getting something at the big box hardware store for the house and letting me figure out of we will have the funds to pay it off. He is better about telling me before I get the bill and have to ask “what was that for?”….

    I have to tell myself to just keep plugging away.

  • Reply lis |

    Ever think of seeing a marriage/financial counselor or going on a marriage retreat? You could probably find something through your church and maybe work on your communication skills. My husband and I have done some some retreats and they are really a lot of fun! Another policy we have between us that I think really helps is that we have a master list of all the login info for every account (email, credit card, ect..) that we have. Neither of us feel we have anything to hide or keep to ourselves, it’s not that we don’t trust each other, its just an “open and honest” sort of thing. Maybe that would help?

    • Reply Claire |

      Hi Lis–yes, we have been to a marriage retreat through our Church. It was very good and helped us tremendously. It may be time for a tune-up as they say but we are definitely open to this sort of help. Also, we do have a marriage counselor although we’ve hit some turbulence on that front due to reasons I probably shouldn’t disclose here. We are “in” this marriage and aren’t afraid to ask for help. Also we have that master list you speak about and for the most part, that works. However, there is a pattern with Steve that I believe goes back to out of control control issues of changing the passwords and “forgetting” to update the list. When I catch it I bring it to his attention and there’s always some explanation. At this point, he knows I see those as excuses and that the behavior needs to stop.

  • Reply Claire in CA, USA |

    My husband and I had similar problems when we were first married. We lived in a tiny apartment, didn’t have kids, had well-paying jobs, and but we miscommunicated about money, and it was a huge adjustment. I can’t imagine having careers, kids, house(s) and lots of bills going into marriage, and trying to sort it all out. This is just another stepping stone to being debt-free. No one ever said it was for sissies. 😀

    Can I just make one comment about the grace period? I am a notary and do loan signings for a living. In 14 years, I have never seen a 30-day grace period. It might just be a California thing, but our grace periods are never more than 15 days. I think I would be getting the mortgage Note out and making sure about all the provisions, including rate and type of loan. Those things make a difference, too.

    • Reply Claire |

      Claire–see my comment to Lis in this chain. Regarding the grace period-my prior home loan was a VA loan so I’m not sure if that makes a difference. We were never late on that payment so I don’t know for certain how it would have been handled. I do have a vague recollection of the credit union lady telling us that no late fees were charged until day 30 but maybe I misunderstood. It might have been a courtesy that was extended to “one time offenders?” I know that the credit union does try to offer extra cushion when lending to young married couples in the military. As for looking at these loan papers, I was hoping to see the terms on the account access online, but no luck. Because this is currently such an emotionally charged issue, I don’t want to even discuss seeing the loan papers with Steve. And, yes…I am fully aware that my reluctance to do so is, in itself, problematic. That reality is not lost on me but like I told Joe in another reply–I am being very honest here. Bottom line is we’re paying the mortgage by the 1st of the month to avoid any more fees. I do have that within my control and now that I am fully informed, I’ll take care of it that way. Thanks for the comment.

  • Reply Sarah |

    What Claire in California says. I have only had mortgages in California but here, we have until the 16th of the month to pay the mortgage. It is not late until then. I figured this was standard but perhaps not. I always paid our mortgage around the 12th.

  • Reply DD |

    Yay…you have an emergency fund…and I would use it for this as well. I think communication is the HARDEST thing to learn in a marriage…and it really does require both parties putting forth effort. I would second what was said earlier about seeking counseling. It was sooooo valuable when my hubs and I were having a recurring issue…just having a third party to validate both parties and help navigate through issues or concerns that can be painful because the issue is soooo raw…especially if it’s recurring…that may mean there is more to it than either of you realize.

    • Reply Claire |

      Yes, we do have a marriage counselor that helps us along. I’m an over-communicator and he’s a processor. I process through communication. He needs time to process internally. I understand that and have worked hard to adjust my needs there–just compromising and working to come off the extreme end of the spectrum. I can’t control his behavior but I know I need him to come off of his extreme end of the spectrum.

  • Reply margot |

    Good lord, you have some stuff to sort out in your marriage, which I’m sure you know. I agree that it’s not worth making comments about the past, so let’s focus on the future: if you and your husband don’t fundamentally sort out your money issues and your communication issues, you’ll get a divorce. You’ve both already been divorced, which only increases your chances. Money is the #1 source of fights in marriages, and a leading cause of divorce.

    Your husband’s grip over “his” finances and his assets is something to work out in therapy and goes to keep, core issues. Actually, all of this stuff is good to work out in couple’s therapy ASAP. The stakes are too high not to.

    Also, while both of you are at fault in this argument, your husband’s communication style is downright weird. In the context of getting out of debt and sorting out your finances, what person wouldn’t reveal late charges and wouldn’t explicitly say “we need to catch up on the mortgage and put that in our budget.”???????? Obviously you wouldn’t support late charges or being late on a bill. Obviously you’d need to know about this to fix it and work it into the budget. His approach is truly bizarre.

    Are you both doing a full monthly budget each month where you both sit down and discuss it and vote on it? If not, that might help with communication and transparency.

    • Reply Claire |

      We sit down and discuss the budget every weekend. We are still on a week-by-week basis and I don’t care if that is “good” or “bad” as I am just thankful that we sit down and discuss at all. I hear you on the risk of divorce. I am acutely aware of that reality and it is why marriage counseling has been happening for awhile. There are deep, core issues that require individual counseling on his side and I don’t say that lightly. In fact I know it is a big bold statement to look like I am pointing the finger. That is not my intent at all. The reality is our marriage can’t get better until he gets better. I’ve worked on my own issues for years and like to think I continue to work on them daily.
      Your paragraph re: downright weird and truly bizarre is harsh but I cannot disagree. I am not trying to bash him as I do take full responsibility for not asking more questions and not putting 2 and 2 together. Nonetheless, a marriage is not a game of charades and that is what it currently feels like.
      I meant to comment the other day on your observations re: my writing style. You pegged my own pet peeve about my writing (dashes and ellipses) so I went to my favorite grammar website http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/ and found this:
      Now, on to the other use of ellipses that you frequently see in e-mail: the ellipsis that’s used to indicate a pause or a break in the writer’s train of thought. Many people have written to me to say that they find this kind of use annoying, but a number of style guides say that ellipses can be used to indicate a pause or falter in dialog, the passage of time, an unfinished list, or that a speaker has trailed off in the middle of a sentence or left something unsaid (1, 2, 3, 4). For example, The Chicago Manual of Style states, “Ellipsis points suggest faltering or fragmented speech accompanied by confusion, insecurity, distress, or uncertainty.” The Manual contrasts ellipses with dashes, which it states should be reserved for more confident and decisive pauses.
      So, it is allowable to use ellipses to indicate pauses or breaks in the writer’s train of thought as you see so frequently done in e-mail, especially where a break is meant to feel uncertain. Nevertheless (and this is a BIG nevertheless) most people who use ellipses in e-mail overdo it—a lot.
      You should not replace all normal punctuation with ellipses. You should not allow the sweet lure of ellipses to muddle your ability to write a complete sentence. To quote the book Grammar for Dummies, “Using ellipses in this way can get annoying really fast.”
      The author of one of my favorite books, Punctuate it Right, feels this way about writers who use ellipses to imply that they have more to say: “It is doubtful that they have anything in mind, and the device seems a rather cheap one.”
      So, use ellipses to show hesitation or a trailing off of thoughts if you must, but use them sparingly, and know that although it’s grammatically correct, it’s considered by some to be annoying and cheap.

      Thanks for the reminder and I’m actively working on correcting this annoying habit. As always, I appreciate your hard hitting comments even if on the first read they make me cringe. In the end they always make me think and that’s how we grow. You’ll hear from me if I disagree as I did with the co-worker issue but I am not afraid to admit where any of my readers have a very valid point.

      • Reply margot |

        Very impressed with your self awareness and your open-mindedness to constructive criticism and personal growth. Those a great traits to have. Some bloggers seem to think that the comment section should only be for cheerleading, and I don’t get how anyone learns and grows by only hearing the positive and only hearing that they are right.

        Couldn’t agree with you more re the importance of therapy and of each person working out their own crap.

        Also, love your commitment to better writing. There’s so much bad writing on blogs and generally. I sometimes want to make grammatical comments but don’t want to seem like a nit-picky bitch. Maybe I’ll make them more on here since you seem open to making everyone’s writing better 🙂

        • Reply margot |

          Another random thought… a helpful way to edit your own writing for sentence length, awkward sentences, excessive reliance on certain things (like ellipses), etc is to read your writing out loud to yourself. Reading it out loud will make it clearer where there needs to be pauses in terms of a period or a comma and where there’s awkward sentence construction.

  • Reply Juhli |

    Setting aside the communication issue, one way to address potential late charges is to plan to pay bills 1 to 7 days in advance of the deadline. That way if you get behind you still have time to make the payment on time.

  • Reply Adam |

    wow, this sucks. not much to add here. can you take the $50-60 bucks you were getting in late fees and use it to rebuild your E-fund or pay down that $300 credit card quicker?

    also, this is tax free weekend coming up if you are still working on wardrobe. i’m not sure if this is a good deal or not, maybe the retailers just raise prices tocompensate.

    • Reply Claire |

      Except that $50-60 per month wasn’t coming from our budget but instead just rolling over and over and over!
      I’m going to do some shopping this coming weekend. I have an unexpected business trip to Dallas on Monday that will require a new, tailored look.

  • Reply Ellen |

    I can relate 100% to this post. I did not realize when i started my get out of debt journey with my husband all the other “stuff” that would be revealed. But debt is a symptom, to putting your head in the sand or leaving the responsibility all to someone else. There were some ugly times with my husband and I became really frustrated with him because I felt we were not on the same page or same book for that matter. But to provide some sunlight to you, we seem to be on the other side of that mountain and I hope that for the both of you. For us it had to be party of the journey so we can live debt free in the future. Thank you for your posts, I always look forward to them.

  • Reply Cathy C. |

    Just pick yourselves up and dust yourselves off. Today is a new day! If it makes you feel any better, I completely fell off the wagon this month and spent nearly all of our extra money that had been going to debt payoff on decorating the house, some new clothes and running shoes, expensive and completely unnecessary craft supplies, etc, etc. and we’re still paying 2 mortgages due to still not having any tenants.

    What’s really bad is I have very little regret over it. We made a huge amount of progress in the last 6 months and I think I just needed a break and a month off. I feel re-energized to dig my heels in again next month and get serious again.

    My husband’s not particularly happy with what I did this month, but we all make mistakes and I’m thankful he’s decided to just let it go and move on.

    • Reply Claire |

      Oh Cathy thank you. This sounds like my month so far. I told myself just this morning there are 2 weeks left where I can turn things around. It happens for sure but my hope is to feel re-energized just like you describe!

  • Reply Albertagurl |

    Just a comment on something you mentioned re your”joint” mortgage with Steve- you state that it is in his name only yet you are also contributing to paying it. Please,please ,please- ensure since your name appears no where on the ownership, that ANY money you are paying on it has documentation somwwhere ( ie: receipts,etc.) that you keep in a safe place. While I am not trying to be a “doomsayer” but if your and Steve’s relationship goes kaput and the home is in his name only , it is he who gets the end result(ie: any monies from it if it has to be sold, the good credit rating for payments which currently as your situation stands is exactly what is happening or the ability to remain in it if the relationship breaks down). You in order to receive ANY benefit from paying on this mortgage, will need to prove that you did hence my comment about keeping paperwork that can be produced if the time comes.

    • Reply Claire |

      Steve is contributing to my debt that is disappearing much more rapidly than the mortgage. I hear what you are saying here but I don’t want my name on that house. The market is not going to turn around any time soon and it is an albatross around our neck at this point. Furthermore, if we got technical it is his $ paying the mortgage, not mine.

      • Reply Albertagurl |

        Hi Claire,
        No- it is not necessary to have your name on the house – I am only suggesting that you keep some kind of paperwork that documents what you are contributing to the mortgage (just so you have proof if the time ever came and are able to also share in any proceeds-at the very least the amount that you paid over a given time-as you are paying on the property).

        PS Caitlin makes a good point abt a specific account only for those fixed expenses such as mortgage,etc

        And JMK- you are right , in Canada we CAN NOT decide when to pay our mortgages in a given month- it is a fixed date that you receive upon your mortgage(or renewal mortgage) and that is that-there is no ability to hold back one’s mortgage payments at any time.

  • Reply JMK |

    Is there some reason the mortgage payment isn’t set up to be automatically pulled from your bank account so it can never be late? Maybe it’s just been my experience, or maybe it’s a Canadian banking thing, but I’ve never been offered the luxury of holding back my mortgage payment and paying it at my discretion a few days late. It’s a bill with a due date. Simple as that.

    Also, see if you can switch to paying every two weeks (not twice a month) which will reduce the amount of interest you pay over the life of the mortgage by thousands. Paying a smaller amount more frequently might help out with your cash flow and reduce the need/temptation to ever pay late. We have our mortgage payment going out automatically every second Monday morning, right after our pay is deposited the previous Wednesday and Friday.

    • Reply Claire |

      The mortgage payment has been floated entirely too often since the beginning. There are a host of reasons for that–some of which are legit, others that are not–but we will be paying timely from here on out. I like the idea of the payment split–thanks for that idea.

      • Reply JMK |

        Make sure you get every two weeks not twice a month – there’s a huge difference. Twice a month is 24 payments a year. Every two weeks is 26 per year. Those two extra payments are where the massive savings on interest happen.

        Here’s a link to one mortgage calculator but every lender has one available. http://www.bmo.com/calculators/mortgagecalculator/index.jsp?lang=en

        I entered the following parameters: $200k mortgage, 25yr amortization, 3.29% (5yr fixed rate)and monthly payments. Click calculate and then amortization table. Monthly payments would be $976.50 and assuming the entire length of the mortgage was done at that 3.29% the interest paid over the life of the mortgage is $92,922.06 on top of the original $200k. Ouch.
        Now, change only the payment frequency to accelerated by-weekly and the bi-weekly payment becomes $488.25 but interest drops to $80,600.11. Over $12k in your pocket just by changing the frequency. In addition most mortgages allow you to make extra payments each year, and increase the amount of your regular bi-weekly payment. At the very least round up your bi-weekly payment to the next even $100. Our mortgage allows us to double our regular payment and also make additional payments every year up to 15% of the original amount of the mortgage. If you combine all three options: increased frequency, increased payments and extra annual payments there’s really no reason a mortgage can’t be repaid in half the time. The mortgage calculator at the link above also lets you test out the impact of increasing your regular payment and special one-time extra payments. It’s very enlightening, and motivating. I wish I’d gotten smart about the options in the first few years of our mortgage when the extra payments have the most impact, but better late than never.

        Once you get free of your monthly debt repayments you’ll have all sorts of cash to throw into extra payments if you want. Imagine the freedom of getting rid of your mortgage a decade earlier than planned.

  • Reply Caitlin |

    I know it is frustrating and “he said, she said” won’t really help at this point. It’s just about making sure that you guys are on the same page now and moving forward.

    Have you thought about keeping a separate account for fixed, required expenses and having things like the mortgage just come out automatically from there each month? It is annoying to set up but once you set it up, it’s autopilot from there. Banks like INGDirect make it super easy to do this. I am thinking having something like this will eliminate some of that assumption on both of your parts and prioritize the bills. Just a suggestion.

    Good luck!

  • Reply jaye |

    I know it’s late to join the conversation – somehow I missed this post. It really hit a nerve though.

    I just wanted to say that my husband and I had similar issues when we switched from him paying the bills to me paying them. When I realized our situation, I did get mad, of course, but I also realized that what he was feeling was shame. My husband was shuffling money around and trying to pay the bills he thought were “important,” meanwhile, we were paying late fees left and right. The fact of the matter is that honesty can be really hard when you feel such shame. Many men feel that the finances are somehow “their” responsibility, and that they should be able to handle them. When they lose control, they feel ashamed. The best thing I did was to just move on and the best thing he did was to let me take charge. We are both happier now that I am in charge of the money. (By the way, our mortgage is paid, on time, by our bank. I don’t think we’ve had a late charge on the mortgage or a credit card since.)

    I feel like many of the people who responded to you are on “your” side. I am, too. But I’ve got to say that it’s so important in a marraige to recognize that there are two people in it – and each has his/her own strengths. It sounds to me like Steve is a really good, patient man who is occassionally overwhelmed. That’s your time to step in and be strong. I’m sure he does the same for you fairly often. Perhaps finances aren’t his best place to shine.

    Meanwhile, I was thinking that if it weren’t money, you might be fighting about politics. Or sex. Or his mother. An occassional blow-out is probably better for a marraige than none.

    Good luck to you and Steve. My husband and I have been married for 18 years. I adore him (most of the time). He is absolutely my best friend. We’ve never had counceling, but we do try to end our arguments, even if it takes a few days. We also try to do fun things together like training for a charity bike ride, running together, walking the dogs every night and on weekends. Maybe if you two could find some time to focus on something other than your finances or your kids – even just a little bit – you might find that friendship that sometimes goes missing in a marraige when things get tough.

    And lastly (and I’ll probably get in trouble for this), Margot reminds me a bit of my grandmother. She used to send me back my thank-you notes corrected with red pen. I don’t think she even enjoyed whatever it was I was trying to say. Certainly not enough to keep it.

    Perhaps this isn’t the place for a grammar lesson? Just my opinion….

    Sorry, I’m really going on. As I said, good luck. I’m sure you’re doing much better.

    • Reply Claire |

      Jaye! OMG at your Grandmother! It isn’t funny but I guess you had to laugh at some point! That is classic! Thank you for sharing everything here. I did move on from the mortgage issue and Steve and I are both getting better at that as time goes on. We have discovered a shared hobby in cooking. We are enjoying our time in the kitchen together so much! AND we’ve even improved at grocery shopping together. Oh my goodness that could have been a sitcom! There’s a blog post in there somewhere as I think back to some of the now comical moments we experienced in the grocery store! LOL!

      This marriage thing is a journey. There is no doubt about that. And I have no doubt that this is the man I want to make this journey with to find success when all is said and done. I love to look back and see how far we’ve already come. I need to be better about doing that when I look forward and worry about the future. I know in my logical brain there is no sense in doing that but my emotional brain often takes over.

      Thanks again Jaye–take care.

So, what do you think ?