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Posts tagged with: thanksgiving

7 Month Update on the Teens’ Budget

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Giving teens their own clothing budget changes the question from “Can I have it?” to “Is it worth spending my money on?”  gonghuimin468/Pixabay

 

Back in February I started a radical experiment…. I started giving my 14-year old twin girls a budget of $100/month each. They have to use that money to buy all of their clothes, shoes, accessories, make-up, skincare, and fancy toiletries (I buy the basics).

I gave a one-month update back in March. But now that we’ve been doing this for much longer, I wanted to give an update and share how its going. There have been a few surprises!

We never did a big “back to school” shopping haul. 

This one surprised me! My girls are shoppers. It’s fascinating to me, because I loathe shopping. I’m a get-in, get-out type of girl. I don’t like window shopping or trying on clothes. I don’t care about name brands (though I do care about quality). In fact, I buy lots of clothing on Amazon! Ha! 

During the first few months of our budget though, it was money in, money out. The girls shopped every month and always had plenty of items on their wish lists.

By the time back-to-school season rolled around, both girls felt like they already had a nice, new, up-to-date wardrobe from the pieces they’d been picking up consistently throughout the spring and summer. They didn’t need anything specific for the start of school, so we skipped the traditional back-to-school shopping entirely.

Both girls have started saving!

This surprised me too! There was definitely a learning curve during which they spent nearly everything they received. Eventually though, their immediate wants were met.

I also think the “fun” of spending someone else’s money has worn off now that it’s their money.

They often say they’re “broke,” and I have to remind them that they have hundreds of dollars sitting in savings specifically for clothes, makeup, and similar purchases. They’re beginning to save for winter items like fashionable boots, sweaters, and hoodies. (As an aside, we live in Arizona, so our winters are extremely mild and no specialized snow gear is needed. I know that stuff can get pricey!)

Sometimes I have to remind them to spend their money.

This is still shocking to me, but the girls talk as if they have no money at all. I have had to remind them to buy new socks and underwear, for example.

Having to use their own money makes them stop and think: Do I really want this enough to pay for it myself?

Sometimes the answer is yes. But often, they decide they don’t want it quite that badly after all.

They’re learning to save for larger purchases.

Both girls have started thinking about new shoes. They like name brand shoes, and the styles they want routinely cost between $100-150.

That’s more than an entire month’s budget, so buying a pair requires some planning. They have to decide whether they want to use money they’ve already saved, set aside money over multiple months, or wait and ask for the shoes as a Christmas gift.

They now understand that spending $20 here and $30 there can prevent them from buying the bigger thing they really want later. They’re learning to prioritize instead of treating every want as a need. And they’re learning to wait instead of expecting to get something immediately.

They are learning the value of a dollar.

Sometimes I worry that I spoil my kids too much. They really have everything they could ever want and more. Far more than I had when I was their age.

That includes everything from the fancy, individually packaged snacks they request (I got generic snacks from a big bag portioned into Ziplocs because that was cheaper!) to holiday decor, vacations, Starbucks trips, and plenty more.

I worry that they sometimes take these things for granted or have come to see nicer purchases as the baseline rather than something special.

Managing their own budgets has made the actual cost of things more visible. A $150 pair of shoes feels different when they know it represents a month and a half of their entire spending budget. They’re also more likely to recognize an expensive gift as something meaningful rather than simply another item they expected to receive.

They still have a very comfortable life. The $100/month was never supposed to be a lesson in deprivation! But they’re beginning to understand that money is finite. Choosing one item often means giving up something else.

Overall, I’m pleased with the experiment. The girls haven’t become perfect budgeters, and they certainly haven’t stopped asking me to buy them all.the.things. But they are saving, planning ahead, questioning impulse purchases, and thinking more carefully about what they truly want.

And honestly, those are habits that many adults are still trying to learn. For now, we’ll keep the experiment going. I’m curious to see what happens when Christmas shopping and winter clothes enter the picture!

Did you learn to budget as a teenager, or did you have to figure it out as an adult? What helped you understand the value of money?

Grieving Alongside My Dad, While Sorting Through What’s Left

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I keep learning something new about grief. It’s not just mine I’m carrying right now…It’s dad’s too.

I’m the caretaker. So most days, I’m not just working through my own loss. I’m walking through his. Both at the same time. That’s a heavier load than I expected, if I’m honest. It’s hard.

GriefShare helps.

Dad is now attending 3 weekly sessions of GriefShare. Some weeks it helps more than others. Some weeks he just sits in the car after, not talking. Some weeks he comes home, full of things he wants to share. But he goes, and it’s helping him. And it’s giving me a break from the heavy. Grief isn’t something you’re supposed to do alone, but it’s also very personal.

GriefShare logo

He’s antsy to get out of the house most days.

He wants to move. Go somewhere. Do something. Anything, really. I understand it. Staying still means sitting with the quiet, and seeing the place where mom no longer lies or the decorations she chose. Looking at the pictures of her.

But coming back after an outing… that’s the hardest part. Walking back through that front door knowing she’s not here. Every single time. I see it on his face before we even park the car.

Dividing the ‘things’.

We had the family meeting.

The one about mom’s things. About what happens to it all now.

Dad said something that stuck with me. He said he’s ready for things to go. Just… ready. And I don’t think that’s about the stuff at all. I think that’s his grief talking. Letting go of objects feels a little like letting go of more loss, and some days he’s ready for that, and some days he’s not.

Now it’s a conversation every single day. What’s he really ready to release. What should stay a while longer. We’re not rushing it.

Right now we’re dividing things up based on what means something. The nostalgia. The memory attached. Not the dollar value. Not yet.

But some things do need real numbers put to them. A few pieces need to be appraised properly before we can even talk about dividing them fairly. That part is slower. More formal. It doesn’t fit as easily into a family sitting around a table over lunch on a Saturday afternoon.

Financial oversight.

I’m helping dad close accounts. And find ones we didn’t know existed. We are consolidating and documenting. Updating to avoid taxes and probate as much as we can. And I’ve got 4 years of their tax returns to file.

This has been its own kind of work. Some accounts needed closing outright. Others… we found accounts none of us knew he and mom had. That happens more than people think. It means slow, careful digging. Patience. Paperwork.

And through every bit of it, I’ve made sure my siblings see what I see. Every account. Every dollar. Every decision. Being transparent with them matters more to me than being fast. This is too important to let trust get shaky over money.

Grieving through it all, but maybe a bit hopeful too.

The tears show up at different times. For different reasons.

Sometimes it’s a bill with mom’s name still on it. Sometimes it’s dad’s face after GriefShare. Sometimes it’s nothing at all… just a Tuesday, and it hits anyway. Grief doesn’t run on a schedule. I’ve stopped expecting it to.

For the first time in a long time, I feel something else creeping in alongside the fog and the grief. Clarity. A little bit of my own dreams coming back into focus. Different but there again.

I’m starting to think about my future again. Not close. Not soon. I’m committed to staying with dad for as long as he needs me, and that’s not changing. But somewhere down the road, there’s a version of my life waiting for me again.

And just being able to see that far ahead… after everything… that feels like hope.

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