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Negative Net Worth…

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Buried somewhere deep inside my life insurance application is an awful question…

‘What is your total net worth?’

I calculated my mortgage debt, subtracted my tiny home value, added my student loan debt and my auto loan debt, and then subtracted my liquid cash. The total? An astonishingly huge negative number representing my net worth.

Not wanting to stop at the large, large, large negative number, I added the amount in our retirement accounts (though technically locked up for the next 27 years under mounds of government and ESOP paperwork).

I landed at a number closer to zero but still negative none the less.

I received the following question from my insurer:

PLEASE EXPLAIN WHY YOUR TOTAL NET WORTH IS A NEGATIVE NUMBER.

Yes, they wrote it in all caps. As if I needed a reminder that I’ve made some pretty large financial snafus. Little do they know that if my number landed anywhere close to zero, they’d find me dancing excitedly like a lunatic on top of the bus I take every day.

I sent a long explanatory e-mail to the agent and figured she’d understand. Instead, I received a disdainful, ‘Fine. I’ll alert your Case Manager.’

Certainly I can’t be the only one with an insanely underwater mortgage that throws off my net worth right? Let’s do a poll. Is your net worth a positive or negative number?

And if you see 14 comments after I post this that say ‘positive’ and you’re about to say ‘positive’ as well, say ‘negative’ just to make me feel better.

Have mercy.


Grandma Shoe Investment…

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If you read yesterday’s post, you know I’m ‘grandma shoe’ bound while my foot heals from a tendon injury.

I tried to remember the last time I owned a pair of flats and I think I can pinpoint it to 16 years ago. My mom let my wear my first set of heels at 14. Sure, they were only an inch or two high, but it was the beginning of a love affair.

This morning, after I safety pinned my pant legs up 5 inches, I headed to work. As I walked from the train to my office, I missed the loud click clack of my high heels but…

Holy cow…

Since when is it possible for shoes to feel like this? Each step felt like a hug from a plush pillow! I was ready to write a sonnet about my love for the new shoes! Why has this amazing secret been kept for so long!?!?!

I’m trying to be optimistic about my injury. I’m disappointed at the financial setback (even though it isn’t huge) and the pain is, at times, nearly unbearable but hey, the injury probably kept me from being the only 70 year old sporting stilettos.


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