by Ashley
Want to talk about a surprise budget-buster (the last one I discussed….cheese! mmmmmm, cheese, mmmmm!)
Try this one on for size…. One of my good friends just got engaged.
Uh oh!
I didn’t even see this coming. Almost all of my friends did the wedding thing a few years ago, and now we’re all onto the “baby” stage of life. But when we were all getting married, she was going through a tough break-up from her long-term boyfriend. Then when we started having kids she started dating this new guy. They’ve been together for almost 2 years now so it shouldn’t be a surprise, but when she told me the good news my first reaction was….fear. Isn’t that terrible!? I should be happy for her! Instead I’m secretly worrying: oh no, is she going to ask me to be a bridesmaid???
I have been in my share of weddings. And I have been happy to do it – I love my friends and am honored to share in part of their special day!
But this was all pre-debt payoff journey.
And now my friend is texting me pictures of gowns and telling me of plans for bachelorette trips and this and that and it leaves my head spinning.
So now I’m left with this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. She hasn’t asked me to be a bridesmaid so maybe my fears are totally unfounded. But it could be just a matter of time. And anyone who has been in a wedding knows the costs involved with being a bridesmaid: the dress, the shoes, the trips, the gifts, throwing showers, bachelorette parties, etc. etc. etc. I can make room in my budget to attend a wedding and shower and have gifts for both. But I don’t have the funds to actually participate as a bridal-party member.
So I hope this doesn’t sound presumptuous, but should she ask me to be a bridesmaid….what do I say? Just to give some background on our relationship, we met 5 years ago, really didn’t start being “friends” until about 3 years ago (after I was already married so she wasn’t part of my wedding, etc.), but we’ve been close since then. When I had the twins I do not know what I would have done without her support and friendship. We do not have family and very few friends in the state so I rarely left the house for the first 6-9 months because it was too difficult. She would go out of her way to come over, hang out, often bringing food, so I could have some adult interaction. She threw me a baby shower, showered me with gifts while pregnant and again after the girls’ birth. Her whole family (who are all Tucson residents) has outpoured their love and hospitality on our family – inviting us over for dinners, swimming (her parents have a pool), and the occasional unexpected baby gift (e.g., cute little outfit). In some way, I feel like after all she has done for me that the least I could do is help her feel special for her upcoming nuptials. I feel like I owe it to her.
But why then, does it leave me feeling sick to my stomach to think about the potential costs involved?
Ugh! Help me!
