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Avoiding Binge Spending

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The last few weeks have been tough. You know the type. It seems like everything that could go wrong, did. I work hard on stress relief. I lean toward high anxiety and stress is always a low hum in my life, even in the best of times. Lately, well, it’s been crazy. Rather than go for a run or do yoga, I have either crawled into bed with a glass of wine and a box of chocolates and binge watched Netflix or binge shopped on Amazon. Ugh. I knew things were bad when a box showed up at the door and I had no clue what was inside. This week, I’m working to get it under control. When I realize I’m overwhelmed and likely to be stupid, I stick by three standby responses:

1) Delay. If I deny, I fail instantly. If I think I’ll NEVER get something, I’ll cave immediately. Instead, I tell myself that I can order or eat whatever I want…if I can remember exactly what it was when I get home. Chances are very high that a) I’ll forget or b) decide it wasn’t what I wanted anyway.

2) Distract. Most of my bad actions are because I’m bored or tired and the stress is felt more deeply. I’ve been going for a walk at lunch daily to give myself a midday boost. It also keeps my away from my computer…and Amazon. I’ve also been telling myself that I can eat as much chocolate as I want if I eat a whole food first (like an orange, apple, bell pepper, etc.). When I eat something healthy first, I’m usually pretty good at resisting an entire bag of chocolate. Oh trust me, I definitely EAT THE CHOCOLATE, I’m not a robot. But I eat less if I distract myself first.

3) Forgive. Yup. There are some days I spend too much money. Rather than think I’m terrible with my budget and I might as well give up forever, I forgive myself and MOVE ON. It’s so easy to overspend then continue in that trend because you’ve already made a mess but DON’T.

What are your tips for preventing overspending when stressed? Freeze your debit cards? Make money difficult to get? Because these days, I’m open to suggestions!

Blending your money

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Up until this point, my fiance and I have kept very separate finances. About 6 months ago, we got shared credit card account as I was booking all our travel back and forth between Atlanta and Philadelphia. It just made sense to have a shared card we could both access and pay on. It’s got a small limit, that we were both comfortable with as we dipped our toes in shared finance world. We truly only use it for those travel expenses – airfare, Uber rides and occasionally a meal. It has worked very well and caused no dissent.

I have to be honest, money was ALWAYS an issue in my marriage that ended almost 13 years ago. Those who have been following my story know some of the terrible decisions I made on that front and what it cost me.

As time has gone on, we discuss our money but not real details. He knows this blog site exists but I am not certain he has read many of my posts. And he most definitely knows my financial goal to be debt free in the next two years.

Married and money

I have absolutely no idea how to approach marriage and money. Everything we read and hear says that merging money and the accompanying decisions is key to wedded bliss and success. We want that…the wedded bliss and success part. Merging money is pretty scary. (And yes, I am a control freak and scared of my past mistakes.)

black and white hands

He has one child, fully grow and independent. I have five, with three still pretty dependent on me. He has been amazing! He budgeted money for each of them for Christmas. He hears them call me to ask for money for this or that…and he calls them and says “your mom now has a partner, you can call me too.” I mean, he is AMAZING!

But how does this work…is there a book on this? Guidelines? Best practices? I would love to hear from BAD readers who have blended their families on what their experiences have been?

I want to protect him from my bad mistakes and protect my children’s interests (we have discussed the what if something happens kind of situations, etc.)

Any resources, words of wisdom here?

We have picked a wedding date, but we haven’t picked a year. Thinking this year or next. I am not even certain I want a wedding as the thought of the planning, the dressing up and the money over whelm me. And I’m such an introvert, I think I would much prefer to use the $$ to have a spectacular family trip/honeymoon. He 100% supports whatever I decide. God truly knew what he was doing when He chose him for me. I am so loved and cherished and it’s made such a big difference in my life.