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Mental Work to Do


I saw a complaint about me not responding to comments. I apologize for that. Between my two jobs, I am staying really, really busy (not a complaint, just facts.)  I’m in bed early every night and up before the sun to go again.

However, I do read them, every single one. They are delivered to my Inbox and I scan them throughout the day. Some make me laugh (fake me, fake family = theatre troup), some make me mad (I know that’s on me because no one can make you feel), some embarrass me and make me feel shame for the terrible choices I have made and continue to make, and then there’s those that make sense and open my eyes a bit.

Mental Health

Like ADHD? I’ve never considered that. And have a hard time wrapping my brain around it really. I have run my life off lists and calendars for ever. I run my work life the same. Everything is calendared, months in advance. Every day I run through checklists for what needs to be done, both personally and professionally.

Anyone who has read here long knows that I am just coming out of a HUGE transition time in my life. The last several years have been nothing but dramatic changes, important people exiting my life (my failed engagement about killed me), and the kids all being grown and moving away (yeah for them, incredibly sad and overwhelming for me).

I am just now learning to embrace my normal. Setting boundaries. And learning and embracing who I am as middle aged woman.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before, but I am on a low dose anti-depressant (Lexapro). I’ve been on it for the most part since all the challenges with Gymnast as a teenager that led to him moving to his dad’s for his 7th/8th grade year of school.

But maybe…

Maybe there is more work to do. Maybe some time with a counselor is needed. Please keep it up with the tough love. Please keep pointing me in the right direction. I promise I’m listening.


  • Reply Klm |

    If you have access to a good therapist, I don’t think it would hurt. You certainly have been through a lot lately and maybe they can help you recognize some patterns in your behavior that you’d like to change. At the risk of being a keyboard therapist, do you think that your financial support of Princess—well beyond what you provided your other kids—is a way to hold on to your “Mom” identity? Just food for thought.

    • Reply Hope |

      I have thought of that. I certainly do relish being needed a bit.
      But just to clarify, since the kids were young, they were all told I would help as long as they were in school. And then when they chose to go out on their own, my support would end (everyone of them had 6 months of “help” post graduation or end of schooling, etc.) So while my support for Princess has gone on longer, she is the only one who pursued a 4 year degree.
      It’s not a favoritism thing, it’s a support while you are in school thing. Just to clarify. They all had the same offer, some just took different paths.

  • Reply M |

    i made the comment about adhd, your impulsivity is my main concern and link to it
    Making lists and being organized is a copying mechanism you created in order to adapt to this world. While a neurotypical person’s list is often concise and manageable, an ADHD list may seem never-ending. This is because adhd people tend to overthink and pressure themselves to achieve perfection.
    adhd affects attention (hence doing the list), impulsiveness and restlessness.
    adhd affects females different than males. there are many degrees of it. affects relationships and in adulthood looks very different than when you were a child. some signs: changing jobs/passions frequently. Many things will pop in your brain as a new idea. Hyperfocus. Altered sense of time (using many alarms is a survival tool you might use), feeling restless, emotional sensitivity and the need to feel loved, difficulty keeping partners, Poor financial planning skills and impulsive spending, low self esteem
    i am not an expert on adhd, i do live with two of them hahaha!, take a test, go see a doctor and find treatment. it is totally doable to get those things under control and achieve your full potential!, good luck

So, what do you think ?