by Hope
All of my kids are coming home from Christmas.
They have bought their own airline tickets, taken off work, and are already calling excitedly with plans and ideas.
For a mom who has done everything in my power to guide them and teach them how to adult well, I am so humbled that spending time together, using their precious time off and own resources to make it happen, is a priority for not 1, not 2, not 3…but all 5 of my kids.
Our cozy home will once again house us all even if it’s just for a couple of days!
Christmas Gifts
As a family we have already discussed a plan for gifts since everyone is pretty tight this year. This is what we have come up with…
- There will be 8 of us for Christmas – me, my 5 kids, plus two significant others.
- Everyone is to create a wishlist with prices ranging between $10-25 and share it with the family.
- Based on their budget, people will spend between $10-25 per person. The same amount for each person. Which means, Christmas will cost between $70 to $175. each.
- And we will have a family birthday celebration at the same time since the twin’s birthday, Beauty’s birthday, and my birthday all fall in this last quarter.
We all agreed that this was doable and took the pressure off, while making it fair for everyone.
We briefly played with the idea of drawing names, but the reality is with the way our family is formed, there are some ties that are stronger than others. That’s just to be expected. And as a result, some siblings prioritize other siblings over others. The plan we came up with avoided any hurt feelings or people getting “less.”
Navigating a blended family, however, it is formed, can be very tricky. Have you had to get creative with your own family for either financial or emotional reasons?
Hope is a creative, solutions-focused business manager helping clients grow their business and work more efficiently by leveraging expertise in project management, digital marketing, & tech solutions. She’s recently become an empty nester as her 5 foster/adoptive kids have spread their wings. She lives with her 5 dogs in a small town in NE Georgia and prefers the mountains to the beaches any day. She struggles with the travel bug and is doing her best to help each of her kids as their finish schooling and become independent (but it’s hard!) She has run her own consulting company for almost twenty years! Hope began sharing her journey with the BAD community in the Spring of 2015 and feels like she has finally in a place to really focus on making wise financial decisions.
Another idea for Christmas is to do a white elephant? My family does them, it means everyone just has to bring 1 present and cuts down on the worrying about getting a large group of people presents.
That is what I wanted to suggest. This way, everyone gets a gift but no one is spending almost $200 on their familiy. I have way too many family members, LOL!
I am glad everyone will be home! There are ways to get around spending $175 on Christmas gifts per person – that is over $1400.00 altogether at the max end. You just got ahead on the necessities, and I know you’ll be spending way more on $175 when they are in town!!
I read that as 70-175 per buyer not per person. As a couple that was broke broke in our early 20s, even that budget would feel like too much.
Hope, please remember to do Christmas with your head instead of your heart.
Yes, it is 70 to 175 per adult – which correct, feels like a big age. Even my siblings who have double income homes would probably not want to spend that per person in my family – we are way bigger than Hope’s. I think this Christmas is a great time to start proving that less is more. One gift each, white elephant, simple movies at home etc – just being in the same space together.
It’s $10 per person…which was the budget agreed on by the kids. Although some wanted to designate more so we capped it at $25 per person. Since we discussed early on, it gave them several months to budget for it.
They are all here at the same time for 24 hours. We will eat, play games – our typical holiday traditions. But we agreed to only spend $10 per person, for a total spend of $70.
Ok, once no one is overspending that is great. I hope everyone has an amazing time. I think it’s just more so, everyone could have spend $25 on a gift for one person only, you know? And you as mama, you’re going to want to love on and fuss over them, which may have you overspending (unless you have budgeted for this too!)
If money is tight for everyone why not skip gift giving? You don’t need to exchange gifts to celebrate Christmas and being together.
Hope, I hope that you don’t take this as an attack or a personal insult. I’ve been reading your blog for years and I’ve been really worried about you & your family’s long term future for most of that time.
Do you now worry that your kids have learned, watching you over the years, to prioritize travel and family time at the expense of their own financial wellbeing?
Using a recent example – in early January 2023 you posted about what a fantastic time you and your family had in NYC over the holidays, spending just under $6500. By the end of that month, you were facing an upcoming job loss, Beauty had legal fees, and Gymnast had wrecked a car. The money that was spent on the NYC trip would have been very useful at that point, but it was already gone.
Are any of your children risking putting themselves in a similar situation in 2024 by spending money on airplane tickets and gifts instead of building up their savings? Would they be able to handle a major car issue or job loss in January?
Would it be financially easier on them to suggest that they visit outside of the peak holiday season instead?
Would it take some financial pressure off of your kids to them spend a maximum $50 on a game or activity for the family to do together instead of individual gifts?
I sincerely hope that you are asking yourself these questions as you plan this and future holidays. Wishing you and your family all the best in the long term.
I appreciate your perspective, I really do. I encouraged them all to prioritize their needs over travel home for the holiday. But I think, like me maybe, that being with family is very important. We learned that hard lesson last Thanksgiving when we spent it with my Uncle not realizing he would die a week later.
We will all be together for just 24 hours as people are coming and going at different times due to work and finances so we will make the most of it here at home.
Instead of exchanging gifts (which let’s admit it – nobody wants those $10 gifts anyway) why don’t you suggest each person bring an activity to do together? Like a new game, movie or puzzle? Or each person bring the ingredients to a dish or dip or dessert and spend the time cooking together instead? It sounds like none of you is in the place financially to buy gifts and creatively spending time together would make a better memory anyway.
We actually do games every Christmas Eve and always cook together. It is indeed the best of times!
My family lives 3000 miles away from where I live. Instead of traveling in November or December to see them for only a couple days but still pay $$$$, I visit them in July. Plane tickets are cheaper, it’s easier to take off work, etc. We still celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas, just in July. (my aunt buys two turkeys in November so we have one to cook over the summer) It doesn’t matter to us what the month is, just that we are together. Just a thought for future years- the day on the calendar doesn’t matter as much as the time spent together.
I’ve heard of this before. Also heard of families celebrating in January to take advantage of the post-holiday sales. I think my mom wishes she had moved my birthday celebration to the summer, but by the time she heard of it, it was too late. (I am a Christmas baby.)
I spent several holidays alone as a young adult, by choice. And then I would travel to where my parents were some years. At this juncture, I felt like I wanted to relieve all the kids of the pressure to come home for the holidays, but leave it up to them.
I am grateful they all chose to come home. But there may be times when they can’t, don’t want to, or have other priorities. I respect their decision but will always leave the door open.