by Hope
Gymnast and I had a tough conversation last week. I was at my lowest and saw no other way. I had to back out of my commitment of helping him out for 6 months after he moved out and ask him to begin taking on the bills I was paying at the now 3 month mark.
He wasn’t taken by surprise. I cried. I apologized. And I felt terrible in every way possible.
I couldn’t have asked for a better, more compassionate response. He said he understand, he wasn’t upset, and to give me a few days to process. That’s where we left it.
He was Listening
Several days later, I received several notices in a row. Gymnast sent me $1,800. And then called to ask if it was enough.
He covered the month of insurance (for all 4 of us on the policy,) his car payment, and his phone bill. I didn’t not anticipate that at all. And I was so grateful.
But more than that, I am so freaking proud! My son has been paying rent to my sister, his own groceries, his own gas, etc. And he has been saving to move into his own place. SAVING! My hard to raise, hard-headed, high maintenance son is doing it.
Going Forward
Now all this happened before I secured work to cover the bills for the rest of the year. And we did have a follow up conversation.
He is going to send $600 a month for the time being. This will cover his car payment and his phone bill with a little left over toward the insurance bill. And then we will re-evaluate in January, when he was supposed to take over his bills to adjust as needed.
At the same time, he is going to do some research on getting his own insurance, and I need to find out how this all will work if we don’t re-finance the car and it has to stay in my name.
Personal Note: From the comments, I get the impression that most people do not agree with my decision to help support my adult children. Especially when I’m under-employed. I recognize that making financial decisions with my heart has been the crux of my bad decisions over and over again. But I cannot change my desire and commitment to launch my kids with as little financial burden as possible. I guess that is my priority over debt. But as they finish school, I promise I am wholly committed to getting my own financial house in order.
Hope is a creative, solutions-focused business manager helping clients grow their business and work more efficiently by leveraging expertise in project management, digital marketing, & tech solutions. She’s recently become an empty nester as her 5 foster/adoptive kids have spread their wings. She lives with her 5 dogs in a small town in NE Georgia and prefers the mountains to the beaches any day. She struggles with the travel bug and is doing her best to help each of her kids as their finish schooling and become independent (but it’s hard!) She has run her own consulting company for almost twenty years! Hope began sharing her journey with the BAD community in the Spring of 2015 and feels like she has finally in a place to really focus on making wise financial decisions.
At his age I did not have $1800.00 to give to my parents – I was working towards my first year of school. I am glad he is able to help contribute. I hope you’re able to keep cutting expenses and bringing in income.
I know, right! I was so proud and a bit shocked by his generosity and ease of giving.
Definitely continuing to cut expenses and work on drumming up business, especially ongoing business versus one off projects.