by Hope
My grandmother has been safely ensconced and quarantined in her room at the assisted living facility. The twins continue their work and service activities as normal. And the littles and I are sticking close to home. (We are going to pack a picnic get out of the house for a bit tomorrow to go for a hike at one of our many local mountains.)
We continue to be in storm mode financially, saving income and deferring any non-essential purchases. Despite the plan for History Buff to buy a new to him car when Sea Cadet returned from Americorp, we have decided to put that off for the time being. (He’s been driving Sea Cadet’s car since last fall, after selling his car.) No reason to add additional car maintenance and insurance costs when my car is mostly sitting.
Unexpected Expense
I did have to purchase a new faucet and shut off valves for my bathroom as it sprung a leak and neither of the shut off valves work. Because nothing has been updated since this home was built 50+ years ago, my friend who helps with all my maintenance suggested this would be the best course of action. I know my landlord will reimburse me, but since he’s in his 80s I didn’t want to bother him at a time when he shouldn’t be out, so we are just taking care of it for now.
Got unexpected expenses? Consider a personal loan
My Grandmother is Now Completely Isolated
The BAD community does not like how I have handled things with my youngest son or my Grandmother. While you may not believe it or see it, we took necessary precautions and had approval from the powers that be (ie doctors, my uncles and my mom) for my children to visit before she was tucked away for the foreseeable future.
I guess since we have been facing her cancer for almost months now and then complications from her surgery in January, we had long discussed that she and we wanted her to have quality of life, not quantity. We make the best decisions for our family. Just as you must do for yours. She will be quarantined to her room in the assisted living facility with no visitors allowed other than her healthcare staff. We will only be able to see her through the window.
We will have to agree to disagree on this, as I have no regrets about the quality time we had together. Nor do I regret letting my kids show her how much she is loved. If we are saying goodbye, this is how I (and she) wanted it. Gymnast will be absolutely broken when she goes. And to have denied him those final hugs and pictures and memories would have been the worst thing I could have done. I’m sorry if you disagree. (And this is not because of our fear of the COVID virus, but rather her being 92 and already in failing health.)
Clearing Up Confusion
With History Buff working at Home Depot and Sea Cadet being a first responder ie volunteer firefighter/EMT, I have little need to get out. So those that have commented on my “lalalala” and “bouncing around,” I don’t have to, my sons are out.
That being said, we have implemented stringent “coming home” procedures for them both to make sure they are not bringing anything home. We are also thoroughly cleaning our home on a daily basis. Most likely, we will be relaxing this a bit with our care for Grandmother being over.
We are well stocked for the long haul, are getting lots of outdoors time and doing our very best to make the best of what to me is a wonderful time with all my kids home. Since I’m a homebody and complete introvert, being home is where I shine.
I apologize that I don’t reply to EVERY comment, but I just don’t have the time to donate to the rants and criticisms all the time. But I do read them. And always appreciate the support. It’s hard to give you a full view of one’s life through a 300+ word essay. But I certainly appreciate those who can read through the lines and know that I would never intentionally put someone, especially those I love the most in any harm.
I hope you are all safe and enjoying this increased time with your family.
Hope is a creative, solutions-focused business manager helping clients grow their business and work more efficiently by leveraging expertise in project management, digital marketing, & tech solutions. She’s recently become an empty nester as her 5 foster/adoptive kids have spread their wings. She lives with her 5 dogs in a small town in NE Georgia and prefers the mountains to the beaches any day. She struggles with the travel bug and is doing her best to help each of her kids as their finish schooling and become independent (but it’s hard!) She has run her own consulting company for almost twenty years! Hope began sharing her journey with the BAD community in the Spring of 2015 and feels like she has finally in a place to really focus on making wise financial decisions.
This isn’t about you endangering the ones you love, this is about you endangering all of the residents and staff at the nursing home.
Poor healthcare workers. Who cares about their health? Good thing Gymnast got his hugs though. It sounds like the nursing home is actually quarantining her but I feel really bad for the nurses.
Other commenters, is Hope ignorant or selfish?
She the scariest kind. The willfully ignorant and selfish person who believes themselves smart.
I don’t think she’s ignorant. I think it’s a combination of a couple of things. One, she has the good fortune to be in a part of the country that hasn’t been severely affected – yet. So I think she doesn’t believe it’s as bad as it actually is, similar to how she isn’t sure she needs health insurance. I also live in an area that isn’t as bad – yet. And there are people who still say it’s a hoax, or overhyped by the media, or the democrats trying to take down trump. (As a physician, I can say with my own eyes, literally none of that is true. It’s worse really, and it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better).
And two, Hope is going to do what hope wants to do. We’ve seen that with her finances for years.
To repeat what I said on her last post about this, the major problem is that, before Hope was only placing her family at risk. Now her choices have the potential to devastate people outside of her family, and her attitude, to me anyway, seems unapologetic.
Reminds of this past week where I live, there were a lot of parents with their kids crawling all over playground equipment, after playgrounds had been closed. Journalists confronted them and they parents said things like ‘we are outside in the air, what’s wrong?’, ‘hey you can’t get on parents about this, the kids are going crazy inside’, as well as the typical ‘it’s not real’ ‘media is hyping this up’ etc, etc.
Unfortunate for others. If there is any karma, it would be people like this who get it first and worst. In my opinion.
It seems that people in rural areas feel that they are “immune” to this virus. However, I would not want to be in a rural area at this time – those small town hospitals are not equipped for this kind of thing and will be overwhelmed in no time.
How do you not get this? NOBODY should be visiting elderly relatives or assisted living facilities right now, because of ALL the residents, not just the ones you’re related to. You are a terrible granddaughter and a terrible mother.
Hope doesn’t care about the staff. This is why the virus is spreading like crazy. She is only concerned with herself.
At this point the horse is dead since grandma is already at the facility. Hopefully grandma does not have the corona virus that she passes on to an aide who then passes it on to another resident whose family never got to weigh in on whether or not someone from a heavily infected area should or should not have been quarantined. Hopefully the facility still has PPE and the aides assigned to her understand that grandma has had contact with someone that was young and therefore could be asymptomatic. At this point praying for a good outcome is the best all can do since the decision has been already made and executed.
You may be making what you think are the best decisions for your family, but you aren’t for the rest of the world. It’s not just your family you are affecting with these decisions, it is everyone you come in contact with, and everyone your grandmother comes in contact with. You don’t get it, but I think you don’t want to get it, you just want to enjoy your time with your kids at home as you see fit, who cares how it affects anyone else. You can try to justify it all you want but you are acting selfish.
My mom is in the hospital in ICU in quarantine since last Friday fighting for her life. She was mostly at home so, we wonder how and when she got it. We are pulling our hair out to figure out if we did something wrong and to figure out how she got the virus. She went to a grocery store once in three weeks and received a package by way of cargo. That was all it took. So, if the commenters are harsh, they have a point. Hope, you can never know what it feels like. All of us are isolating ourselves hoping that she will make it so that, we can take care of her when and if she comes out of the hospital. You do sound very headstrong and I hope, you and your family go through this pandemic without being affected. But, here is my question: How would you feel if someone who was lax about taking precautions gave the virus to your grandma?
I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. I will pray for her complete healing.
Yes, this is a very scary time, an invisible enemy per se.
And I guess I don’t think like that. I would not look for someone to blame or consider someone lax. There are just too many variables. There is no 100% way of being safe from this…groceries, bottom of shoes, metal door handles, deliveries.
I would and will deal with what came as I have with every other situation we have faced.
But you made that decision for other people because of this attitude. It’s incredibly selfish.
It’s so hard to know what to say when faced with the worry and the hurt that comes from loving deeply ,just know that your family will be in my prayers T’pol.
Thank you!
I don’t understand you Hope. If a loved one of mine got sick I would be racking my brain to think how did they get it. You are in such a different world than alot if us. It’s like healthcare, your not sure should people have it. I hope for all involved no one in your family or the faculty your grandmother is in gets it.
Oh my gosh, T’Pol – prayers for you and your mom. This is so, so scary. I cant imagine what you and your family are going through. It’s just too much to think that this can happen to any of us with no warning. Please take care, keep us updated
Thank you!
Oh no, T’pol I am so very sorry your family is going through this. Love and prayers for a complete recovery for your mom ??
T’pol I am so sorry to hear about your mother. I will keep her in my prays. I have followed your blog for awhile. I have always marveled at what a caring relationship you have with her??
Hope I fear you are going to have a lot to deal with in a very short while.
Thank you!
I understand where you’re coming from but it’s still hard to stomach, because if everyone thinks of themselves as an exception like you do (and I’m sure everyone could come up with unique reasons they do not have to follow the guidelines), this thing will continue to spread everywhere. I’m so scared for the vulnerable populations in our country. :-/ :-/
Hope, what you clearly have not considered or seem to get, it that although YOU and YOUR family are comfortable with what could happen if g’ma was exposed and got COVID 19, your choices are affecting countless other people in a very fragile atmosphere. If G’ma has it, she can easily pass it to her caregivers and on to the other patients/those living there. The caregivers can also bring it home with them. My daughter just got home from 4 months away in a foreign country, I didn’t even hug her-just set keys in a car for her, waved at her from 10 feet away and sent her off for her quarantine for 2 weeks. THAT is what is required. People are DYING alone in ICU because families aren’t allowed in with their loved ones at this time. Im really blown away by this total lack of thinking about the big picture here. In this situation you don’t live in a vacuum. I hope this doesn’t go really bad, in Washington 23 people in the same assisting living died of COVID and over 80 were diagnosed. That started with one person. I really root for you, but you blew this big time.
And as such, she is in quarantine for 2 weeks to make sure she does not have it and could pass it on to anyone.
The same caregivers who began coming to her house, are now caring for her there. Everything has been done to minimize her exposure and others.
Sea Cadet who was in Puerto Rico and did fly home did not go near her.
No matter what everyone says, we followed all doctors orders and believe me, she has a lot of them.
And she was moved to this facility to protect her from the outside world, not just my family, but my uncles and there families who were taking turns caring for her at nights and weekends. And she was quarantined to protect others there, as were the other residents they moved in.
I don’t understand your thought process at all. Puerto Rico the whole island has 79 cases and 3 deaths. Illinois has 3026 and 34 deaths with over 1400 of the cases in Chicago. Why would you isolate your older child ,who on paper, appears less exposed? Nevermind it really does not matter since as I said before it’s already done. We’ll all just have to hope and pray this ends well.
Hope, please try to put your defensiveness down, and listen to what people are saying here. I have always supported you, and I know that you love your family deeply. What you did by letting your son come into close contact with you, your grandmother and your other children working out in the community was wrong and irresponsible. Chicago has been shut down because of the unchecked spread of a deadly disease. Frankly no one should be leaving Chicago and spreading this to unaffected areas. Your ex has proven yet again how irresponsible he is. If Gymnast **had** to come home, you should have treated it seriously and quarantined for 14 days. This isn’t a question of “what is right for your family”. Its a question of what is right. For your community, for your state, for health care workers, for people trying to shop at home depot. You have, and had **NO** idea if gymnast was infected. The only responsible thing to do was quarantine. This wasn’t a call for you to make. It wasn’t a call for your grandmother or your aunts and uncles. There was only one thing to do, and you didn’t do it. Why? Because Gymnast wanted hugs? That’s completely unacceptable. I hope that you do some serious reflection on this. Read on what is happening in Italy and Spain. See how many healthcare workers are dying as a result of similar irresponsible actions. Start taking your obligations to other people seriously. I dont expect you to admit you were wring to the blog audience. Admitting you are wrong in such a public place after getting a scolding from everyone here would be very hard, I get it. But I hope you at least admit it to yourself and isolate yourself and anyone else exposed to
Gymnast.
When Gymnast went to GA, IL was not yet on lockdown. Our lock down did not start until Saturday the 21. According to what Hope wrote, he went down the week before. While she said that his dad drove him down instead of them putting him on a plane, I don’t think that either one of them really thought this through.
This whole situation sounds absolutely ridiculous. Hope, you have put everyone around you at risk more than once. For one, Gymnast going down there. 2. Even though Sea Cadet had no contact with your grandmother, you had contact with him and then contact with your grandmother. Even without symptoms, you have the possibility of spreading it. 3. History buff going to work everyday, puts you all in danger everyday. It doesn’t matter what you make him do as he enters the door. If he gets it, he get it, and there’s no stopping him from spreading it if you are all together. I know you are happy to have all your kids home. Being a mom, I get that. but also being a mom, I would think that you would be on beast mode right now! Seeing that Princess has asthma and that’s one of the groups within the population they say are most likely to get it, and you have diabetes, which is also a group that is more likely to get it, you would think you would be smarter about this. Whether you want to admit it or not; (which you won’t) you have failed to protect your family properly. You have this “it won’t happen to me” mentality and it’s alarming. Just because there hasn’t been any cases in your town, does not mean there won’t be.
We certainly don’t have a “it can’t happen to us attitude” more of a “we are as prepared as we can be.” Since we began caring for my Grandmother on a daily basis back in early January, we have been following medically mandated procedures here at home.
My beast mode means Gymnast comes home where 1) there is someone home all the time and 2) someone with computer knowledge to help with online schooling. We anticipated and were advised even before his school was closed that it was coming so the decision had already been made of what to do with him since his father is a truck driver whose work is now critical to the supply chain. I would not want him alone in a hot spot of this virus under any circumstances.
Glad you all are doing well. Prayers for your grandma for a smooth transition.
I just wanted to thank you Hope, for being transparent. Maybe others would not make the same choices but my gosh woman, you have thick skin and I am proud of your strength. Some of these comments are so incredibly harsh.
I wish you strength and grace as you continue to work through your challenges. May we all have such gift to make perfect choices as some commenters here do but until then, we continue to learn and share.
Best of luck to you and yours. Hoping for the best for everyone.
Hope – I understand there was no malicious intent in your decisions, but it doesn’t change what the results of those decisions are. People are being harsh as they see the implications of them. Perhaps seeing what has happened in other seniors centres may help you understand how tragic your lack of foresight is:
https://toronto.ctvnews.ca/nine-residents-of-bobcaygeon-ont-long-term-care-home-die-following-covid-19-outbreak-1.4873991
it seems like a theme – this lack of foresight has wreaked havoc on your finances, and now you could literally be killing people.
Seattle had several outbreaks in nursing homes as well. And that pattern has been repeated in many other locations as well. Additionally, the fatality rate in the elderly is much higher than the average death rate for all ages.
Even my 5 year old niece understands, through the teaching of her parents, that we all just have to stay home for a while. We recently met up, so that I could give them extra toilet paper I had. My SIL opened the back of their vehicle, walked away, and I tossed it in the back from a distance, where it will sit for at least 72 hrs. After that we had a short exchange of pleasantries from more than 6 feet away, with my niece yelling ‘we have to stay away cause of the virus!’ And now we have scheduled face time visits and online workouts together.
We are only two generations out from ‘the greatest generation’. We cannot be so decadent, weak, and selfish that we cannot make these small sacrifices for the greater good. If we are, then I fear for us as country.
I don’t think its a good time to be critical of anyone right now. We are all doing the best we can. Good luck to you.