Can we talk about something a little more…errr, personal today???
If you’re a newer reader, my husband (32 yrs.) and I (31 yrs.) have twin 2.5 year old daughters. We love them oh so much and our roles as parents. Buuuuut, we don’t want to do it over again.
This is something that we’ve thought a LOT about in the past few years. From the beginning husband has always been fairly certain he does not want more children. I waivered a bit more. When the girls were infants I was firmly in the NO MORE KIDS camp. Then around their first birthday I thought….maybe we might try again at some point? Not soon, but someday? I love the idea of having a little boy. And what great helpers would two older sisters be?
Then the romance of those daydreams wore off. In the past year I’ve sold off and/or given away ALL of our baby stuff. The older the girls get the more I think I NEVER want to do the baby stage again. Over Christmas we held friends’ newborns and ooh’d and aww’d over them. When asked if we wanted another of our own I instantly (maybe a little too sharply) replied, “ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!”
The truth is I really don’t want to do it again. I like the idea of having a boy, but (1) you don’t just get to choose the gender, and (2) I like the idea….but I don’t think I’d like the reality.
I just can’t do it again. The sleepless nights, the endless diapers, the spit up, the breastfeeding woes (I was committed to breastfeeding and did so for 6 months but it was a struggle every single day). Not to mention I had a very difficult pregnancy and came down with HELLP syndrome toward the end. I ended up delivering the twins via emergency c-section when my blood count numbers were plummeting and the doctors were afraid they might lose me. It was traumatic to say the least.
Here’s a snippet I’ve copy/pasted from my personal blog about the experience:
Nurse: *walks into room* – Where’s hubby?
Me: He went to go get some lunch
Nurse: At the cafeteria?
Me: No…..at a fast food place.
Nurse: Will he be back soon?
Me: He should be……why???
Nurse: *nervous giggle* (there’s a pause as she turns away from me, busying herself with something; after a couple minutes she turns, sits on the side of the bed and says): Well…..remember how I drew that blood from you this morning? It turns out that some of your levels are extremely abnormal. In fact, they’re so abnormal that I’ve talked to the attending OB, and she wants to go ahead and deliver your babies today.
The rest was a bit of a blur.
I never want to do it again. Never. Ever. Ever.
So all that being said, I am currently on oral contraceptives. However, I do NOT want to be on birth control the rest of my child-bearing years. I really don’t like introducing hormones into my body at all but I haven’t wanted to risk a pregnancy so I’ve resigned myself to this as a solution for the time being. I’ve played around with various types of birth control options over the years and I really just don’t like any of them. None of them are great long-term options for me.
Know what is???
Chop, chop honey!!! (tee hee)
Yes. A vasectomy.
If I’d known that we were for sure done with children earlier, I would have just requested getting my tubes tied when I was already in for C-section surgery. I wasn’t sure at that time. I am now.
Husband obviously isn’t crazy about the idea of the old snip-snip, but he also knows he doesn’t want more kids.
Plus, many insurance companies pay huge portions of the vasectomy surgery now (many pay the full thing, minus a copay). Alternatively, the cost of a child from birth to 18 is nearly a quarter of a million dollars (according to CNN money)
I’d love to get your opinions on this. Please, please keep your opinions to more financially-based (rather than religiously-based). I’d also love to hear if you have any personal experiences. I have one girlfriend whose husband had a vasectomy after their third child (7 years ago) and now she is LONGING for a fourth child. A vasectomy-reversal is much more costly than a vasectomy and it is more invasive, difficult to recover from, and is not always a guarantee of success. She regrets the vasectomy and has urged me to wait longer until making a final decision. When is the right time for this type of decision (especially since I’ve wavered in the past…I’m firmly in the NO MORE BABIES camp right now, but could I change my mind again in another year???)
Thoughts??? Opinions? Personal experiences??