by Ashley
Take a look at this Facebook thread one of my friends posted the other day….
There are a couple things about this post I want to draw attention to:
- What the heck? When did first day of preschool warrant a teacher gift? Is this a “thing”????
- My favorite reply is the person’s comment directly above me. The person starts by saying “don’t get sucked into over-giving”…but then goes on to say she gives FOUR different presents a year (Christmas, teacher appreciation, valentine, and end of year). What the what??? That sounds like over-giving to me!!! If this is “regular” giving, then what does OVER giving look like??? Yelp!
We did attend the “meet the teacher” night like I said in the Facebook thread and we absolutely love our teacher! I’ll try to refrain myself from launching into a whole tirade about how much we love this place, how superior it is to the old place, blah blah blah (that’s all totally unrelated to debt, but suffice it to say I feel good about our decision). I also really think I’ll like the fact that this is an actual preschool (as opposed to daycare). I’ve been debating signing up as a room parent. From what I understand, the room parent’s primary role is to email other parents from the class to give them reminders about upcoming events, etc. I don’t think the room parent actually organizes any parties or functions (which is what I remember room parents doing when I was a kiddo in elementary school). If anyone has room parent experience (in a preschool), let me know if it involved any financial aspects. There’s an information meeting for interested room parents next week so I may attend it.
Whoa – side track – anyway, when we went to the meet the teacher night, our lovely teacher had a room wish-list sign. It was basically a list of things she would like to have in the room and she said if anyone had the things lying around she would be grateful to have them. One thing she had listed was a rug for the reading corner. We happen to have a rug rolled up lying under our bed (where it has been for over a year). It was a cheap rug – I think $40 from Ikea, and we replaced it when we received a much nicer, larger, and fancier rug as a hand-me-down from a friend who redid her living room. So our Ikea rug is barely used but we have no use for it. I’ve decided to make this our “first day of class” present (if that’s even a real thing??). I feel good about this because it costs us $0 out-of-pocket and will actually be used by our daughters. Plus, if I were to buy a first day of class present, it would have probably been in the $5-$10 range, so I figure a $40 rug is better than what she would have received otherwise.
So, time for some reader questions:
How many gifts did/do you buy for a preschool teacher and for what occasions?
Since this is the Jewish Community Center I’m sure there is no expectation of Christmas gifts….but do we need to get 8 different Hanukkah gifts? I shudder at the thought! And Valentines? Really? I hadn’t even thought of that! We do have a teacher’s appreciation in the Spring, but from what I understand I thought it was more about providing a nice lunch for the teachers and to have parent volunteers in the classrooms with the kids so the teachers could have an hour mid-day lunch break. Gifts, too??? Yikes!
Does anyone have experience as a preschool room parent? If so, what did it involve? Did it end up costing you any money out-of-pocket? I’m okay with the time commitment (which sounds relatively minimal if the primary responsibility is really just sending emails to other parents), but I don’t want to have to be in charge of buying a pricey present and trying to get reimbursed from other parents or anything like that.
Hi, I’m Ashley! Arizonan on paper, Texan at heart. Lover of running, blogging, and all things cheeeeese. Freshly 40, married mother of two, working in academia. Trying to finally (finally!) pay off that ridiculous 6-digit student loan debt!
I’m sure each place is different, but 15 years ago when I was preschool room parent, my responsibility was mainly the end of year party – organizing each family to bring a dish to pass, thinking of a cool gift for teacher and aides, buying the gift, wrapping the gift, getting money from each family. It wasn’t a huge time commitment, but it did take time and effort. Might be nice to have two room parents so you can share the load?
Also, teacher gifts for my three kids over the years have morphed into “one upping the Jones” which is ridiculous! Some parents would give gift certificates for hotel get aways – what??? My favorite teachers were the ones that had a class wish list of books that could be purchased from the scholastic orders – inexpensive and very much used by the kids. I didn’t mind buying books for the class and my kids enjoyed picking out their favorite books to give to the class.
In middle school and high school we didn’t buy gifts for the teachers. Also, I have friends who are teachers and they gave me good advice – while homemade treats are nice, most people have food allergies or are watching their weight and lots of the treats ended up in the garbage (sad to say but true!). They already have every “teacher” mug, ornament, frame possible and don’t need any more “stuff”. They appreciated a hand written note from the child and if you insist on a gift, a small gift card ($5) for coffee or Subway, etc would be appreciated. Most of the teachers think the gift giving has gotten out of hand and are a bit embarrassed by it.
Hope this helps!
I know about the snacks all too well! My husband’s Mom is a (middle school) teacher and every Christmas their kitchen counter is overtaken by homemade goodies. She has so much stuff she literally can’t even GIVE it all away! And she has 3 boys! Even that (which would be relatively inexpensive) was shocking to me! I don’t remember giving gifts once I got into middle/high school because you have so many different teachers (what? like 5 or 6 a year??) It just seems crazy excessive to me!
To me, gift giving is about the other person, not to fulfill some obligation to relieve your own conscience.
My unsolicitied advice – pretend you never saw that facebook post. Budget questions aside, it might be more appropriate to get the preschool teacher a gift after you’ve had a chance to get to know them a little, so you can give a gift they’d actually like. Or invite them over to dinner sometime in the fall. You can do something classy, thoughtful, and meaningful for much cheaper than a mindless first-day gift.
They will forget all the little fruit baskets and starbucks cards, but they will always remember the thoughtful family who invited them to dinner or actually got a nice gift that they love.
So if you are going to do gifts like this, do it for them, not for you.
I definitely agree. Some of the comments you didn’t see talked about the first day of class gift being a “suck up” opportunity so that teachers will play favorites with your kid. But there were also a couple teachers who commented and said the first day gift is NOT the “norm.” They said maybe a couple kids parents’ would give gifts, but the majority did not. That makes me feel a bit better, though I’m still planning to donate our old rug to the room.
/end rant
Slow down, Skippy!
NO…you do not give a first day of school gift to the teacher. If the teacher has a wish list of things and you CAN donate, then it is a lovely gesture. I am sure she will be over the moon about the rug. As an aside on the wish list….don’t be surprised if in a few months you get a notice saying that they are running low on glue sticks or something and if you can donate some, that is great. Since stuff is on sale NOW….if you have it in your budget to pick up a few extra things and put it away for later….go for it.
Gift giving in general ….most people will give a gift at the holidays..and NO you don’t need to do 8 gifts! I grew up Jewish (but no longer practice), and even in my own family we didn’t do 8 gifts. Remember, there is a chance that your teachers may not be Jewish, so don’t go overboard. Skip the mugs and other “teacher” gifts. They also get a zillion candles, lotions, etc. Best gifts are the ones that are homemade….When my kids were little, we used to do “cookies in jar” and they would help me “dump” the ingredients (use a funnel if you can!!). I would take a picture or two of the kids “helping” and would include it with a little card.
(and for what it is worth….if you set up an assembly line for making a bunch of these…they are nice for neighbors or other people that you want to just give a little something to)
Valentine’s day….um no gift. Maybe a homemade card if you really want to.
Teacher appreciation…if your room parent is arranging something, most people will donate to a class gift (common ideas are gift cards for coffee, Panera, etc). A little luncheon is also nice….but if it is the JCC, check about Kosher regulations.
End of year….a hand written thank you is the BEST gift.
I have been doing this A LONG time for PTA….do no get caught up in the idea that everything warrants a gift. Plus, as they get older, there are more teachers involved. When my kids were that age, we were in a special needs preschool. We had teachers, aides, therapists. At one point I was trying to buy a little something for 12 people…just for school!!! Nope, can’t do it.
Oh, and “try” to have each girl do something for the teacher if it is handmade. 🙂
Such great advice! I love the idea of doing something homemade and including a couple photos with the gift (or card, or whatever). 12 people is a TON of people to buy a gift for! Even with homemade cookies in a jar, that adds up quick!! I can’t even imagine! Thankfully we only have 1 “main” teacher and 2 aids.
Dang. My kids are too young to have a teacher but all that seems totally excessive!! Glad you like your new place! 😀
When my children were in school, the room mother position took lots of planning and yes, lots of expense. It seems everyone wants a “unique” experience and the standard cupcake party went by the wayside. My advice since you will only be there one year is to let someone else take the reins of that beast but be willing to help out however, you can. That’s one item I don’t miss from my children’s years. I get shudders now thinking of…”Watermelon day, Rock Day, Baby Pumpkin Week, etc.” – and this doesn’t even begin to include the standard holidays. If this school has a very high socio-economic component, that comes with even more expectations. Good luck.
Oh man, that’s crazy! Yes, based on what I’m gathering from other people’s comments, I’m thinking I’ll probably NOT do the room parent thing this year. The JCC has expectations of parent involvement (they recommend/encourage you to volunteer at least 10 hours per school year), and I already offered to help with the teacher appreciation day. Even if I’m there the full day, it’s only 7 hours so that still doesn’t meet the 10 hour “suggested” time donation. Either way, I’m thinking 10 hours of donated time will be far less than whatever commitments are involved by the room parent. I was all for it if its just emailing other parents, but I really hate having to plan/purchase group gifts. I hate having to ask people for money and inevitably there are always a couple who just never bring the cash (oh, i forgot – next time!) and then I get stuck with the bill. No thanks!
My kids attended a half day preschool program (one still does). First day gifts were never a thing, but a supply list was distributed every year, and we were “strongly” encouraged to provide everything. Usually it was about $40 per year, PER STUDENT. I did not provide a Christmas gift for preschool, but I did for the kindergarten teacher (fresh strawberries). I also skip teacher appreciation, since that is so close to the end of the year, and I give a gift card with a note written by my kids for the end of year gift. I skip the teacher appreciation because every year there are two teachers per kid, so if I give a $20 gift card to Chick-fil-A, which is a favorite around here, I’ve spent $80 on one round of gifts. I estimate if I participated in all events, I would have spent the same on a bunch of tiny gifts as one nice gift card.
Good Lord!!! I have nothing to gauge this against since I have no other kids in school, but I was thinking gift cards in the $5-$10 range, so $20 gift card seems like a LOT!!!
Although twins can be incredibly expensive (e.g., can’t use “hand me down” carseat – each needs their own, etc.), one way that I’m cutting corners is with preschool. Since they’re in the same class I only bought 1 backpack and 1 lunch box and theres room enough to put both kids’ things in it. We didn’t have to buy a supplies list, but if one was given I probably would have just bought one list’s worth of supplies and said they can share. This year at the JCC they are getting Kosher pizza on Mondays and you could pick to purchase one slice ($75 for the year) or two slices ($100 for the year). Instead of selecting two separate one-slices (one for each child, which would be $150/year), I selected the two slice ($100) option and simply asked the teacher to split it. Sounds a little bit stingy, but I figured – hey they’re in the same class, why not try to cut a corner and save a little money??? ; )
I thought it was kind of a lot, too, but then I found out some parents were gifting things like a new Keurig, and I felt like I was still being the cheapy! For what it’s worth, I just adored the kindergarten teacher, so I wanted to give $50, but my husband reigned me in on that one.
A new Keurig!? Seriously!? Wow!
As a twin mom…I cringed a little when you said you have 1 backpack and lunch box for both girls. Yes….I get that they are both in the class. But fostering an individual identity is so important. They are 2 separate people. And if you treat them as a set…so will teachers. I hope you will rethink it and get a second set…so they each can proudly walk in with their own stuff. There will always be stuff they will share…but let them have individual and separate identities.
I do agree with you on the pizza though!
I definitely understand that concern and I have actually done a great deal of reading on twin parenting so I don’t mean for it to come across as treating them as a single “unit” instead of individuals. At this age, though, they don’t even wear the backpack (I carry it for them), and we certainly treat them as individuals in all aspects of life. We make a point to have one-on-one time (like Daddy-daughter and Mommy-daughter activities) so each gets individual time and attention. As they get older the backpack thing will surely go away, as I have no doubt they’ll both want to pick their own, etc. But right now I think I can get away with it without any long term damage.
Haha, this topic gets me going too! My son just left his beloved daycare to start public pre-k. At orientation parents were walking in with gift-wrapped boxes, and mugs full of goodies, to give to the teachers. My husband and I just looked at each other like…wtf?! I don’t even know these people yet, I’m not about to give them gifts. Maybe they were bribes from the parents of unruly children?! lol. The ONLY time we ever gave gifts at his daycare, were at Christmas (only once, one year we just couldn’t afford it), and on his last day there a few weeks ago. But those people earned it, they were wonderful. I give if I can and want to. Not because it’s “the thing to do”. I did donate a good bit of supplies (like you with the rug), so I think that counts for something!
I definitely think the donated stuff “counts”!!! In fact, I think a lot of that stuff is more appreciated than generic brownies or home-baked goods (which, mentioned in a comment above, I know for a fact a lot of it just ends up in a trash).
I was thinking a gift at Christmas time and an end-of-year gift. I know they do food for teacher appreciation day so I was thinking that was “ok” too. But all these other random gifts are crazy! Even 2 gift giving occasions per year sounds like plenty to me! But, I’m known to be a bit “cheap” so I don’t want to be the classroom black sheep or Scrooge or something! haha!
Food hadn’t even crossed my mind, because we’re not allowed to bring in any outside food or drinks! Can’t even pack my kids lunch. 🙁 I’m a bit “cheap” too, but I don’t mind helping with supplies every so often, so I’ll stick with that I think, except end of year. If his teacher stops being kind of a B…lol
WHAT? You can’t even pack your kids’ lunch??? I’ve heard of no homemade stuff to be shared with the class (e.g., must purchase cupcakes instead of bake your own for your kids’ bday), but I’ve never heard of not even being able to do your own child’s food! Crazy! Our place has a rule that no meat is allowed. I don’t know if this is religious-related (like because of issues with Kosher, etc.)? At first I thought it was a food-safety thing, but they have a fridge in the room and all the lunches are refrigerated until lunch time, so that’s not it. The rules different schools impose are quite strange!
I have 4 kids from 6-19. We attend a private school but over all, in this area, it is done the same at both public and private. Most people contribute to a Christmas Present, Teacher Birthday, End of Year and there is a Teacher Appreciation Week that has specified items for everyone to bring (a flower, a note, etc) with the PTA providing a nice meal and morning drinks and treats. I prefer to give one bigger donation to cover the year. We suggest about $20 per gift per child (so $60 covers the year). We ask the teacher to do a wish list for personal and classroom items and can then shop off that for the various events. For all the classroom aids, and additional teachers (Spanish, art ,pe , religion, computers, library, admin staff-at my school ends up to be about 15 people) we do a small Starbucks card and thank you note from the kids. I think it really is regional, but I have NEVER heard of a beginning of school gift! 🙂