by Ashley
I was listening to an old Dave Ramsey radio show podcast this past week and heard an incredible couple who were doing their debt-free scream (side note: this is now a secret dream of mine. I’ve always wanted to go to Nashville. Wouldn’t it be grand to plan a trip to celebrate being totally debt-free!!!! It still feels so far off, but a girl can dream! While there, I would totally stalk sit-in on The Bobby Bones Show, too #fangirl)
Aaaaaanyway, this couple was asked the usual question, “What was one of the hardest things about the process of becoming debt-free?” Their answer was probably the #1 thing I also struggle with…..eating out. The husband joked that his in-laws probably thought he was abusing their daughter (his wife) because he was so adamant about never eating out. They laughed and talked about how worthwhile it had been, blah, blah, now it’s all rainbows and butterflies.
And….it totally made me feel like crap about myself.
Generally I find these calls to be so motivating and uplifting. But these peoples’ dedication and will power left me feeling….weak and quick-to-cave.
It’s no secret. Since I first started blogging here in March I have gone over on our “eating out” budget every.single.month.
On my best month, I was $12 over. On my worst? Well over double my $75 monthly budget.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have the luxury of working from home, so it should be easy for me to prep dinner during the day and get it going so we can all eat at a reasonable time (it’s not like I can get stuck in an office, battling traffic, etc etc). I meal plan, we have food in the house….and I just lack the will power. There’s no other excuse.
What’s really weird is – I KNOW I can do it. I’ve only briefly mentioned this in passing, but as my husband was recovering from his mystery illness, his little brother had moved out from Texas and lived with us for a couple months. While here, he helped around the house and helped Chris with work and, in exchange, we covered all of his living expenses (including food). Having another grown man in the house to feed was a BIG change for us. Suddenly I was having to buy more food, there were never any leftovers, and probably the biggest change….I refused to eat out. In the two months he lived with us, we maybe ate out twice. Simply because I was so cheap frugal that I didn’t want to pay for another meal.
No matter what was going on – whether I was tired, sick, busy, whatever – I would make dinner every night, rain or shine. And many of those busy-don’t-wanna-make-dinner nights when I’d have to pull on my big girl britches and do it anyway, I found that it was totally no big deal. I’d have it done within 20-30 minutes, we’d eat, and I was fine.
All this to say, I know it can be done. I know I can do it.
But then why am I struggling so much?
What do you do when your will power is wavering? I would say that “eating out” has certainly been my biggest obstacle. I don’t find the same will power issues with my entertainment or personal maintenance budget categories (even though they have also been reduced from my pre-blogging budget). But eating out is like my kryptonite!
Please give me some advice! What do you do to encourage yourself and build back up your will power? How do you persevere against your biggest budget weaknesses?
Hi, I’m Ashley! Arizonan on paper, Texan at heart. Lover of running, blogging, and all things cheeeeese. Freshly 40, married mother of two, working in academia. Trying to finally (finally!) pay off that ridiculous 6-digit student loan debt!
Ashley – voice of experience here. If you could whip one of the meals into shape, say breakfast or lunch, you can probably get your budget into line.
I know the convenience is always tempting. And a homemade pile of carrots and cucumbers with a bit of cold turkey never really compares to the salty, fatty, sugary thing down the street. I get it. we haven’t been able to whip this one either.
Could you split your restaurant meals into multiple meals/leftovers to save cash? Could you share an entree when you go out? Switch to water instead of soda? Even if you can’t stop going out, can you make any changes like this to reduce the expense?
Thanks for the great ideas! I think you’re right that even small changes (e.g., swapping water instead of a drink) would make a difference for those times when we do go to eat out.
Props to moms who have to cook for a family every night (I’m not one of them).
Here are some ideas:
CROCKPOT MEALS – put it in the crockpot in the morning & forget about it until dinnertime!
FREEZER MEALS/BULK COOKING – it’s AWESOME to have meals already in the freezer, so all you have to do it pull it out in the morning & throw it in the skillet/oven/etc that night.
COOK ONCE EAT TWICE – Remake that chicken or roast into another meal the next night.
You can throw some freezer meals together or do some bulk cooking when you’re having some extra time/energy and be set for a week or two. If you haven’t checked out Stephanie O’Dea’s crockpot blog or Erin Chase’s $5 Dinner Mom blog, I would highly recommend them. Jen Schmidt is working on a 10 Minute Dinner blog – right now you can check out her Balancing Beauty & Bedlam blog. There’s also a Once A Month Cooking blog, but I’m not ambitious enough for that. 🙂
Hang in there. I think we all go through a slump when it comes to meal planning/cooking.
Thanks, these are some great tips! I used to do all of these more frequently, but have somewhat fallen off the wagon so if I really start ramping these back up, I’m sure that will make a huge difference. Also, thanks for the tip about the blogs – they sound really helpful!
I was the exact same way…it was one of my hardest areas to get under control. I would look critically at the reasons you eat out. For me, I felt like it was because I “deserved” it, after working a hard day and coming home to nothing that sounded good. To solve that problem, I kept a stash of some good snacks and a couple bottles of wine at home, so I had a “treat” waiting for me at home, that didn’t involve an expensive dinner out. Or, on nights where I just HAD TO HAVE something, I would have dinner at home, and then go out for an ice cream or coffee afterwards (which costs less than a full dinner). Once it became habit to eat dinner at home, I could scale back on the treats.
I love the idea of having some other “treat’ so i don’t feel like I deserve to go out. I think, for me, the reasons for eating out are many and varied. Certainly there’s some entitlement (“I deserve this”), but I think there’s also exhaustion (“today has been TOUGH, I can’t bring myself to cook”), and even boredom (“ugh, none of my planned meals sound good – lets eat out”). Probably other reasons, too, if I sat and thought about it.
This is one we struggle with too. I have found that there are five things that help immensely.
1-Have a few brainless, quick meals in the freezer. Yes they are processed and not so great for you, and they cost more than a from scratch meal…..but they are cheaper and healthier than eating out!
2-Making the switch in attitude about when to eat out. We used to eat out as an “I don’t want to cook” solution, now it gets planned into the menu plan. For example, Thursday is a state holiday here, and we will be out enjoying the festivities, so eating out is planned, which means we can’t do it tonight!
3-Increasing the grocery budget. I eliminated the eating out budget in favor of slightly increasing our grocery budget (by $20 a week). Now, eating out comes from the “food” budget. This means that if I am more careful grocery shopping, we have more money to eat out. It also means that if I choose to splurge and buy expensive steaks, we won’t eat out that week.
4-change the idea of what dinner is. I grew up in a household where dinner was a protein, a carb, and 1-2 veggies every night. No one says dinner can’t be pb&j sandwiches or simple pasta on a night you really don’t feel like cooking.
5-75% dinner prep done by lunch. I feel silly going out to eat if dinner is already so close to done, and i have more energy and less stress earlier in the day, so why not? 🙂
Love love love!!! Thanks for all of these fabulous tips!!!
I feel your pain! Even though I too can cook, have plenty to cook, like to cook, use the crock pot, make freezer meals, etc…..the siren song of eating out calls to me!
We’ve decided that we can eat out once a week. We have a budget for it, decide together where it will be, and then really enjoy it! The rest of the week we are ok with eating at home, because we have our once a week outing to look forward to. We have to be careful though when our college age kids are home since that increases the budget, but we just get creative – go to cheaper places, order take out (and save on beverages), use coupons…. and some weeks if we’re too busy to eat out or are already out with a party, etc we’ll save our budgeted money for a nicer place the next week.
So – I guess my point is that it’s ok to eat out on this “paying down debt” journey as long as we plan for it and budget for it. Let go of the guilt and enjoy:)
When I stayed at home most of the time, that did not motivate me to cook a meal every night. The only thing that keeps me on track is cooking multiple meals at once. Usually on Sundays I cook for about 3 hours. With that food I can make lunches for both me and my husband and cover most evening meals for the week. Weekends aren’t as hard because we can either grill out or cook something fun together.
I am very different from most people that I do not like to eat out things I would cook at home. To me it makes no sense to eat a grilled chicken anything at a restaurant, because that is one of the easiest things to cook and dress up any way you want. So my restaurant food desires are very specific to things I either do not want to learn how to cook or are not worth it to me to cook.
However, I don’t know if “technique” tips are going to help you. Like you said, you know you can do it. Just like you know you can pay off the debt. You made the decision and are sticking with it. Try thinking of restaurant food as not in line with your gym goal or whatever is going to help you stick with the long-term goal, even though it’s hard.
I’m the same way – I won’t go out to eat for anything I can easily and cheaply make better at home! I’m also a batch-cooker. If you can find a few hours to knock out two recipes then at least that’s a start. I guarantee if you hear “OMG WOWWWWWW mom/honey that was SO awesome! YUM!” it will encourage you to keep going. Saves wear and tear on the car and gas too!
I have friends who do the bulk cooking thing. I’ve never, personally, tried it but it could be an excellent and easy way to help me get out of this eating out rut I’m stuck in!
Try it once. Just one time. See how it goes!
agree. try it once
I think it helps to be ok with eating the same thing for several days in a row. I totally am — I would think nothing of making a huge pot of soup or 6 stuffed peppers and eating either every day for a week straight. This can be a challenge if you’re cooking for a family though. Half the time I’m alone, so it makes it a lot easier.
It also helps if you genuinely like to cook. If you don’t, I could see where it would be a huge drag.
There’s also the health angle, which for me is very real and very pressing right now. I’ve gained 10 lbs just since summer started :-/ so I have to go back to basics now. I find it a lot easier to eat healthily in the summer because fresh produce is so inexpensive and I love fruits and vegetables. I even have a small box of stuff come to the house every week via CSA (local farms), and that helps too. Some may see it as an extra expense, but I don’t at all. Fresh, healthy food is so important.
Couldn’t agree more about making a mental shift, too. I accept it as part of life that I do not mindlessly go to restaurants. I don’t mind the VERY occasional meal out, like for my absolute favorite pizza place, but I’m generally so unhappy with the quality of food I receive in restaurants that I just don’t bother anymore. I actually get mad about it!
If I do have to go out to eat, I never, ever order a drink. I will not pay $2 for a soda! Ripoff AND unhealthy! 😛
$2 soda is the least of my problem! We aren’t big drinkers and almost never have alcohol in the house, but when we eat out is about the only time I’ll order a drink – usually a delicious margarita or mixed drink, often to the tune of $10+ (ouch!). If I eliminate drinks and only order water, that would certainly help!
ZOMG girl! Institute a no-no-no drinks rule if you must go out to eat! Your Latte Factor is a ‘Rita Factor, lol.
For real! lol
Watch the shows on the food network….restaurant stakeout/ mystery diners, that will make you stop eating out.
I’m with you on that too! The last time I was in Appleby’s, there was a long hair in my cake. Questionable restaurant hygiene is one of the biggest reasons I like to cook at home. I keep a very clean kitchen and wash my hands constantly. I worked in restaurants in high school and college, and I know what really goes on behind the scenes. Ewww!
I’m totally with you on this! I worked in the restaurant industry for almost 8 years and I have seen it all! The stories I could tell! Yuck!
I have found that with my eating out budget, I want to make the meals “count”…so that eliminates anything subpar (just for convenience, fast food, etc.) That helps me enjoy it so much more. I also look for restaurant coupons, early bird specials, 2 for 1 nights, etc. Eating at home can be boring, but we always try to make it a little more special by setting a nice table – even if it’s pancakes for dinner. Just making the atmosphere inviting helps us…nice plates, glassware and linen napkins (which are cheaper in the long run also). There is no “right or wrong”…you do what suits your family but it’s great to see that you are really focusing on what you can continue to improve on. You’re getting there.
Great points!
We have never really had a problem with eating out because I love to cook and I am very concerned about nutrition. Restaurant food is loaded with not-so-good ingredients. For me, planning was key while cooking for our family of six when our four kids were growing up. I made a menu and posted it to the fridge so the kids knew what we were eating that week. Also, suggestions were always welcome, but menus usually fell inline with what was in the pantry and freezer and what was on sale. I cook a wide variety of tasty foods, and we all really like to eat at home. I also love to try new recipes. It’s just hubby and I now, but I’m still cooking. It’s fun to sit down on a “date night” with a wonderful new recipe to eat and a good movie!
It just kills me to look at a restaurant tab. I always think of the wonderful, organic food I could buy with that money. That’s not to say we don’t eat out, but eating out is really special for us because it is not very frequent. If you are paying down debt, it is one of the first things that must go!
I totally agree!
i’m glad that all of these readers have great suggestions to help you stick to your budget. But I’ll play devil’s advocate and say: Is your eating out budget really $75 for an entire month? Or is it $75 per week? If it’s $75/month, then I would say maybe you should just raise it to $100 and make sure that you stick to that. That is really quite low, and $75 is hardly anything. That represents just one dinner out at a mid-priced restaurant for a couple for the entire month.
Now if you’re in danger of losing your home to foreclosure or being evicted or losing your car, I will retract that. But otherwise, I think maybe you’re just beating yourself up over something that you’re already doing really really well. I’d celebrate that you have actually spent under $100/month for a couple more than once! Keep it up!
What about involving the girls? I know they are very young but they could still do things to “help” and you could look at it as quality time with them as well as starting good habits early. They could put napkins on the table, decorate salads with tomatoes and cucumbers, put the condiments on the table, if you are doing dessert they could decorate or help put icing on cupcakes or cookies. They can help stir a little. You might find you enjoy it more, though it will definitely be a little more work.
This is definitely true. One of my daughters, in particular, has shown a great interest in cooking. She loves to come and stand on a chair to watch while I make dinner – I’m sure I could find easy kid-friendly ways to get her involved (or both, if the other is also interested).
Eating out seems to be one of the hardest things people have to quit when they decide to change their spending habits/get out of debt. My husband and I eat out maybe once a month. We both agree that it is a terrible waste of money to pay for food that we could probably make at home. And I am a bit arrogant in thinking I can make better tasting and healthier food 🙂
If having food handy and having the ability to make great food is not enough, how about remembering this little tidbit in regard to the restaurant industry: if there is food there will probably be mice and other rodents fighting for the same food you are being served. Even respectable places, clean and tidy places have rodents to deal with – go look at their kitchens and see the huge traps. You know your kitchen better than you know anyone else’s.
Scarr, again this is one my biggest concerns about restaurant food or really, any food prepared outside my kitchen. If there is a potluck at the school I teach in, don’t partake of much–usually fruits or veggies I can wash. Did the cook taste the food and then put the spoon back in the pot or saucepan? Is their kitchen clean? Did their kid stick their dirty fingers in the cake batter? I see teachers (especially males–sorry but it’s so”)who stick their hands in a bag of chips, eat the chips from their hands, and then stick their hands back IN the bag. My husband has seen male restaurant employees not wash their hands in the bathroom. (Just like the Seinfeld episode)
I am generally a very lean-back type of person, but when it comes to food I am pretty fussy.
People get sick because of dirty restaurants and unsanitary practices.
Oh man, financial fan – this reminds me of when I was a kid (maybe 12?). My friend had a sleepover and we made cupcakes with her Mom supervising. I’ll never forget when her Mom licked the spoon from the cupcake batter (in front of all of us), then stuck it right back in to keep stirring! Even at 12-years-old I was SOOOOO grossed out! Totally made me look differently at the ‘home cooked foods’ you see at potlucks and such. Ick!
Wow! Once a month!? That is definitely something for me to look up to! And, I know all about the food industry. Rats, cockroaches, bugs galore….when I worked in restaurants I’d seen it all (and I worked in a variety of places, including really nice restaurants. Even the nice ones had unwanted critters…there’s no avoiding it!)
We like to save going out to eat for special occasions like birthdays or if we worked really hard one month and want to have a small reward. Eating out feels like a special indulgence to us since we do it so infrequently and I feel like it should be that way. Good luck, I am sure you will find something that works out best for your family!
I definitly do love to eat out too.
it does seem that you’re already doing a lot to try to eat at home with the rollover-meals etc.
just wondering: was it a less stressful period of time for you when Chris’ brother was staying with you (e.g. less stress with work? girls still smaller and more easily to handle?) was that maybe contributing to it being easier to eat at home?
not sure how it is in your area: but could you maybe safe money on going out with deals from Groupon / living social? (in my area they often have offers where you save a certain amount of money on a meal… )
Eating out is one of my biggest struggles too! I’m pretty lucky though that my dad pays for almost all of our lunches out since I feed him lunch at my house about 75-80% of the time. This works itself out this way since he doesn’t pay for groceries for me, just for lunch out occasionally instead. 🙂 I know that won’t work for you, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in struggling with eating out.
Eating out is so convenient! Everyone can get what they like to eat! It is nice to sit down and relax and let someone wait on you! This is definitely a challenge for my family!
Since you are concerned about it and would perhaps like to reduce this, maybe what you should do is keep a journal, diary, calendar, etc just make a quick note when you eat out and why. Example: Bad day ate _______ for dinner, etc. After a month or so go back and look at the history of eating out and why and try to change the behavior the next month. Just like you are doing on your budget.
Sometimes what my family does if we want food from a particular restaurant; we will order it to go. This way the bill does not include drinks and the amount you tip is smaller based on that.
We definitely do order take-out, but moreso because of the challenges of dining with toddlers than the savings in cost (though thats a bonus). We probably eat out in-person mostly for breakfast and dinners are mostly take out.
A food journal is actually a great idea. Tracking things really seems to work for me.
I wonder if you are depriving yourself too much with your grocery budget and if you added some grocery splurges (cheese) then maybe you would not be so compelled to eat out. Do you want to eat out when you are home working alone all day? If so then maybe you just want to get out and about and not necessary eat out.
I have been making a dinner pretty much every night since my first child was born and we went down to one income. I go through phases when I would rather do anything than make dinner or even think about what to make for dinner. I just have to hold tight and eventually it will pass. Sometimes I try new recipes to get out of the funk or cook my favorites for awhile.
My kids aren’t big eaters and it kills me to pay for a child’s meal (which isn’t very healthy) that won’t be eaten. We usually end up getting take out when we “eat” out. Your $ goes further without a beverage, hefty tip and uneaten children’s food.
Also a crockpot meal helps deter the 3pm desire to eat out. When dinner is sitting there 80% done it is harder to muster up the justification for dinner out. I am also better motivated and organized in the morning to cook. Check out http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/ for inspiration.
Lastly, We have a leftover night each week. When I had to on Fridays I was always compelled to order a pizza in. Something about leftovers on a Friday night was so sad and depressing. So I moved it to Thursday and cook a fresh meal on Fridays.
Hang in there!
“Don’t sacrifice what you want for what you want right now.” I don’t remember where I heard that quote but when my husband and I were paying off debt that motivated me so much. I wrote that quote and hung it on the fridge and also placed it in my wallet in front of my debit card. It saved me from going over budget many times!! Now that we are on to paying off the mortgage we included a budget for eating out but we choose to eat out once a week at breakfast. It’s probably the cheapest meal to eat out and we can even order coffee and stay under $20. No margarita temptation at breakfast either 😉 You can do this!
Thank you so much for the motivation and encouragement! I LOVE the idea of putting that quote in front of your debit card in your wallet! Genius!