by Jim
Melissa and I were doing good for the first year of us living together, we were working on maintaining her good credit, by adding a few lines of credits, but always paying off the full amount at the end of the month. The only debt that wasn’t being paid off in its entirety was the car payment, and a $6,000 loan we took out in order to furnish our apartment.
We each had many things that could have partially furnished our dwelling, but we both decided we didn’t want anything from the past being brought into our present and future. Which to this day, I will stand by saying that it was a good decision. Little did I realize our 18 month same as cash loan, the payments that they provided didn’t add up to the same amount.
By the middle of 2010 we had 3 credit cards, 3 store credit cards, 1 jewelry card, 1 furniture loan, and 1 car loan. We were doing just fine, that is when all the (pardon the language) shit hit the floor. We have been in a long standing battle with Dipshit the wife’s ex over two things custody and the house that he lived in that has Melissa’s name on it.
Well on the custody front, as we fought for full custody, he tried to fight and say that my wife was mentally incompetent to support her daughter, the judge ordered Psychological Evaluations be done. This cost $1,200 dollars, that plus the lawyer’s fees just kept adding up.
On top of all this we were in a legal battle with him over getting Melissa’s name off the house. So there were more lawyer/legal fees. We decided to take out another $5,000 loan. At this point in time, we are still able to maintain our payments.
Well all said and done, let’s just say that we couldn’t have picked a worse lawyer to help us with these two legal matters. Friends of ours recommended this lawyer, but in my opinion she didn’t do anything and we had to keep on her to do things. So we end up with the same custody stipulations that we had, and nothing was done about the house. Basically $5,000 down the drain. We chalk it up to being naive and knowing nothing about the law.
In July of 2010, while on vacation Melissa proposed to me on the beach. I was shocked, not really expecting it, but very excited. On Christmas day, I re-proposed to her and on 1/1/11 we were married, in a very small wedding that didn’t cost us anything besides the cost of the marriage license and her engagement ring and wedding ring, which I put on the jewelry card.
It’s funny to look back and you can pinpoint the very instance the downward spiral started. It was February of 2011, one month after Melissa and I were married. Dipshit The ex started his crap again, saying he couldn’t afford the house anymore and threw the keys at Melissa and moved down the street from the house to his mom’s. Kinda funny, since he made more money than I did, and I managed to pay rent (when I was single) that was twice as much as the mortgage.
So what are we to do? We decided that we couldn’t risk hurting Melissa’s great credit that we carefully built up, so we couldn’t let this house go into foreclosure. We decide we will live in the house, after seeing the inside of this house, I decide that I just couldn’t live in the house with it looking like it did (ugly stained carpet, holes in the wall, etc.) So with the help of my dad, her step father, and a close family friend, we started working on this house. We were paying our rent for the apartment we were living in, paying all the bills for it, plus paying for all the remodeling of this house, and the mortgage and bills.
Some how we were managing to keep up with it. Her parents loaned us money to do this remodeling, since we didn’t have that big chunk of change at our disposable. We put in another $5,000 dollars into this house, and were about to take out another loan for I think it was for $3,500 for carpet, when we finally had the last straw.
Legal fact that didn’t dawn on us, since we never did it ourselves. But you could legally walk into a house that has your name on it at anytime you wanted. Dipshit He did it at least three times to us, and with him living down the street, my wife didn’t think she could handle the added stress, due to her disability. During the times he walked in on us, he started taking pictures and posting on the internet that we were destroying the house. If destroying meant, running all new electrical in the house, re-drywalling and insulating the downstairs, and many other things, then yeah we were “destroying” the house.
Melissa and I decided we would take the credit hit if need be, but we wouldn’t deal with any of this madness any longer. So we told him we weren’t going to keep paying on the house. Funny how things work out, in less then a week Dipshit He moved back into the “destroyed” house. (There is more to this story, which will be shared at another time) All I’m thinking is thank god, it wasn’t a week later when we would have gotten the carpet installed.
Then the madness happened, in July I hurt my back (thinking I was a teenager still, doing a backflip off the diving board), and was out of work for about two months. Trying to work on that house had taken out our savings completely, so you can guess what happened. We couldn’t keep up with the payments. By the time I got back to work, the damage already set in, and we were in debt to our necks.
Trying to catch up on everything and with big events coming (X-mas and daughter’s b-day) we didn’t know what to do. Then it got worse, a few days before Christmas I was let go from my job. Through various methods, I had some money coming in each month, but it wasn’t that much, nor did it help with our debt problems.
Basically we cut back on many things, and made my part time income into a passable income we could live on.
Wow, that’s crazy. I can’t believe he would just walk in “just because”. Must have been a vindictive fellow.
I hope you won’t take this the wrong way, but I think you need to work on your writing. I noticed it in the last post but thought maybe you had a lot to say and it came out that way. It’s kind of hard to follow the story and personally I find myself reading and re-reading to see if I understand. For instance, even after all what you wrote, I can’t tell where the debt came from. You say, February was when it started to go wrong…but it looks like your debt escalated when you were out of work? Why? because you stopped making payments and they increased your interest rate? When did you stop paying your cards off in full? If you had been paying them off in full, why did you keep charging after you were out of work for 2 months? Based on what you said, you should only have had a carpet loan?
Lots of questions but my main point is a lot of stuff isn’t clear (to me). I think it would help to maybe outline your posts a little before writing.
And please, don’t get me wrong, I think your story is interesting and I’m not the grammar police but just thought I’d share because other people might feel the same.
Ok I am going to re-read it and give you a plot point.
We were fine up until February 2011, even though we opened new credit accounts, we were paying them off in full. The only things that weren’t was the car and the furniture loan.
We then got the line of credit to pay for court costs and the wedding/engagement ring. Both also weren’t paid in full each month. This was in 2010.
Now in February of 2011 is when he threw the keys at us. We spent $5000 that we had in our Savings/Emergency Fund. Her parents loaned us another $3000. And we put another roughly $2000 on our various credit cards. This was the grand total for four months of work till about June 2011.
We were about to get the carpet loan, but decided the hell with the house, so the carpet loan never panned out. During these four months we weren’t able to pay off the credit cards in full, because we were paying for basically two places to live, with two sets of utilities and what not.
I figured once we moved into the house and we would get back to one household, I would pay off everything in a few months. The very next month, I hurt myself.
That is the outline. After re-reading the post (which I did outline for the most part) I can see some parts were you might get mixed up. But in my eyes the downward spiral started in February because that is when I started not paying in full. Then in July when I hurt myself it came crushing down on top of us.
I think the outline is pretty decent… It goes from 2010 and what kind of credit we had. Then goes into detail for 2011, the reasons we have had this debt. I might be biased and I am glad you pointed it to me, I will work harder to tell a more clear story in the future. Thank you
thanks!
I’m glad you didn’t take it the wrong way. You know your story well so it might seem clearer to you but I guess with so many plot points, it’s a bit harder for us.
Your summary helped me follow along so i appreciate you taking the time to write it.
So quick question, now that he has moved back in, is your wife still on the hook to pay anything on the house?
Oh wow, that journey includes some quite faulty decisions. But what’s done is done. And I am sure you’ll be able to reflect a little more in the future about what to spend plenty of money on and what can be solved with a cheaper solution (furniture off of Craigslist… )
You are very right Kili, I don’t plan to buy furniture with a loan ever again… especially if you see the furniture now. Dang kids and cats. haha
I like your story, but like debtor above said, make sure that it is coming out clear so that we can follow along.
And I totally get feeling like an ex is the scum of the earth, but I will no longer read your story if you continue to refer to him with that name. I thought maybe it was just going to be the one time, but it was in there at least three times. And I certainly hope you’re not referring to him that way in front of children.
I am friendly with him for the most part, and we never talk about him in front of the children at all. I do refer to him as that name in the private of our bedroom so it is easier for me to name him that in my story. I apologize that it offends you, and I will try to find a new name.
It is now corrected. It has a strikethrough for this post, but it will remain off of further posts.
Thanks for that. I just kept thinking – what if the kids see this someday? How will they respond? What will it do to them to see that you wrote about him like this?
I am really not sure. We try to civil for my daughter’s sake, but I know if she wasn’t a part of it… Things would most likely be different.
Maybe try using the nickname initials, that’s what we do. Except mine is called DW. 🙂
HAHA I can only imagine what this stands for. I don’t really this DS would work, don’t bloggers use these initials to mean Darling Son?
Jim,
I like your story, and I hope you will stay encouraged! Sometimes the PF community can be pretty brutal and sanctimonious. It’s easy to sit on the sidelines and pass judgment, but believe me, I know that when crap hits the fan, life can get complicated. Unemployment, serious illnesses etc. can create havoc in any household, and we have experienced both. Even with our very hefty emergency fund and our very frugal lifestyle, the back-up funds won’t last forever if the state of present affairs persists.
I think you have a good heart, Jim, and care about the future of your family very much. After all, that is what life is really about! I don’t have any problems following your story, and I hope you won’t change your “voice” too much in order to defer to the readers here. Be true to yourself in describing your financial state. Some of your financial problems seem to be the result of some impetuous, youthful decisions, and which one of us has not been down that road? (And I don’t believe you have student loans, right? That is the killer for so many today!) Just keep fighting the good fight, and you will see some results before you know it.
Thanks for the kind words Kiki. And you are right, my family, well they are my life. It is because of them, that I want to do this for… more than myself. If my wife didn’t come around I probably would have been down the road to self destruction.
I won’t be changing my voice too much, because even though people might have gotten mixed up with this post, I do know how to blog. I have been doing it since 2008.
No, I don’t have any student loans… paid the last $1200 last year. And I have two degrees to show for it. 🙂
Once again thanks for the kind words!
I agree with Kiki. I like you, your writing style, and your little family. You have an excellent chance at beating this debt and of securing an excellent financial future. Youth, time, and now some learning experiences, are on you side. I can also tell that you’re the type of dedicated man who will work at whatever it takes to succeed at supporting your family! I hope you and your wife feel proud about knowing when enough is enough and being determined to fix any problems and plan wisely for your future dreams. I’m excited keep reading about your journey forward. Go Jim & Melissa!
Out of curiosity, have you been able to resolve the title/loan on the house by now? Or is this still an open item?
Oh god Walnut! No it hasn’t been resolved, and let’s just say things got worse! I really am at a pickle, but think I have to do, what I have to do. Probably next week you will hear about this, and that will bring everyone up to date with my debt journey.
As Kili notes, a lot of suspect decisions here, but no use beating a dead horse as they say.
My observation would be that maybe you should (or already have?) recalibrate your definition of “fine”. From your posts, you seem to define it as “as long as I can keep up with the payments”.
Hopefully through experience you now understand that is not the case. My definition would be loosely that fine is when you are largely in control of your financial future. Any time you are taking out loans for items like furniture or basic living expenses, that puts you on a knife’s edge for any other setback that comes up, and things invariably happen.
Actually, fine was paying everything off. At that time we could have afforded to buy the furniture outright and even the court costs, out of pocket. We chose to go the furniture route to boost up our credit scores. Yes, that was probably my biggest financial mistake, and that lays on me.
It was when I stopped paying them off is when I wasn’t fine, but I figured I could pay them off within two months of us moving into that house, then work on the parents “loan” and building back up my savings. I didn’t expect to get hurt the next month.
I really think I was in control of my financial future, all except for planning for retirement. You are right about the knife’s edge!
I agree with Joe. When I read about the $6000 loan to furnish an apartment, my mind went “eeeeeep”. When we got our apartment, we spent $1000 to furnish it using used furniture from craigslist (including a tv) and told ourselves we were not getting new furniture until our student loans and car loan was paid off. It doesn’t bother me that you took out that loan (we all make mistakes and I’ve had my share of mistakes), but you don’t seem to recognize that as a mistake. You only talk about how the loans were not the same as cash.
Obviously you are just starting your journey to be debt free, but I think you guys need to learn to make do without. With the right attitude, you can get rid of your debt.
Also I don’t know if you have talked about it before, but what do you and your wife do for work? I have a lot of questions about that after seeing your linkedin profile (which I got to from the website posted on your author blurb). I think that would be an interesting post.
No I do recognize that as a mistake Jessie. In fact I admitted that it was the worse mistake that I have done in many years.
I am not sure this is just “starting out’, I was just about done my financial journey till I totaled the car. So basically this is “restarting”, all my debt snowball money is going to my now car payment. Many think this was stupid, but I stick by saying that it was a good decision for my situation. Yes I would have liked my APR to be lower, but that isn’t going to happen.
If you would like to send me an email to ask the questions privately just say something and I will email you with my email address, or feel free to connect with me through LinkedIn and I ask me there.
I am glad you realize it’s a mistake. I am all for not crying over spilled milk, but IMO we need to recognize mistakes so that we don’t make the same one again.
I guess I got all the different stories mixed up – you are right, you are restarting and not just starting. I think a new car is a better investment – at least you don’t get dinged with unexpected repairs.
I don’t have any private questions for you. Ashley wrote a post about her employment situation and I thought it would be interesting if you wrote yours, since both you and your wife don’t have traditional jobs.
Wow! That was an awful burden of debt even from the start when you were able to make the payments. When we are young, we think we are indestructible. I agree with Joe above regarding your definition of “fine”. I think that was an illusion. I am so glad you joined the BAD site to put things in a perspective and tackle your debts. Wish you the best.
At this time TPol, the family income was around $7,000 per month. And our outgoing monthly expenses were around $3,500-$4,000. This was all utilities and loans, along with paying the credit cards off in full. Yes it was not debt free, but in my opinion debt free would be “good” and financially secure would be “great”. Fine is below these two. That is just my opinion.
But with that said, I am also glad to join BAD, and I do need to be put into perspective with things! I am sure I will be learning even more!
You were “fine” by most of society’s standards. I’m thrilled that you’re blogging here and are striving not just for “fine” but for “I don’t want to owe anybody a single stinkin’ penny ever again.”
Can I get an amen!
A question/comment here. When I read this post, I kept thinking that there is a sense of “need it now”. Do you feel that was the case? Not to pile on, but I think for future financial success, delayed and distant gratification and taking a huge step back to get some perspective are key. I just kept thinking “Hello Forest, where are you? I only see trees!”. I can’t imagine financing jewelry or furniture. We’ve delayed purchases well beyond what I would have liked, but our general rule is we have to have the cash. Of course, there are exceptions for health, safety, etc. But overall, a lot can wait.
Having said that, I appreciate that during a time of crisis, which it sounds like you were in, it’s really hard to think beyond the next thing in front of you. I hope that you’re now able to deal with those curveballs without incurring more debt.
I’m glad you’re blogging here, and I am so happy with this new format. I’ve been reading since the beginning, and it’s nice to see so much activity!
There was that sense, I guess to a Point. But at this time, I could have paid for both of these with cash, I was trying to gain credit :-/
I hope I can deal with those curveballs as well. But at this very moment in time, it doesn’t seem that way. But what I am probably doing next is starting the emergency fund.
I also have been reading a pretty long time here at BAD, and am glad that I was one of the ones picked.
Just wanted to chime in and say I’m glad you’re here, Jim! I enjoy your writing style and “voice,” and find it easy to follow. You seem like a good person with a big heart and you clearly love your family very much.
Oh how I can relate on the DS (and I don’t mean darling son! 😉 My divorce has taken over 2 years and is still not finalized. $60,000 invested in legal and other fees, at least $20,000 probably still to be spent. My lawyer is about as effective as yours. Custody and our house are the two biggest issues in my case as well.
My point in sharing is that your luck could be worse! Hopefully better things are around the corner for both our families!