by Claire
A comment today from a new reader prompted me to write this quick post to those readers who are reading but, in some ways, still hiding. As I told that reader–these are the people I really want to reach with my writing. These unknown people are exactly the reason I agreed to be the blogger for this blog. I have learned and will learn so much from the veterans of debt reduction and absolutely value their input—but in those moments that I am embarrassed by my mess, it is those silent readers that get me back to the keyboard.
In the darkest days of my debt, I can still remember myself waking in the middle of the night and walking to the bathroom. Each and every time I did this in the middle of the night, I thought it was because I was aging and my bladder was too! HA! And each and every time I did this in the middle of the night, I remember clearly thinking this thought: “I am $60,000 in credit card debt and no other living soul knows that…how will I EVER pay that back?” I’d go back to bed and toss and turn and eventually fall asleep only to wake in the morning and often go create more debt!
And so the purpose of this post is to share that until I allowed light in on the darkness of my debt—it was not going to go away. For me that moment did not come until I bared my soul to a trusted friend and (thankfully) was met with compassion and understanding. Until that point, I was keeping up a facade on so many fronts and that is so tiring. Now, did I expect to move to such a public forum so quickly? Of course not! But what a gift it has been to share the debt secrets in such a public way! It is the only reason I am making the progress I am making–without a doubt.
Give the idea of sharing with one trusted confidant some thought–and prayer if you are so inclined–the ripple effect will be beyond your wildest dreams. Promise.
Born and raised in Texas. I’ve at least driven through every state in the US courtesy of a roadtrip loving Dad.
I’m single with two children and a good parenting relationship with their father.
I am a “life is just half full of funny” kinda gal. Humor is my saving grace and I am thankful for it every single day. I have a strong Catholic faith and am thankful for that foundation.
I read a lot for a living but still enjoy a good book. I love biographies but in recent years have found the need for fun fictional books–sadly, for a long time I just didn’t enjoy fiction!
I love live theatre of any kind–from local productions to Broadway.
I love to scrapbook and pride myself in my kids’ albums.
I love being a mom but also love my career. I’m blessed to have found a balance allowing me to be at everything my kids need and want me to be at–while also having a career.
Favorite Quotes: Well behaved women rarely make history.
Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out. -James Bryant Conant
Great post! This is exactly the reason that I am very open with my friends about my debt payoff plan. One friend said to me “there’s just no way to get ahead, so why bother trying?” and it was so disheartening. I AM getting ahead, and I have confidence that I will stay ahead and stop being a person that lives paycheck to paycheck. I want to show others that it is possible, and it’s not as hard as they think it will be!
inspiring comment…I do need to hear things like that!!!!
I have been in debt myself and can sympathise how hard it is to change.
I also believe its character building to get through debt. Understanding and managing debt is one of the most powerful tools for building wealth. What I learned from being in debt has helped me to make some money to afford college.
Keep faith Clair, believe me paying off that last dollar is the sweetest thing!
My husband and I have $81,000 of debt. It’s scary as heck.
We charged a big wedding, took a few trips, then I lost my job, we got hit with medical bills, plus back-taxes.
I am just starting to get a plan. The first thing was to add up all the debt (and open all the unopened mail!)
Blogs with tips and motivation are so important to reminding me daily to stay on track. In the beginning, it’s so easy to forget the goal, and go buy one more ‘gottahaveit’.
We need all the help we can get.
wow, thank you….I actually felt like crying when i read this just now….my husband knows the “general conditon” of our finances. It was actually his contact with debt consolidation companies..(and his complete lack of knowledge of such companies and their consequences) that compelled me to step up….he told me the “counseler” (sales person) told him…you’ll never pay off those credit cards…..”, well, if there is one thing I hate, its being told I can’t do something….So here I am….and Claire, yes, I am inclined to prayer…that also got me here…I can’t sleep at night so I pray. I connected to your posts because I saw a lot of similarities, being Catholic, adding to debt every day…similar age…the only thing I don’t have is the same income…So thank you for your Kind and encouraging words…I’m smiling 🙂 and I will keep reading, and doing….I’m inspired!!!
This is my first time commenting, I am one of the silent readers you speak of. I’ve only recently come out about my debt, after being interviewed by a journalist on the student loan debt crisis and reading about the situation from the “bird’s eye view.” I am in so many thousands of dollars in debt, and at times I can’t help but feel I’m in way too deep and in over my head. I have been learning from others’ experiences and passing onto others what I’ve discovered helps. I really value this sharing, it keeps me grounded.
I didn’t comment on your retail therapy post because I didn’t have time but what I was going to say was that when I have a goal, I try to spend 15 minutes a day reading on that topic, whatever the goal might be. So let’s say, if it’s exercise, I might read a fitness book, etc. It helps me to stay focused. So for you, if the goal is to reduce debt, take 15 minutes to read anything that inspires you on the goal of debt reduction and that would help you stay focused on your goal and out of the store. So how does that relate to this post? Well, I don’t have any debt but I do like to read this blog because it inspires me when I see you making progress and it helps me stay disciplined on my savings goals.
Don’t ever be ashamed of where you are at. Lots of people make mistakes but the really cool thing that will happen for you and is happening is that it is opening a whole new world for you. The real food you are now feeding your family is a gift to your family’s health; something that may or may not have happened if you didn’t start down this path. Don’t be afraid to reveal anything. I sense you hold back a lot because I don’t see a lot of posts related to “aha” moments. What I look for are posts to say, “here’s what I used to do and here’s how I feel about that now”. As a reader, the inspiration comes from “seeing the change happen” so don’t feel you need to be perfect. None of us are.
Life is a journey for all of us. You are paying back your debt and that right there, is something to pat yourself on the back. Having a long way to go is no different than a person that has 100 pounds to lose-it’s a long way but everything starts with a single step. Hang in there.
I’m such an open book about everything, even TMI at times but not about my debt. I remember your first blog when you said you were the one out of your group who has it all together. I’m that one too.
My boyfriend, parents and best girlfriends don’t know how much debt I started with ($27,000 in 2011 at 25 years old).
I felt financial lonely. I created a private blog as a personal journal and that helped a lot. Also commenting on PF blogs.
I feel like having a coming out party when all my balances hit 0 next month. It still is really scary to expose all my financial dumbness!
And please anyone who feels financially hopeless please Google “Dave Ramsey”, he changed my life! ($27,000k in March 2011, last $2500 will be debt free next month!)
Woo Hoo Hannah! Wow! Thanks for sharing! You inspire me and others with your progress!
I’m so glad you posted this Claire. I found this blog about a year ago and have been checking back daily ever since. For several years, I kept blinders on so I didn’t have to think about our debt, that was my husband’s department. Until one day, my debit card was denied at the coffee shop for a $4.00 coffee! I was so embarrassed that we had no money in our account. I called my husband in tears and it was a huge wake-up call for both of us. We signed up for Dave Ramsey’s FPU class last winter, and have been working on paying off our debt ever since. Because I was so out of touch with our debt, I thought we owed $25,000, when in actuality, we owed $50,000 in debt, with nothing to show for it. I am a working mom to two young kids and I am so depressed about having to work to pay for mistakes that we made in the past, when my passion is to be a stay-at-home mom. I’ve spent many nights crying and praying about this. In the last year, we have paid off $10,000 of our debt, but it has been a long, frustrating road. Thanks for the great blogging! You all inspire me to keep going.
Thank you for posting Marie! I’m happy to have you on this journey! You’ve already made great progress and there is more to come! I’m worried that August is not going to be a good month for our debt payoff. We are only 5 days in but the back-to-school hits are already hitting! Stay strong and keep praying…you will get there!
Love this post. My boyfriend and I moved in together and it was really tough for me to tell him how much debt I was in .. since we’ll likely get married and he needs to know !! A lot of my friends don’t know the extent to which my debt goes, I just talk about it being “a lot”. Maybe soon I will get the courage to post my own PF blog on Facebook for all of my friends to see. Thanks for the great blog and inspiration! Please give mine a look if you have a chance, I just started it but I feel loads better already that I am taking the steps to get out of this mess.
Take care 🙂