by Claire
As I was chewing on my want of a housekeeper and all of the dialogue that post generated I came across an NPR segment. It was a recent story on financial and legal advisor Richard Watts’ new book, Fables of Fortune: What Rich People Have That You Don’t Want. Mr. Watts advises the very wealthy and has gathered some good stories along the way. He says there is truth to thae phrase that more money means more problems.
The segment can be read here: http://www.npr.org/2012/05/08/152258879/can-mo-money-really-mean-mo-problems
The portion that really struck me was the story about the author’s son’s credit card debt. His son, Todd, was a student at the University of Southern California. Todd was put on a budget but the lifestyle he led was not attainable on that budget so he went to town with credit cards–without his parents knowledge. Upon graduation, Todd had $48,000 in credit card debt. Gulp. What’s a parent to do?!
The paragraph that answers that question is this:
“And it was horrific and it created a situation where my wife and I sat looking at each other and my wife said, he’s a great kid. He got great grades. He’s going on to graduate school. Pay it off. Just write a check and pay it off. And I said, first of all, I can’t do that and, second of all, I won’t do that. And we made him pay and, over the next years, he lived with four guys in an apartment. He had very little he could do for four years.”
Yes, that is the correct answer indeed! But what really, really, REALLY jumped out at me from this paragraph was that last sentence…”He had very little he could do for four years.” Yes, four years is a long time. And, in my case, 2.5 to 3 years is a long time. BUT…in the grand scheme…I think we can all remember 3 years ago and also marvel at just how fast that time has gone!
On my good days I “get” that “to have very little I can do” for the next 3 years is my reality. On the days I feel strong I know it will be worth every “pass” I have to make…every “no thank you…not now” because the reward is freedom from the albatross that this debt has become. A comment from reader Debt-Free Dan hit the nail on the head—I’m not reverting to bad behaviors when I share that I am about to spend money but instead recalibrating (thanks Dan!). I have to be vigilant about sharing those thoughts so they get out there and I learn to make better decisions.
Final thought–I am confident there are many, MANY readers out there that CAN relate to my crazy debt and that will keep me writing! Keep reading because we are in this together!
Born and raised in Texas. I’ve at least driven through every state in the US courtesy of a roadtrip loving Dad.
I’m single with two children and a good parenting relationship with their father.
I am a “life is just half full of funny” kinda gal. Humor is my saving grace and I am thankful for it every single day. I have a strong Catholic faith and am thankful for that foundation.
I read a lot for a living but still enjoy a good book. I love biographies but in recent years have found the need for fun fictional books–sadly, for a long time I just didn’t enjoy fiction!
I love live theatre of any kind–from local productions to Broadway.
I love to scrapbook and pride myself in my kids’ albums.
I love being a mom but also love my career. I’m blessed to have found a balance allowing me to be at everything my kids need and want me to be at–while also having a career.
Favorite Quotes: Well behaved women rarely make history.
Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out. -James Bryant Conant
Sorry you’re still getting some slack from readers. I promise most of us are coming from a good place. We’re equally if not more frustrated then you about your debt (haha, this sentence made me laugh). We’re rooting for you. Well I know I am.
Continue reading, googling, searching those financial articles about anything and everything. Look into Dave Ramsey and other “Debt is BAD!” type of advisors.
What turned me around was I got mad at myself and the situation I created for myself. I WAS PISSED! I am making good money and in a great opportune time in my life (not married and no kids yet) to be THAT IN DEBT.
Keep Writing,
Hannah (Debt free on July 26th, 2012)
I’m glad to hear the parents didn’t just pay off the credit card debt. Their son would have learned nothing. Most people get into debt at some point in their lives, and the only way to get out and stay out is hard work and sacrifice. I wish there was an easier way, believe me!
Time indeed does go very quickly. My husband and I started Dave Ramsey’s plan a little over a year ago and have made a ton of progress, and I don’t feel like we’ve “lost” a year of our lives or anything. It’s brought us closer together and we have less stress in our marriage since we now have an actual plan for our money. I can’t wait to be debt-free, hopefully in another year or so. Good luck to you and please keep writing!
I think it was fine to make the kid pay off the debt however I don’t think people really make changes at anything in life until they really get tired of where they are at and I imagine that the father making the kid suffer a bit to pay off the debt helped get the kid to that spot faster but in my opinion, until people are ready to change, they won’t. The problem with the example was that the parents really didn’t do a good job as they were raising him…if they had instilled the importance of being debt free, paying their bills and living within their means, the kid “may” not have been overextended. You do wonder why it took them 4 years to find out. Also, from the wife’s perspective, it sounds like they were used to throwing money at a problem to solve it but in this case the $48k was a little to bit and made them gulp.
I can speak from experience that even with parents that lived a frugal life, openly shared their finances and explained the importance of living debt free and within your means, a college kid can still screw up. I am currently paying for my screw up. And although it will take a year and half to become debt free again, I am in some ways thankful for my mess up. I know that this experience will prevent me from getting in a deeper financial mess in my future.
My parents were great financial planners even though they didn’t always have a lot of money. Sadly, I did not take after them in my mid-twenties. I got into some horrible credit card debt ($16,000) and thought I would die trying to get rid of it. I am cc debt free now, after over a year of aggressive payments toward my debt. I think about how that $16,000 could be in my savings account right now or how I could have used it to pay for college. It sucks. I was one of those people who just wanted to learn the hard way!
Paying off and navigating through the process of paying off debt is not easy. Having a family makes the process that much more difficult. We have a huge amount of debt that we want to be rid off. We had to reprioritize our wants and focus on the big picture. It is so very hard, and like you have pointed out, sometimes we have setbacks. Its a learning process and I wish you and your family the best of luck!
That article looked so familiar! My husband and I come from vastly different backgrounds – my parents were working-class and we did not have a lot of money, we certainly weren’t in poverty but we had little room for extras. I can honestly say I had a wonderful childhood filled with love, imagination, playfulness two great parents who gave my brother and I as much of their time they could. And now, my parents are doing very well for themselves and are a few years from retirement and they will have plenty of money to live on and have taken great care to ensure their future comforts. My husband, on the other hand, comes from a very wealthy family. His father is a surgeon and his mom was a stay at home mom. Him and his siblings were given everything they could ever want his entire life (including over 300 ninja turtle toys seriously). However, he doesn’t have a great relationship with his father, who he says was never around and always working – providing money for their wealthy lifestyle. Unfortunately, some of his siblings take advantage of his parent’s wealth and essentially see them as the family bank. I just wasn’t raised to believe that – not saying it makes me better, I think it simply makes me more resourceful.
My husband and I have very different thoughts on what parents should pay for. For instance, last summer the a/c went out in my husband’s Jeep. Instantly, he called his mom and she gave us money to fix it. I was really upset about it because I felt that as his wife, I should have been the first call and we should have worked out a plan to fix it ourselves (we could have easily have saved for a few weeks to pay for the replacement part). I grew up with the mentality that if I wanted something, I had to work for it – I wanted a car, I saved and bought one, anything “extra” I had to pay for myself.
We have worked through his dependence on his parents and he is now comfortable with our brainstorming to fix problems. It is interesting because my husband views his parent’s generosity as both a blessing and a curse. He wants to prove that he can make a living for himself without his parent’s help – assert his independence which I believe is an important part of becoming an adult, but he sometimes still expects them to fix things that he should be able to.
One thing the generosity his parent’s provided that is a great blessing – Adam’s education was paid for so he has no student loans. He was able to start work and start saving right away after college. Of course there are many things to be thankful for that his parent’s give us, like love, but not having student loans, especially now, is such a relief esp since I have student loans (but no other debt yay!).