There have been some comments lately about the role my husband plays in our relationship. I thought I have mentioned our roles before, but I could be wrong. Maybe it was in a comment or something. So this post is going to reply to some comments and explain why our situation is the way it is.
I just keep thinking that all of your amazing efforts would move TWICE as fast (think how quickly that credit AND student loan debt would be gone) if your husband could motivate his ass to go get some normal, hourly work of any variety.
There is no doubt that if my husband got a job flipping burgers he would be bringing more money into the house. He could have a schedule and be making minimum wage. Instead of doing that, though, he has worked temp jobs that make more than twice minimum wage. No, it’s not steady work (in fact, he hasn’t had any work for a while now – but it will kick up again). But it’s flexible work.
We’ve done the work opposite shifts thing before. That was so rough on us as a family. I do not want to do that again. The temp jobs were awesome because he could work them while my son was in school, yet, if my son was sick there was no scrambling to try to figure out who could watch my son. Although I work at home, it is not a job where I can watch my son while doing it.
Not only does he [husband] not have a job, this guy apparently does not participate in the financial decision making process in this family. With Tricia itâ€™s always â€œIâ€ did this or â€œIâ€ decided that, never â€œwe.â€
I do have a difficult time with the pronouns. That is because I am in charge of the finances. With my personality, I’m not sure I could ever give them up. That works well for us because my husband has no interest in it. I’m analytical…he’s creative.
Don’t get me wrong – we do discuss some financial decisions. We don’t for the little ones, but we do for the big ones. More often than not, we are on the same page and a decision is reached quickly.
He also comes across as someone who is immature about work – going into debt to buy expensive toys to start a business, not being willing to do enough other work while he was looking for a career-type job, not being a true partner in terms of this get out of debt plan, etc.
The whole business thing was a disaster back then. Every purchase was made by me, and not my husband, because I controlled the money. I’m not sure how many times he said, “We don’t need that,” but I thought otherwise. It ended up being a very expensive lesson. As for getting out of debt, he is my partner. He provides the support that makes it possible for me to bring in additional income.
I think that we would make an awesome family for that wife swap show. Not only do we live a very simple life, the “traditional” role of husband and wife are reversed in our relationship. I make the majority of the money and manage the money. My husband does all of the housework and cooking. I couldn’t tell you the last time I did laundry or washed the dishes. He also takes care of our son. He gets our son ready for school and takes him to the doctors when he is sick. While I try my best to get off work for my son’s school events during the day, if we both can’t be there at least my husband is there for our son.
For our family, this arrangement works. For our finances, this arrangement works. Is there an even better arrangement out there? Yes. That’s why we still are working behind the scenes to try to improve things. More about that will be coming in the next few weeks.