Emily
We’re both smiling and laughing when we talk about this issue, but I can tell you, it’s a fight to the death. When I say that, I mean it’s probably something we will disagree about until one of us dies.
The issue is that I spent a LOT of money on my hair. I get twinges of guilt when I think about how much money goes to such a frivolous cause, and a hopeless one at that (I have ugly hair) but it doesn’t stop me. Ridiculous? Yes. Necessary? To me, yes! Although I hate myself for knowingly spending that much money on my HAIR, for god’s sake, I have a very serious fear of someone messing it up even more than it is already! If you saw my tangly mess, you would think, “Oh that’s impossible!” But the fear remains.
To be fair to myself, I’ve had a LOT of bad experiences at salons. I’ve had every color and length of hair. I’ve had curly and straight hair, frizzy and smooth, green, orange, and blue, and self-cut pixie, an unintentional bob, purple hair, maroon hair, ombré hair… I’ve had so many variations of wrong! My natural hair (whatever it is) is not great to start with, but I have really put it through the ringer over the years, and most of it has been an utter disaster.
I’m older now and married, and for some reason that has made me want more “normal” hair. I guess I’m out of my “art school days” and maybe I’m growing up a bit? Maybe its a sign that I’m finally feeling secure? For whatever reason, I am driven to at least try to be pretty for Adam. Being his wife is such a privilege, and taking care of myself (or at least trying!) is something I like to do to show him that I care about him and think highly of him. It’s a weird respect thing. If I can care for and love myself well, I am more able to love him. Not that I don’t have sweatpants days, just that I try to look good when I can.
Around the time that Adam and I started dating, I started to spend a little more money on my hair. I had just dyed it myself and had a friend cut it in our bathroom, my weight had balooned up and I was feeling terrible about myself. I found a salon on the outskirts of town that had a deals and coupons on services, and I could get in and out with a color-highlight and cut for around $80. To me, at that time, that was a ton of money. But it really did help my confidence.
When we moved to Austin, I had a hard time finding someone for a similar price that wasn’t at a Supercuts. I tried dying it myself again, I got several awful haircuts, and then finally decided to try a fancier salon. I work hard, right? I DESERVED to spend some money on myself! My job is very demanding and stressful, and often not as rewarding as it could be. So I started rewarding myself with salon visits. I love how the stylist LISTENED to me, took the time to painstakingly dry and straighten my curly hair, brought tea in fancy cups and massaged my head. I always walked out feeling pretty and refreshed, having set another appointment and flipped my new hair enough times to shame Marilyn Monroe.
I know expensive salon visits do not ensure good hair. I am living proof. I know good hair is really just good hair- it doesn’t mean very much in my daily life. It won’t help us pay down our debt, it won’t make adam love me or appreciate me more, it won’t get me anywhere I really want to be in life. I know it’s not that big of a priority to me, but I can’t stop going. I wish I could either quit going or stop feeling so guilty about spending the money! I go to great lengths to save $2, and yet, I wont try to save money on my hair. I really don’t want to walk around with ugly hair. It comes down to that. Vanity.
Am I crazy? Do you ever feel guilty about spending money on improving yourself? What do you spending money on that makes YOU feel guilty? You can tell me. My list is MUCH longer than just hair. I was raised VERY frugally, so I feel guilty about MOST of the things I spend money on, even necessities. I have a feeling some of this guilt will be alieviated when we are out of debt, but never fully. I will always be thrif-minded, and I will probably always think paying more than $20 for a haircut is a ripoff.
Maybe that guilty feeling is good. Maybe it reminds me of what is really important to me… and maybe I should listen to my conscience a little more.
Adam
When I asked Emily’s dad to let me marry her a few years back, he sat me down and gave me a list of things I should know about her, both good and bad. One that I remember very clearly is, “She will always do whatever it takes to be beautiful.” And he was absolutely right. Emily really takes care of herself and stuns me daily. I love it about her.
But in my love-struck naiveté, I had no idea what the flip side of this coin would be – which is a LOT of money for personal care. For a guy whose personal care budget includes deodorant, shampoo, body wash, shaving cream, and toothpaste, what goes on behind salon door is a mystery to me. But I cannot fathom how these people can even do anything that costs $250?! Does the hair color have gold flakes in it? And every 6 or 8 weeks?! Emily mentioned the v-word (vanity), and this has definitely been a conversation topic in our house. Oddly enough, Emily did NOT appreciate my doting on Claire for her change to a $30 semi-annual salon trip.
The last time I looked at our bank account and saw the $240 charge from the salon, I went into the stratosphere. But I didn’t take it out on Emily this time. I was actually so upset at what I saw as a consumer injustice that I gave the salon a review on Yelp – I said that they do in fact do good work, but that prospective customers should be aware of the surprise awaiting them at the checkout counter. Yelp’s moderators promptly deleted the review.
I’ve tried the logical approach with Em, comparing this cost to similarly priced options such as:
• A round trip flight almost anywhere in the US
• 3 years of Netflix or Hulu or Amazon Prime
• 1.5 years of my monthly Great Clips cuts
• Or, a single trip to the salon racketeer
I’m at a loss for how to handle this issue in our household. As Em mentioned, it’s just one of many things that keeps us from sticking to a monthly budget, and our combined budget failures have even eaten into our snowball payments at times over the last few months. The real problem is that any item that blows our budget takes us off track for at least the entire month, and often causes us to avoid budgeting conversations for a few additional months.
In the past, we’ve tried budgeting ½ of the cost each month, and letting Emily have this indulgence every other month. But saving the cash from the off month proved elusive if any other expense came up.
I know I feel self-righteous about the issue because I don’t have $250 monthly indulgences. But I certainly have my own collection of coffee shop trips, lunches out, a streaming movie here and there, and I bet it adds up to just as much.
Our current workaround is this: we have 2 bank accounts. Our family account, where my income is deposited and all of our expenses and bills get paid from. Emily has a separate business account that she also uses for expenses that fall outside a budget. She’s been paying for her hair appointments from the business account. This relieves the tension between us, but it also results in tax consequences and hurts her ability to invest in and expand her business.
So this continues to be a struggle for us. I want Emily to know how much I value the care she puts into her appearance. I’m lucky to be married to a beautiful woman. She does work hard at her job and I want her to see the rewards of that. I don’t want her to feel guilty about spending money. But we need to compromise on this issue. There has to be someone around who can do her hair for half or one-quarter the price, right? Salon-goers, is this just what women’s hair care costs?
I remember when Claire stopped regularly going to the salon, thinking that I could never do that! But I find cheap ways around it. Instead of going every 6 weeks, I go about 3 times per year (more than Claire, but less than many people). Also, I do not have a “hair person.” I know the thought of going to a stranger scares some people, but hear me out….
When its time for a cut and color (because, yes, I DO indulge in salon color instead of the DIY-route), I start stocking Groupon. When I find a Groupon that is acceptable (meaning, a good price, and I’ve checked to make sure they have good reviews), then I buy it. This means I go someplace different EVERY time I have my hair done. But you know what – it works for me!
Emily – could you consider doing something like this? It might be a happy medium between what you want and what Adam wants??
I have been thinking seriously about doing it this way. Groupon has AMAZING deals in our area, I think it could work for me!
Hi guys! This is my first time commenting since you started writing. I’ve been reading this blog since Beks, and am excited to follow you two.
Emily, I’m sorry, but $250 for hair every two months when you’re trying to get out of debt is a HUGE expense. I understand how much good hair means – but there are other ways to get good hair on way less money. Everyone would probably prefer to get their hair dyed at a salon instead of out of a box, but when you’re looking at a mountain of debt, you have to make sacrifices – really. And these are the kinds of sacrifices you have to make.
Hi Jocelyn! I’m glad you’re reading along 🙂
I don’t want to sacrifice this one last thing. I AM ready to make some serious compromises, though. Ah, the joy of marriage!
I completely understand only going to someone you trust to do your hair. After searching and having my hair butchered by several different stylists (why is it that they all want to chop off your long hair?) I found someone that I can trust. She is also the ONLY one allowed to touch my 6-year old son’s curly blonde hair. I do stretch my appointments out to every 8-10 weeks or so (more frequently on my son) and our last visit was $125 including tip for cut & color for me and a child’s cut for him.
I have to strongly advise against using the color out of a box. I did do that before I started going to my stylist, and had done pretty bad damage to my hair. I have very fine hair and it took a long time to recover.
Shop around, $240 seems very high but you should be able to find something better than Supercuts for a reasonable price.
$125 for all of that is a deal! Way to go!!
I have fine hair too and it’s trouble. But I think you’re right, I can get a better deal than what I’ve been paying.
A few things to consider:
1) While some will say you have to have a joint account where everything gets paid, I think there are limits to this. Every time I saw my wife get a $2 charge for taking $20 out of an ATM that wasn’t our bank, I think I lost a few days off my life. I soon realized that $2 did not matter in the grand scheme of things. Now, she has her own account for whatever she feels like spending it on. I’m comfortable with the amount that goes in there and don’t worry about what its spent on.
2) $250 is a little different than $2. It sounds like you guys need to proactively talk about how much income you have and where its going to go (there is a b-word for this that I am avoiding!). It doesn’t have to be down to the penny, but if you don’t see eye to eye on a purchase when the size is material to you, that warrants additional discussion.
3) Where is the disconnect? I assume that, if you were multi-millionaires, Adam would be sitting right next to you with cucumbers over his eyes and getting his feet massaged. If you were in the poor house, I gotta believe Emily would happily wear a hat. So, what I see is you are somewhere in the middle and either: a) are not totally in alignment about how quickly you want to get out of debt or b) out of alignment in terms of the value of this item.
Keep up the blogging. You guys are fun to read!
1. The ATM charges! I am exactly the same as your wife about that and I’m sure Adam is feeling vindicated that he’s not the only one that goes crazy about a $2 charge. I’m sure I’ve given him at least a couple gray hairs this way 🙂 We do have separate accounts, and I pay for 80% of why we would call “extras” like show tickets, haircuts, makeup, clothing for both of us, random house stuff… That kind of thing. I recently bought a decorative pillow off of EBay that Adam said he really liked. If he knew what I spent, I know he would have not liked it! I’m not advocating separate accounts, but for us, it allows me some freedoms and helps Adam stay calm
about the expense of things.
2. Yep. Budget talks are coming, I can feel it in the air…
3. So right on! I think it’s somewhere in the middle and probably a little bit of both. Again with the compromising 🙂
THANK YOU FOR COMMENTING! And liking our little blog! What you said made perfect sense to me. Well said, sir!
Emily- If you have been reading this blog for any amount of time then you know what is coming…I think you feel guilty because you know spending that kinda of money is a “want” not a “need”. To say that you do it because you want to look good for Adam is, in my opinion, passive aggressively blaming him for the expense. This whole “I do it for him”, argument falls thr as well because the himin question clearly is against you spending this enormous sum of money on your hair. And this seems to have been a habit prior to your relationship.
I want to look nice and well groomed but I also want us to be able to retire someday and we can’t do that until our mortgage is paid so spending $250 every 6 weeks is out of the question.
That said you should share how you handle spending money. We each have the same amount of spending money deposited into separate accounts each pay period and that money can be used for whatever we want. We don’t have to justify it. So technically I could get my hair done but it would take about 95% of my spending money per month. But I could and my husband couldn’t say anything about it.
I think that spending money on hair is a necessity and not a luxury item. Today a woman needs to look professional if she works in a professional environment and having good hair is part of that, and it’s even more important if you have “problem hair”. The problem with trying to go cheap on your hair is that it looks cheap. I haven’t found a way around the salon. Home hair color might be fine for some but if you have gray hair or difficult hair, it’s not always a great solution. If you try to go cheap at these other cheaper places, more often than not, you get a really bad haircut. Add a bad color to the mix and it’s really something.
I was on a very tight budget for many years and I always made my hair a necessity-I got a haircut and touch up oolor every 4 weeks. I have gray hair that required permanent color when I was in my early 30’s so color isn’t optional and the hair color in the stores is only temporary and that doesn’t cover it. I could not go beyond 4 weeks because my hair is healthy and grows really fast and I’d be left with gray roots. When I was on a tight budget, I didn’t get it highlighted so that saved money; I used a tracfone when I had the money and didn’t have a smart phone until last year. Hair was my only expense outside the traditional necessities; I didn’t even go to restaurants or fast food or anything to be able to afford my hair. I see it as keeping yourself “marketable” in this job environment. Currently, I get it highlighted every few months. I spend $120/month including tip on the months without the highlights. That is cheap compared to some salons!
Another reason you can’t go cheap is that salons can ruin your hair. I had a friend who went to a reputable salon and they made a mistake with the color and ruined her hair. She had to wear a wig for weeks because her blond hair turned gray! Yes, old lady gray! And she was job hunting so she had to wear a wig! And then her hair fell out and she got a bald spot. Of course she took some legal action but still. She was mortified and felt like a fake having to wear a wig.
If Emily is spending $250 every 8 weeks, that is $125/month. I don’t find that unreasonable. I highly doubt she could get her hair done for under $100 today; that is just my opinion and certainly it will very in different parts of the country. This is sure to be a hot button topic however if it were me, I’d cut in every other category before I’d ever cut out salon visits.
I’m glad you pointed out the need to appear professional. As much as it may be wrong, a person’s appearance does affect their ability to get a job, etc.
And that’s awful what happened to your friend!!! I don’t even want to know how blonde hair can be turned grey by a coloring gone bad :S
YES! I totally agree. Hair is important to your overall “look” and its really hard to get a polished, professional look with a cheap hair cut and color. I’ve had every possible bad outcome at a salon and at home trying to save money, and it is really frustrating and usually ends up costing waaaaay more than just getting it done right the first time.
Thanks for backing me up! I stalked your blog and saw that your hair is IMMACULATE. I mean, absolutely perfect. I’m sure my hair will never look that polished, no matter how much I pay!
“But I cannot fathom how these people can even do anything that costs $250?! Does the hair color have gold flakes in it? And every 6 or 8 weeks?!”
For Adam: OK, I am NOT a hair salon person. I have easy hair, so I go to the salon once or twice a year for a hair cut, so my ability to shed light on what goes on is limited. But, I’ll give it a try.
For starters, if you have a dye job and/or a haricut that looks shaggy when it starts to grow out then you need to go every 6-8 weeks to keep things tidy and color the roots. Also, the colorists in salons would be able to give a more natural color and look than the at home do-it-yourself kits. And, I suspect the dye they use at the salons is a higher quality than the home dyes.
For Emily: I wonder why it’s always the same amount for each visit. A full dye would cost more than a touch up, or at least it should. So I would expect a full dye once or twice a year with smaller charges for touch ups throughout. Also, is it possible to get a different hair cut that doesn’t require a trim as often?
And, is your natural hair REALLY that bad? Is there a style you could go with that turns your natural hair to an advantage? And any defrizzing and conditioning products you could use to tame the curls as opposed to outright straightening it? My hair is naturally wavy, but got wavier starting 8 years ago. After decades of blowing drying it into a nice bob that curved under, I no longer could do that. I finally just thought, “Why fight it?” and found a stylist who cut my hair so the natural waves were flattering and I didn’t have to do anything with my hair but let it be. Is it possible to do something similar?
I’m not trying to be judgmental – just trying to find a middle ground. And I recognize that I don’t know what it’s like to have curly, hard to deal with hair. All I know is that it exists and for some women it’s a complete curse. (There was a similar discussion about this on Getting Rich Slowly.) And I know how important it is to yourself to feel good about how you look.
Thanks for mentioning the points I forgot! I do think the salon is able to make it look MUCH more natural than a box, and the particular one I was going to used a special dye that’s supposed to not damage your hair (inoa).
I have also wondered why each visit costs the same amount. Doesn’t really make sense. And Ive been wondering if I could get a cut that it doesn’t require as much maintenance. So those are definitely ideas to explore as I try to save some money. Thank you!
And thank you so much for understanding that it is important to feel good about the way you look! I’m disappointed that it has to take me more time and money to look put together than others (YOU for instance- you lucky pretty hair girl! ugh!) but it could be much worse, right?
Most of my friends who have a load of debt can usually “justify” the “reason” they “must have” this or that. It’s not a “need” but a want here. I don’t buy it that you “have” to keep using this salon – that is a LOT of money – for anyone, and especially for someone who has DEBT to pay off! Keep asking around when you see someone who’s hair you admire – ask them where they get it done and then check into it. I use to pay over $50 for a haircut, plus tip – and I’d come away most of the time not satisfied. I saw a lady at a bank whose hair I loved, asked her where she got it done, and got the name/phone number of her stylist. I’ve been going to her for the last 7 years – and I’m paying HALF of what I was paying – and I flipping love the way she cuts my hair! So you CAN find a place that will do just about the same service, for less money – you just have to find them!
I know exactly how you feel Emily – looking good makes us feel more positive about everything and when you’re making sacrifices left right and centre, it’s tough to give up something you really (really) want. I’ve spent a fortune on my hair over the years in fancy salons. Since having my daughter though, I never get chance to visit a salon (result!) so I’ve found a mobile hairdresser who comes to my home to do my hair. She does a brilliant job and it costs me 1/3 of what I used to pay. Do I miss the salon and feeling of being pampered that goes with it? Yep! But after my hair is done, the result is the same and I can feel satisfaction about saving money.
Lucky. 🙂
First off, welcome and I am enjoying reading and getting to know you. There is one side that I don’t think has been pointed out yet. I used to go to a salon that was not real fancy but did a great job with my hair. My friend came to the same salon once but her response was she just didn’t like it. My hairstylist told me later that she thought if she had charged her twice as much she would have been back. There are times that we feel if we pay more that must mean that they’ve done a better job or used more high quality products. That is not always true. Now that said, of course sometimes paying less does mean you get less but not always. I knew a gal at a barber shop that would do women’s hair but at a barber shop price. She worked at a barber shop because she loved working with the men and doing simple cuts all day. But she was great at women’s hair too and did a fantastic job. No you don’t get the drink perhaps, but you can bring your own lol.
Also I have to ask if having your own separate account to pay for the “extras” as you put it is really an excuse to be able to spend a bit freely with that money. Again – I’m not criticizing because I’ve done the same – but make sure you can justify your spending from that account to. Buying a decorative pillow that even you know cost a lot of money doesn’t seem the best given your “get out of debt” plan.
Can’t wait to keep reading!
I struggle with thinking things will be better quality if they’re higher priced or packaged nicely. I’m a total sucker for packaging! Why do I like only the pretty candles? And pillows? And toiletry items??!! What is that?!
I know many of the purchases I make with my account are completely unjustifiable, and I think we’ll start exploring that in our budget posts coming up. Thanks for reading and stick around for the juicy stuff. It’s about to get real.
Buying into this is part of the reason you are in debt!! Marketing people KNOW this about buyers! Truly, you can find a stylist who possibly rents her space in a “not so snazzy” place who does just as good of a job as the gal in the fancy-schmancy place. That $250 you are paying – well, that’s helping them pay for all of the “fluff” – and as far as I’m concerned – I don’t want to pay for the fluff – I’d rather keep the extra money in my bank account!
I can understand the struggle that Adam is having with this, but as a professional woman I know that others perceive me by how I look and feel. Good hair = feeling good about myself. I do not think $250 is excessive when it averages out to $125/month. If Emily can find a way to cut this by 20% without compromising quality that would be fabulous-but I agree with previous comments that a cheap day at the salon is often a nightmare later. It can cost more to “undue” whatever was saved.
EXACTLY.
If I look like I don’t take care of myself, will people think I can’t take care of business? Probably.
As another person with curly hair, I totally get the hair salon thing. I pay $65 every ten weeks for a cut, but don’t color. I wear it curly, so I’m also just paying for products to keep the frizz under control and the curls clumped.
Do you do a base color and highlights? Is it possible that you could wean yourself off to just highlights or just base eventually? If not, maybe get closer to your natural base color so you don’t have to go for touch-ups so often.
That might work. I went gray at 26 and that’s when I started getting more than just highlights. I need to ask for the next stylist to give me a plan that I can stick to.
What do you use for your curls?
I also have curly hair and the best product I’ve found is the Deva curl line. No sulfate shampoo/conditioner, revitalize spray and gel. The. Best.
Ooh thanks! I’ll check it out
Oh, grey at 26… That definitely explains the dye 🙁 Same thing happened to my grandmother and someone I used to work with. And it would explain why you’d want a pro to color – I’ve heard grey can be tricky. If you’re grey and you want to be a red head you could easily end up with pink hair 😛
Anoother possibility, and I have no idea if this would work for you, but is frosting cheaper than dyeing? I know it isn’t as harsh on the hair, and maybe it only works if you want to be a blonde.
I’ll let people more knowledgeable than myself debate the absolute cost and what’s a good value. The part I don’t get is from Adam’s part: “I’m at a loss for how to handle this issue in our household. As Em mentioned, it’s just one of many things that keeps us from sticking to a monthly budget, and our combined budget failures have even eaten into our snowball payments at times over the last few months.”
It seems like this should just be a budget line item, no? $125 a month. Not a small sum of money, but similar to cable bills, telephone bills, utilities, etc. so not exactly a budget-buster. Given your debt payoff timeline, I’m estimating that this item is just a few percent of your monthly debt payment. Hardly worth even the risk of marital disharmony to me!
Yes! I could not agree more. I hate fighting about things that can easily be resolved when there’s other things that are harder and really worth fighting about.
My suggestion is you should check out a Cosmetology school in the area. I get mine done there occasionally and they are just as good as the high end salons. they just take a little longer so plan for it. There are supervisors (teachers) there to hold the students hands all along the way and they are graded, etc. I have never had an issue and the prices are so much more less than a high end salon. I used a Paul Mitchell, but there are plenty of others I bet. good luck it’s a tough call.
If Emily is so picky, I doubt Cosmetology school is the way to go. {I am the opposite of picky, but would NOT go to the Cosmetology school we have. We took our kids there like age 0-5; they had some terrible haircuts. After age 5, Supercuts is cheaper, and the quality is like 10 times better. It might be okay for coloring, beauty treatments, etc. It might depend on the school. I wouldn’t let them near my head with scissors though, personally}.
We each get a $100 allowance each week to spend as we wish. Before kids and allowance I got my hair done every 8 weeks, nails every 2 weeks, Botox and on and on. With my allowance I can spend $1000 on my hair and he can’t say anything. But having that allowance has really caused me to focus. Now I do get my hair cut at super cuts and for the first time in 4 years got my hair died at a salon. I bought my own gel nail lights and do my nails. Maybe 2 times/year I splurge on a mani/pedi. We also have to buy our clothes from our allowances and lunches if we opt not to take something from home. It has worked really well for both of us!
Wondering if this would work for us? I really like that idea!
I love my hair. It’s the one part of me that I think is worth spending money on. My hair is very long, and to keep it looking healthy and stylish, I get it trimmed and colored about every three months. It gets weaved blonde, which is time intensively (two hours), especially for long hair. It costs me $120, which includes a tip. I tried coloring myself, and I tried cheap hair cuts. Nope. My husband knows that this is my one extravagance, and he supports it because…it’s my one extravagance.
I would recommend shopping around. $240 every two months is ridiculously expensive. Start asking friends whose hair you like where they get their hair done, and go from there. Otherwise, I completely understand wanting to take care of yourself in this way (clearly). 🙂
I actually thought it was not wise for Claire to stop getting her hair professional groomed, seeing as she is an attorney and must have a very professional appearance. I, too, work in a law office now, and whether we like it or not, we are judged on our appearance. It could mean the difference between a promotion or not.
I’m sorry but that is a ridiculous amount to pay anywhere! I work at an ulta you could get your hair done for a fraction of the cost. Youll get a bottle of water instead of tea, and 20% off your first service. You can always make friends with a professional stylist and have them work on you at home off the clock so they’re not charging you extra since they’re renting out their booth.
If at 8 weeks you start to see roots, try and boxed root touch up, start wearing headbands or scarves. Get creative!
You don’t have to go to super cuts, there are other affordable options less than $250
I think it’s time to gently break up with your salon, but ask your stylist (on the dl) if they do any side work, most do!
Oh yeah! An easier way to get away from hair dye is by doing a color glaze, it’s cheaper, demi permanent, and allows your hair to recoop from previous damage, and get back to a more natural color.
The products you use make a difference as well. Not saying buy pureology for $65 a bottle, but hitting up a store like ulta, beauty brands or sallys when they’re having a liter sale, for half price. The right product will keep your color longer, and hair healthier.
Okay…I’m reading this post AFTER I JUST text my “hair girl” yesterday and said this to her…I am in desperate need of a hc, color, brows. I’m a mess. To which she responded with this “I have next Tuesday or Thursday open” But, I was REALLY hoping to get in yesterday! In my sulking that I couldn’t get in yesterday, I made the appt for next Thursday.
In reading this post, I am filled with guilt and anger, about our own situation. Our situation does not involve a hair issue as a big topic, LOL. But prior to marriage I lived well below my budget and was a single mom. Because I lived below my budget, I could freely move about my life, guilt free for coffees, vacations, etc. I had my hair done for $100 with my “hair girl” for years, taking only one year off to save to buy my own home. When my husband (the father of my son) and I did get married, he brought a lot of debt (which I was aware of), and then added to our debt (which I strongly advised against)….then I lost my job….then we became a one income family when we were living off a two income family, but really as much as we spent, more like a 4 income family. SIGH
We are in great debt, and if one little thing like a hospital stay came up…we’d be declaring bankruptcy, that’s how tight we are. Just before his payday yesterday, our account had $2.03 in it. YIKES. I’ve actually inquired on how to join this blog..cause we have a lot to talk about.
But, as for my guilt and anger after reading this post…I have not had my hair cut or colored since Easter of 2012 – for a wedding I was in. I, too, take care of my entire self, in fact, I have a fb page and instagram account named realfood realbody because I care about what goes into my body and want others to feel the same about their’s. But I have sacrificed my hair because there is never money in the account to use for this one thing. So, I’m angry I can’t just freely, as I did when I was single, make an appt and enjoy the whole experience (even paying) and I’m guilty because I made the appt after asking permission from my husband, yet knowing I could use the $100 toward cc debt, a new eye exam and eye wear for our son, back to school clothing, etc etc.
Reading this post brings me back to reality in my own life.
Em, $100 is a lot, but $240 is CRAZY! I hope you can find it cheaper because I know the feeling of having a great hair cut and color!
If you are one emergency away from BK, maybe you should call a BK attorney and get it over with. Just a thought.
(I fully realize I might get slammed for this suggestion, but in the end you have to take care of you and yours. My friend did the numbers and found she’d paid back all her credit cards twice over and still had the same high debt as ever. She had no qualms about writing it all off after realizing that.)
I’m going to do something shocking and completely agree with Emily:) I have fine wavy hair and my fair share of horrendous color jobs and haircuts over the years. My husband can attest to WEEKS of me crying and feeling ugly over a bad haircut. I will not compromise on the amount I spend on my hair, nor does he want me to after dealing with the emotional breakdowns for 17 years!
All of these services you get would cost about $200 at one of our better salons here in GA, so being in the Austin area, it makes sense that it would be a bit more expensive. I used to live outside of Austin and it used to be an inexpensive area to live, but it became a trendy, hip little city since then and unfortunately, you are paying the price for that.
It’s really hard to put a price on beauty and feeling great about yourself. Obviously, we have to set reasonable limits if we’re concerned about debt, retirement, etc., but take it from a woman in her early 40’s… embrace your youth and desire to look as great as possible right now. There will come a day when there are things you really can’t do anything about (without major surgery) and I miss the days when hair was my only concern and the only real cost involved in looking good.
Your debt will be paid off one way or the other, even if your hair causes it to take a little longer. You will never get back the younger years and wasting them feeling less than beautiful is truly a WASTE.
We can’t forget to live in the here and now while we’re constantly planning for our future. If you can squeeze it out of your budget, and you’ve finally found “The One” that makes you feel and look beautiful, I say go for it!!
Sorry, Adam:)
I just wanted to point this out before I totally get slammed for my previous comment:
Adam, I assume you’ve used some type of debt calculator based on your monthly snowball amount, your remaining debt and your expected 5 year payoff. Let’s say that Emily is paying approximately double ($125) what she should/could be paying for her hair services and she gets this done every 8 weeks for a total of $725 per year in extra/excessive expenses. Over that 5 year debt payoff it comes out to about $3,750 and will extend your payoff by about 2 months. Is extending it 2 months really worth the marital discord and Emily not feeling as good about her appearance?
Only you guys can decide that, but I think 2 months is nothing in the big scheme of things (as long as it’s the only indulgence that she allows herself).
Just some thoughts.
While some responders have put forth salient arguments and rationalizations for Emily’s hair cut/color regimen such as the need to look professional, problematic hair texture, and the belief “I work hard and gosh darnit I’m worth it,” $250 every 4-6 weeks weeks or so is very expensive, even for a fellow Austinite like me.
For those that think it’s okay that Emily spends this amount of money when they are seriously in debt, what about Adam? Should he not get a $250 stipend every 4-6 weeks for say, video games or UT football tickets, since he works hard and gosh darnit he’s worth it? Or another 3-4 goats every month? Or how about a steer (longhorn preferably), if he so chooses?
It seems rather inequitable that Emily has a relatively large amount of money to spend every month on ONE item, where Adam is ostensibly tightening his belt. To tackle this debt will take intestinal fortitude on both of their parts. I could see where this issue could cause resentment eventually.
Lori, very well said. I clearly see why Adam is frustrated, and don’t particularly agree it’s easy or best to just sweep it aside “in the name of marital harmony.”
Adam’s frustration appears to be over the value proposition.
Sounds like they don’t really have a budget so who knows if Adam isn’t already spending more on frivolous things because he’s worth it. They need to sit down every night and log everything they spend for about 2 weeks to figure out what is actually going on.
Well, if you want to be technical about this, it’s Adam’s debt. It was his desire to acquire a graduate degree at what I would consider an extremely expensive school.
I think Adam already had his longhorn steer and ate it too.
While yes the student loan debt is “Adam’s debt,” it is quite obvious from Adam’s previous blog posts that such an expense has improved their combined income considerably, and will help provide financial security in the future. Unlike $250 a month spent on hair cut/coloring. If one wants to nitpick as the above poster has done, their previous debts should be dispersed between them so the proper blame can be assigned, no?
Their situation is an example of the dynamic of couples and the merging of lives. What one spouse finds to be a want another finds a need, and so forth. They are playing this out on a blog to seek guidance and a “listening ear” while they go through this process. We readers provide that “listening ear” and opinions as we offer our own experiences in the process. We can agree or disagree with them on haircuts, goats and guest homes etc., but in the end they have to work this out themselves.
As an aside, the comment “I think Adam already had his longhorn steer and ate it too” is really unnecessary by the poster above. I guess a nerve was struck.
Please. Look at the comment above my response and tell me who had a nerve struck. While Adam’s student loan debt may be providing a bigger paycheck, I broke it down to a dollar amount for Emily’s small indulgence in comparison.
You can insinuate that I’m being an “internet bully”, but I’m in Emily’s court on this one and I think sometimes men don’t understand a woman’s need to feel attractive. Go ahead, call me “superficial” too, but I think it’s just as important to feel good on the outside as on the inside.
I actually think I just struck a nerve with some on here with pointing out that Adam and Emily’s HUGE debt is due to a choice Adam made. Yes, they have to work as a couple and face the debt together, but $3750 in hair services over 5 years when you’re facing $114,000 in student loan debt is just silly to stress out about.
Maybe I’m just really really good at budgeting (and I’ve been told that I am), but I could squeeze that little extra out for a luxury and still pay off the debt. It’s all about choices.
To respond to the comment below, wow just wow. Good luck with that attitude.
Just to clarify,I meant the comment above by Cathy, not Alexandria.
Get’s tough to keep threading this deep. ..
Cathy makes a good point about how small this is compared to other things. But there is still the issue of Can this be accomplished for less money?
There is also the psychology of it, however, which is if debt is an addiction, an expensive salon could be like an alcoholic stopping at the bar for just one drink. It makes all the other much smaller things also seem cheap.
Yes, it probably can be budgeted for, but only if you already have control of all the other spending.
I find it interesting that Emily spent a lot of time justifying the expense but not disclosing what it was. I almost fell out of my chair when Adam chimed in with the actual price of these salon visits. O.M.G.
Emily, you could surely find a salon that would fit your needs for a small fraction of the price. There has to be at least some middle ground, while you are getting out of debt. I almost feel like saying, “Then you could go back once you are done with your debt journey.” But let’s face it, if you found someone as good for $100-ish, you would never go back to paying $240.
I personally have absolutely no problem looking professional and groomed without spending much money at all on vanity or personal care. I am forgiving that people have different types hair. Everyone is different. But I am more responding to this idea that I see often, particularly online when people don’t know me from Adam, that we have to spend a fortune on beauty to “pass” in society. A lot of it seems pretty unnecessary and in the head. I mean heck, Adam, do you really notice any discernable difference when she gets the $240 haircut, or do you think it’s mostly in her head? I think if it was a particularly useful expense that he would be more on her side. What I think Adam is noticing is that probably it doesn’t make a difference to anyone else (outside appearance) where she gets her hair cut. This doesn’t discount that it makes “her” feel good, but it would clearly put it in the category of “WANT” versus “NEED”.
BEAUTY! A topic near and dear to my heart! I am going to beauty school in the Fall or Spring and have quite the beauty habit myself!
Regarding Hair:
Have you tried a beauty school? The students on the floor really know what they are doing by the time they are behind the chair, and are supervised well when it comes to color. Austin should have a Paul Mitchell school or other type of well respected beauty school. Look on the Yelp for client reviews.
Also, L’Oreal’s new Advanced Haircare Color Vibrancy is AMAZING and only $5.99, or less if you get it on sale and use a coupon.
Skin Care:
Take a look at Beautypedia.com for amazing reviews and articles on just about every skin care and make-up product out there. It’s Paula Begoun’s, a consumer advocate, site and they recommend great products at every price point.
Make-up:
Elf is a good cheap brand, I have a lot of their stuff. But CVS can’t be beat for their Beauty Club. For every $50 you spend, you get $5 in Extra Bucks (that $50 includes everything from make-up and skin care to shampoo and deodorant). Plus, you get Extra Bucks for spending on certain items. Look at SimplyCVS.com.
Hope that helps!
To assuage some assertions that have been made regarding the wisdom of obtaining a MBA degree, the following article highlights that the average new MBA begins making $40,000 more per year than they would with just an undergraduate degree. Link: http://www.topmba.com/articles/news-and-features/mba-pay-averages-40000-more-undergraduate
At an minimum that equates to $1,400,000 more in income over 35 years. Given these numbers, it should be rather obvious that Adam’s investment in a MBA is more than worth the up-front expense.
I have really short hair but I live 1+ hour north of toronto Ontario and pay $160 with tip for cut dye and highlights. I wear ‘cheap & cheerful’ clothes but my hair is important. The older you get, the more you need to look young and professional in the work field. I can wear a Walmart pencil skirt and sweater but decent hair and shoes elevates the outfit
I get my hair done every 5-6 weeks, I spend my ‘allowance’ on my hair and it makes me happy to look modern
Ummm, I haven’t read all the replies, but here’s a thought. $250 at every 6 weeks is $2200 a year. How about you let Adam spend the same amount on whatever he wants… some new golf clubs, a guys trip away for the weekend, a motorcycle or a four wheeler and see if you feel the same way….
I already commented, but just coincidentally came across this site – www.esalon.com. I haven’t tried it, but it sounds like an awesome idea and a great deal!! They do a full custom profile for you (based on hair color, eye color, skin tone, hair type, etc etc etc), and then they PERSONALLY mix (not a pre-made mix) a hair dye specifically for you and ship to your house. It’s salon-quality but DIY at home! And the best part is it only costs $20! I usually do highlights, but I might switch to an all-over color if I can save over $100 and still have salon-quality color! I’ll let you know what I think if I try it out!
Please do! That’s an awesome idea!
I live in Seattle, and pay $125 for a cut and color every 8 weeks. $240 is insane.
That said, this sounds like an excellent time for you each to get some individual spending money setup going. My husband and I don’t have a set amount, but we make sure to check in with the other.
This is ridiculous. All of us have areas of spending that we can justify in a million ways – we all have vanity in some regard and it seems all Americans specialize in justify needs and luxuries as necessities. But then we need to be grownups and look at the math. Getting yourself free from debt and on a life-long path toward financial freedom will make you feel much better than perfect hair. There’s value in the discipline and sacrifice that it takes to give up something we value in order to be financially responsible and put the good of the overall household first.
Clean up your financial mess. Make sacrifices to do it. Do what it takes to clean it up as fast as possible – dragging debt reduction over tons of years is extra-exhausting. Then you can actually afford to pay for hair-related luxuries without stressing your budget and your husband.
Also, this is all about yourself and your own needs, Emily. Your husband would obviously prefer you not do it and obviously is fine with your hair minus the expensive services, so don’t blame it on “taking care of yourself” for him.
Yes, I think that if they are REALLY SERIOUS about paying off their debt, they will come to a resolution and see that this is WAY WAY WAY too much to be paying for salon services. I have to say – if you CANNOT pay CASH for something – you really CANNOT afford it. You gals spend a FORTUNE on nail/hair salons – it’s ridiculous! Do you know how much you could be putting into SAVINGS for your RETIREMENT if you cut back in these areas? It’s NO WONDER young people have so much debt – many of them have the attitude shown here in this thread – “you’re worth it” “you MUST have it for your career” all kinds of excuses for spending money you really DO NOT HAVE and getting further into debt instead of climbing out of that big, dark, scary debt hole you are in. With this attitude, you may NEVER get out of debt. Just sayin…………
Wow. And I was accused of having an attitude.
In Adam and Emily’s defense, I don’t see their particular situation as a “financial mess”. I think it’s because it’s student loan debt and not credit card debt or irresponsible spending that forms my opinion on that.
Plus, they’ve already shown they have the responsibility to pay off $50,000 in debt already.
It’s interesting to see all of the different viewpoints on here, but the venom is really unfortunate. I dislike seeing blanket statements on here about all Americans having a debt problem. Many Americans have had a very rude awakening these past 5 years and are trying to clean up their act and take care of their families. Many can’t even fathom planning or investing for retirement anymore due to huge job loss.
I’m glad for Adam and Emily’s sake that they have a good income and can talk out the pros and cons of expensive hair treatments, but we don’t need to beat them up over it.
Yeah, that’s the problem with the internet. Along with helpful and thoughtful advice you get a lot of anger and venom :/
I’m with Adam on this, but that’s possibly because I did my last haircut by putting my hair in a ponytail, then putting it again in a ponytail farther out, then a third, then bobbing it at that point. I hate having my hair touched, so that helps a lot.
I went grey at 21 and there was no way I was dying my hair for 60+ years. No way, no how.
On the other hand, sounds like Adam might be equally guilty of wasteful spending. You two both need to do a daily spending audit, sitting down at a table and logging everything. You need to do this for at least a week. Then you need to sort out allowance amounts and nothing else gets spent, nothing, except for essentials.
I had a roommate in college who was always 30 pounds heavier than she wanted to be. Smart as a tack, knew everything about food and health. But I’d come home and she’d be making little cakes, or pudding, or clotted cream over berries or something else with tea. When I’d comment, she’d say, but I only do this once a month! My reply: girl, trouble is, you have 30 things you “only do once a month.”
I go to the salon three times a year, and spend 90-100 dollars for a cut, partial highlight (to disguise gray hairs) and brow wax. I’m a stay at home mom, and before that I was a preschool teacher, so most of the time my long hair was kept in a ponytail. While I agree that “professional” looking hair can cost more, I think spending $240 every 4-6 weeks is not responsible. If you want to save money on your hair, accept your natural color and texture. The less heat and chemicals/color you use, the healthier your hair, and that means you can go longer between salon visits. Talk to your stylist, and explain your situation, perhaps he or she can explain ways that you can save money on your hair.
I’m with Adam on this one. I could never spend $250 on my hair! Being a professional or not has nothing to do with it. Surely you could find more affordable salons in your area. That’s a good chunk of money you could be putting towards your debt. A little sacrifice NOW will give you a LOT of freedom in the future. 🙂 Love the debate in these comments!
After reading some of the other comments, I’m surprised and saddened to see how easily people justify spending money they don’t have (or money that should go toward debt). “Looking professional” is not a good justification for spending a ton of money on anything, especially hair. Spending a lot on hair doesn’t have any justification other than if someone has money to burn and wants to do it. The country is full of women who look very professional and spend far less on their hair. I just read an interview with a female VP of a Fortune 500 company who spend no money on her hair other than shampoo and conditioner – she said she cuts it herself and wears it in a low, easy bun every day because she’s too busy to bother with anything else and doesn’t want to waste time on her hair.
You need to have a good cut and color to be professional. I totally agree with this. However, I can’t get on board with you taking the money out of your business account to avoid an argument about it. If you are going to spend $250 a month on your hair, then do so but fully own that decision. Put that amount in your budget in black and white, and then look for ways to decrease the budget in other areas. No need to fight about it; it is simply another line in your budget. And perhaps as time goes by you will find a less expensive option. Super. Then you can take the difference that you save and apply it to the debt. But much better in my opinion to have the item there in black and white than to try to sneak it in the back door. And if you’re hurting your business taking the money out of the business account, that is just another reason for total honesty about your spending habits.
Yikes. You are so totally right. There are a lot of things I just pay for out of my separate account, and even if its just a coffee, it feels like I’m sneaking around. I hate that feeling! We added this expense into our new budget 🙂
I have “hair” and can look professional just by putting it up in a clip in 5 seconds. I am an attorney so I understand about needing to look professional in the work environment. I can’t comment on whether or not the amount is too much or about right, but I can say in our journey (my husband and I) to improve our spending/saving/financial habits the thing that has worked the best is to each have our own “Fun Money.” We each get $150 a month to spend on whatever we want. Clothes, beer brewing equipment, hair stuff, lunches out, etc. When it’s gone it’s gone. I take mine out in cash because I am apt to go over budget without doing so. I do have a separate budget for “beauty products” but that is a pretty small budget, as I only get my hair cut T $50 with tip every 4 months. This plan gives us freedom and autonomy and we practice using that money responsibly. I can save mine up for the month towards a big ticket item (new skis) or spend it all on lunches out. I understand the fursteration of seeing imbalance in the budget. I spend quite a bit on health care/pain management due to health issues I face, but without these things I am not a happy person to live with. Example: My $75 a month massage. Helps me stay sane and minimizes the pain I deal with. We fought about it first, then talked about it further, then I cut back in other areas, and we just budgeted it and now it’s fine. We use YNAB and it has been an amazing tool and we no longer live paycheck to paycheck. We also have over 100K in student loans to pay off, so I understand that crunch. We have decided to just pay them off over time and not stress about it. It’s a better plan for us. And we have already paid off $30K in student loans , and $7K in cc debt. You are on your way Emily and Adam!
oops, typo-I meant I have fine straight “easy hair.” 🙂
Wow!! You’ve paid off so much! Keep going!!! 🙂
I like that you make concessions for what will
make you feel better. I’ve never had a real
massage before, but ive always wanted to try it.
How about going to a beauty school for color and highlights? I know that can be scary, but it can also be awesome! In fact that’s how I found my way overpriced hair dresser that I currently go to! I started at the school, had three different stylists there that all did a great job, the third was so awesome and I connected with her so much that I followed her once she graduated!
Anyway, highlights are $23, color is $10 and cuts are $10. Might be worth trying!
Wow. You have some nice commenters. Me, well, I’ve listened to a lot of Dave Ramsey. Try calling him and see what he says (he would LOL at you, I’m pretty sure). I think you two would really benefit from taking his Financial Peace course. You really need one joint account. You really need a monthly allowance for both of you (like $100 or less). $250 is ridiculous amount to spend on your hair. I get a great haircut from a local gal at a small salon twice a year (yes I had to hunt to find her but its been worth a few bad cuts). It costs me $40 bucks. I shop for my salon-quality hair care products on ebay for 30% of their original cost. I am a performer and on stage weekly – I have to look good. I do it on about $15 bucks a month, plus a $30 clothing budget per month that is nearly all spent at thrift stores. That $250 can last you all year, if you really want to get out of debt. I’m beginning to think you guys have forgotten this is a debt reduction blog. So far every post has been justifying your spending. Huh.
we have done the FPU program and read the book. he would disagree with $250 hair care but he’s bald! we do buy most of our clothes from thrift stores. we are 3 weeks into blogging here, hang with us and watch us pay off our debt. we are on pace to pay off $25k/year for 7 years in a row, so hang around!
I’m a little confused. This site used to be about paying down debt. However the new posts all seem to be about new purchases/expenses – a new house, goats, lumber and soil for raised beds, hair care, etc. I have yet to read one thing about how you are going to economize so that you can pay off debt. What are you willing to deny yourself so that you can pay those who lent you money?
We are in a transition phase of our lives – moving, new job, and preparing to start a family. My understanding is that we are “blogging while we pay off debt.” But to clarify, the goats ($150) were a substitute for professional land clearing or a bunch of expensive lawn mowers/tools. The gardening is about growing food/saving grocery money, and the DIY is about spending less as well. While these posts are about new things in our lives, they are also about doing these things in a creative/less expensive way while we pay off debt. just my take.
My hair is thick, shinny, healthy and I wash it in Palmolive dish detergent (since 7th grade, I’m now age 59, and get constant compliments). Haircuts from a local salon for $20, about twice a year. Never colored or treated. Clean, healthy hair is beautiful hair. I do use hot rollers every day for body. Yeah, I get the prize for cheap hair, and yes, I was blessed with great hair.
ALERT:
Don’t try to enlist your readers to take sides in matrimonial disagreements. It is a turn off and you will end up being very unfair to each other to try to score points.
I don’t think this is a fair criticism. It’s a good question and if they can gather ideas from this discussion – more power to them.
I spend a fair chunk of change for my salon appointments – probably more than I need to, but I can tell the difference between what Brittany does at my Aveda salon versus going to a Supercuts. So – I am sympathetic to some extent.
When my husband and I were in debt and I was going to Supercuts, another “technique” that I did to maximize how much we spent on our haircut costs was that I bought a Wahl trimmer for $25 and I cut my husband’s hair. We’ve done that for about three or four years now and it works pretty well. It’s not going to make up for $250 every couple of months, but it might be another cost saving measure you guys could look into. Sorry Adam … ;-p Is that something that could potentially work for you guys as well?
And another question … and you do not have to answer – but Emily, what happens if you DON’T color your hair? When I “invest” in highlights, that’s usually when my salon costs start heading into the astronomical realm and although I am plagued by vanity – I am OK with my dishwater blonde hair versus spending money on something that wouldn’t last. Can you get by with just a good cut and do highlights once every six months or so?
Emily, I also have very fine hair and used to spend $140-$300 on my hair every month. I’ve had it bleached for years, and even went through a stint of hair extensions. My hair looked amazing, but unfortunately I couldn’t justify the cost and had to have them removed. It was then that I realised the extent of my vanity, and it’s cost on my natural beauty. I thought my hair was ugly before hand, and suddenly it was much worse. The damage caused by the bleaching and heavy (but good quality) extensions had left me with hair that didn’t touch my shoulders, had thinned out and was frizzy and generally sad looking. Add to that, I had no choice but to dye my hair back to its natural brown colour. This equaled a terrible hair style.
This served as a huge wake up call to me, and made me realise that the best thing I can do for thin hair is leave it alone.
I no longer go to the hairdressers, except if I start malting alot, that is a sign that I need a cut. So about 2 months ago I had a trim at a discount place for $30, so cheap! And I was specific about what I wanted and this random hairdresser followed my instructions completely.
It has now been 6 months since I’ve gone back to natural and I am so happy that I’ve been strong and not gone back to blonde. My brown hair is shiny on the roots and now goes past my shoulders. I don’t use hair spray, but will use a volumising spray on the roots after washing my hair, and before blow drying it.
Also, on weekends I’ll leave in a treatment all night, that ensures that my hair gets a bit of care and seems softer during the week.
There are just so many at home beauty remedies and hair care you can perform yourself. If you just cut off the hair dresser, it will get easier over time have this removed from your beauty routine.