Family vs. Finances

My husband and I have been debating a big financial decision for a few months now. Some of my family is heading to Ireland and Italy in October and this will likely be the last and only trip we make together.

The cost of the trip?

$3,000 each.

I could say no but… I have decided to go.

Our tax refund covers the entire expense so we won’t fall behind on our debt free date.

I’m sorry to disappoint you, and I’m sure I have, but this is an opportunity I can’t turn down. Spending time with my family discovering our history across the sea, walking the same steps our grandfathers did, is important to me.

Posted by Beks on February 23, 2010 at 5:00 AM in Confessions | 67 Comments »
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BigTinka responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 5:34 am
Go! Go! go!
Money Beagle responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 7:08 am
Sometimes there are once in a lifetime opportunities that make you consider a detour. You’re making the best of it by not adding new debt, so you can’t be faulted for that.

Don’t feel guilty and enjoy the trip!
Maggie responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 7:16 am
I think it is a wonderful thing. You will have great memories of this trip. You can do it without incurring more debt. Don’t feel bad at all. I think carefully considered, well though out decisions like this ar worth the slowdown in the pursuit of freedom from debt.
Kristin responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 7:17 am
GO!!! I stumbled upon your blog a few weeks ago and admire your courage to share your debt picture with us! You are doing a phenomenal job tackling it. Like you said, trips with the family is a once in a lifetime thing. I’m sure you will be wise with the before-trip packing and urge to spend as well as all the souveniers. I am a scrapbooker and I’ve found that pictures make the best memories and when we travel I don’t end up buying much!
Thanks for your blog,
Kristin
Melanie responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 7:21 am
So not disappointed! Sometimes you have to weigh what things are worth to you. The experience is worth so much and you can pay for it, so go for it! We’re going to Portland this summer…never been to the west coast. We’re also using some of our tax refund. You should definitely enjoy the trip guilt-free.
Jenn responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 7:24 am
No disappointment at all! In your shoes, I would and have made the same decision. I’m not one who can work down debt to the exclusion of everything else. Sometimes you have to choose to live your life, make some memories… when you look back at this time, you’re going to think about the wonderful trip you had with your family. You’re not going to look back and say man, I wish I’d paid bills with that money.
Scott Allender responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 7:24 am
More power to you! Getting out of debt is important, but you should reward yourself for getting through some tough times, and this sounds like an awesome way to do it.
Mysti responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 7:46 am
I think everyone needs to weigh priorities when trying to pay off debt. Family is VERY important, and I see nothing wrong with making them a priority. You have the money available to go without taking on more debt. Have a great time!!!
Elaine responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 7:49 am
I agree with the other comments… I think you should go on the trip and don’t beat yourself up about it.It’s not like you are putting it on a credit card. It’s important to travel throughout your life, not wait until you are retired, because you might not make it that long or be healthy enough to enjoy it by that time. I say go for it!
Cynthia responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 8:17 am
Have fun. Cherish the memories and your time together and crush that debt by your goal date. Win. Win. Win. Have a great time!
NYGIRL responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 8:27 am
Beks: ABSOLUTELY go!!!! If you happen to be feeling guilty about it, look at it as though you “saved” the $3000. Actually you did, as the government held on to it for you. I am fortunate to have a home in Ireland and can tell you there is NO place like it. You’ll fall in love with it. Have fun!
Lakita (PFJourney) responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 8:43 am
There is something that Suze Orman says that comes to mind:

PEOPLE FIRST, then money, then things.

No disappointment here! Especially since you’re not going into debt. Enjoy the awesome opportunity with your family.

Thanks for the transparency!
Laura responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 8:56 am
I think it’s awesome that you are doing that! It shows you have your priorities right… and you can make the trip as affordable as possible. Bring snacks, a reusable water bottle, etc. Enjoy!!!

Tip for italy: the 2nd cheapest bottle of wine is almost always great! (just not the cheapest!)
Bucksome responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 9:04 am
So not disappointed, in fact a little less concerned.

I’m glad to know you’re going to spend some money on relaxation and experiences.

We still budget money for vacation while paying off debt, just half of previous years. I couldn’t do this if I didn’t have time away and new experiences.
Nancy responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 9:08 am
You would have disappointed me if you had chosen not to go. Travel and family are the reason I’m paying down debt. I used to travel more than the average business person in a former job and am now looking forward to travel as part of my debt free life, which I am trying to make happen by the end of this year.
Michelle responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 9:15 am
I am in resounding agreement with everyone else in this forum. Good for you, Beks. I’m super excited for you. Just start saving up in the meantime so you do have a little bit of spending money!
Pam responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 9:47 am
Isn’t this one of the reasons you’ve made a commitment to managing your resources? You may not be using your tax refund to pay off debt, but you have put yourself in a position to be able to take an opportunity that will create memories to last your lifetime. If you had to borrow to take the trip, I would say don’t do it, but you’ve made decisions/sacrifices that enable you to do this with cash on hand. Enjoy!
Zemog responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 10:30 am
Enjoy you family vacation. But why do you have the goverment hold on to that amount of money for the whole year when you can be getting it at front and pay your debt. And save on the interest.
Shannon responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 10:45 am
I think you made the right decision. Family is the most important thing. Enjoy your trip and your family!!
Financial Solutions responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 10:55 am
Getting out of debt is important, but you should reward yourself for getting through some tough times, and this sounds like an awesome way to do it. Do the best…
Debra responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 10:55 am
I would LOVE to do that I hope you have a wonderful time. Don’t feel bad..family IS more important that money and you will have years of memories to share.

Speaking as one who lost a father-in-law a month ago.. you will not regret it…you can never get that time back.. so enjoy.

Debra

PS – post some pictures
Rick responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 11:04 am
As long as you can stay on your debt free date, I’d say definitely go !!!!
Jen responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 11:23 am
Absolutely go!!! You’re not going further in debt, and this will be an incredible experience for you. I went to Korea a few years ago (I was adopted from there), and while I could have used the money to pay down my mortgage, I do not regret spending it on the trip! I went with other adoptees, which helped make the trip more meaningful. You are doing the same here – you’re going with family. And, if you have a great time, think of it as a teaser… You could put as a long-term goal a trip back after you’re debt free

I’m very excited for you!
Lynn responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 12:07 pm
Well, I do have to say I am disappointed – but it has to do with the fact that you will probably be gone a long time and you won’t be writing any blog posts! LOL!

Seriously, good for you. You have been working hard and there is no reason not to go. Family is much more important than shaving a couple months off your debt repayment.
Steve responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 12:09 pm
You need to go!!!! Opportunities like this don’t come your way very often. Especially being with family.
Habbala responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 12:30 pm
You do NOT need permission to LIVE.

You are disciplined and thoughtful in your decisions. Go have a magical time. Take lots of pictures.
Chitown responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 12:38 pm
I am so proud of the comments posted here. You are doing fantastic and you won’t incur any addition debt. Good for you that you have your priorities in check. Have a blast!!!
Stephanie responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 12:57 pm
Glad to see that you, like a lot of us, have random stuff come up that you simply can’t do without even in the face of debt. It’s a continuous struggle for us. I must ask though….why is this the last trip?
Karen responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 1:22 pm
My brother was always taking vacations with his family. Unfortunately, he was also in some debt and his vacations were impacting his ability to pay off his debt. We were concerned that he wasn’t focusing on the right things and shook our heads in private. He passed away at the age of 41 from carcinoma meningitis. Yes, he still had debt but he had precious memories of those times spent with his family too. We are no longer shaking our heads! Go and enjoy yourselves – life can be too short!
Ponyryd responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 1:34 pm
I agree with the other post that family is important and doing the trip without further debt is the only way you should even consider it. Go and enjoy!

My concern is why you have such a large tax return ($6000 plus). This money is not earning interest or being used to pay down debt that is costing you interest. Loose-Loose situation. If this is a one time thing then never mind, but if you have large returns each year please reconsider.
Bluezette responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 1:36 pm
Disappointed? Hell, no! Jealous? Hell, yes! All of your debt choices and decisions have been responsible and mature. My grandparents were from Ireland (paternal) and Italy (maternal). I’d love to take a family trip to these places but all of my family are gone. Go while you can!
misskate responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 1:45 pm
It’s not like you’re blowing $3000.- on shoes. Or strippers and booze.

To echo everyone else’s comments, you will have an amazing trip creating priceless and irreplaceable memories.

Get a whole bunch of memory cards (hopefully, you have a digital camera) and as they fill up, store them in a variety of safe places (and write down where so you remember). That way if something happens to one, it doesn’t happen to all.

While I am still working on my debt-freeness, I regret some of the stuff I bought, but never, never the trips I took.
Karen Foster responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 2:39 pm
Congrats. I just let my brother know our family could not go on a cruise this Christmas. I agree family is very important and I hope you have a wonderful trip.

Our circumstances (a 2 year old and a 9 month old) made it a bit tough this year. Especially since the cruise was charging full price for my 9 month old.

In lieu, we are planning a family vacation down the Jersey Shore in July where the cost of the house rental, food, and entertainment will be equal to one cruise ticket.

This was a tough choice but thankfully we found another alternative.
Abigail responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 3:27 pm
Like everyone else, I say it was the right decision. Sure, it’s a little extravagant price-wise, but it will be worth it!

Despite being on a time line to get out of debt (we have something of a deadline for June) we still found the money to get my husband up to Washington for his best friend’s wedding.

If it were just a personal trip, I might ask if it couldn’t wait. (Even so, it’s your money and plenty of people work travel into debt reduction goals.) But this is a chance to be with family. That’s a bonding experience you can’t get by going later, on your own.

Eat lots of Italian food for me!
Greg in Ohio responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 4:33 pm
Go for it! How many times in your life do you have the opportunity to travel abroad?!?!
Divine and Debt Free responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 6:09 pm
Wow I am going to be the only person here saying don’t do it !! ah well I guess someone has to go against the grain.

I love my family so dearly but if they told me this was the last trip I would sadly have to pass. Memories are certainly important and Im not saying I don’t want to see my family, I just wouldn’t be doing it in italy (maybe if someone was on a death bed there I guess)

Recently I decided to pass up on a wedding in vegas, its no Italy of course but my dear friends wedding non the less. She knows I love her and she only lives about 45 minutes away. Im sure I will miss that beautiful day when elvis marries them but there are pictures and more memories I can make with them when they get back home.

I agree its good you aren’t going into more debt, but personally I just couldn’t do it.
Divine and Debt Free responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 6:11 pm
Oh yes and trips abroad come far more often when you are debt free not once in a life time, as I have been to South Africa once In my life and God willing when I am debt free im going back and I plan to pay for some of my family to go with me this time!
Nichole responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 6:37 pm
Go for it! We went to Italy for our 10th anniversary while still doing our debt snowball. We paid cash and it was amazing! You guys have your heads on straight and this won’t derail you. A word of advice: If you think you can handle it, use your credit card while you are there. It makes everything so much easier. We used Euros as well, but we did use our last remaining credit card and paid it off immediately when we returned. Also, you should let them know beforehand the countries you will be in, so they don’t deny the charges. Same goes for your bank debit card. Have a wonderful time!
mv responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 8:17 pm
With this comment in mind “Spending time with my family discovering our history across the sea, walking the same steps our grandfathers did, is important to me.” Since this sounds like a first-time trip to the ‘homeland’, I have one recommendation: take a journal & write in it. Take 30 minutes, or more, each day & write it in.

I moved to the States when I was 6. After almost 23 years here, I returned to the homeland to visit/meet family, ‘walk the same steps’ my ancestors walked, etc. I took a journal and swore I would write daily. The first 3 or 4 days I wrote in it…then I was just too busy getting to know my family, going to festivals, going to the beach, getting way too little sleep, etc that I didn’t make the time to write in it when the memories and emotions were fresh. Now, so many years later, I have memories & pictures, but it’s not the same as if I had kept up the journal.
Beks responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 8:41 pm
Wow, not quite the response I expected. I appreciate your understanding! I was really nervous to spill the beans about the trip but I feel better now. THANK YOU!

Stephanie – This is the last trip because my siblings are starting families and buying homes next year. Finances will be tight for the next 18 years or so. ; ) This is the ‘last hurrah’.
Susan responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 11:06 pm
Hi Beks,

I think it is interesting that you view readers are judges – you are responsible only to you and your family. If you want to take some money and go on a family vacation and it doesn’t jeopardize your living situation then by all means go. You have the right to prioritize your life. Being frugal is about spending money in the right places based on values – not spending money foolishly.

But – I would try to take more money. You will probably not go back for quite some time and it is expensive to travel to Europe. You would hate to pass up a terrific tour or meal because you are low on funds. Plan for a little more and then spend the time between now and then raising the funds.

Have fun!
Mar responded:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 11:22 pm
I am so glad that just about everyone agree that you should go on this trip. As long as you aren’t adding more debt, I totally agree that you should go. Two of my sisters and their husbands spend a couple weeks in Italy last October and they LOVED it! They really enjoyed the cooking class they took as well as lots of other stuff they did, so I agree with Susan about trying to save a bit more money for the special experiences.

I was glad to see the response that this will the be last trip for a few years due to changes in life for your siblings and not because someone in the family has a terminal disease! Whew – and I don’t even personally know you!

P.S. Do you know if Tricia has decided to totally desert us? She hasn’t posted a month-end update for a while and I do think about her and hope that they haven’t been hit too hard by the fiscal problems in Michigan.
whitney responded:
Posted: February 24th, 2010 at 4:28 am
Mar, I also miss Tricia! I think about her whenever I come to this blog. Beks, I would appreciate any info you could pass on to us.
Sylvia responded:
Posted: February 24th, 2010 at 8:42 am
Go while you can! We’re planning on taking all four of our kids to Europe next year. We’ve already been saving for a year and a half and have another year to go before we accumulate the 20 k we figure we’ll need. This is a golden opportunity, so have fun!
Sara responded:
Posted: February 24th, 2010 at 11:23 am
That ROCKS!
jeffrey responded:
Posted: February 24th, 2010 at 1:05 pm
@Mar @whitney – Tricia hasn’t written an update for the last couple of months, but she mentioned in another thread that it was because she has been dealing with a lot lately. She still has access to blog any time and I fully expect that she will in the near future when it is right for her to do so.
Georgia Plodder responded:
Posted: February 24th, 2010 at 1:40 pm
There is a reason its called “personal finance”. We have received tax returns for as long as I can remember. Sometimes we’ve spent 100% of it on fun things, and sometimes we have xx% go towards our financial goals and then xx% go towards something fun. Last year 100% of our return went towards financial goals. This year…we haven’t yet decided. Probably 40% towards finances and 60% towards something fun. It’s in the bank and we’re still thinking about it.
djc responded:
Posted: February 24th, 2010 at 2:38 pm
I live in Los Angeles and am originally from the UK, so in the last two years we have taken trips to the UK for big family events that have been unrepeatable – parents’ 50th wedding anniversary and my 50th birthday , so I know what it is like. Enjoy your trip and have a great guilt free time. However, if you itemize your state taxes as a deduction on your Federal return, don’t forget to set aside the taxes you will owe on your state refund for this filing year.
Lizzie responded:
Posted: February 24th, 2010 at 2:41 pm
Sounds amazing! I am the saver and my husband is the spender, but he always brings up how short life is and if it doesn’t incur debt then go for it!!!
mem responded:
Posted: February 24th, 2010 at 3:22 pm
I seem to be in the minority. I wouldn’t go and your decision to go makes me worry that debt will continue to be a theme in your life. There will always, always, always be really good excuses to spend more than you can afford. That’s what this is. And there are always ways we can justify any expense. I stopped having trouble with debts when I stopped trying to justify things I couldn’t afford, especially by framing them as being “once in a lifetime.” It’s ironic that above you say this is the last chance for the trip because finances for other members of your family will become tight soon. Odd. If they will become tight soon, it seems they would already be tight. Yet everyone is still willing to have the short term gratification of a trip instead of saving the money.

If I were going to do the trip, I would have to make myself feel like it really was having no impact on my fiances, so I would go out and get a second (or third) job for a few months to earn an extra $6000. If the trip really is that important, going crazy with extra work for a short period of time should be worth it.
Grace responded:
Posted: February 24th, 2010 at 4:17 pm
Well, I’m kinda on your side, Beks. But when I discussed your post on my blog, my readers weren’t nearly so supportive.
oilandgarlic responded:
Posted: February 24th, 2010 at 4:45 pm
I am not a regular reader so maybe I don’t know the whole story but please don’t call this trip “once in a lifetime”. Italy and Ireland will be there for a long, long time. Maybe you can’t visit with your family but there are other ways to create memories with your family besides traveling together.

I don’t know how you racked up the debt in the first place but I assumed you lived it up and/or got an education? You’re accruing more interest on your existing debt which will hinder your future plans.

I know far too many people who have charged pricey trips. They may not regret those memories but they were not able to take advantage of future trips or opportunities because they were still paying off the earlier trips years later.

I know this won’t change your mind, but this trip will cost $6,000 + trip expenses + interest on your existing debts.

BTW, don’t think this is easy advice for me to give. I love traveling so I totally understand your desire to go!
Mary responded:
Posted: February 24th, 2010 at 5:18 pm
I say go. Americans are a very egocentric society (I’m American, and my family goes back to some of the earliest settlers in Michigan, and we trace our family tree back to the 1600’s at the French/German border, so before anyone starts yelling at me, yes, I live in the U.S. and I’m 100% American) and I think any chance we can take to see how other parts of the world work is a good thing.

We are so used to grabbing our groceries at the store, using our cell phones and internet, driving our cars…while our cities have turned into patches of concrete and ugly steel and glass buildings (I’m also an architect, so sue me for my views, I’m entitled to them, just as everyone is!)

I got to spend a year in the UK for my job. It was the most enlightening experience I’ve ever had. This was nearly 10 years ago and their cell phones then were so far advanced THEN from what most of us have even NOW. I could go to Tesco (a grocery store) and buy the most delicious fresh baked baguettes and pure Irish butter to put on them. Truly I did not eat even a ho-ho for over a year. LOL I did and saw so much even with the horrendous hours I was working and my biggest regret was canceling the very cheap (under $15) tickets I had to Pisa and Venice during my stay. I could have gone to another country for virtually nothing (I was on per diem) and I had to cancel both trips for work meetings.

If only I had it to do over…LOL

ENJOY THE PLANNING and especially ENJOY THE TRIP!
Tonya responded:
Posted: February 24th, 2010 at 5:49 pm
I haven’t been able to read through all the comments and I’ve seen at least two that say “don’t go”.

The way I see it is this…..we who are on the path to getting our finances together are doing so, so that we will have more freedom. Along the way we have to make choices. Even if you went out and earned another $6000 toward the trip, there are those who would say….see how much farther along you would be if you didn’t go on the trip at all?

When I was 20 I was fully supporting myself while putting myself through college. I got the opportunity to go to my grandmother’s house one weekend. It wasn’t a huge thing….while she lived far enough away for it to be a real trip, it wasn’t so far away that I couldn’t make the trip at a later day. Because my aunt was in ill health (she lived with my grandmother) I decided to take the weekend off work and go. My parents were very upset, telling me that I shouldn’t do that. It was the last time I ever saw my aunt alive. I’ve never once regretted the cost of that weekend. We have to have our priorities….if you were saying that you wanted to buy a big screen tv I’d say “no way!”

Family however is a major priority and sometimes these opportunities are truly once in a lifetime.

Go, enjoy…..
Divine and Debt Free responded:
Posted: February 24th, 2010 at 9:50 pm
Im not against the trip, im just against this “once in a life time deal”

if you want to do something, imho its YOUR money, But it just drives me nuts how people justify stuff and “Dress it up” to be this big thing.

If I want to buy a big tv I’ll say hey I wanna buy a big tv and that is that lol. I can’t see my self saying well this is the last tv in this decade so If I don’t get it im sure I will regret. I love my family so dearly but if they are gonna be so “tight” next year maybe like mem said they are TIGHT NOW. My family doesn’t run what I do, I decide and I would decide that next year I will save get outta debt and sacrifice to win.

Im glad there is a supporter lol, I was feeling kinda lonely for a minute!

further more TAX REFUNDS ARE not gifts from santa in washington, its YOUR money that you haven’t accounted for during the year “ie raise your exemptions”

Had you had an extra 500 a month in your paycheck would it have been the same amount saved?

it just seems like its so last minute to me too!
bouncing back betty responded:
Posted: February 25th, 2010 at 10:22 am
Having made a decision last year to use part of my tax refund to fund a trip overseas I support your decision. I could have put the cash towards my E-fund, etc, but I had a good friend who was very ill (is better but not great)and decided that the friend was more important than the money.
Jenn responded:
Posted: February 25th, 2010 at 6:22 pm
I’m still struggling with where I stand on this. On the one hand there will always be some fabulous opportunity coming along and perhaps it’s best to put blinders on and completely ignore all of it until you’re in the clear financially. If you go will these siblings still expect you to travel/buy gifts to celebrate house warmings and christenings in the next year? Last year if I recall there was hubby’s bachelor party cruise and a girls’ weekend. All valid treats at the time, but you can see a trend there.
Having said all that, if it was me I would also go. I’m travel obsessed and have decided to stop fighting it for the sake of my sanity. Our entire budgeting system and early retirement plan is built around allowing for travel. In order to live massively below our means so that we can save 35% of our salary for retirement and 10% for travel, we buy used cars, no cable, second hand clothing, rarely go to restaurants, pack lunches 100% of the time, etc etc. We don’t feel hard done by because we are skipping stuff that we don’t care about and keeping the travel which is the one thing we do care about.
I guess the deciding factor on your situation was that it didn’t seem that you were expecting a giant refund until you started preparing your taxes recently. If that’s true, your repayment plan never included this found money. The only decision here is how to handle an unexpected windfall. If you go on the trip you’re no further behind than before you knew you were getting the refund. What we’re really talking about is the value of using this money for an unexpected fast forward to debt reduction. If you were satisfied with your progress on your debt and the length of time it’s going to take to become debt free then you only have one decision to make as I see it. Which is more important, the trip or getting to debt free X months sooner than planned? As long as it’s a conscious decision to take the trip at the expense of those X months then go. It certainly seems to be where your heart is.
Tricia responded:
Posted: February 25th, 2010 at 6:29 pm
Hi Mar and Whitney – like Jeffrey mentioned, there has been a lot going on. December was an oopsie. In the excitement of the holidays that update slipped by me. Then, 2010 started off on the wrong note. I will be writing an update for tomorrow and will give more details then.
Angie responded:
Posted: February 26th, 2010 at 12:26 am
You know, this is interesting. I’m making the assumption that most people who read this are or were in some serious debt. It almost feels like we’re all enablers, not that we have any say in what you do with your money. I just think it’s interesting someone who’s coming from eating ramen noodles and sacrificing health insurance is willing to this, whatever the reason.

I would wonder what some other financial bloggers – those who are very disciplined and have “conquered” debt – would counsel.
Mary responded:
Posted: February 26th, 2010 at 12:21 pm
One last comment from me, a more personal perspective. My mom died at age 50 from lung cancer, when I was 20. I’m now 40, so I’ve been without her half my life. If she were still alive, and I had the chance to go see Europe with her, I would take it in an instant no matter the cost.

My brother passed away at age 30, I was 26 at the time. I lost a grandmother and 6 of my mother’s sisters to lung cancer in just a 3-year span shortly after my mom died in the early 90’s. My uncle has Parkinsons, another has serious heart trouble. If I was given the opportunity for a once-in-a-lifetime trip with any of them I would grab it.

I am so grateful that I took my brother out to dinner the night before he passed away. He had a seizure disorder and was mildly mentally retarded, and he had gotten to see the reshowing of the original Star Wars films that weekend, and that was all he talked about. I know it sounds corny, and dinner with him at Boston Market wasn’t $3k, but I wouldn’t trade a minute of the time I spent with him that weekend.

I made $60k a year as an engineer (and I will again as soon as I find a job…) so to spend 1/20th of my pay on an unforgettable trip like you’ve been offered, well, sorry to the naysayers but HELL YES I’D GO.
scout responded:
Posted: February 26th, 2010 at 10:24 pm
Since you seem like you’re asking for opinions, I’ll add my 2 cents worth.

I know you’ve framed it as a ‘once in a lifetime’ trip with ’some’ of your family. I’m sure it would be an amazing experience, but it seems like your family is tempting you to live beyond your means. It’s a bit like giving someone a birthday cake when they are on a diet.

You’ve written about the job instability both you and your husband have been through and how big of an impact the late unemployment checks have had on your life. I would encourage you to go back and read your post about your inexpensive camping trip. I know it is hard to be the sibling staying home when everyone else is going on a trip right now, but you absolutely do not have the financial cushion to blow on this trip.

I notice how you say it is the last trip you can all go on before everyone starts have kids. So what? We’ve been on many (and less expensive) trips with siblings and their kids. It adds to the fun.

I agree with the comments that you are trying to rationalize this trip. No matter how you slice it, spending 6k in October significantly slows down your progress toward being debt free. More importantly, each special and once in a lifetime opportunity (as others have pointed out: family trips, bachelor parties, girls’ weekends, etc.) continues a pattern of immediate gratification which leads to a continuation of debt.

PS-Tricia, we miss you. Even if you’re having trouble, lots of us are thinking of you.
s
Angie responded:
Posted: February 26th, 2010 at 11:46 pm
Scout – excellent points. Rationalize is the perfect word.
Tricia responded:
Posted: February 27th, 2010 at 9:10 am
Angie – it almost sounds like you are asking my opinion about the situation

I don’t have any advice when it comes to something like this. I don’t know all of the details of Beks life so I cannot give the opinion of go or don’t go. The only thing I can do is think about what I would do if I was in her situation.

For me, it would be nice to visit where my ancestors came from at least once in my life. If some of my family decided to go, and I had to pay $3K to go – I wouldn’t. We are not in the financial position to do it, even though it wouldn’t put us in more debt. Sure, I’d miss out on a great experience but there are always photos and stories to share after the fact.

To me, spending time with family is what you make of it – regardless of where that visiting is taking place. I’m pretty content if our time is spent together hanging out in the backyard, chatting at the picnic table. But that’s just me and how I am. Some of that is probably thanks to the simplistic lifestyle I found myself growing more into as our debt reduction journey progressed.
Mary responded:
Posted: February 27th, 2010 at 8:40 pm
What if you found a way to pay for the trip without using your refund money? 8 months, $6,000 is $750 a month, if I did the math right. Roughly $175 a week (if you consider 4.33 weeks per month). Start by cutting your spending. Can you cut $10 a month off your gas usage? $25 a week less in groceries? What about getting your hair cut less often? Start playing the drugstore game – get your toothpaste, shampoo and deodorant free at CVS and Walgreens, like we’ve tried to get you to do – it’s very easy! How about a part-time job – say 15 hours a week at Walgreens or CVS, net yourself $100 a week, easy. Everytime you think about a Starbucks, put $3 in your “trip jar”. Date night? Dinner at home cooked from scratch with your hubby and a netflix. Put $40 in the jar, easy. Consolidate your shopping – limit yourself to one trip every two weeks. Save on gas, plan your spending, make a meal plan. There are tons of blogs out there that give good deals on free or nearly free food at your local stores.

If you really really want to go, you will find a way to pay for most of it with extra work and a little sacrifice and you won’t blow your pay-off plans one bit.
Angie responded:
Posted: February 27th, 2010 at 9:06 pm
Tricia- I didn’t mean you per se, it just so happened you’re back! I think you make good points.

When Beks does go, it would be interesting to see if/how she plans to stay on budget.
Val responded:
Posted: February 28th, 2010 at 11:19 pm
Life is just too short to not seize great opportunities like this. If it is important to YOU & it doesn’t put you in harm’s way then DO IT!!

I did the same thing 5 years ago & will always treasure those memories. I’m doing the same thing again this year & the anticipation is killing me.

I find other things to cut out of my life to help me pay off debt & save for the future, but in my opinion everyone has things that are “must haves” and without those things, life wouldn’t be the same.

Have a wonderful time on your trip!
Oscar responded:
Posted: March 2nd, 2010 at 7:32 pm
All I can say is Kudos to you. You made the right decision especially if you can pay for it all with your return. Not sure what the dilemma was but you will not regret your decision.