A lot of you are probably wondering where I was yesterday since I usually post daily. I spent most of the day at the doctors taking a battery of tests and I have some very sad news to report…I miscarried.
Throughout all of the tests, I remained hopeful. The last test they did, the ultrasound, left me staring at the ceiling hoping beyond hope that perhaps the technician would declare, “Would you like to see the heartbeat?” and turn the monitor towards me. Just like how it was when we first had a glimpse of our son in my womb. It wasn’t meant to be.
The whole day yesterday felt so surreal. Walking from test to test I felt like I wasn’t even walking. I felt numb. When it was time to say goodbye to the doctor after he gave me the results of all the tests, he said that he was glad to have met me but he wished it was under better circumstances. I thanked him for fitting me in his schedule and giving me so much of his time and I started balling. I had been fighting it earlier because I wasn’t prepared to give up hope. The goodbye was it. There was no more hope to be had.
I wiped my tears and went out to my son and husband in the waiting room. I had one more thing to go through, and that was to get a shot of RHOGAM since I am RH negative. All I wanted to do is go home, but the disorganization of our health system made a single shot take over 45 minutes to complete.
When I told my mom yesterday, she reminded me that everything happens for a reason. I know I often say that myself, but sometimes you forget when you are in the midst of something very sad happening in your life. It was nice to be reminded of that for I do find it comforting.
I retired early last night and I spent a good time thinking about what happened and why our beautiful gift was so suddenly taken away. I know in my heart there is a reason and given time I’m sure I will begin to feel better and heal after this loss.
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Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
I’m very sorry for your loss. Even though this was an early miscarriage, this was your baby, you were his/her mother and it will always be so. I wish you peace and healing as you grieve.
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 1:22 pm
Oh Trish! I’m so sorry to hear about this. Take good care of yourself and find peace.
db
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 1:37 pm
My prayers – always.
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 2:30 pm
[...] you have a moment, send Tricia some love as she’s going through a difficult [...]
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 2:37 pm
I’m so sorry
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
Lots of hugs and prayers to you…
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
I’m sorry for your loss. Best wishes to you and your family during this tough time.
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 3:00 pm
[...] Tricia at Blogging Away Debt has just written about some sad news pertaining to her situation. My thoughts are with her. del.icio.us Digg Furl Reddit Socializer [...]
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 3:02 pm
I’m so sorry to hear about this Tricia. My thoughts are with you.
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 3:04 pm
So sorry for the sad news.
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
I’m sorry for your loss. As someone who has been through the same thing, I know that for me, sometimes I was fine, and sometimes I was SO not fine. Allow yourself to feel however you feel, except guilty.
My doctor made sure to hammer it home, that this happens more often than we realize, and that nothing I or anyone else did could have changed it.
My prayers are with you.
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Really sorry to hear about your loss.
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 3:52 pm
I am sorry for your loss and will be keeping you in my thoughts.
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 4:11 pm
Wow, when you said bad news I was hoping that wasn’t it… I am so sorry to hear about this and my prayers are with you.
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
I’m so sorry. No one should have to go through that.
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
I am so very sorry for your loss, Tricia. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 6:49 pm
I am so sorry for your loss.
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 7:24 pm
Sorry to hear this… The same just happened to my wife and I
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 7:51 pm
Hey Tricia,
I just read your post. I’m going to send you an email.
NCN
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 7:53 pm
God has a special plan for you and your family. It’s a feeling that I’ve never experienced personally and I’m at a loss of what’s right to say. I want you to know that you’re not alone in this and things will work out. It really will. PRAY!!!!!!!!! Open your heart to receive God’s master plan.
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 7:55 pm
I am so sorry to hear about your sad news. Six years ago I had the same happen to me. It will get better with time. I promise. Prayers and blessings to your whole family.
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 9:33 pm
I’m so sorry.
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 9:43 pm
I’m sorry to hear this! *hug*
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 9:54 pm
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. God works in mysterious ways. I will keep you in my prayers.
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 10:46 pm
You’re in my prayers.
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 10:46 pm
Tricia, I am so sorry that you had to experience this. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. Remember your grieving is okay and necessary, take time for yourself and take care of yourself. Big Hugs!
Posted: March 24th, 2007 at 11:41 pm
Yes, please take some time for yourself.
Posted: March 25th, 2007 at 1:52 am
I’m very sorry to hear about your unfortunate news.
My wife and I lost our baby son the day before he was to be born. it was by far the worst day of my life. it took me months to recover.
I wish you all the best.
Posted: March 25th, 2007 at 2:52 am
Sorry to hear it.
Posted: March 25th, 2007 at 5:55 am
Tricia, I’m so sorry for your and your family’s loss.
Posted: March 25th, 2007 at 6:15 am
I am so sorry to hear this *hug Pls do take care of yourself. Wish you all the best.
Posted: March 25th, 2007 at 7:47 am
So very sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.
Posted: March 25th, 2007 at 8:33 am
Although we’ve never met, you and your family are part of our daily lives.
Thank you for sharing your loss so that we could in turn share our love, support, and commitment to you. This blog is so much more than a financial diary … it is about life.
Words can’t express the sorrow we feel for you and with you. Sometimes all that can be done is to hold on tight to those around you and cry.
Kathryn
Posted: March 25th, 2007 at 9:14 am
Thank you everyone for the hugs, thoughts and prayers. All are very much appreciated.
Yesterday we spent a quiet day at Lake Superior and had a picnic. The Lake has always been a “thinking spot” for me so naturally I wanted to go there. I do believe there is a plan for us and this happened for a reason. I know it is for the best, and I believe I know why. The doctors’ visit revealed something to me and made something else sink in. In a nutshell, I need to work on my health. Perhaps if I carried this baby to term, I may not have made it.
I’ll never know for sure if that’s why this happened. In any case, it has been a wake-up call and I am listening. I need to make some huge changes in my life (health related).
More to come about that later.
Again, thank you all for everything.
Posted: March 25th, 2007 at 9:41 am
So sorry for the news. Best wishes, RD
Posted: March 25th, 2007 at 11:50 am
My heart cries for you and your family. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care of your self and be sure to lean on others for support.
Mandi
Posted: March 25th, 2007 at 12:55 pm
I am very sorry for your loss.
Posted: March 25th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
I’m so sorry for your loss!
Posted: March 25th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
I am so sorry Tricia. My thoughts and prayers are with you!
This is not your fault! Please dont blame yourself.
Posted: March 25th, 2007 at 5:16 pm
Condolences.
Posted: March 25th, 2007 at 6:02 pm
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Posted: March 25th, 2007 at 9:09 pm
I am really sorry for your loss.
Please accept my heart felt condolences.
May Allah accept your prayers and may you have a happy and prosperous life.
Posted: March 26th, 2007 at 1:18 am
My wife and I also went through some traumatic times with pregnancy about a year ago. I’m sorry to hear the sad news, we’ll be thinking of you.
Posted: March 26th, 2007 at 9:31 am
I am so sorry! I’m sending you all my best.
Posted: March 26th, 2007 at 9:39 am
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know that updating your blog is important to you, but by all means, if you need to take time to grive, do so. Conversely, if blogging helps you grieve, then do that. What I’m really saying is, do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your family.
Posted: March 26th, 2007 at 9:56 am
There are no words, I just want you to know our thoughts and prayers are with you Tricia.
Posted: March 26th, 2007 at 10:06 am
I’m so sorry about this news Tricia. God bless and keep you and your family, we’re praying for you
Posted: March 26th, 2007 at 11:33 am
I also went through this with my second child. It is a devastating loss. Please know I went on to have three more wonderful, healthy babies afterwards. I will pray for you.
Posted: March 26th, 2007 at 11:55 am
So sorry to hear about your loss, you are in my prayers.
Posted: March 26th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Posted: March 26th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
I think you are very brave facing this loss. Kudos.
Posted: March 27th, 2007 at 7:58 am
So Sorry to hear about your loss! Its terrible when something like this happens but every dark cloud has some silver lining to it.
Posted: March 27th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Miscarraige is such a hard thing to understand until you go through it yourself. I think it’s great that you talked about it here–for me talking about it was what made a difference. Once I acknowledged what had happened and that it was NOT anyone’s fault, it got better. Remember, this is a loss and it’s OK to mourn and to do whatever YOU need to do to get through it. My first pregnancy ended in miscarraige at 6 weeks. Three months later I got pregnany again and am now 24 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby boy.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. And when you have those hard days, which you will, remember, they do get better. Best of luck.
Posted: March 27th, 2007 at 10:20 pm
Just read this and I’m too am so sorry. I know what you mean with the ultrasound. When I had an eptopic pregnancy they had to do this test just to confirm that the pregancy wasn’t in the uterus and I just kept staring at the blank screen as they continued to reposition the monitor. Take care.
Posted: March 28th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
You will be in my prayers!
Posted: March 28th, 2007 at 4:28 pm
I am so sorry for your loss.
Posted: March 28th, 2007 at 5:20 pm
I’m so sorry for your loss. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
Posted: March 28th, 2007 at 10:07 pm
So sorry to learn of your loss, Tricia. I know this is a difficult time for you, and you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. I guess God just wasn’t finished with his angel yet, but if it is meant for you to have another child He will bless you and yours with one.
Posted: March 29th, 2007 at 9:44 pm
Dear Tricia,… I’m very sorry to hear … be strong, content with what you have … being a parent is the most gratifying job, but also the most difficult one, long before the first heartbeat … god bless you!
Posted: March 30th, 2007 at 10:16 pm
Tricia, very sorry to hear about your loss. Please take care of yourself and your family, and stay strong.
Posted: April 30th, 2007 at 8:44 pm
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Posted: June 9th, 2007 at 7:39 pm
[...] weight head on. In one week, I’ve had the joy of learning I was pregnant and the sadness of learning I miscarried. I was heartbroken, to say the least. But I hold onto the fact that everything happens for a [...]
Posted: July 17th, 2007 at 11:07 pm
[...] can’t complain about that fee, though. This visit was the one for my miscarriage and the doctor did spend a great deal of time with me. He spent at least and hour talking to me and [...]