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Some Very Sad News

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A lot of you are probably wondering where I was yesterday since I usually post daily. I spent most of the day at the doctors taking a battery of tests and I have some very sad news to report…I miscarried.

Throughout all of the tests, I remained hopeful. The last test they did, the ultrasound, left me staring at the ceiling hoping beyond hope that perhaps the technician would declare, “Would you like to see the heartbeat?” and turn the monitor towards me. Just like how it was when we first had a glimpse of our son in my womb. It wasn’t meant to be.

The whole day yesterday felt so surreal. Walking from test to test I felt like I wasn’t even walking. I felt numb. When it was time to say goodbye to the doctor after he gave me the results of all the tests, he said that he was glad to have met me but he wished it was under better circumstances. I thanked him for fitting me in his schedule and giving me so much of his time and I started balling. I had been fighting it earlier because I wasn’t prepared to give up hope. The goodbye was it. There was no more hope to be had.

I wiped my tears and went out to my son and husband in the waiting room. I had one more thing to go through, and that was to get a shot of RHOGAM since I am RH negative. All I wanted to do is go home, but the disorganization of our health system made a single shot take over 45 minutes to complete.

When I told my mom yesterday, she reminded me that everything happens for a reason. I know I often say that myself, but sometimes you forget when you are in the midst of something very sad happening in your life. It was nice to be reminded of that for I do find it comforting.

I retired early last night and I spent a good time thinking about what happened and why our beautiful gift was so suddenly taken away. I know in my heart there is a reason and given time I’m sure I will begin to feel better and heal after this loss.


63 Comments

  • Reply Matt |

    So Sorry to hear about your loss! Its terrible when something like this happens but every dark cloud has some silver lining to it.

  • Reply c |

    Miscarraige is such a hard thing to understand until you go through it yourself. I think it’s great that you talked about it here–for me talking about it was what made a difference. Once I acknowledged what had happened and that it was NOT anyone’s fault, it got better. Remember, this is a loss and it’s OK to mourn and to do whatever YOU need to do to get through it. My first pregnancy ended in miscarraige at 6 weeks. Three months later I got pregnany again and am now 24 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby boy.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. And when you have those hard days, which you will, remember, they do get better. Best of luck.

  • Reply Donna |

    Just read this and I’m too am so sorry. I know what you mean with the ultrasound. When I had an eptopic pregnancy they had to do this test just to confirm that the pregancy wasn’t in the uterus and I just kept staring at the blank screen as they continued to reposition the monitor. Take care.

  • Reply missiondebtfreedom |

    So sorry to learn of your loss, Tricia. I know this is a difficult time for you, and you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. I guess God just wasn’t finished with his angel yet, but if it is meant for you to have another child He will bless you and yours with one.

  • Reply Irene Eng |

    Dear Tricia,… I’m very sorry to hear … be strong, content with what you have … being a parent is the most gratifying job, but also the most difficult one, long before the first heartbeat … god bless you!

  • Reply ispf |

    Tricia, very sorry to hear about your loss. Please take care of yourself and your family, and stay strong.

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