As I shared a few weeks ago I was planning on signing up for Financial Peace University at my church. Time got away from me and I decided not to sign up for this round. It is probably for the best that I wait until the move is complete and I’m a bit more settled. The kids are also heading into a crazy busy last nine weeks of school. I want to be in a place where I can focus and not be frantically participating. The church does offer them on a pretty regular basis.
Speaking of church, we had a sad event strike our community recently. A church member and employee stole $25,000. We have learned that this individual is battling addiction and the money went to support his habit. What a tragedy! This man is someone we all know and saw on a regular basis as a man dedicated to faith and family. Our pastor sent out a beautiful email reminding all of us of our own human frailty and that this person is deserving of love and support in this difficult time. The email was one I went back to and read several times. While struck by the pain of this individual family and our church community, I also read it from a very personal perspective.
We are all flawed. That is what it means to be human. A huge part of my recovery from bad relationship choices is recognizing I am human and forgiving myself. In spite of my debt load, I am a perfectionist and my second marriage was the result of excessive berating of myself for the failure of the first. Now I’ve said before this isn’t a self-help blog but so much of this stuff is tied to my financial mistakes too. I married the second husband knowing, on some level, that it was a bad choice. But in my confused state that was the result of huge disappointment related to the first marriage, I somehow thought that I deserved an unpleasant relationship! Unpleasant is a very nice way of describing my second marriage and I have to use that word right now b/c every other word that comes to mind is profane. 🙂
That’s the rough news. The good news is I am connecting the dots! With the help of a phenomenal family therapist (that #2 and I did marriage counseling through), I am connecting the dots! And that is another reason I’m finding financial “wins.” My entire mindset is changing and instead of seeking out negative reinforcements of my negative mental programming, I am seeking very different, positive self-talk. I DO deserve financial freedom. I DO NOT need more stuff to distract myself from the recordings in my head! It’s that change that is creating the snowball effect in all areas of my life! I realize all of this sounds very Stuart Smalley of me but what can I say? The moment struck me that this needed to be shared!
Woo Hoo! Let’s hear it for forgiveness and mercy and always knowing that today is a new day!