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by Ashley

Recently, I was walking with a friend who described how recent inflation has hit her family hard. She said that during the last week of the month, she and her husband are essentially out of spending money and have to be very intentional not to spend a penny. They contribute to savings and retirement accounts, and she mentioned she could reduce the amount they’re saving, but she doesn’t want to. So instead, she’s become extra frugal, especially toward the end of the month!

This is something I’m super familiar with. There have been lots of times when I’ve had spending freezes (both by choice AND by necessity), so I get it! Dave Ramsey used to have a term for this: having more month than money. It’s so relatable!

I guess I’ve been traveling down memory lane lately, because my last post was about unexpected medical expenses and the relief of being able to pay them (that hasn’t always been the case for me!). This conversation with my friend about needing to scrimp and save and how to get by during the last week of the month brought back all the feels.

Memory triggered

For some reason, this conversation triggered a memory from nearly 20 years ago, when I was about 25 years old. I was in grad school, broke as a joke, and doing my best to scrape by. I distinctly remember a trip to visit my paternal grandmother, who lived out of state and whom I didn’t see very often – maybe once every couple of years. At her house, I noticed that she had Bath & Body Works soaps in every bathroom, from her kitchen to her utility room! Yes, even the utility room had fancy B&BW soap!

I remember the feeling as I washed my hands in the bathroom one day. It wasn’t envy, per se. It was more of a deep sense of sadness and self-pity. I remember thinking I could never afford such a “luxury.” At the time, my budget limited me to strictly to the cheapest hand soap, about 69 cents at the time if I recall correctly. And even then, I would buy the big refill bottle because it was cheaper per ounce and refill the dispensers instead of buying new ones when they ran out.

As dramatic as this probably sounds, I remember tearing up and feeling financially hopeless. I was living on rice and beans (and spoiler alert… I’d be living on rice and beans for a looooong time to come) and felt sorry for myself that I couldn’t afford even the simple luxury of nice hand soap. Not to mention anything bigger!

Comparison is the thief of joy

Most of my peers were buying their first homes by that time, while I’d have to wait nearly a decade to buy mine. Friends had graduated college, been in their jobs for a couple of years, and were starting to get their first raises and promotions. I wouldn’t even enter the full-time job market for another half decade.

In many ways, my decision to remain broke while pursuing higher education delayed a lot of the financial milestones my peers were reaching. What was commonplace in our mid-20s (homes, careers, promotions) wouldn’t happen for me for many years to come.

I know what it feels like to struggle. And I know that comparison is the thief of joy. But it can also feel so incredibly difficult not to compare. At least it did when I was in my mid-20s. I can’t imagine how much harder it is today in the age of social media.

But I think it built character, and I’m grateful for where I am now. I think I appreciate things more now than I would have if I had skipped the pain and struggle.

And that 20-something version of myself probably wouldn’t even be able to fathom where I’m at today.

2026

Here I am, having taken a big family vacation to Hawaii last summer. The summer before that, hubs and I went to Italy! This summer we don’t have big plans, just a road trip back to visit family in Texas. But we’re already thinking that maybe next summer we’ll take a cruise! And two years out (when the girls turn 16), we’re talking about maybe a beach resort in Mexico!

It’s so crazy to be discussing and planning that level of travel. I feel so blessed!

For anyone who’s in the middle of paying off debt, I know it’s hard. And it can feel long (sooooo long). But it’s worth it. On the other side is a level of freedom and peace that can be difficult to imagine when you’re still in the middle of the struggle.

The funny thing about the soap is that now that I can comfortably afford Bath and Body Works soap, I don’t want it. I’ve been trying to switch household products to “cleaner” alternatives and the fragrances and dyes are a big turn-off for me now. Funny how life works out, ya know?

Ashley

Hi, I’m Ashley! Arizonan on paper, Texan at heart. Lover of running, blogging, and all things cheeeeese. Early 40s, married mother of twins, and working in academia. Currently working toward financial independence with the goal of (hopefully!) retiring early at 50.