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Posts tagged with: car loans

Life Update First – Mostly Empty Nester


I know, you want all the bad news, all the ways I have screwed up…yet again! And I promise, you are going to get that. But since it has been a while and my life has changed so much just this summer, a little life update first.

Mostly empty nesting is going well

Pretty is still at home. She is working at a local retail store and going to school for cosmetology. I filed the adoption paperwork for her, but there has been a set back. So I’ll update on that some other time. (But it does adversely affect her ability to get financial aid for school which is why I brought it up so more to come on that saga.)

The five dogs keep me company and were really the only motivation I had to get out of bed for several weeks as the kids all moved away. The transition from MOM to single, isolated woman in a tiny town was so hard. Not to mention the crazy financial stress I have been on since…oh, last July. It has been the roughest year of my life. And those who have been around know I’ve had some rough years.

I’ve made and am making a concentrated effort to get more involved with my church. I try to go diligently Sunday mornings and just this past week made it to a Wednesday night women’s group with the encouragement of some women in my Sunday School class. And I am volunteering every Sunday evening to teach ESL. We are four weeks in on that is going well.

Finally, I am continuing to walk 5 miles every morning before 7am. And trying really hard to convince myself to add some other workout type thing to it…basic weights at home or jump roping. I’m not there yet, but it’s a goal.

The job hunt

The job hunt is TERRIBLE. Losing my dream job last summer about killed my confidence. Not getting converted to employee from the contract role hurt financially (the work environment was not a pleasant one,) and then being unemployed since February has been gut wrenching. I have probably put in at least 500 applications. The response is almost dead silence.

I am so grateful for my part time job (that I got after being referred by someone in my Sunday School class) which has provided a relatively stable income since March. Although it doesn’t pay the bills exactly, it is way more than nothing. And I genuinely love what I am doing and where I’m doing it. Who knew that I would enjoy going to an office every day?!? Thank goodness, she doesn’t care in the slightest what I wear.

It’s been a struggle to revive my contracting business after mostly shutting it down two years ago. But my purpose and goals are becoming more clear. And I’m dedicating time almost every day to its resurrection and pursuing projects and opportunities.

Dating sucks

I’ve been on more than a few dates. And I hate it. I don’t know that I will ever trust a man again. (My 5 year relationship/1 year engagement ended last November with no notice over text message. I literally wanted to die.)  But when the loneliness threatens to overwhelm me or I get tired of sandwiches and noodles to eat (no, I’m not really that shallow) I will put myself out there.

Trying new things

I did decide that I wanted to learn to paddle board. I’m fat, so out of shape, and with my hearing pretty much gone, my balance is terrible. But it looks amazing. Thankfully, my back door neighbors are a young couple who LOVE the outdoors. She has made it her mission to teach me. And it’s free, we have soooo many lakes around here and she is letting me use their equipment.

hope paddleboarding

I haven’t gotten to my feet yet, but I’ve mastered knees and seated. It’s been so good for me. And the best part, they are dog lovers like me, they have 3. As soon as I get more comfortable, I will be able to take my dog and do it with her on the board. So freaking excited about that!

Finally, travel

I know, I know. You’re slapping your forehead, going “This girl. She’s in all this debt, can’t pay her bills and she’s still talking about traveling.” I am! I can’t help myself. Taking Gymnast to Texas at the end of July really lit the fire in me to car camp more often. And the 3 boys all now being states away and Princess being hours away. I have to. But I’m doing it soooo cheaply. And it’s so good for my mental health. It’s kind of a must.



Last Month was Rough – No water, electricity, phone


I had fully intended to return to writing regularly here last month, but the hits just kept coming. And I could not focus to save my life. (Not to mention, the sense of shame and loss are pretty overwhelming at times.)

Last month (August) is the month that I…

  • Almost had my water and electricity turned off because I couldn’t pay the bills
  • Did have our phones turned off because I couldn’t pay the bill
  • Got a cancellation notice from our auto insurance because I couldn’t pay the bill
  • Got a “if you don’t catch up now we will go to collections” notice from my mortgage company

I will stop there. You can see the trend.

Keeping things afloat on just at $2,000 per month is not going well. Even at our darkest, it has never been this dark. (I am SO GRATEFUL that the kids are grown and mostly gone. That does take a great deal of pressure off.)

I had to break down and ask for help. I didn’t see a way around it at all.

Thankfully, I am hoping, that I will only have to pay back 1/2 of the debt I incurred. The other half may be a prepayment for a new website my brother has been asking me to do for a couple of years. He might be ready and the money I borrowed from him would cover most of that project.

debt, hanging on by a thread, pixabay image

And I am by no means, out of the woods, I have really just bought myself a month of peace. I will be back in the same boat if I don’t get some more income in the next 6-ish weeks.

So I owe you a new debt update. It is gnarly to say the least (I kind of like that word for some reason). And I’ve put it off because I am so ashamed that I am back in this place AGAIN.

That will be forthcoming. I’m just thickening my skin a bit for the onslaught of criticism, even though it is deserved on some fronts.

But the good news is:

  1. I have already let my dad know that I will not be traveling at all for the holidays. (We typically go to Texas every Thanksgiving.)
  2. I have had a recent up-tick in contract work. I’m not going to say it’s promising yet, but it is something.
  3. And I just have to worry about me now. That’s a big difference than the last time things were almost this bad and I had 4 school age children I was single-handedly supporting.