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The Power of Contentment

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“We may not have a lot, but we have plenty.”

This has been my mantra for a few months now. As predicted by some BAD readers, Princess has definitely been exposed to the “rich and fancy” lifestyle some of the kids at her private school experience on a day to day basis. Thankfully, she has a good head on her shoulders and we have had lots of money and priority talks over the last few years that it hasn’t turned her head too much. But there are definitely occasions where I can tell it gets to her.

I am learning that the key to my “financial freedom” is contentment. In creating and living a life I love and truly enjoy, I am far less suspect to be so focused on the next…

By that I mean, in the past, I was always focused and working towards the next experience, the next trip, the next big thing…all which is entailed spending money, sometimes lots of it.

Quote: Contentment is a wealth that is never exhausted - Ali ibn Abi Talib

And by being content and present in a life I love, I don’t feel the draw of so many of the pitfalls I dealt with, or failed to deal with before. I do not feel the need to “shop” or “compete” or “keep up.”

Life Update

I am happy with our rental house and the home we have made out of it. It’s not fancy or in a great neighborhood, but it’s solid and reliable, warm in the winter and cool in the summer. We have privacy and a yard. And have just enough room for us.

I love my job. And especially on cold winter days, getting to work in my recliner, under a blanket with my warm fuzzy socks on. My clients’ work and lives are fascinating and varied. And as much as I miss all our travel, I am getting to help them plan some amazing trips, so maybe someday, I will be in that place again. But for now, can live vicariously through them and get the satisfaction of a job well done.

The Kids

The kids are happy and thriving. History Buff has finally completed high school and is preparing to begin college while continuing to work part time. It sounds like he will be following in Sea Cadet’s footsteps and spending a year with Americorp. (Not writing that in stone as he seems to change his plans every couple of days, but he is making plans.)

Princess is doing amazing at her new school. Captain of the volleyball team, now a cheerleader and headed to her first dance this weekend. She is chomping at the bit and continuing to prove trustworthy and what a good she has on her shoulders.

Gymnast has decided to come for Christmas after all and will land Christmas night. I haven’t seen him since the end of the July, so his week and a half visit is much needed. But he seems to be thriving with his dad and is now wrestling on the high school team.

Sea Cadet is loving his experience with Americorps and has truly gotten to do some amazing things. He’s made noises about doing a second year. But again, who knows what he will decide when it comes to the end of his commitment (in May-ish.)

All This Leads To

Maybe it’s that the kids are older and more independent. Perhaps it’s the significant change in our activity levels. Maybe it’s that I’m cooking more and enjoying trying new recipes. Maybe it’s just finally getting tired of all the stress that financial mess gave me, and finally making big changes and learning to say no.

But the contentment I feel in my life now, well, it’s had the biggest affect on my money. And my ability to hold on to it longer. Save it. Make better long term choices.

In business, I’ve always been told to work a job, you don’t need a vacation from. That is what I’m doing. And the same principle applies to life. And that’s what I’m doing there too. It’s been life altering, more than any budget or game or challenge that I’ve done before.

 

How to Restructure Your Budget After Divorce

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It’s where no one wants to end up

It’s very rare that a couple gets married thinking anything other than “’til death do us part.” And yet, divorce rate estimates are over 40% in the US. A lot of people end up divorced, and facing the financial reality of that is an important part of the process. Now for the bad news: divorce inevitably has an impact on your finances, one way or another. Here are some tips for creating a post-divorce budget.

post-divorce budget

Steps to take before making your post-divorce budget

  1. Consult a lawyer. If you were aiming for an amicable and affordable divorce, that’s still possible with legal counsel! A lawyer doesn’t mean things have gotten nasty. It means you have someone helping you navigate the very confusing legal landscape of divorce. Even if you’re going with mediation, it’s a good idea to have a lawyer consult on your divorce to make sure you haven’t overlooked anything.
  2. Ensure all finances are completely separate. Close joint accounts, get your own insurance policies (and beneficiaries), divide assets, and financially move on. This is easier said than done but imperative for a clean financial break. A lawyer is a good idea for this step as well.
  3. Consider selling your home. The dissolution of marriage results in two households rather than one. That might mean you now have more house than you need. Even if the house is still the ideal size, it might be too expensive to manage on a single income.
  4. Update your will. This is a good time to update your will, or create one if you haven’t.

Creating the post-divorce budget

  1. Tally all assets and income. Add up any money coming in, including alimony or child support.
  2. List all essential expenses. Insurance, rent/mortgage, car maintenance, groceries, utilities, healthcare. At this point, don’t include things like kids’ extra-curriculars. While it might seem like having your child in gymnastics is critical for their development, it really isn’t essential. Neither is a landline phone, gym membership, cable tv, or a trip to visit your parents on the opposite coast every year.
  3. List all discretionary expenses. This is the place to add the items not to be included as essential. Hair appointments, lunches out, fitness activities, streaming services – those land here.
  4. Compare. How is your income to expense ratio? Do you still have money left over for contributing to investments and savings? Are you comfortable with the numbers you’re seeing?
  5. Prioritize. Decide what matters most to you from the discretionary items and put those at the top of the list. Then, decide which items you are comfortable making changes for. Are you able to truly afford a math tutor for your child, or is it time for you to brush up on trigonometry? Can you begin preparing lunches at home?
  6. Try a budget on for size. Create a budget and stick to it, but track all your spending. This will give you the ability to analyze trends and make changes where you need to.
  7. Revise! Budgets are not permanent. Some people create new budgets for each paycheck or each month. Others see them as living, dynamic documents that are modified as needed.

Handling Post-Divorce Budget Shortfalls

In revising your budget, you may realize you are coming up short at the end of each month. Here are some tips for handling a shortage of cash after divorce:

  1. Do. Not. Take. On. New. Debt. Just don’t. A loan will not get you out of this mess.
  2. Consider buying cheaper groceries, couponing, and price-matching.
  3. Negotiate your monthly bills! There are services such as Trim which negotiate your monthly bills and take a portion of the savings. You can save even more by doing some research and negotiating for yourself.
  4. Consider a side-hustle. The gig economy is booming, and there is money to be made.

Divorce doesn’t have to mean financial ruin. In fact, it could be the fresh start you needed to finally get your financial house in order.

Does anyone have any other good tips for post-divorce budgeting?