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Jan 8, 2020    |       29 comments

When Should You Financially Support Family?

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My father-in-law likes to say that he had 8 kids just so he wouldn’t have to save for retirement. “They’re going to support me!” It always gets a big laugh.

I can’t laugh at the joke…because it isn’t one.

My husband’s parents are awesome. They are incredibly sweet and generous with time and attention. I love them. They are also very open about the fact that they have nothing saved. There is no retirement plan – other than the kids.

My husband and his brother met with their parents to talk about retirement and the expectation the kids would fund it. The conversation didn’t go well.

Similarly, my parents have nothing saved. No pensions. No investments. Their house has a large mortgage. They have balances on credit cards and a hefty car payment. My father is the sole income earner. His health is declining.

Both sets of parents have made a lifetime of bad financial decisions and I struggle with their future barreling in like a freight train. In 5 years or less, we will be forced to do something… or nothing.

My brother reached out to me several years ago and asked when I’d like to start supporting mom and dad. At the time I could barely pay my own bills. Support mom and dad?

When I finally started making better financial decisions, my brother reached out again. “I’m not sure how much longer dad will be working. We really need to make a plan.”

We live on a single income. Our budget is TIGHT. Anything extra, we throw at the mortgage. Am I supposed to stop paying extra on my mortgage?

I’ve been reading articles on what to do in this situation and stumbled across this one. It was eerie how close it was to my circumstances and it offered some great tips but it focused on the parent/child relationship. What about the relationship between the siblings? I worry about the fractures that will inevitably happen when I don’t give as much as they expect. Or, what happens when I say I can’t pay for mom and dad because I’m saving for a trip with my kids? Any apparent excess would be scrutinized. I can imagine the comments, “Beks can afford dinner at a restaurant but can’t pay for mom’s cell phone bill?!?”

Two questions for you:
1) Do you believe children are responsible for financially supporting aging parents?
2) I’d love to hear if some of you are in the same situation and how you’ve responded.

Jan 7, 2020    |       5 comments

Hello 2020! Opportunities For Success And Growth

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Well, hello there! I am so sorry for the absence. This might end up being a long post as I catch you all up on what’s been going on since my last life update. I fell off the face of the planet for a few weeks. Guess who ended up working quite a bit through Christmas (despite having booked two weeks off…)? This lady. I did end up making it to my dad’s for five days of pure Canadian winter bliss before spending Christmas day alone (which I quite enjoyed).

My Holiday Up North

We curled inside and outside. My dad and his girlfriend set up an outdoor curling rink! Very cool. I am an amateur, hence the helmet and stabilizer.

 

We spent every day outside. It was mild and snowy, the best combination. My dad and I went for lots of hikes, visited the brewery on the lake, made a giant snowman, and watched some old tv shows. It was truly wonderful.

 

When I got home on Christmas, I ended up being very run down and didn’t want to go to my aunt’s house for dinner. My dad had dinner plans many hours away and had invited me, but I didn’t feel like further travel. It was restful to be alone and reflect. I made myself a tasty dinner and watched Christmas movies with my dog. It was nice to remember my dear cat, to reflect on my family moving away, my accomplishments at work, my failures at home. I also replanted a bunch of houseplants and propagated some others. #PlantNerd

(No, my kitchen is not normally completely covered in plants).

All in all, it was a nice holiday. I spent the time between Christmas and New Year’s visiting friends. I stayed up until dawn a couple of times talking with girlfriends, which is totally unlike me. Personally, I love being in bed by 10PM because I get up at 5 most days. I ended up having a quiet NYE with Mike, my best friend Rose, and her family. Call it cheesy but eating Chinese food and watching the ball drop with Ryan Seacrest is my idea of a cozy New Year’s Eve.

The holidays were spendy…

I 100% blew my budget over Christmas, to the tune of an additional $350 spent (over the $760 I budgeted). The card was paid off out of my savings account. I got my parents Alexa devices and created a Spotify family subscription at $14.99/month (but I set aside the money for the monthly charges already, so it’s all paid for, essentially). Overall, I feel good about the purchases (for what it’s worth).

I also had some work expenses denied because I have to provide more documentation, so I covered another $450 out of savings as a temporary measure to avoid credit card interest. It has to be considered a good thing that I am terrified of carrying a credit card balance these days! I never want to go back to carrying a card balance. My savings account is now at $1000 but I should have some extra money coming in this month to cover the hits. My card balances remain at $0.

So, what’s the new plan?

The topic of this blog is, of course, getting out of debt. I’m planning on doing that in 2020. I’m now using a budget from Liz Morris of One Twenty Five.  She’s a Toronto blogger from the early days of blogging, and she’s really inspirational to me when it comes to personal finance. I like this Google Sheet because it’s completely customizable and I can make space for every spending category in my life. I’ve been tracking my spending dutifully and trying to only use cards so that I can add my purchases up every couple of days.

I plan on sharing the new budget with you on Friday. I’m hoping to find out what my bonus and compensation will be for 2020 today, which will then guide me for finalizing the numbers.

One tip I’m going to implement on my next paycheck is the separate account for spending money. This tip came via a comment from Jewels and I’m grateful for the suggestion. The blogger I Pick Up Pennies does something similar with her weekly spending allowance. I’ll try anything at this point! I already have a second free checking account that I don’t use, so this will be easy to implement.

Staying motivated

I feel very motivated to pay off my debt right now. I’m still carrying some anxiety about housing security. I hate renting with such a precarious rental market in Toronto. I’m going to need to budget tightly in order to pay off debt and afford the things I need to do this year, including saving for a down payment on a place of my own.

There are some trips I need to take this year:

  • I’m (hopefully) flying to Nova Scotia tomorrow to see my family. However, the weather is looking horrible. Heavy winds and snowfall are predicted. Wish me luck!
  • In May, my grandfather turns 80. Family from Norway are flying in for the party, so I’ll be back in Nova Scotia.
  • I have a travel voucher worth $500 for SAS, so I’m waiting for a seat sale to head back to Norway in the late summer or maybe fall. 2019 was the first year of my life I didn’t go anywhere for a vacation, and I’m okay with that. It remains important to me to see my very old relatives in Norway, and many are too old to make the trip here in May.

And as a final piece of financial news, I’m canceling my two credit cards that have yearly fees. I haven’t used either of them in a few months, and the fees are due in the spring. Last week, I applied for a free card with a Canadian grocery store company. I had this card many years ago, and it’s the BEST for points. It’s easy to get $40 of free groceries every month – seriously, without even trying! So, I’m hopeful that application goes through.

I’ll have another personal update for you on Friday, written just a couple minutes from the sea in Little Harbour, Nova Scotia. I can’t wait to share some screenshots from my new budget!

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