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I am not sure where I found this image. If you do know what the “brand” is, please let me know so I can give credit.

I have decades of poor money decisions. Decision after decision after decision that led me further into debt, further away from the freedom that living within your means provides. And now, all I want is that freedom. Like it is the single driving factor in almost every decision.

I think a big part of my money mindset in addition to the “ignorance” of what I was really doing, was the desire to feel like I was enough. I wanted make sure my kids didn’t feel like the “poor kids”. It was never about name brands or acquiring stuff. It was about providing my kids with experiences and fulfilling my need to escape my life. That is where my money went.

I wish I had understood this drive then. I wish I knew of another way to fill the void that was so dominant in my life.

The resolution

While I have dabbled and made progress to becoming debt free over the last 1/2 dozen years or so. The turning point came when the holes in my life began to be filled in a healthy manner – when I began dating, when I found stable housing, and when I had more balance in my mom/adult life. I’m certainly not saying that dating was the answer to my money mindset problems. In general, it was a mental health problem versus a spending problem. Does that make sense?

I think the “guidelines” so many debt free experts are great. They give people a roadmap. But for me, those didn’t solve the problem. I had to really work on myself and my own mindset, determine what that spending was replacing or trying to fix. And no one every told me that might be a factor. I didn’t realize that was a factor. It’s just now, that I feel like I’m really getting to the other side of those bad decisions that I am able to recognize what the resolution has been for me.

Hope

Hope is a resourceful, solutions-driven online business manager with over two decades of experience helping clients streamline operations, manage projects, and grow their businesses through digital marketing and technology.

But life has a way of rewriting your plans.

A year ago, Hope made the decision to move in with her aging parents full time – a season she wouldn’t trade, even as it came with its own financial and emotional weight. Earlier this year, she lost her mother, and is now walking the tender, disorienting path of grief while learning what “forward” looks like from here.

Hope came to the Blogging Away Debt community in 2015 as a single mom raising five foster and adoptive children. She’s written through job changes, financial setbacks, and the bittersweet transition to an empty nest. Her kids are finding their footing in the world now – and so is she.

Rooted in faith and fueled by the same perseverance she’s brought to every hard season, Hope is ready to face her finances with fresh eyes and an honest pen. She believes that clarity, courage, and community can change the trajectory of anyone’s story including her own.

She lives in Austin, TX with her dad, loves adventures with her dog Addie, and is figuring out, one step at a time, what this next chapter is meant to be.

Planning a financial future

by Hope

My fiance is here for the week. We are taking the kids to the state fair at the end of the week – kind of a mini-family vacay. But we are spending the first half of the week really starting to dig in to what life together, in the same household will look like. He is still living in Philadelphia, but we are thinking he will move here to Georgia either the end of the year or first quarter next year. So it’s time to tackle the nuts and bolts.

Blending our lives

This blending is very, very new to both of us. The most we have shared thus far has been a credit card which we have used for our almost monthly travel to see each other over the past year. We’ve got a lot to work out. And we want to be pre-emptive knowing that finances are one of the most common reason for relationships to fail and we both want this to be our forever.

I think the one good thing is that the kids are no longer young. Gymnast will graduate from high school this year. And while I will continue to have some financial obligations in regards to the kids, it’s won’t be the driving force behind my financial decisions any longer. I think that would make blending a lot more complicated. (His one son is grown.)

Between my work and our detailed talks, we’ve spent a lot of time exploring the mountains, the falls and the lakes with the dogs. We’ve eaten lots of homemade picnics on the deck, cooked great meals together and really starting to get into what we believe will become routine once he moves here. I love that the area we live at really does offer a plethora of free and low cost entertainment options year round, especially with the outdoors. And having the dogs, really does motivate us to get out.

The nuts and bolts

We are very much in line with our goals as far as not taking on any more debt and making travel a priority as time and finances allow. We both have a very clear view of each other’s financial obligations. And he knows that I am still looking at a couple more years to being debt free, aside from the mortgage. (He has no debt.) And our plan is to split the living expenses…mortgage, utilities, etc. He’s is inclined to have me handle all finances. And that works for me, but I am anxious for him to be very involved as far as decisions and oversight.

Our plan is to have separate and shared accounts. We will keep our personal income in our own accounts. And then use a “average” of monthly living expenses to both contribute on a regular basis for those expenses to a shared account. This has worked well for the twins in their shared living environment and most everything is automated so they do not have to think about it.

Extra expenses will be handled on a case by case basis.

I would love the BAD community’s expertise from their own experiences in blending a family/couple later in life when there are assets and such involved.