by Beks
I’ll admit, I can hold a grudge for decades. I’m still mad at the boys who threw my bike down a ravine…when I was 7. On the other side of the coin, my husband is incapable of staying angry for longer than 15 minutes… tops.
When it came to the house sitter debacle, my husband was furious. When we had to purchase the cleaning supplies and replacement curtains, he mumbled a lot under his breath while pulling out the debit card.
Hours passed and he was still angry. I stared at him dumbfounded and wondered what he was going to do. Demand repayment for supplies? Demand she replace the floors? Demand she replace the ruined furniture?
He stayed angry for a record 29 hours. During those 29 hours, he carefully calculated the damages and saved the receipts from the purchases. While he wasn’t willing to demand she replace the floors or the furniture, he was adamant my brother pay the cleaning bill since my brother insisted we not pursue anything with my sister-in-law’s sister.
I typed out my brother’s rent bill and asked my husband for the receipts so I could add the cleaning bill to his rent bill.
Do you want to know how I figured out the exact 29 hour time frame of my husband’s anger?
He went to the kitchen, grabbed the receipts, stared at them, and then said, ‘You know what hon, it’s not worth the fight.’ He threw the receipts in the trash and went back outside to rake the lawn.
That’s the end of it.
We have to replace our couches, it’s not an option to leave them. The stains are permanent. We’ve decided to do the best we can and try to live with it until next summer when we pay off all our debt and after we’ve saved some cash.
The house still smells and I get angry every time I sit on the couch. I could fight with my husband over it but I’m not willing to make the mess even bigger.
The only small victory is that we didn’t pay her. Of course, the victory was promptly smashed when my brother told me he paid her anyway.
She will never learn a lesson. I learned mine.
Of course… I’m not sure my mother and sister are as willing to move on. My brother may have to hide from them for the rest of his life.
Beks is a full-time government employee who enjoys blogging late into the night after her four kids have gone to sleep. She’s been married to Chris, her college sweetheart, for 15 years. In 2017, after 3 long years working the Dave Ramsey Baby Steps, they paid off more than $70K and became debt free. When she’s not working or blogging, she’s exploring the great outdoors.
If you haven’t already, I’d recommend renting a carpet cleaner machine (with the upholstery attachments) from your local hardware store or a place like Rug Doctor. Clean your couches a couple times, using the machine with both the stain cleaner and/or the regular cleaning solution (‘carpet cleaner’ or similar) AND another time with the odor/formula eliminator solution.
Our couch suffered a few accidents by our pets, not to mention several spilled beverages. The $60 for renting the cleaner plus the special cleaning solutions was well worth it, and it was amazing at how much dirt it managed to suck out of the couches.
The types of cleaners that you spray on and blot off don’t even come close – you’ll be glad for the rental, and it’ll make living with the couches for a few months that much more tolerable!
To your brother – MAN UP
Thanks so much for the update. I’m so glad you didn’t pay her. As for your brother… I might consider a special kind of coal for his stocking this Christmas. One made by your dogs. 😉
http://40daysof.wordpress.com/2010/11/05/binswanger-glass-has-risen-from-the-dead/
Unfortunately, when family is involved, it’s not so black and white. My last post was along the lines of, “Are you crazy, why would you pay her?” But keeping family peace may be more important in this case (& you weren’t the crazy one that paid her).
If I were you, I’d toss the couch and get a pee-free one from Freecycle or Craigslist. Just an FYI – a nicer couch doesn’t have to cost very much. We don’t have debt, but we have a lot of nice USED furniture that was gotten very cheap. (Ask around and see who is getting rid of a couch for free – even better).
That’s completely ridiculous. I think your brother needs to pay for the damages that happened to your home. Especially if he thinks the house sitter was so excellent (er, he wants to keep a good relationship with his inlaws) because he’s also causing a rift between his REAL family. Its crazy but you know, karma is a …well, ya know. And although I wish no bad ju-ju on your brother, I think that in some form, his bad decision/skewed alliance will come back to haunt him. Sorry to hear about your damages!
That is utterly ridiculous. Your brother PAID HER for trashing your house?
I’m not sure it’s “not worth it” to pursue it in order to “keep the family peace”, because I’m not seeing family peace from your brother to begin with.
I’d still send her the bill.
I think I would be fighting with my hubby over this one. A new couch is NOT a small thing. This girl destroyed your home. And frankly, your brother needs to turn in his man card. He PAID her after all that? Does he *want* her to be a low life scum sucking leach? UGH. I think I’m more upset about this than you are!! LOL
Like a PP mentioned, do look into getting the couches professionally cleaned. Or renting a cleaner. It might cost 100 bucks or so, but it should work just fine and it may save you from buying all new. I feel so bad this happened to you guys. You had that fabulous trip only to come home to that mess. no fun.
Her brother may have been forced to pay her to keep the peace in his marriage…
Anyway, have you tried Febreze for the odor? And you could use an old sheet as a cover to hide the stains.
You did the right thing by not paying her. Your brother? Not so much. But honestly, it’s not your problem anymore. You’ve decided to move on, lesson learned, and they have to deal with that girl for the rest of their lives. You can choose to ignore her until she has some kind of epiphany into adulthood.
As for the sofa, when you choose to buy, I highly recommend buying a vintage one and either embracing the upholstery or getting it reupholstered. The cost could end up the same as brand new, but the quality of a sturdy old couch will almost certainly outdo that of a new one unless you go super expensive.
I’m sorry Beks but I think you all are acting crazy. I would be kicking my brother out of my house right about now.
Oy. I don’t think keeping the family peace is worth it. It’s just craziness! You pay thousands of dollars to clean up and be treated like a doormat, and she gets rewarded? This world is going to go to hell in a handbasket soon because the next generation is never held responsible for their actions and rewarded for wrongdoing. It’s frustrating that it’s ‘not worth it’ anymore to teach children and young adults lessons in responsibility.
Well Beks, this chapter seems to be over. It’s good to see you didn’t pay her, at the very least. 🙂 When I think about it, in the end, I probably would have done what your husband ended up doing, and then topped it off with a suggestion from another poster – suggest your brother and his wife look for a new place to live. It may be far better for your sanity, to not have to deal with him under your roof, and help keep the peace.
At any rate, I’m pretty sure you earned some good karma points, while your brother has merely enabled his sister-in-law’s immaturity. He gets to deal with it, as karma’s way of reminding him that he chose that path in the first place. You get to enjoy your memories and photos of your trip, and perhaps any fireworks from your mother and sister. Make sure to lay in a stock of popcorn. 😀
Wow, up until this point your husband has sounded like a great man… but I am seriously disturbed that he paid her behind your back. Ok, I can understand a tiny, tiny bit not making her pay for the damages but HE PAID HER?!?!?!?! Truly unbelievable.
Sometimes forgiving someone is much less stressful. I admire your husband’s attitude.
@Lynn, Beks’ husband didn’t pay the girl, Beks’ brother did (the brother is married to Beks’ sister-in-law, the girl is the sister-in-law’s sister).
I think I have that all straight!
Beks, so sorry you’re having to deal with this, but glad you’ve decided what to do. Your husband sounds like a great guy.
I agree that Craigslist couches may make your wait for new couches much more pleasant. It might be even cheaper to get new/old couches from Craigslist than to rent the carpet cleaner for the old ones.
Katie – thanks for the clarification – I totally misread that. Ok, I feel much better now! LOL! : )
Beks pick up some cheap or free sofas on craigs list. It will help your mental state until you can get new ones next summer!
I’m sorry Beks, I’m not as nice as you are. I would simply invite them over for dinner, and made them sit in the sofa. With all the smell, mentioning that it didn’t seems to ever go away. If none of them seemed a bit shameful, I just keep any contact to a minimum
If I were the girl’s parents I would be so embarrased that daughter behaved that way. I would have demanded that she clean it up and would not have allowed her to be paid. Then she would have to apologize in writing and in person for her behavior.
No way I would allow my son to do that – no matter what his age (he’s 21). Of course, I would like to believe that I raised him better in the first place.
I’m curious what your sister-in-law said about this. She saw the damage, right? Was she not embarassed?
its a shame your brother undermined you. at least your mom and sis are on your side.
check out freecycle for a used couch. explain what happened and a couch will get to you.
Yikes, I need one of those chart diagrams like in the front of an old novel to explain the connections between all these people.
I would agree with the poster above who says that living with this girl is more punishment than you could ever inflict on them.
Although, I would be tempted to spritz the couch with water, turn up the heat, and invite them over for drinks and make them sit on the couch. For a few hours.
I think your brother thinks he’s doing “right” by paying her…..but what he doesn’t even realize is what he is costing her.
He is costing her the opportunity to make right a situation she is responsible for. By doing that she would gain some self respect as well as the respect of others.
The way it stands, you will never trust her, nor should you, to do anything for you again. She can never use you as a reference for anything. Furthermore you will not ever trust any recommendation your brother makes again and I’m sure, peace in the family or not, it has made an impact on you. I know that if my brother took my relationship so lightly, but valued the other relationship so much that he was not only willing, but insistant that I pay the price for it, it would strain our relationship.
This is crazy. What’s WRONG with your brother that he would actually PAY this girl for DAMAGING YOUR HOME?
i’m SO sorry you had to go through this all! I’ve been a reader since the Tricia years but rarely comment.
In terms of the couch, I would hesitate to buy used only because of the recent surge in bedbugs… or maybe buy from a used furniture store/goodwill/Habitat for Humanity where there might be an increased chance the furniture has been inspected/cleaned. We bought a used couch in 2006 for $200 that was awesome but I’m not sure I’d do it again only because of the bedbug risk. Incidentally a cat we were pet-sitting peed all over the couch and we managed to get most of the smell out by soaking and rinsing the couch cushions repeatedly in a bathtub filled with hot water – one time with Nature’s Miralce (highly recommended for pet smells) and then with laundry soap.
in terms of the family drama, it doesn’t sound like a healthy situation that you not only have to live with the damage to your home, but continue to live with the family that instigated and condoned the damage. Maybe move the worst peed-on stuff to one room and tell them it’s “their” room, and you get to keep the less-peed-on stuff in another room and tell them it’s your room and they can’t use it? I’m half kidding here…
either way GOOD LUCK!
I would of told your brother to grow a pair. How will she learn? I wouldn’t be surprised if this is exactly how things have been handled with her in the past and that is why it keeps happening. I am like your husband. My wife knows i’m mad when I am still upset 30 mins later.
There is forgiveness and then there is “I don’t wanna be the bad guy rock the boat.” Both of the men in your life have just engaged in the latter.
Too bad neither one seems to understand that being a man isn’t always fun. It means taking care of the people you love and share a life with and standing up to those who do harm, even if you have to be the bad guy or take some heat for it.
I cannot respect men who are that wimped out. I just simply cannot. How can you trust any of these people to really stand behind you when the going gets truly rough? Because clearly, they will bail on you in favor of the path of least resistance. Wow.
Well in case anyone wonders why young people do not demonstrate any personal responsibility, here it is. There aren’t any consequences for their actions.
Let’s see, the girl had a party, lied about it, didn’t care for the dogs at all, resulting in the house being totally trashed. Consequence = “here’s your money”
wow.
I agree – this girl will never learn about suffering the consequences of her actions if no one holds her accountable.
Do I understand correctly that the brother AND his wife live with you?
I am also interested in what the wife had to say. This “house sitter” was HER sister, correct?
You should offer her the couches when she moves out of her parents house – if you still have them then… and her new place will smell…
Actually I think you need to get rid of the couches ASAP or your place will continue to smell and seep into the rest of your home and cost you more money down the road. I had a friend who bought a foreclosed home and had to pull out some of the drywall due to urine smell.
Do what someone else said to do and look on Craig’s list for something inexpensive or check out holiday deals….OR EVEN BETTER….
Send out in your Christmas Cards a letter with what happened and for those you exchange gifts with ask for gift cards to a furniture store.
Is it just me that is wondering how your brother and his wife (who live with you) didn’t realize that any of this was going on? (Example, the party or not seeing the dogs walked ever?) It seems to me that if they were in the house while the sister was housesitting that they would see her ocassionally?
I’m with Shannon, the man card must be turned in.
MyMoneyMess-couldn’t have said it better!!!
Leila, I was wondering the same thing. I am glad I am not the only one. 🙂
I think the brother and sister-in-law were on the Italy trip, too – that’s why Beks needed a house/dog sitter.
I wonder about the brother’s situation: he is married and lives with his sister (?), (are they working?) and he has money to pay for the Italy trip and pay the negligent teenager…
it’s like a soap opera, and we don’t even get to see any of the players! good luck, Beks, I would have done something different, (talked to girl’s parents?) but I can see it’s a tough call either way.
uh…is that the brother and sister-in-law in the wine cellar photo?
Yes – sorry, it’s confusing. My brother and his wife went on the trip with us. Their dog was also included in the house sitting. My brother’s wife’s sister was the house sitter.
My brother and his wife moved in with us while they saved to buy a home. They currently have an offer in on a house and are waiting to hear back.
Yeah, moving on will be difficult until I get my two cents in!! You’re right, she will never learn a lesson. Maybe I should teach her one….
Okay, my opinions about this situation aside, I did want to second the recommendation for Nature’s Miracle enzyme for pet odors. That specific brand, not anything else. Get it from the pet store. I have saved several pieces of furniture and mattresses with this stuff! Blot the couches as much as you can with water to get most of it up, but then soak, and I mean SOAK the smelly parts with the Nature’s Miracle, then let it air dry. Then wait 2-3 days for it to do it’s work. You should notice significantly less odor. You might have to do it 2-3 times, but I promise you it will get the smell out. It won’t help you with stains, you’ll have to use a throw or slipcover or something for that, but at least the eau de dog won’t make you angry every time you sit town to relax!!!
On the subject of slipcovers. They have some pretty good ones these days that don’t look terrible, but even still having one made should only be a few hundred dollars — way cheaper than a new couch and without any bedbug risk.
Good luck!
~Angela 🙂
Wow, there’s a whole lot of unhealthy enabling going on here. Too bad the house-sitter may never have the chance to learn basic life skills that might enable her to work and interact with society like a normal grown-up.
You are more deferential than I would be. I would have taken the receipts out of the garbage and held her accountable even if my husband didn’t want to. He doesn’t make unilateral decisions for me. Also, I would condition the house guests remaining in my home on some reasonable resolution of this that doesn’t totally undermine you and the harm that was caused to you.
BUT, I do think it’s impressive that you are waiting to buy a new couch until you are out of debt. Just like you justified your very expensive international vacation, most Americans would justify a new couch as a “necessity” given this situation. But, as you identify, it’s not a necessity.
Also, you can easily get a couch for free. My couch and loveseat were free from freecycle. I didn’t even have to ask — someone posted them as a offer. (And I see couches get posted every week.) They are perfectly nice. In fact, originally they were very expensive couches. There are no rips or other major damage. The material is a little faded, but it looks fine. Someone mentioned bed bugs earlier. That’s silly. Freecycle is generally a good community of people, and you have a face-to-face interaction when you pick up the coach. If a coach has bed bugs, the original owner will know that fact and hopefully won’t post it on freecycle. I’ve gotten – and given away – so much on freecycle, including my coach, loveseat, tv, desk chair, and many other things. It’s great.
To politely disagree with Margot.. bedbugs are hardly silly. They are very difficult to get rid of, and furniture owners may have them but not realize it immediately.
Used furniture could still be considered, I would just be very careful! There are many cracks and crevices in furniture where the bugs can hide.