by Hope
The biggest question on my debt update was around the car loan for Gymnast. I am going to give some of that back story and my reasoning. I realize that the BAD community does not agree with my spending on my kids for the most part. And in hindsight, I have definitely prioritized spending on them too much in some areas. But this is where personal finance is just that personal. And as hard as this loan has been on me especially since I lost my dream, great job right around the time of purchase, I still believe it was the right decision for us.
Why Buy Him a Car
Some will remember two years ago when Gymnast totaled his and Princess’ car. I don’t remember if I shared here, but now that he has shared publicly I can as well, it was a suicide attempt. There is alot to that story and I will no go further into it. But I will use this to negate the comment “why buy him a car when he totaled a car.” Totally different time, place and boy. Moving on…
At the time of purchase, he was on the cusp of graduating from high school, a semester early, and staying in this tiny town was NEVER, EVER the plan for him especially of all my kids. So we had a plan that he would graduate, but no graduate, and continue his final semester at as a dual enrolled high school student at the college where Princess attends, 2 hours from here for the final semester of what was his senior year.
Following me so far? We would stack his classes on a couple of days. He would attend in person to get a taste of the bigger city and college, in general, to test it out. But he would need a good, reliable car to make this happen. He would continue to live at home, but spend 3 days a week there with Princess attending school. Then come back here to work, etc.
He would have gotten a full semester of college for just the cost of the extra gas. And he would have gotten to test the waters without any real risk and enjoyed time with his sister.
The car was purchased, the arrangement was made. And I thought we had a plan that would work for him.
What Happened
Those who have followed here for a while must have read between the lines that raising Gymnast and the amazing, talented person he is, about killed me. Getting him out of high school and to 18…well, let’s just say I am super proud. It was not an easy road, ever. Complicated by lots of things that have nothing to do with finance and are personal.
But in that final semester of high school, prior to what would have been his dual enrolled semester, we both knew that knew that more schooling, at least then was not going to work. He was not motivated. He didn’t know what he wanted to do. And in the end, we decided together that we needed a different plan.
It was very grown up. Very much a team discussion and decision to change the plan.
Instead of the above, he would graduate a semester early. And he would work. And when he turned 18, 8 months after graduating high school he would move to Texas. The date was decided last Christmas time. And we stuck to that.
He worked, he saved, he moved. And I told him that I would give him 6 months of “help” after he moved to allow him to get on this feet. We are in month 3 of that help.
What is Next
He knows what is coming. We have discussed all the details of everything. And he knows that he has options should he need to make hard decisions. But in January, he will be empowered to make those decisions and deal with the consequences. Keep the car, sell the car, use the car for work, etc. All on him. I am just giving him a leg up in as much as I can. (And yes, he does know my circumstances.)
Side Note
Without a car, where we live, you can do very little. There is no Uber, public transportation, etc. And the jobs within walking distance pay very little. This was a factor in my thinking as I begin plotting and planning last year.
And I’m sure, my fear of unreliable cars played a large part in the car I chose for both he and Princess. The first car I purchased Princess ended up being a money pit in the end. And I do not have someone to help me determine solid reliable cars.
Is it a lot of money? Yes. Is it worth my peace of mind? Absolutely yes.
Gymnast is thriving. While I was in Texas this past week, we spent a lot of time together. He is healthy, we are healthy. And it is worth every dime I have ever spent to see him growing and becoming who he is meant to be. Healthy and alive!
Gymnast and Hope on a recent visit
Hope is a creative, solutions-focused business manager helping clients grow their business and work more efficiently by leveraging expertise in project management, digital marketing, & tech solutions. She’s recently become an empty nester as her 5 foster/adoptive kids have spread their wings. She lives with her 5 dogs in a small town in NE Georgia and prefers the mountains to the beaches any day. She struggles with the travel bug and is doing her best to help each of her kids as their finish schooling and become independent (but it’s hard!) She has run her own consulting company for almost twenty years! Hope began sharing her journey with the BAD community in the Spring of 2015 and feels like she has finally in a place to really focus on making wise financial decisions.
So glad he’s doing well! And I wonder since there’s no Uber/Lyft and a clear need for it… you’ve got a side hustle right there!
Just for clarity, is the car with you or him? Or is there the one he has, and you have one too? I would be concerned that he would not be able to pay for such a large loan himself, or that it wouldn’t be able to transfer to him without a cosigner. He’s in Texas with family now right? Would any of them be able to help him find a cheaper car he could get with no or low payment if the car gets sold?
If you have a car, maybe sign up for uber or Lyft? Or a delivery service like doordash?
He has a car and I have a car.
We are waiting the 6 months to give him time to get on his feet and then he will decide how he wants to proceed.
There is no Uber or Lyft service available where I live.
The closest area I could drive is an hour away.
The few people I know that are trying it aren’t really making $$$
He is so handsome and grown up! You both look so happy here! 🙂
I know. I love where we are at right now. And I am exceedingly proud of him.
I just got off the phone with him for a weekly check in and he’s picked up 6 extra shifts this week = 11 shifts. He’s driven and doing it.
Proud mama!
I think the questioning here is not over whether he needed a car or not. But rather if a 20k+ car is actually setting him up for success as he starts living on his own. This was the same exact concern when the issue came up for Princess. It seems the purchase was primarily driven as reassurance that he will be okay on his own. I think signing up an 18 year old for $600+ (wild guess, it might even be more) in monthly payments between the car and insurance is not doing him as much of a favor as you think. It will be so hard for him to save money. Also, I imagine there is some legal risk of him driving a car titled and owned by you, but insured by him.
A lot of your financial past has been plagued with poor decisions regarding cars. It’s not just you, a lot of people have this as a downfall too! One of my biggest financial regrets was taking out a loan for a new car when I got my first job. The payments were such a drag on making any progress on savings or payments on my student loans. I made the most significant strides financially once I realized a paid off car is the best car. There will of course be higher repair bills, but you’re also not paying for depreciation.