by Hope
My last post about the current situation stirred up a lot of comments on options. And things I should do. And, of course, lots of discourse over me being unrealistic and wrong.
Here’s the deal. Personal finance is persona for a reason. And while I greatly appreciate constructive criticism and guidance, shaming me for my priorities and choices, well, really?
So let’s clear some things up and share a bit more…
The House
Before I turned 18, I had moved 18 times. And it’s at least double that now. Being “homeless” especially now that it’s just me, does not scare me. I’m well versed in moving around, I do have family and friends who would house me, and if anyone has been around a while, the idea of living in my car is not one I’m opposed to, it’s even one I have considered quite often over the last 5 years as travelling is in my blood. While it’s not something I want to be forced into, the idea is not a terrible one.
I love my house. But moving and travelling is literally in my blood. While it’s not the choice I want to make right now, it doesn’t frighten me.
And frankly, there are lots of options for car camping that excite me. So all the naysayers concerned about what my kids think of me not having the house…well, they have always known it was something I considered post kid raising. And frankly, none of them especially the younger three want to return to this town I live in. They often encourage me to sell and move somewhere…anywhere.
The Car
As for selling my car, it’s paid for, reliable and has almost 100K miles on it. A quick review of KBB.com provided value, puts a private party sell bringing me between $12-15K. (I have a 2018 Honda HRV and I adore it, there is no other car more perfect for me and my lifestyle. Well, other than the Honda Element which they stopped making.)
I’m sorry, the math just isn’t mathing to me to make selling my car that I MUST have for any work since there is no public transportation here. Not to mention Beauty uses the same car to get her to school and work as well.
Insurance
Now insurance is a whole other conversation. And I’m working on it.
Beauty shares my car, lives with, and has to remain on the policy. But she only drives the car once or twice a week and never more than a 15 miles round trip (school days.)
Princess car is in my name and she is in school full time. She and I have worked on her budget over the years since she started college and she is paying for everything herself with the exception of her car insurance. She just cannot take on any more this year. Maybe come the summer…but right now, she has 0 capacity for more work, more expenses. And I will do everything in my power to keep her in school. She will graduate in May, 2025.
Gymnast is going to start handling his own costs. We’ve started the conversations and exploring options. This weekend he will look at what it would cost for him to have his own insurance plan. Since his car is in my name, we are still trying to figure out logistics.
There is no easy answer. I cannot just say “okay, start paying”, when they are just getting on their own feet. Or rather I won’t. I’m sorry if that’s not the answer you would choose, but again…personal finance.
Hope is a creative, solutions-focused business manager helping clients grow their business and work more efficiently by leveraging expertise in project management, digital marketing, & tech solutions. She’s recently become an empty nester as her 5 foster/adoptive kids have spread their wings. She lives with her 5 dogs in a small town in NE Georgia and prefers the mountains to the beaches any day. She struggles with the travel bug and is doing her best to help each of her kids as their finish schooling and become independent (but it’s hard!) She has run her own consulting company for almost twenty years! Hope began sharing her journey with the BAD community in the Spring of 2015 and feels like she has finally in a place to really focus on making wise financial decisions.
So what happens to all your dogs when your stubbornness results in you being homeless? I don’t for one second believe that you can’t get a job at a fast food restaurant, I don’t care where you live. So either you end up living in your car (and where does that leave Beauty? If you are adopting her and she lives with you, then all your children are not, in fact, grown and moved out.)
And why should your friends and family be forced to house you because you refuse to take advice and keep making the same mistakes over and over? It’s not “personal” finance if it impacts other people.
The dogs are a concern. One I haven’t figured out yet.
Beauty is almost 21 years old. And you are right, if I lose the house, she will lose her free housing. And unfortunately, due to choices she has made, she cannot leave the state right now and move to Texas with me. But we will figure it out. There are dorms at her school. And I’m sure friends or family would find room for her here until she can leave the state again.
Believe me, no one would be forced to take me in. I would be perfectly content living in my car and roaming the country. On the other hand, my mom requires 24 hour care and my dad would LOVE to have me there to help. He’s been trying to talk me into moving there for years. And there is a much larger job market especially for my area of expertise in Austin, TX. I just have resisted because I love the low cost of living where I’m at and I HATE the heat.
You can easily downsize from a car worth 12-15 to one half that value.
BUT YOU WON’T. Because you never listen to a thing anyone says.
And if you’re feeling all hurt and wounded from people commenting on your continued poor choices–don’t write publically about your finances on the Internet.
And where are your seven dogs in all this? Are they being fed?
If I was at all comfortable with car maintenance myself, I could, but since I am not, a car for $6,000 would be hard to come by #1 and reliability would be questionable.
I’m not hurt or wounded at all. I’ve grown very thick skin writing here.
We are down to 5 dogs…and yes, they are fed. Thank you for your concern. They are at the top of my list of “what to do with” with no easy answers. Shelters are full, two of the dogs are on their last legs age wise, and I am hoping Gymnast can take his dog before I have to make a hard choice for him.
You need to stop acquiring dogs. Period. This is not the first time you have had to relinquish pets due to your financial situation. It is not fair to them.
I’m not talking about right now, I’m talking for the foreseeable future—-years. Not until you have had a stable full-time job for at least two years (one with REAL health insurance, and no self employment or job hopping. ONE JOB that meets all of your financial needs for 730 days.), have ALL of your debt paid off, have a retirement account with at least 25K in contributions, and at least 6 months of expenses in savings. High bar? Yup. But you need that bar.
No pets. No fosters. No dependent beings. Not even a fish.
I seem to recall that Beauty was facing some legal issues. If those are not fully resolved, her losing her housing may become an issue for her. There is also a very real possibility that she would not be allowed to go live in another state should you end up moving back to Texas. So if you lose or sell your house, you are going to leave one of your kids in a REAL lurch.
You are spot on. And that is my biggest concern with housing.
I am exploring options now for her in case it comes to that:
1. Hoping to find a lawyer to speak with me about getting “permission” for her to leave the state.
2. Praying we hear about a court date so we can get this settled and put behind us.
3. Exploring options with relatives and friends her locally that she might could live with temporarily.
There are no easy answers, but knowing what we are up against, we have time to figured it out before it becomes an emergency.
I believe this is the first time I have commented on this site, but I have been reading for years and years. I read your posts and the comments, and what I read in return from you is “personal finance is personal” ad nauseam. Believe me, I understand that. Maybe we, your readers, are very conventional people within our financial lives and problems, and maybe our solutions do not fit your version of magical thinking in how this all turns out. I certainly hope that is the case and it all turns out well for you.
But from where I am sitting right now, with a mortgage and debt and having just gone through an unexpected job loss, I’m A LOT concerned for you. My job search was mercifully short this time – about 4 weeks to a temp role followed by 2 solid offers the week I started the temp role. And we are far from financially secure – a much longer, harsher job loss 6 years ago pretty effectively wiped us out financially. While our bills were never in any danger of going unpaid and we expect to be out of debt completely in the next 5 to 7 years, I am keenly aware of how limited our emergency and retirement funds. It often feels like I’m one significant financial setback away from bankruptcy and that worries me. SO I am motivated to try to make good choices that are often very hard to like or feel great about.
I didn’t get to see all the comments on the prior post, but I can only imagine. However, I wonder … after this much time, what do you expect from your readers? It has been many years of your blogging away debt, yet you are still in a desperate situation with debt. Like me, I suspect many of your readers are really uncomfortable with the situation you’re in, and more significantly, the explanations of the roadblocks in your path. I want to understand, and I really wish I could offer something akin to constructive suggestions. But anything that goes against your ingrained biases is ignored, dismissed, or explained away as the “personal” in personal finance.
The bottom line for me is: I want you to be successful. I want your children to have every possible advantage you wish to provide. At the same time, my reading your posts and understanding of your situation seems so very far away from your acceptance of your reality and what it will take to overcome it. Maybe “magical thinking” is too harsh a term. But you state you have been applying for jobs all over the place without any response or success. What else is in your toolbox to try, because the situation seems to be growing more desperate with each post.
So again I ask: do you have any expectations or hope for genuine helpful advice in this forum? It does feel like I am rubber-necking at a multi-car pileup on the freeway and cannot look away from a dreadful tragedy unfolding. Your choices are very different than my own when in a similar situation and I keep hoping you experience a better outcome than the months or year(s) prior to this point.
This sums it up so well!
I actually think selling the house is reasonable. Someone else made the point that if you can’t find even a minimum wage job where you are you may want to move, and I agree. There are tons of people hiring here in Mass – now could you find affordable housing here, doubtful, but there is tons of work. Maybe it is time to move.
Sigh. Hope. You are hopeless. People aren’t shaming your choices, they’re pointing out the poor decisions you make over and over again. You do not learn from your mistakes. How long have you been blogging here? What progress have you truly made? A novels worth of excuses every time.
Save your breath. She’s not going to listen anyway. She’s going to keep doing what she wants to do and expect everyone to feel sorry for her because her life is a trainwreck of her own making.
I’ll ask the obvious question. If you sell your house to live in your car, does that mean you’re also giving up your pretty good part time job? Because then you will have no income at all and arguably be worse off. Are there really places nearby you could permanently live in your car and go to work?
Yes, mostly likely, if I end up selling the house, I will be moving to Texas which would be the end of part time job.
The last time you posted your total debt, I went back to your initial posts on this page. In all these years, you’ve barely made a dent in your debt. Go back and look at the totals. As has been said, you haven’t learned much during this journey and I don’t see you ever getting out of debt because you don’t want to make the changes needed to do so. Your life, your choice. What I don’t understand is why you continue to be a part of this page. It’s frustrating for the readers and it is clearly doing nothing for you.
You are right. My life has absolutely been a roller coaster and my priority, right or wrong, has been supporting my kids. And did I/have I made decisions I regret in that regard, absolutely.
The difference between then and now is that almost all the old debts are gone. Life circumstances, especially this year brought on a slew of new debt. But whether this community believes it or not, I am committed to getting out of debt.