by Hope
I appreciate all the helpful comments on my post last week. I have cut as much discretionary spending out as I can including regular landscaping, etc. Although I can’t eliminate it completely as my yard does have to be maintained, it does not have to be done as often. So that is the route I have gone with that. (No, I am still not going to buy a lawnmower and cut it myself. I’ve gone the math and reviewed the mental health affect of that option and it is not worth it on any front.)
As for having the kids pay…
I am doing my absolute best to continue to protect my kids and honor my commitments to them. I realize that financially that may not be the smart move. But I have always been driven by my heart first.
Princess has been covering all her college and living expenses for going on two years now. It is taking everything she is making to do that. And I couldn’t be more proud. I will not put more pressure on her. She did pick up paying for her phone. But I will continue to cover her car insurance. At the end of this, one and a half more years, Princess will receive her bachelor’s degree in finance and have NO DEBT. That is what all this is for, to give her and each of my kids the best start I possibly can.
I gave Gymnast 6 months when he moved out. This includes covering his phone and insurance for 6 months to allow him to get on his feet in Texas. I am going to do my absolute best to honor that. That is January for him. He’s gotten a job serving tables in a high end restaurant and is very focused on making good financial decisions.
Setting up my kids for success is my and always has been my #1 goal. Protecting their mental health, preparing them to make good decisions, and making sure they DO NOT follow my footsteps into debt as much as I can…I will do anything to meet these goals. Even carry this weight alone a little bit longer. Mama’s prerogative.
Princess came home for the weekend a couple of weeks ago. We enjoyed a low key girl’s night out wandering around Greenville, SC
Hope is a creative, solutions-focused business manager helping clients grow their business and work more efficiently by leveraging expertise in project management, digital marketing, & tech solutions. She’s recently become an empty nester as her 5 foster/adoptive kids have spread their wings. She lives with her 5 dogs in a small town in NE Georgia and prefers the mountains to the beaches any day. She struggles with the travel bug and is doing her best to help each of her kids as their finish schooling and become independent (but it’s hard!) She has run her own consulting company for almost twenty years! Hope began sharing her journey with the BAD community in the Spring of 2015 and feels like she has finally in a place to really focus on making wise financial decisions.
Im so confused about the lawnmower. You can get a cheap, or likely free off a Nextdoor or similar, non-electric mower and just walk around the yard. Or have Beauty do it since she is living at home. It is super easy to do so I am confused why it would affect your mental health. I think it is a lot worse on your mental health to lose your insurance or water….
As for the kids-please check the legality of gymnast remaining on your insurance when he no longer lives with you and is not a student. He may be required to have his own at this point and that would be horrible to learn the hard way if he is not supposed to be on yours.
Please give a lot of thought to what you are setting your kids up for if you continue to live with the lack of financial foresight. Living a life that doesn’t require your kids to support you as you age is the best gift you can give them. Even if they are starting life out debt free, how are they going to continue to manage if they have to come back and help support and pay for you as you age?
Back to the mental health part, you mention that a lot as your reasoning for questionable financial decisions (travel, not mowing your own lawn, your hot tub etc). Of course you need to make sure you are caring for yourself, but what you are also doing is setting yourself up for more failure, which has to have a major impact on your mental health. Road trips-gas, food, wear and tear on the car, the potential for an accident or flat tire, etc. Yes it is a really inexpensive way to travel, but I think you are at the point where you should have that as a reward for saving 3 months of living expenses and paying off any new debt you have. I dont think anything will help your mental health as much as being in a stable financial situation will.
Literally every post you make is justifying your poor choices. You aren’t accountable and have no interest in being accountable or changing the behaviors that have you in this continual state. You can sputter and deny all you want, but the numbers don’t lie.
The only reason I can think that you post here at all is because you are paid. So I will ask on every post: how much are you paid per post?
Hope, I see you doing this from a place of love. I want to offer my perspective as someone whose mother has always struggled with debt – as an adult what would make my mental health better would be having a mom who takes care of herself. If you are in a place where the car insurance is about to be canceled or the phones I think it is time to address this with your kids, even if it means you wean your son off of financial support a few months early.
You look happy! It’s clear how much you love your kids! <3
Honest question, but have you considered getting a part time job at a fast food place, Walmart, anywhere? I know it isn’t the type of work you want to do, but you need income until you can get the job you want. You should be able to do this kind of work in the hours that you aren’t doing your other part time job and with the. kids gone you could work evenings and weekends without having to worry about them. Personally, I’d do this before I would consider selling things or going into farther debt.