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Getting Sloppy

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I’m overwhelmed. It’s been a rough few weeks but the last 7 days…well…I just. Wow. I had the cloud hanging from grandma a few weeks ago but I was mostly over it, determining that the issue was hers, not mine.

Last week was packed with work and homeschool. I felt I wasn’t giving 100% at work (because I wasn’t!) so I worked really long hours to make up for it. I committed to complete a 9-mile difficult double peak hike with a friend weeks ago and I didn’t want to renege. A promise is a promise? We did the hike Saturday morning. Moving usually energizes me and I wasn’t prepared for the physical drain that hit later. Saturday night, my husband’s family was hosting a goodbye party. It was a small group and was held outdoors so I felt safe avoiding COVID. I was exhausted but we needed to go to say goodbye.

Saturday night my mom called in tears. They were canceling her homeowner’s insurance if she didn’t have a defensible space cleared around her property to prevent fire damage by Tuesday. Sunday, my husband and I spent 7 hours clearing brush around her home and burning it. I can’t begin to express the level of exhaustion I felt that day.

Monday I struggled to get out of bed. My body screamed in protest. I started work at 6am so I could get a jumpstart before the kids woke up. Just after 6:30, my 4-year-old woke up and crawled onto my lap…then barfed on me. Oh. Dear. Lord. Turns out, we didn’t catch COVID Saturday night, we caught something else. My husband had to meet an inspector and couldn’t stay home to take care of our son. I had a couple high-profile meetings I couldn’t skip so I was literally cleaning up barf while leading a meeting with my camera off.

Looking back at the disaster the last week has been, I blame myself for all of it. My boundaries got sloppy. I didn’t recognize that as long as I get the vital things done at work in times like these, I don’t need to work crazy hours. I didn’t tell my friend that this week wasn’t good. I didn’t want to miss saying goodbye so I went to the party. I didn’t tell my mom that she can’t call me last minute to fix her problems (or fix them at all).

Oh, but yes friends, things got worse. When I’m exhausted, I get sloppy with my finances. I bought a $250 stand-up desk from Costco and I spent $77 on make-up from Tarte online. Did I need the desk? Maybe. I’m not gonna lie, it’s pretty awesome. Did I need $77 in make-up, no. $77!?!?! When tired, I start looking for ways to make my life easier or bring joy at any expense. The frustrating thing is, I know this about myself. Exhaustion causes ‘Financially Sloppy Beks’.

I’m working on boundaries but I’m also working on ‘Financially Sloppy Beks’. There will ALWAYS be times when I’m tired. The challenge is preventing ‘Financially Sloppy Beks’. This week, that’s a tall order.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to clean up more barf…turns out…my other kids got whatever my 4-year-old got.


4 Comments

  • Reply Roxana |

    You are overworked. I would call your mother and ask her to babysitt for a few hours, maybe at her place, so you could catch up with work or just sleep. Sometimes some make up products are cheaper than a break down. I am on a strict buget, but from time to time I order food, even if i can cook something very fast. It just keep me sane, thinking that life is a marathon, not a sprint.

    • Reply Beks |

      Yes! My mom doesn’t babysit much but this week, we definitely asked for help from my husband’s parents. Sometimes I forget it’s Ok to ask for help until I’m forced.

  • Reply Sandra |

    Bless your heart! It gets that way sometimes with families! Hopefully, infrequently. For times like these keep a stock of sturdy paper plates and cups (less dishes), order in your groceries or do drive by, pickup (less cooking/shopping) Next time choose to help your Mom or pay a one-time yard service or whatever she needs, if you are too stressed; because you simply CAN’T do everything. I think she will understand. Until you get your strength back, sit when you can instead of standing, lie down instead of sitting. Gradually, you will be back to normal. This too shall pass, and next time you will be wiser.

So, what do you think ?