by Hope
We are just a month away from the twins’ 21st birthday. I cannot believe it.
Sea Cadet and I have already spoken and for his birthday I am going to pay for an eye exam and new glasses for him. It’s a need and one he really can’t afford now, living on his FEMA stipend. And it’s one that he really wants. (He must wear glasses to drive and his current ones are in sorry shape.)
I’ve become a big fan of the Wal-mart Vision Center since I took Princess there this summer to get her new glasses. Their exam fee (at least here locally is $80) and then the cost of glasses. For Princess, the glasses came to right at $135. We were both very pleased.
But the problem is History Buff. He has this expectation that since he didn’t have a “sweet 16,” his 21st birthday should be a special occasion. So I’m coming here to the BAD community to ask parents of older kids…how did you celebrate your child’s 21st birthday?
(I should say I don’t drink alcohol, never have, and I know that’s a big thing at your 21st birthday. So I figured when we went out for his birthday dinner, I would get him an alcoholic drink…if he wants one. But I’m certainly not going any further down that path.)
But I’d love to hear what you have done to make your kids 21st birthdays stand out or special. His ideas were a brand new computer or an all expense trip to Canada…absolutely not happening and I told him that. Outside of our family dinner, I typically spend $50 on their birthday. I’m not opposed to spending more for a need. But birthday’s are typically about wants.
Hope is a resourceful, solutions-driven online business manager with over two decades of experience helping clients streamline operations, manage projects, and grow their businesses through digital marketing and technology.
But life has a way of rewriting your plans.
A year ago, Hope made the decision to move in with her aging parents full time – a season she wouldn’t trade, even as it came with its own financial and emotional weight. Earlier this year, she lost her mother, and is now walking the tender, disorienting path of grief while learning what “forward” looks like from here.
Hope came to the Blogging Away Debt community in 2015 as a single mom raising five foster and adoptive children. She’s written through job changes, financial setbacks, and the bittersweet transition to an empty nest. Her kids are finding their footing in the world now – and so is she.
Rooted in faith and fueled by the same perseverance she’s brought to every hard season, Hope is ready to face her finances with fresh eyes and an honest pen. She believes that clarity, courage, and community can change the trajectory of anyone’s story including her own.
She lives in Austin, TX with her dad, loves adventures with her dog Addie, and is figuring out, one step at a time, what this next chapter is meant to be.
I think take him to dinner or give him x amount towards the laptop. I had a sweet 16, which I don’t think any of my siblings had or even wanted. We had it at my aunt’s condo party room and my cousin was the DJ!
As I got older, my mom switched to giving me $$ to save or towards an item, vs extravagant gifts.
For my 16th birthday, my mother let me have friends over to eat dinner and play in their pool. For my 21st, I was in college and spent it at Walmart grocery shopping and taking a final exam. My parents gave me some money towards books (which is what I got most birthdays). I am in my mid-30’s now and my mother LOVES giving birthday gifts. I get something I need–a new hair dryer, a dress, a shirt–or something my boys want–a LEGO. Never anything extravagant. I did get a computer for my master’s graduation/birthday/Christmas, but it was all of those and my college graduation too (the year before).
Is History Buff tech-savvy? My brother built himself a new computer recently for his birthday, and ended up getting some upgraded parts that my BIL sold him for cheap. They were far better than what he was going to get, but he had to go over his budget by $30. I paid the difference for the upgraded parts as his birthday gift.
My parents still get me very thoughtful birthday presents. My mother has gotten me things like a vintage film camera, tickets to baseball games, a $200 text book for school (she ended up finding it used for $80), badly needed maintenance on my car… my dad has gotten me a set of nice pots and pans around my birthday when I moved out, a bike helmet, new running shoes, cycling shoes (my dad actually tends to buy me a nice pair of shoes each year, and I really appreciate that with how expensive shoes are).
All these are legit great gifts!! So many options out there.
Oh wow! Some nice gifts from commenters. My kids were all away at college when they turned 21- 2 January babies and oldest in May. I sent them same thing I still do- $100 and a card. If they partied, it was with friends.
I think you should spend about the same on their gifts, so if new glasses for Sea Cadet cost $200, then you could give $200 to History Buff toward a computer. Or toward a trip to Canada. It’s a good start!
I don’t really have advice on the birthday plans. But I can tell you about some awesome websites for inexpensive glasses. I have always been one for America’s best. You can pay $99 and get eye exams for 3 years and I think it’s like 20% off contacts. Plus they always have that but two pairs….. recently though, I discovered Zenni and Goggles4u.com. With Zenni, I got my glasses for $60 and I have horrible vision where the lenses have to be thinned out. I was told about goggles4u by my sister. She buys her kids extra pairs of glasses to have on hand. She gets two pairs for $20!! You can’t beat it.
Our family has always been rather low-key for birthdays. My oldest will be 23 tomorrow and I think we’ll just go out for dinner at some point this weekend and I might buy him something small-ish ($50 or so). On his 21st birthday we celebrated by going out to a sports bar-type place and I paid for dinner for him and two of his friends and one drink for him to celebrate. Honestly, it’s generally like pulling teeth to get my kids to tell me anything they want or need since they’ve gotten older and started working their own part-time jobs.
I think SMS has a good point. Since it is a special birthday, maybe spending the same on them could be nice.
Also, you could do something fun like going to the nearest city and doing a fun scavenger hunt at free or near free museums etc around town? If he has a special place he enjoys, maybe going there for a fun activity like a special meal as a picnic?
Maybe just throwing him a surprise party at home with friends and family? It’s like a sweet sixteen and it could be fun to have a theme. Maybe do it in the back of a restaurant so he can have a grown up drink and guests pay for their own food choices or you pay for finger foods while people visit. If he has friends nearby that may be fun.
Maybe buying an important adult item like a nice suit jacket or quality wallet?
Best of Luck!
I don’t know about what his school requirements will be for schooling once he finishes his dual enrollment but the state college where I am requires a laptop so while it may not be a “need” now I would consider it something he’d possibly need later and something you might help him budget for.