Jeffrey, the blog moderator, sent us an email that said we may not be the best fit for this blog because we are too much on the same page. We both laughed out loud when we read this! Do we agree too much for readers to identify with us? Not at all. It been a constant struggle for us to compromise on how much to spend, how much to save, and how much to put towards paying off our debt. I hope we are able to be open enough to reveal how differently we think about not just money and debt, but many other issues! If you’re married or in a serious relationship, I hope you can relate. 🙂
Thankfully, we don’t fight about money like we used to, but i think we still have many disagreements becuase we think about money so differently. Adam does not spend money. He’s disciplined and likes stability, which means he’s very interested in saving, paying down debt, and making as good of an income as he can. He’s very ambitious and chases promotions and takes every opportunity to get ahead. He will go to great lengths to save $1! He will fight to pay off our debt until the very last payment. I admire his dedication and hard work very much, but it’s hard for me to identify with.
I, on the other hand, LOVE to spend money freely. Budgeting is a challenge for me. I have LOTS of ideas for how to spend our money (that I think will greatly improve our lives) but Im not very disciplined or patient to follow through on my ideas. I don’t like waiting, so it can be hard for me to see the big picture when i want something NOW. The debt bothers me, but not enough to want to pay accelerated payments every month. We pay more per month in debt payments than many people earn in income per month, and it’s hard for me to see that huge chunk of money just go away. The idea that we’ll be doing this for another four or five years really trips me out. I tend to see things very black and white, so I’d much rather pay it off in less than a year or stretch it out and pay for it slowly for 30 years. I just want to get on with our lives without our debt getting in the way.
We’re very happily married and i believe we have a great marriage. Many people have commented on how happy we are together and how good we are for each other, and its true, we’re definitely better together than we were before. That said, we are still working on being on the same team with our finances. It amazes me that we can have such different views on debt, spending, and budgeting and still be so happily married! I think it’s lucky that we agree that having money isn’t the most important thing in life, and that’s probably the thing that’s saving us from marital discord. 😉
Do you identify with either of our money mindsets? Which one?
Do you and your significant other agree on all your money matters?
It’s very admirable that you have a great marriage.
I, on the other hand, is still struggling to figure out how to have both my partner and I to calmly talk through a budget/financial conversation without setting each other off. But it’s getting much better and this is giving me hope.
Have you tried talking through important money issues in a public place? A nice coffee shop or a restaurant? Works for us 😉 On the other hand, fighting at home seems to escalate pretty quickly from “let’s talk about the budget” to “I HATE YOU!!!” Hhhahaha. Why does this issue make both of us completely irrational?
we don’t really say that to each other.
We both agree on most money matters. I’m more of a saver, and he is more of a spender though. He does help me enjoy my money though.
Leona@allmydollarsandcents.com
I’m single so I have to make sure I save as much as possible and pay down debt. Any money left over after that is definitely for fun.
😉
This will be interesting to hear about. Perhaps more posts from both of you – each giving your perspective. When you each write about totally different things, it’s hard to tell if you’re on the same page or not. Hopefully you’ll get more open as time goes on and real issues come up so that we can see how you each see things and how you handle conflict. Good luck!
love this idea, we may try this more.
This is really, really great advice. We’ll definitely be writing more posts together!
and comments, apparently.
LOL!
It is actually really nice to see a couple who is on the same page on most things and happy. The other stuff adds unnecessary drama. Just cause you are happy doesn’t mean you will not have disagreements on how to spend, how much to save, how fast to pay off debt. My husband and I are trying hard to have open money discussions which were absent n the past. But we are a team and I”m happy to finally have a blogger on this site i can relate to.
AWW! That’s SO encouraging to hear, thank you!
As you know, this marriage thing takes a lot of work. I commend you for trying to have those difficult money discussions, I know it’s not easy 🙂
@Jeffrey – I don’t see any issue w/ Emily & Adam as the bloggers. Who cares if they’re on the same page? This is a blog about paying off debt, not emulating a reality TV train wreck!
heh — This was during the application process. As you can see, we chose them to blog here 🙂
we are thankful to be chosen and hope to prove ourselves worthy of the opportunity. didn’t mean to cause any drama w/ jeffrey! he was just doing his job in carefully considering the applications.
I don’t know that I agree with Jeffrey! 😀 I think it is good that you are working through things and have your differences, but seem to be working through them well. I don’t know if a bunch of conflict would be very productive, in comparison. Though more fighting and conflict is better for entertainment value, I suppse.
My spouse and I are both saver personalities, so don’t particularly disagree on anything financial. When I say this online, sometimes the response is something like no one wants to be married to their equal. Which I always find kind of funny. We are both *very different* people. I think having similar ideas and values and money personalities makes marriage very easy. BUT, the *best* part of marriage is working together as a team to accomplish more than we could alone. This allows us to play more to our strengths and to pass the buck on the stuff we don’t particularly like. We are both kind of middle of the road on anything (definitely believe in balance) so I don’t think either of us needs more of a spender to remind us to “live life.” But, I definitely can see a spender and a saver balancing each other out a bit, as long as neither is too extreme.
Again, this was during the application process. Once we choose a blogger, we let them take over and it is completely theirs. I don’t interfere at all or make any suggestions of how it should go. This is there blog and their journey.
Yikes, I didn’t mean it to sound like you we’re saying something negative, I apologize. It was actually really useful advice to us, and we really appreciated your guidance! Thank you for clearing this up!
I think it’s great reading a blog by a happily married couple who are overcoming their money differences. I’ve been married 8 years (together 14) and I’m a saver, he’s the spender. It takes a lot of compromising. 🙂 We’re on the same page as far as wanting to get out of debt, we just have different ideas on HOW to.
Exactly.
It’s encouraging to see how long you’ve been together while still being so different.
I started reading this blog way back when Trish was writing it. I got the impression that she and her husband were on the same page and they were VERY focused. Having read some others now, I find that each blogger brings something new and I find it fascinating. Each one has spoken to me/my life in some way. I enjoy it.
I particulary appreciate your take since we recently moved to the Austin area. 🙂
WELCOME TO AUSTIN! Email me if you want some Austin tips 🙂 I love all the people moving here! It’s great for business! 🙂
Thanks! I will take you up on that!
It sounds like Jeff wants to drum up unnecessary drama. Why not promote a normal, healthy relationship that shows how to productively work through differences in opinions and doesn’t publicly skewer your spouse when you disagree? Airing dirty laundry doesn’t make you relatable, just inconsiderate.
Again, this was during the process of choosing a new blogger and as you can see, we felt that they would be excellent bloggers for this blog 🙂
I don’t read this blog to read about other people’s drama-rama, I read it for ideas on how to get out of debt. And for the subsequent comments.
So cheers to you Emily and Adam, keep posting!
I don’t see what Jeffrey’s talking about? Hello, extremely expensive hair drama?!? I also prefer a happily married couple’s perspective with the ups and downs that happen.
You’ve had more comments on your posts consistently than the previous blogger. I think you’re sparking the readers’ interest.
Emily, I also have a hard time giving up a huge chunk of money every month to debt. We’re talking about nearly $4,000. I dream about the vacations that our friends are taking without a care in the world. I long for the days that I was content paying 30 years on a mortgage, but I can’t ever go back. The guilt of not seeing this all the way through would tear me up.
My husband and I have moments of weakness on certain things where we are both spenders, but we’ve been doing this for 18 months and we’re both very serious savers now because we just want this to be over as soon as possible.
I’ve been enjoying both of your posts and viewpoints. My only comment would be that I wish you would update more frequently. It seems we talk an issue to death for days and things can get a little stale.
$4,000??!!!! Holy crap, lady! You need a standing ovation!!! That’s so awesome!! How much longer do you have? I’m cheering for you!!
We’ve got about 4 years left. It’s going to be a long and painful 4 years. This is all mortgage debt at this point. Due to my husband’s career field (contractor) we’re never sure when the contract will be re-bid, done away with, etc. We’re tired of being scared that we’re not mobile enough to move if we need to and if he did have a period of unemployment (which he assures me he’d work fast food if he had to in order to pay the bills) we don’t want the mortgage to worry about. I think we’re just really uncertain about the future and where things are heading.
I completely relate with the feeling of uncertainty for what the future holds.
You aren’t “giving up the money to debt”, the money is already spent. That incoming “extra” money isn’t yours to begin with. Much better to just have it all be yours. You will get there and then you won’t remember how it happened in the first place.
Aaahhh, we didn’t mean to get Jeffrey in trouble – we haven’t quoted him exactly, and he was just doing his job trying to find engaging bloggers. We are grateful for the opportunity. I think he was concerned that we might be totally on track with debt payoff, totally agreed on how we are handling it, which could potentially leave very little to write about. I don’t think he was looking for unnecessary drama, he was just trying to make sure every post wasn’t “we made another debt payment this month – see you in 30 days!”
Ah, I see where he might have concerns. The thing is, Murphy makes a visit when you least expect it, people get side-tracked, and on and on. Last year I could’ve written a suspense novel on how much stuff went wrong and how far off from our goal we ended up. This month alone I had hundreds of dollars in vet bills that we were definitely not expecting and threw me into a fit of tears for a day or so. It’s all in how you write about it and I think you guys will be ok as the bloggers.
My only concern here is letting everyone know that I’m not trying to influence what Adam and Emily are posting in any way. The incident mentioned was during the process of choosing a new blogger and as part of the application, they specifically asked me if there were any concerns I had, and if so, they would like to address them. I gave my thoughts and they addressed all of them — and they were chosen to be the next bloggers.
My role here once the bloggers are chosen is purely support and I don’t try to influence them in any way or suggest what or how they should write. Just want to make that clear.
Thanks for the clarification, Jeffrey! I think some of us were just concerned they would be pulled:) Completely understand it was during the application process and it has to be difficult to find a good fit.
I like these two bloggers. I sense that they don’t so much agree as they are currently putting forward the best face they can to what are still strangers on the blog. I assume once we are all comfortable the truth will come out. 😀
I like you two so far – I found this blog with Tricia and followed Beks. While Claire’s situation was unfortunate I wouldn’t want that life – I would much rather see a couple succeeding together!
That’s good news! We’ll try our hardest. 🙂
I have enjoyed reading the blog thus far. I think its great when couple can agree on their finances. Drama sucks no matter how you look at it. It sometimes makes for a good read but many times, its just sad to see. I hope ya’ll can still be in sync for years to come.
Isn’t agreement the point of doing something like a Dave Ramsey course or coming together to agree on a budget? Having a common vision and goal allows you to blend your two personalities into a shared one and to get creative in the process of reaching that goal. Our ability to agree and have common vision has been the reason we have been happily married for almost 30 years now.
When we came together through a DR course 3 years ago we got busy and eliminated over 200K in debt while still doing an International adoption debt free and paying for our oldest daughters wedding also debt free. This common goal has allowed us to have my husband take an early retirement and move cross country to begin a new phase of our lives with our only debt being our mortgage that as we stay on track will be paid off in 6 years or less if we get even more creative.
Hey, there is power in agreement and getting along so stay true to yourselves, your relationship and your goals!!!!
WOWWWWW.
That is an AMAZING story to have! Do you have a blog? I want to know more!
I do have a family blog that I keep track of our doings. Started it when we began our last adoption. It’s www.journeytolaurenmei.blogspot.com and is currently called Life’s A Journey. Our change in debt included getting our kids on board. Amazing how creative they can be and work to keep you honest too. We still made sure to budget our family priorities into our budget or we knew we wouldn’t stick to this. We had built on to our last property a little at a time so we were never really underwater, and I had paid down the mortgage so much that when we sold we took out a huge chunk of debt and actually have enough banked to give us a lot of breathing room now and to do projects on the older home we bought in our new location. We did a lot of what you’re starting. We gardened, had chickens, cooked from scratch and just learned to live within our means. Learning the principals ourselves was great, but teaching our kids not to get in debt in the first place is really the learning experience we’re going for, and that they can have a real life in the process!!! Best regards to you.
Wow, Lynda! That’s amazing! DR has changed so many lives for the better. We’ve never attended a course, but read TMMO a few years back and just applied his methodical approach. We’re just not as “gazelle” as his true fans (i.e. refused to sell our nearly brand new cars for beaters and no pizza delivery). Regardless, I credit his common sense approach and enthusiasm for our success at paying off those cars within a year. Congrats to you!
Thank you Cathy. I have always been the budgeter in the family and my husband gladly let me handle this. When we took this course together the enthusiasm it generated in him to make this a goal, not just a chore breathed life into our process. You’re right it is common sense and the freedom of not having all those extra monthly payments is what has allowed us to make the life changes we have and to begin a new phase without all the baggage that debt brings.
We’re planning another family roundtable where we have each of us put in what they want to see in their lives and as a family, and together we set about making that happen. I can honestly say I have been astounded at what we’ve been able to do when we all are on the same page!!! Best to you.
Hi Emily
My hubby and I agree on financial matters now although it’s not always been the case. Out of the two of us, it’s me that is always trying to scrimp and save on everything. The hubby is extremely laid back and lets me get on with it! He doesn’t really spend much money at all. In fact, over the last couple of years, he’s been quite happy to me to take control of the finances (which I am happy about!)
Hello,
I just found this blog! My husband and I agree (for the most part) about finances and our budget…it hasn’t always been this way, in fact we used to fight so much I believe we would have been divorced had things not changed…budgeting saved our marriage! Both of us have become very disciplined since trying to get out of debt even though the hubby really likes to spend money!
So far this seems more like a ‘lifestyle’ blog rather than one trying to eliminate debt. The previous bloggers told us about their debt, their income and how they were making adjustments to eliminate their debt. I haven’t read any details about your income, debt or repayment plan. This blog is no longer what I expected and is disappointing. Not that the bloggers are not interesting people, they are but I really haven’t seen any plan to eliminate debt nor even a delineation of the debt they have. It is impossible to make any kind of judgements about their spending as I have no idea of their income nor their expenses. Perhaps Jeffery is correct that this isn’t the right spot for these bloggers. It reminds me of how another blog I used to enjoy “Get Rich Slowly” lost focus and readership.
carosgram, thanks for your continued concern. I’m sorry we aren’t living up to your expectations so far. In case you missed them, here are our debt updates part 1 and 2, that detail our debt and payoff plan. We haven’t shared our income yet, we are still warming up to this idea. But we have discussed our budgeting need and if we have a successful run at August budgeting, I think we’ll share some of the details.
https://www.bloggingawaydebt.com/2013/07/and-now-its-time-for-a-breakdown/
https://www.bloggingawaydebt.com/2013/07/debt-breakdown-part-2/
Funny! My husband and I hardly ever argue about anything except MONEY. He doesn’t understand most of the time that he just can’t go to the ATM machine and pull out a $100 to go to the casino, or why he can’t go to Home Depot and buy man stuff. I have tried every angle, graphs, spreadsheets ect. and I still find myself banging my head on the wall. We have normal bills to pay other than our Chapter 13 and they are normal amounts. We get paid, I pay what is needed and he sometimes feels like I did wrong because “we should have paid that bill late so we could have extra $$ this week”. Other than that, we are like you guys, great!