by Beks
I pack my lunch for work every day. Sometimes it’s leftovers from dinner the night before or maybe just a sandwich with fresh fruit. When I pack my own lunch, I feel less weighed down and don’t feel quite so tired in the afternoon from over indulging at lunch.
I make one exception to my pack my own lunch rule, co-worker birthdays. Traditionally, our department celebrates birthdays by taking the birthday boy or girl out to lunch at the venue of their choice. On average, we have 1 to 2 birthday lunch celebrations per month.
Typically, the lunches cost $15-$20 a plate and everyone orders a $3-$5 drink with their meal. I don’t order a drink and order the least expensive item on the menu, generally a small house salad with an ice water. When the bill arrives, it is split equally between the group and my portion is $25-$30 even though my actual share is about $6.
I would decline the birthday lunch invitations but this is very, very frowned upon and I do enjoy the meal out every once in a while – I simply hate to pay so much for it. They do pay for my meal on my birthday but I always pick a cheap kabob shop and the most expensive item is $6.95.
I know this is a common problem but I haven’t heard a good solution other than ‘suck it up and pay for it’. Anyone know of ways to combat this problem?
Beks is a full-time government employee who enjoys blogging late into the night after her four kids have gone to sleep. She’s been married to Chris, her college sweetheart, for 15 years. In 2017, after 3 long years working the Dave Ramsey Baby Steps, they paid off more than $70K and became debt free. When she’s not working or blogging, she’s exploring the great outdoors.
You should either insist on paying according to what you ordered or else stop ordering the $6 house salad, and instead order something like what everyone else orders, since you’re paying for it anyway.
Separate checks and everyone splits the birthday person’s check?
I was going to say the same thing as Andrew. If you’r going to go along with it, ordering a $15 entree is probably not going to change the price you’re paying much.
The only way to change it is to not go, or to be the one to ask to split differently. But i’m not sure i’d want to step out like that with a work group.
Be upfront before you go out that you are only willing to pay for your meal and kick in a few $$ for the honored guest’s meal. And I think that “we are saving money for the baby” is a great reason to tell the group without having to feel bad (which I too am guilty of feeling bad when bringing up how much I actually owe to a restaurant bill). I can’t imagine someone would get upset by that reasoning.
I also hate the uncomfortableness (is that a word?) of when the bill comes. We have a couple we used to go out with sometimes who would always have an appetizer, seafood or steak entree and 3-4 drinks each. And than also at least one after dinner drink. While we would each have an order of wings and a beer. When the bill would come they always wanted to “split” it. Um, the bill is $120, we had 2 orders of wings ($16) and two beers ($8), totaling $24. Do you really think we owe $60 for dinner?
I never understand how people don’t see that. Or if they do and just want someone else to help shouder the cost of their meal out. Either way, it makes me uncomfortable and irriated, because we would leave the restaurant feeling like we got taken somehow. Perhaps the real lesson is that I need to learn how to stand up for us?
I second what Pamela said. Seems pretty simple to me… that is the way it has always been done at all the places I’ve worked. I can’t believe anyone would object? And why even give them an option… when you order simply say to the waitress “I’d like my own check, please.” And then when the bills come pitch in a few dollars for the birthday boy/girl’s meal.
Have you asked others at the office how they feel about this policy? After bringing exact cash for the meal I was choosing to eat on a work lunch outing (a bowl of soup) I was caught unprepared when we split the check evenly and I was caught $10 shy.
I later found out that no one really liked splitting the check and the next few times we chose restaurants, we either chose places that ring up meals separately at the register or requested separate checks in advance.
Blaming it on the baby is a great idea! I would make it known that you’re going to ask for a separate check, and then do it as soon as you get to the restaurant. As others have said, kick in a few bucks for the birthday meal.
Luckily, the group I go out with pays for their own. We pass the bill, check off what you had, and put in your money. I’m so glad we don’t have to deal with this!
I’d ask for my own check, and if people have an issue with that, it’s their issue. No one in their right mind should expect someone who spent six bucks to pony up $20 at the end of the meal.
do you have a smartphone? i just heard about Venmo, an app designed for settling bills with friends.
https://venmo.com/
I am not affiliated with this app, I haven’t used it, but it might be a way for everyone to pay their own share.
I think speaking up is the obvious solution.
I would either not go, or 100% ask for a separate check.
If it was literally so frowned upon that it could hurt my job (which I have trouble believing), then I would just consider my gross salary to be gross minus two lunches a month. The cost of this particular job.
An idea not mentioned is to just talk to others in the office about it. I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if more people felt similarly to you. I am personally not shy in these type situations, and usually others will either be in the same boat and be relieved someone else admits it, or will at least respect your decision to ask for a separate check.
P.S. Just wanted to clarify what I meant when I Said I would compartmentalize it as a “cost of the job” is just to get over it and not dwell on it. IF there isn’t anything you can do – so be it. Fix the problem or move on.
btw – while it’s great for the customer, separate checks for a group are a server’s worst nightmare….but if it solves your problem go for it.
You could say you need a separate check because you need to leave early to get back to a call, or deadline, or some other excuse. Then leave just a few minutes earlier than everyone else.
We always paid for our own and a share of the birthday person’s and tip.
Chalk it up to a work expense. Make it a line in your budget. Figure out how many times a year you need to cough up $30 for your share of the co-worker birthday lunch, divide by 12 and plunk the money in a birthday lunch jar. That’s what I’d do. No point in causing strife by refusing to join in, or requesting separate cheques when it’s always been done a certain way. I wouldn’t be thrilled with it, but it just might be something you need to just live with.
If the agreement is everyone splits the check then that is what you should do — live up to the agreement. If you ask for a separate check then all the math becomes the focus of the lunch and it is a drag for everyone.
You can not attend, or you can re-work the agreement for the future.. But I would avoid making an issue of it at the table.
Sometimes in life the answer is “suck it up and pay for it.”
I think you should attend these functions if you can. It does help boost the morale at work and unless you really can’t afford to (which I would never judge anyone on) its nice to show that togetherness if you can manage it. However, I do think that everyone should pay for there own meals and just toss in a few bucks for the birthday person. I bet you are not the only one thinking that way.
We used to do the group thing here and I just brought up the fact that I have a budget to maintain (especially because 99% of the people here make more then me)and that i want to contribute and attend but I would have to have a seperate bill. Several people jumped on my bandwagon.
Depending on where you go, an alternative would be to order something larger and portable that makes good leftovers. So instead of a salad, perhaps fairly light (but relatively large) sandwich you could split and take half home or save for lunch the next day. Or a light soup and sandwich (eat soup, take sandwich home).
You would still pay the same amount, but getting two meals out of it would make it a better value. Not perfect, but better two meals for $20 than a single $6 for $20.
I like what DCS said about ordering a larger dish and then keeping the rest for the next day. Also, what christine said about passing the bill around, checking off what you ordered and putting the money in + a couple for the birthday person sounds like a perfectly legitimate way to make this fair for everyone.
But don’t sit aside and just swallow what you’re feeling, that’s not fair and as others have said, other coworkers are probably in the same boat you are.
p.s. don’t “blame” it on the baby, that just looks weak and like the excuse it is
>separate checks for a group are a server’s worst nightmare….
Go only to restaurants with electronic ordering. The table and seat position are attached to the orders so it’s trivial to print up separate bills. (Also so the runner can put food and drinks down in the right place without having to stand there asking “so who had the shrimp!?”)
Some restaurants flatly refuse to do separate checks. And when folks ‘check off’ what they bought and put in cash, the person actually paying the bill almost always loses money–particularly when it comes to others contributing to the tip or remembering that they also had two drinks. That’s why evenly dividing the check is the easiest (though not necessarily the fairest)for everyone. I think you should forget about ordering just a salad and go for the entree you really want–it won’t raise the overall bill by much and at least you got something good for your $20.
I have to agree about chalking it up to a cost of work. You want it to be a fun experience and make each person’s birthday special and not a chore. Totally agree with ordering something larger and then taking 1/2 home. That way you get your money’s worth.
My first thought, though, was that you should get a “discount” while you are pregnant as you aren’t drinking because of the baby (that is if the $3-5 drinks are drinky drinks :-). Course, I would never drink during the day…would not be able to function for the rest of the day!
Saying you need to leave early and requesting a separate check isn’t a bad idea, but it won’t work every time. I would suggest saying you don’t have cash and you need your own ticket, but sometimes that can backfire and make you the one who takes money from everyone else (and often loses money in the end).
That said, there’s definitely some value to not being a cheapskate and giving off the appearance of prosperity and control. Nobody likes the office cheapskate, especially when they perceive it to inconvenience them.
My best recommendation would be to order something with ample portion sizes and re-heat the rest for dinner, the next day’s lunch, or a midnight snack. I’ve had restaurant meals that turned into 2-3 additional meals because they were just so BIG. It may not be what you wanted to do, but it’s definitely more frugal than paying $20+ for a house salad and water.
“Go only to restaurants with electronic ordering. The table and seat position are attached to the orders so it’s trivial to print up separate bills.”
…in some restaurants, not all.
You should request your own bill, and just let folks know that you are not going in but keeping yours seperate. Its ridiculous for folks to expect everyone to pay an equal part – we all have calculators, so everyone should be equal. Throw in a couple of bucks for the birthday person and leave that outragious lunch bill to everyone else!
I don’t know if there is really any way to get around this. Someone had mentioned suggesting that everyone pay for their own lunches and split the bill for the birthday person. I like that the best, but don’t know if some restaurants would do that.
I personally think the only realistic thing to do and probably order something more than just a salad and enjoy it. That way, when everyone splits the bill, you know you got your money’s worth.
I’d probably just accept this as one of those expenses that you can’t get around.
Another idea would be to sometimes say, “I can come along for the good time, but I got hungry and already ate something.” And then kick in for a portion of the birthday person’s lunch. Then sometimes, when you go, eat along with everyone else and then either, as suggested, ask for your own check up front or then–this is what I do–when the check arrives, pre-empt the sharing and say, “I only ate $6.00 worth this time–so I’m going to put that in plus x for tax & tip, and x much for birthday girl’s lunch.” Then the group figures out how to divide the remainder equally.
Can you quietly ask your boss to step in? Citing pregnancy is a perfect reason to do it.
We have this problem with one guy! He orders steak b/c he knows it will be spread around. There are two fixes – 1) be in charge and pick the place where he hates (he only eats classic American food) or 2) go to a place with a fixe menu. The last time I organized for a baby shower, and we went to an Asian fusion place w/ a $20 fixe price menu – 3 courses including dessert. Worked like a dream – he didn’t show, and everyone was pleased to know the price ahead of time! You can usually request a fixe price menu when reserving for a group of over 6 people – the restaurant kind of appreciatess it so they can plan a little better.