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Posts tagged with: loaning family money

The Book is Closed on our Old Home

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So I am closing the book on the old house and many wanted to know the final chapter.  There is not much to tell, and this will be the last time I will bring it up here, but I didn’t want to leave you wondering.  So to understand it all, especially if you have joined us in the last couple of months, here’s a recap of the posts regarding my housing debacle.

Three Years, Six Moves – When I wrote this back in April, 2014, I said we were home.  Little did I know how quickly that would change.

The Best Laid Plans

Why I Decided Not to Buy My Home

The Ultimatum

The Curse

The Next Step

The House is in Chaos

I Quit

Oh What a Feeling

The House Sold

Chapter Closed

So now that you are caught, I want to tell you how it ended.  As you know, in December, after several months on the market, I got what I thought would be the best offer on selling my van but the difference between my loan amount and the sales price was more than I had readily available so I had to make up the difference to make the sale happen. Needless to say, time was of the essence.

I had had several brief conversations with my dad without trying to pressure him, asking about the house, and he consistently said he didn’t have time to review it.  This time I called with a purpose.  I let him know the situation and asked if he had time to consider the house monies that he had said several times I would receive as this would be a big help at this point.

His words “well, if I was going to give you money, it wouldn’t be for a car.”  I was shocked speechless.  First, it was never my intent to ask for him to give me money.  I felt and he had indicated during several conversations that I would get some money from the sale of the house since I had paid all related expenses for four years, put the blinds in, paid for all the appliances (which were sold with the house,) added a patio, landscaping, etc. Essentially I treated the home as my own and incurred all relevant expenses including my own renters insurance and his owners insurance, etc.  Ok, you get my point, I was in no way asking for a handout.

He then went on in the same conversation to say that he had been thinking we could open a joint account, where we would both have to sign to get money out and he would match my savings toward a house with the money rather than give it to me.  If I wasn’t still speechless from the “give” suggestion, I was shaking in anger now.  Control.  He still wanted control.

I knew with no doubt that I was not ever going to consider that option and frankly, I let him know what I thought in no uncertain terms.  Now, I don’t want to seem ungrateful for what he did four years ago after our two rental homes fell through, BUT my dad has ALWAYS used money to control.  He would take away my car when he didn’t agree with my decisions, he would threaten to stop paying for school when he didn’t agree, and that’s just me.  I am not in any way trying to bash my dad, I love him, respect him, but this is fact.

You see four years ago, when the second rental house fell through I put all my stuff in a POD as we began to travel as I figured out what to do.  The POD would have allowed me to move anywhere, sending for my stuff when I figured it out.  That was my plan, travel around for a while and then decide.  That was when Dad stepped in and offered to help me buy a house here where he and my mom lived. I know he was doing what he thought was best for me and my two kids at the time but it was also a control move.

So back to the final conversation my dad and I had about the house…I told him in no uncertain terms that I would NEVER, EVER get into a financial relationship with him again. And based on our conversation I would assume that he never intended to give me any money from the house.  I also told him that I thought he took advantage of me.  If he had been honest about the house money from the beginning I would not have put EVERY SINGLE extra penny into the house to get it ready to sell as I really needed that money for my family.  I have now totaled the money I put into the house to get it ready for sale plus utilities for the two months after we moved out, and I spent $4000 on that alone.

So no, my dad has never given me a dime from the house and I don’t expect he will.  And you know what, that’s fine.  I learned a very, very hard lesson.  My children have learned some really hard lessons.  And what ever happens next, we did that.  No man will ever have that kind of control over me again.

I am in no way male bashing.  I know there are some great guys, husbands, fathers out there.  I see them all the time with their children, with my friends.  But after my marriage and my brothers and my dad, I’m done, completely and totally done.


A Small Victory – Utilties Paid

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As of today, this morning, all utilities for the old house are paid in full – the water, the sewer, the trash collection, the electricity, the gas, the landscaping, etc ALL PAID.  This means all ties to that house and financially to my dad have been severed.  You have no idea how exciting this is to me.  It has been a terribly hard few months, but now officially it is over!

Now I can stop looking at the past and start looking forward.

I still have a lot of retrospective thinking to do about this whole situation, but I think I still need a bit more distance and a few more financial successes before I can review it with unbiased clarity.  And the only reason I say I need to think about this is because I have four children, and I know I will want to help them out as best as I can as they grow and become independent.  But I know with absolute certainty, I don’t ever want to be in this situation that I’ve been in with my dad with my kids…so how can I approach that when the time comes.  Thankfully that is almost a decade away!


Chapter Closed

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Well, almost…our house sold today. It’s officially over. As a result of the finishing touches I had to complete this week, it’s been extremely emotional for me, lots of crying. The new owners even moved in early, paying a per diem rate to take possession last Friday rather than waiting for today’s closing.

My parents will come for a week long visit in one week, and my dad said that he will tell me at that time what, if anything I will receive from the sale. I’m not going to rehash this, I’m not holding out any hope, what I am going to do is do my best to forgive and forget this house debacle even happened. Time heals all wounds, but I have a week to get my game face on and soften my heart. The wounds are fresh and the reality of our home being gone, well it’s really sad to me.

I just wanted you to know that this chapter of my life is closed…well, except for the remaining utility bills I must pay.